Falling in love with a fox -chapter 7, Ruka/Yomi
The moment Ruka opened his eyes and saw the jewel on the pillow, he knew. Understanding just washed over him. He said he had wanted proof and now he had it. He wasn’t stupid not to know what that was. He knew the legends, he had heard about a kitsune’s "hoshi no tama", a jewel more beautiful than anything any human could possess, surrounded by small blue flames that don’t burn nor emit heat, just a soft glow. And Ruka knew what it meant. If the jewel was there, Yomi wasn’t, not anymore.
“Ruka, hold me.”
“Make love to me, Ruka.”
I’m an idiot. I knew then, I could feel that something was wrong. Why did I not stop, why did I not ask more, maybe then he wouldn’t have had to leave. How pathetic am I, getting lost in my desire, how could I not have noticed the pain in his eyes.
“Ruka, harder. I want all of you.” He said our last time, after we had done it at least two times, when he could barely breathe and it must have hurt. Last night was his first time so there’s no way it didn’t hurt, it must have hurt like hell but he still wanted to feel more, his emotional pain was stronger than the physical one. Why didn’t I see it?
“Ruka, I’ll always love you!” He cried while we were coming and he had soft tears in his eyes and when I asked why he just replied that he was happy and snuggled closer, hiding his face in my chest. How could I have been so blind? “Ruka, don’t pull out just yet! I want to be connected with you a bit longer…”
God damn, I’m an idiot.
Those were the thoughts that kept running through Ruka’s mind. He had just sat up, not touching anything, not looking anywhere. Why had Yomi left it for him? He knew the meaning and he was afraid of what it implied. There was no chance he had left it accidentally and Ruka was pretty sure Yomi needed it to defend himself for whatever was after him so that could only mean two things: Yomi was defenseless and he had left it there for Ruka, it was a last message of his love, what he hadn’t been able to say last night: goodbye.
And Ruka was not going to accept that. He didn’t believe in goodbyes. He wouldn’t have let Yomi leave if he had just known sooner. If it meant running away for all their lives, fighting whomever or whatever, Ruka would have done it. And he probably would have failed because he was just a powerless human. Ruka punched the nightstand on his side of the bed and because of the bed’s movements, the ball rolled from the pillow under the covers and Ruka this time pushed the covers away and picked it up. It really was beautiful; it was like a blue pearl, no bigger than a baby’s fist, translucent, surrounded by small blue flames that indeed did not burn. But the blue flames slowly became purple and Ruka was surprised to see something. He could see himself and Yomi on the bed that same morning, probably before Yomi had left and what was even stranger he could somehow feel, not hear, but feel Yomi’s thoughts and feelings.
I probably have no chances from the start. At least this way he’ll be protected. They won’t come after him. He’ll be safe. I’m sorry baby, I’m sorry for leaving, I love you so much and I just want you to be safe. You saved me that night you know, when you picked me up in the par. I knew it the moment I saw you. I can’t have anything bad happen to you. Forgive me for not telling you and whatever happens I want you to know I will always love you, even after death. Goodbye, Ruka.
And then the jewel returned to its previous state.
Those had been Yomi’s feelings and his message and Ruka found himself shedding tears without realizing. Tears of happiness because Yomi loved him so much, of pain because Yomi had left him, anger towards whoever was making their lives screwed up, disbelief because it was still so difficult to acknowledge anything, dread considering the possibly that he might not see Yomi anymore and finally resolve because he would not just stand there, taking all this and not fighting back. Sure he was just a human but he’ll be damned if he let Yomi die for him or live the rest of his life without Yomi. Hell was a much better option than that. He was about to get Yomi back, no matter what he had to do. And he had an idea just how he should do that.
He got dressed, grabbed his cell phone and somehow mechanically dialed a number he had no way of knowing. Maybe it was the ball? Maybe somehow Yomi’s thoughts and his were connected now? Or maybe there was something more here. He certainly has that feeling.
“Hello, this is Ruki speaking.” A voice answered. Yes, there was definitely something more there.
“Ruki-san, I am sorry for bothering you. I don’t know if you remember me but I am Yomi’s friend. My name is Ruka. We met at the park the other day. I need to talk to you urgently about Yomi.”
“If you have this number I can only assume that something is wrong, am I correct?” Ruka could hear Ruki sighing softly in the phone.
“Yes, Yomi has left and I need your help in figuring some things out.”
“I guess it’s the kind of things for which we need to meet right?”
“Yes. Could I possibly come over?”
Ruki didn’t answer immediately but then he replied firmly:
“I think it’s better if I came over. Just give me your address and I’ll be there in about half an hour.”
Indeed, half an hour later, Ruki was at his doorstep. He invited the man in and offered him some tea. Ruki left the same impression to him as the other day, only he looked more tired. He was still as beautiful and Ruka had to wonder if all the kitsune were as beautiful as Yomi and Ruki…
“Can I offer anything else?” Ruka courteously asked.
“No. I’d just rather we finish this soon. Yomi left?”
“Yes, this morning.”
“Do you know why?” Ruki looked right at him as if searching for the answer in his eyes.
“Yes. He is being followed and he didn’t want to involve me. I need you to explain to me exactly the reasons for that. I am involved anyway since I love him and I’ll do anything to get him back.”
“What did he tell you?”
“He told me about him being a kitsune and how your clan, I’m sorry if I shouldn’t call it like this but I can’t think of another word, asked him to do something against humans, he refused and that was why he was being chased.”
“I see. Are you ok with that? Being in love with him? Please answer this question before I answer yours. It’s important for me.” Ruki said and Ruka had to think about the conversation he had overheard that day in the park. Ruki also had problems with love so he decided to be as honest with the other as he could.
“I can’t say I’m perfectly ok with it. Of course I would have wished it different but I love him. No matter who he is. I don’t know if I would have loved him if he hadn’t refused, I think I wouldn’t because then he wouldn’t be Yomi. He is truly pure. I want to protect him and shield him from everything and I’m mad at myself for not being able to do that. Yes, it would have been easier if he was human but just because he isn’t doesn’t mean I’m giving up. Love isn’t like that. I’ll do anything it takes to have him in m arms again. Guess that’s all there is to it.”
Ruka really meant what he had said. And he knew that somehow his words could encourage and bring strength to the other to because Ruki was struggling with secrets of his own…
“Thank you.” Ruki answered. “Thank you for being so honest. I’m going to help you but unfortunately other than information I can’t help you much.”
“You see, Yomi is a nine-tailed fox. He basically has the power to change the world, not directly but indirectly. When kitsune fall in love with a human and a child is born, that child possesses great powers and abilities and what is more, he is not bound by any rules, like we kitsune are. In other words, he can become whatever he wants. The more powerful his fox parent the stronger the child is.
A child of a nine-tailed fox could save or destroy the world. That is one of the reasons kitsune older than one thousand years are strictly prohibited to associate with humans. Yomi is more special because he was born a nine-tailed fox. That is so rare that I don’t think that there’ve been more than a couple of cases throughout history. I only know of one other case: it is said that Himiko, the first empress of what would later be Japan was a nine-tailed kitsune's child.
The kitsune elders wanted Yomi to become the father of such a child. He was supposed to find a desperate woman, leave her pregnant and abandon her. The anger and hurt of the mother would reflect on the child’s personality and the results would be disastrous. That was the plan. Yomi refused.”
Ruka found it weird but somehow he could understand all that. It certainly was a good plan. The responsibility of whatever happened wouldn’t be directly the foxes but just the humans’ in the end, the human society’s fault. The hurt mother, society's treatment towards a fatherless child, especially if he'd shw strange powers, the bullying and no person to talk to and be comforted when he got home because his mother would be drowning in self-pity and depression... It was indeed the perfect plan.
“He left because he knew they wouldn’t stop following him and while there’s nothing they could physically do against him, if they found out about you…”
“What if he were captured and they found out about me? If he couldn’t outrun his attackers?”
Ruka wanted to understand why Yomi was so terrified for him.
“They’d use you to force Yomi into doing that or even worse, they would use your child.”
Ruki almost whispered the last line but Ruka caught on to that and he just had to ask.
“What are you talking about? I mean I understand that they could force him to go along with it if they were to threaten me but… what child are you talking about?”
Ruki looked straight at him from across the table and somehow there was so much hurt in his words.
“There is this one thing. Once foxes fall in love they hardly fall out of it.”
“Yes, Yomi told me that.” Ruka softly said, remembering last night’s conversation and Yomi’s words: “I’ll always love you.”
“Even if they kill you they wouldn’t get what they’ve wanted. It isn’t impossible for a fox to conceive with a normal human while being in love with another but it is very hard. Our bodies are completely different than normal humans’. The sleep was one such phenomenon. When we fall in love we want to be with the other so much that if we deny that feeling or try not to pursue it, it becomes a burden on our bodies and we need to rest. The stronger the repressed feelings, the longer the sleep.”
So that’s why… Ruka thought. He had finally found out something that had bothered him so much before.
Ruki continued.
“And since it’s very hard to conceive with a person you don’t love it would be just easier to use the child conceived with the person you love.”
“What are you talking about? I’m a man.”
“Yes, but Yomi isn’t. He’s a kitsune. Do not assume that our bodies are the same as yours.” Ruki added and Ruka could see the fire burning in his eyes.
“Do you mean?” Ruka didn’t dare to finish the question afraid of its implications, of what this could mean for his and Yomi’s lives of how much could go wrong from now on. Should he even try to follow him in this condition? Now, if he would get caught…
“Yes, that is exactly what I mean. Now do you still want to save him?” Ruki asked and Ruka had to stop and think about everything because now he couldn’t answer as straight as before. It wasn’t just about the two of them anymore.
PS: italycs are Ruka's thoughts and memories or what he sees in the jewel. If it's italycs and commas then it's Ruka remembering Yomi's words
“Ruka, hold me.”
“Make love to me, Ruka.”
I’m an idiot. I knew then, I could feel that something was wrong. Why did I not stop, why did I not ask more, maybe then he wouldn’t have had to leave. How pathetic am I, getting lost in my desire, how could I not have noticed the pain in his eyes.
“Ruka, harder. I want all of you.” He said our last time, after we had done it at least two times, when he could barely breathe and it must have hurt. Last night was his first time so there’s no way it didn’t hurt, it must have hurt like hell but he still wanted to feel more, his emotional pain was stronger than the physical one. Why didn’t I see it?
“Ruka, I’ll always love you!” He cried while we were coming and he had soft tears in his eyes and when I asked why he just replied that he was happy and snuggled closer, hiding his face in my chest. How could I have been so blind? “Ruka, don’t pull out just yet! I want to be connected with you a bit longer…”
God damn, I’m an idiot.
Those were the thoughts that kept running through Ruka’s mind. He had just sat up, not touching anything, not looking anywhere. Why had Yomi left it for him? He knew the meaning and he was afraid of what it implied. There was no chance he had left it accidentally and Ruka was pretty sure Yomi needed it to defend himself for whatever was after him so that could only mean two things: Yomi was defenseless and he had left it there for Ruka, it was a last message of his love, what he hadn’t been able to say last night: goodbye.
And Ruka was not going to accept that. He didn’t believe in goodbyes. He wouldn’t have let Yomi leave if he had just known sooner. If it meant running away for all their lives, fighting whomever or whatever, Ruka would have done it. And he probably would have failed because he was just a powerless human. Ruka punched the nightstand on his side of the bed and because of the bed’s movements, the ball rolled from the pillow under the covers and Ruka this time pushed the covers away and picked it up. It really was beautiful; it was like a blue pearl, no bigger than a baby’s fist, translucent, surrounded by small blue flames that indeed did not burn. But the blue flames slowly became purple and Ruka was surprised to see something. He could see himself and Yomi on the bed that same morning, probably before Yomi had left and what was even stranger he could somehow feel, not hear, but feel Yomi’s thoughts and feelings.
I probably have no chances from the start. At least this way he’ll be protected. They won’t come after him. He’ll be safe. I’m sorry baby, I’m sorry for leaving, I love you so much and I just want you to be safe. You saved me that night you know, when you picked me up in the par. I knew it the moment I saw you. I can’t have anything bad happen to you. Forgive me for not telling you and whatever happens I want you to know I will always love you, even after death. Goodbye, Ruka.
And then the jewel returned to its previous state.
Those had been Yomi’s feelings and his message and Ruka found himself shedding tears without realizing. Tears of happiness because Yomi loved him so much, of pain because Yomi had left him, anger towards whoever was making their lives screwed up, disbelief because it was still so difficult to acknowledge anything, dread considering the possibly that he might not see Yomi anymore and finally resolve because he would not just stand there, taking all this and not fighting back. Sure he was just a human but he’ll be damned if he let Yomi die for him or live the rest of his life without Yomi. Hell was a much better option than that. He was about to get Yomi back, no matter what he had to do. And he had an idea just how he should do that.
He got dressed, grabbed his cell phone and somehow mechanically dialed a number he had no way of knowing. Maybe it was the ball? Maybe somehow Yomi’s thoughts and his were connected now? Or maybe there was something more here. He certainly has that feeling.
“Hello, this is Ruki speaking.” A voice answered. Yes, there was definitely something more there.
“Ruki-san, I am sorry for bothering you. I don’t know if you remember me but I am Yomi’s friend. My name is Ruka. We met at the park the other day. I need to talk to you urgently about Yomi.”
“If you have this number I can only assume that something is wrong, am I correct?” Ruka could hear Ruki sighing softly in the phone.
“Yes, Yomi has left and I need your help in figuring some things out.”
“I guess it’s the kind of things for which we need to meet right?”
“Yes. Could I possibly come over?”
Ruki didn’t answer immediately but then he replied firmly:
“I think it’s better if I came over. Just give me your address and I’ll be there in about half an hour.”
Indeed, half an hour later, Ruki was at his doorstep. He invited the man in and offered him some tea. Ruki left the same impression to him as the other day, only he looked more tired. He was still as beautiful and Ruka had to wonder if all the kitsune were as beautiful as Yomi and Ruki…
“Can I offer anything else?” Ruka courteously asked.
“No. I’d just rather we finish this soon. Yomi left?”
“Yes, this morning.”
“Do you know why?” Ruki looked right at him as if searching for the answer in his eyes.
“Yes. He is being followed and he didn’t want to involve me. I need you to explain to me exactly the reasons for that. I am involved anyway since I love him and I’ll do anything to get him back.”
“What did he tell you?”
“He told me about him being a kitsune and how your clan, I’m sorry if I shouldn’t call it like this but I can’t think of another word, asked him to do something against humans, he refused and that was why he was being chased.”
“I see. Are you ok with that? Being in love with him? Please answer this question before I answer yours. It’s important for me.” Ruki said and Ruka had to think about the conversation he had overheard that day in the park. Ruki also had problems with love so he decided to be as honest with the other as he could.
“I can’t say I’m perfectly ok with it. Of course I would have wished it different but I love him. No matter who he is. I don’t know if I would have loved him if he hadn’t refused, I think I wouldn’t because then he wouldn’t be Yomi. He is truly pure. I want to protect him and shield him from everything and I’m mad at myself for not being able to do that. Yes, it would have been easier if he was human but just because he isn’t doesn’t mean I’m giving up. Love isn’t like that. I’ll do anything it takes to have him in m arms again. Guess that’s all there is to it.”
Ruka really meant what he had said. And he knew that somehow his words could encourage and bring strength to the other to because Ruki was struggling with secrets of his own…
“Thank you.” Ruki answered. “Thank you for being so honest. I’m going to help you but unfortunately other than information I can’t help you much.”
“You see, Yomi is a nine-tailed fox. He basically has the power to change the world, not directly but indirectly. When kitsune fall in love with a human and a child is born, that child possesses great powers and abilities and what is more, he is not bound by any rules, like we kitsune are. In other words, he can become whatever he wants. The more powerful his fox parent the stronger the child is.
A child of a nine-tailed fox could save or destroy the world. That is one of the reasons kitsune older than one thousand years are strictly prohibited to associate with humans. Yomi is more special because he was born a nine-tailed fox. That is so rare that I don’t think that there’ve been more than a couple of cases throughout history. I only know of one other case: it is said that Himiko, the first empress of what would later be Japan was a nine-tailed kitsune's child.
The kitsune elders wanted Yomi to become the father of such a child. He was supposed to find a desperate woman, leave her pregnant and abandon her. The anger and hurt of the mother would reflect on the child’s personality and the results would be disastrous. That was the plan. Yomi refused.”
Ruka found it weird but somehow he could understand all that. It certainly was a good plan. The responsibility of whatever happened wouldn’t be directly the foxes but just the humans’ in the end, the human society’s fault. The hurt mother, society's treatment towards a fatherless child, especially if he'd shw strange powers, the bullying and no person to talk to and be comforted when he got home because his mother would be drowning in self-pity and depression... It was indeed the perfect plan.
“He left because he knew they wouldn’t stop following him and while there’s nothing they could physically do against him, if they found out about you…”
“What if he were captured and they found out about me? If he couldn’t outrun his attackers?”
Ruka wanted to understand why Yomi was so terrified for him.
“They’d use you to force Yomi into doing that or even worse, they would use your child.”
Ruki almost whispered the last line but Ruka caught on to that and he just had to ask.
“What are you talking about? I mean I understand that they could force him to go along with it if they were to threaten me but… what child are you talking about?”
Ruki looked straight at him from across the table and somehow there was so much hurt in his words.
“There is this one thing. Once foxes fall in love they hardly fall out of it.”
“Yes, Yomi told me that.” Ruka softly said, remembering last night’s conversation and Yomi’s words: “I’ll always love you.”
“Even if they kill you they wouldn’t get what they’ve wanted. It isn’t impossible for a fox to conceive with a normal human while being in love with another but it is very hard. Our bodies are completely different than normal humans’. The sleep was one such phenomenon. When we fall in love we want to be with the other so much that if we deny that feeling or try not to pursue it, it becomes a burden on our bodies and we need to rest. The stronger the repressed feelings, the longer the sleep.”
So that’s why… Ruka thought. He had finally found out something that had bothered him so much before.
Ruki continued.
“And since it’s very hard to conceive with a person you don’t love it would be just easier to use the child conceived with the person you love.”
“What are you talking about? I’m a man.”
“Yes, but Yomi isn’t. He’s a kitsune. Do not assume that our bodies are the same as yours.” Ruki added and Ruka could see the fire burning in his eyes.
“Do you mean?” Ruka didn’t dare to finish the question afraid of its implications, of what this could mean for his and Yomi’s lives of how much could go wrong from now on. Should he even try to follow him in this condition? Now, if he would get caught…
“Yes, that is exactly what I mean. Now do you still want to save him?” Ruki asked and Ruka had to stop and think about everything because now he couldn’t answer as straight as before. It wasn’t just about the two of them anymore.
PS: italycs are Ruka's thoughts and memories or what he sees in the jewel. If it's italycs and commas then it's Ruka remembering Yomi's words