Once upon a time there was this crack community.....
The Fifty-year-old Virgin Princess
Part 1/?
by Elizabeth aka BED
Rated M mostly for some bad language. No squishes yet.
Pairing: Mirandy
Summary: Definitely a crackfic fairytale.
A/N Thanks goes out to Scaryrobot for organizing this extravaganza of crack. Thank you eroticEggs. I don’t think I would want to ever write another word if it wasn’t for you.
Once upon a time in a land full of silly noble people, there lived a fifty-year-old virgin princess...
It wasn't so much that she wanted to be a virgin, there were factors. Factors like she didn't like to be touched even at an early age. She had never met anyone that she was attracted to, male or female. She had been born of the evil step mother that had married the King of Priestly castle. As soon as she popped out of the witch’s womb, she had a head full of white silvery hair. At 50, silvery white hair is sexy and dignified. At birth and childhood it's freaky as fuck.
Add to that her mother had been taken away for trying to poison her older sibling (ironically called Snow White even though her hair was brown) and little Princess Miranda had been left mostly alone to raise herself. She had no social skills.
During the life of courtly pursuits, Miranda was horrible to all the noble women. She’d tell them their fashion was atrocious, their shoes were horrendous, even commenting on appearances. She once tossed change at a Duchess and screamed, “Go buy a rat to gnaw off that mole.” So she was nicknamed The Dragon Princess.
In a neighboring kingdom, a young Princess was born when Princess Miranda was 30. They named the baby Andy. The poor baby was bald until she was three, so her parents thought her an ugly duckling. When King Priestly presented them the arranged marriage with his daughter, they agreed hastily. King Priestly had gotten rid of his older daughter to a respectable prince, but found himself desperate to dump Miranda with someone.
There was only one meeting of the pair, who were destined to someday wed. Andrea was 2 and Miranda was 32. Andy's nurse had deposited the baby in the Dragon Princess's arms reluctantly. Miranda had thought the whole affair was preposterous. She looked at baby Andy and silently agreed that she wasn't very attractive, but Miranda thought all babies were ugly and would often tell the mothers that very thing when she saw them with their babes in the market at Priestly Castle.
Still she noticed how beautiful little Andrea's brown eyes were, and pulled the child up close for a look. Baby Andrea had just been fed, and not burped, so she promptly vomited all over the Dragon Princess. A fact at which Andrea’s nurse found very amusing after she scooped the baby out of the horrified Dragon Princess's arms. It was not the best first impression for either of them.
Princess Miranda went off in a huff mumbling about having to marry ugly babies that puked on her. She went back to her days of filing her nails, making outrageous dresses, and no sex.
20ish years later
Princess Miranda was horrified. For God’s sake she was almost 50 years old and she was going to have to marry a 22-year-old. Miranda cursed the day 20 years ago when her father had agreed to the arranged marriage to the child of a neighboring castle. She was sitting in the front court yard of Sachs castle pouting. The stewards of Priestly castle had driven her five hundred miles and dropped her and all her possessions off.
“Fare thee well, Dragon Princess!” They shouted as they drove the horses and carriage away and left her at a strange castle to be wed to an ugly princess she had met once. Miranda’s lady in waiting, Serena had already entered the castle to let them know that the Sachs princess’s betrothed had arrived.
Miranda was a little nervous as she had ever met one other princess and that was princess Jacqueline of the Follet castle, and she was a total bitch. The woman had insulted Miranda’s clothing, which Miranda made herself.
They had a bitter rivalry going on for 30 years, often competing. Jacqueline had bragged about losing her virginity at the early age of 25 to older Duke Irv Ravitz. She had taunted Miranda with the information. “I don’t know why you’re bragging about having sex with that deplorable little man,” Miranda sneered. “His manhood is so small I doubt your enormous womanhood could even feel his pinprick.”
Jacqueline had turned red and sputtered before jumping up and attempting to choke Miranda. Unfortunately this had happened quite often over the years from the Dragon princess’s sharp tongue, so her lady in waiting, Serena also acted as a bodyguard. Serena had easily intercepted the attack and Jacqueline and Miranda hadn’t spoken since.
Miranda was about to start blubbering about her fate when she realized someone had sat next to her on the stone bench. Miranda looked over at the young beautiful girl. The girl had long brown hair and large brown eyes that swallowed her whole. She was dressed like a peasant, so Miranda assumed she was a servant.
"Hello," spoke a sweet voice. Miranda was taken aback at the gorgeous smile of the servant. "I'm Andy. Would you like to come inside the castle?"
Miranda burst into tears and began to babble. "Those horrible people left me here! Now I have to marry a woman I've never met and I've never been kissed or done anything and I'm going to be expected to consummate the marriage! I have no idea what to do there! I’m all alone again, just like always. I have no one!" She had stopped speaking as she was out of breath, and felt electric tendrils of sensation travel up through her arm when she realized that the peasant girl had taken her hand.
"You can have me if you want,” came Andy’s sweet reply to her rant. “Miranda of castle Priestly, would it be all right if I kissed you?" It may have been the combination of actual human touch or that Miranda suddenly noticed that the girl had such a sensual mouth that just looked like it had been made for kissing, that she nodded yes to the question. The peasant girl's smile got even wider as she raised up and pulled the princess into a sweet meeting of their mouths.
Miranda moaned in ecstacy at how soft the girl’s lips were. When Andy pulled away and opened her eyes, she was shocked when she felt the sting of Miranda’s palm on her cheek. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry,” Miranda said, truly devastated at the protective impulse she had to smack this girl after her first kiss ever. “I was just really surprised at how that felt!”
Andy smiled, amused as she rubbed her cheek. “Well it didn’t hurt much. Other than that, I hope it was good.”
"Princess Andrea, your mother bids you to bring your Dragon Bride into dinner," interrupted Emily, one of the serving girls.
Princess Andy turned to her betrothed, pulling her towards the castle, "Let's go into dinner and you can meet everybody." Andy looked at Miranda's clothing. "I love your dress."
Miranda smiled. She would follow her princess wherever she led, and hopefully wouldn’t smack her every time they kissed.
Tune in next Saturday for: “What do you mean your father arranged more than one marriage?” Miranda asked. “I promise I won’t hit you again if you kiss me, or at least I’ll try not to."
Part 2 here: community.livejournal.com/ysosrsmiranda/10893.html#cutid1
Part 1/?
by Elizabeth aka BED
Rated M mostly for some bad language. No squishes yet.
Pairing: Mirandy
Summary: Definitely a crackfic fairytale.
A/N Thanks goes out to Scaryrobot for organizing this extravaganza of crack. Thank you eroticEggs. I don’t think I would want to ever write another word if it wasn’t for you.
Once upon a time in a land full of silly noble people, there lived a fifty-year-old virgin princess...
It wasn't so much that she wanted to be a virgin, there were factors. Factors like she didn't like to be touched even at an early age. She had never met anyone that she was attracted to, male or female. She had been born of the evil step mother that had married the King of Priestly castle. As soon as she popped out of the witch’s womb, she had a head full of white silvery hair. At 50, silvery white hair is sexy and dignified. At birth and childhood it's freaky as fuck.
Add to that her mother had been taken away for trying to poison her older sibling (ironically called Snow White even though her hair was brown) and little Princess Miranda had been left mostly alone to raise herself. She had no social skills.
During the life of courtly pursuits, Miranda was horrible to all the noble women. She’d tell them their fashion was atrocious, their shoes were horrendous, even commenting on appearances. She once tossed change at a Duchess and screamed, “Go buy a rat to gnaw off that mole.” So she was nicknamed The Dragon Princess.
In a neighboring kingdom, a young Princess was born when Princess Miranda was 30. They named the baby Andy. The poor baby was bald until she was three, so her parents thought her an ugly duckling. When King Priestly presented them the arranged marriage with his daughter, they agreed hastily. King Priestly had gotten rid of his older daughter to a respectable prince, but found himself desperate to dump Miranda with someone.
There was only one meeting of the pair, who were destined to someday wed. Andrea was 2 and Miranda was 32. Andy's nurse had deposited the baby in the Dragon Princess's arms reluctantly. Miranda had thought the whole affair was preposterous. She looked at baby Andy and silently agreed that she wasn't very attractive, but Miranda thought all babies were ugly and would often tell the mothers that very thing when she saw them with their babes in the market at Priestly Castle.
Still she noticed how beautiful little Andrea's brown eyes were, and pulled the child up close for a look. Baby Andrea had just been fed, and not burped, so she promptly vomited all over the Dragon Princess. A fact at which Andrea’s nurse found very amusing after she scooped the baby out of the horrified Dragon Princess's arms. It was not the best first impression for either of them.
Princess Miranda went off in a huff mumbling about having to marry ugly babies that puked on her. She went back to her days of filing her nails, making outrageous dresses, and no sex.
20ish years later
Princess Miranda was horrified. For God’s sake she was almost 50 years old and she was going to have to marry a 22-year-old. Miranda cursed the day 20 years ago when her father had agreed to the arranged marriage to the child of a neighboring castle. She was sitting in the front court yard of Sachs castle pouting. The stewards of Priestly castle had driven her five hundred miles and dropped her and all her possessions off.
“Fare thee well, Dragon Princess!” They shouted as they drove the horses and carriage away and left her at a strange castle to be wed to an ugly princess she had met once. Miranda’s lady in waiting, Serena had already entered the castle to let them know that the Sachs princess’s betrothed had arrived.
Miranda was a little nervous as she had ever met one other princess and that was princess Jacqueline of the Follet castle, and she was a total bitch. The woman had insulted Miranda’s clothing, which Miranda made herself.
They had a bitter rivalry going on for 30 years, often competing. Jacqueline had bragged about losing her virginity at the early age of 25 to older Duke Irv Ravitz. She had taunted Miranda with the information. “I don’t know why you’re bragging about having sex with that deplorable little man,” Miranda sneered. “His manhood is so small I doubt your enormous womanhood could even feel his pinprick.”
Jacqueline had turned red and sputtered before jumping up and attempting to choke Miranda. Unfortunately this had happened quite often over the years from the Dragon princess’s sharp tongue, so her lady in waiting, Serena also acted as a bodyguard. Serena had easily intercepted the attack and Jacqueline and Miranda hadn’t spoken since.
Miranda was about to start blubbering about her fate when she realized someone had sat next to her on the stone bench. Miranda looked over at the young beautiful girl. The girl had long brown hair and large brown eyes that swallowed her whole. She was dressed like a peasant, so Miranda assumed she was a servant.
"Hello," spoke a sweet voice. Miranda was taken aback at the gorgeous smile of the servant. "I'm Andy. Would you like to come inside the castle?"
Miranda burst into tears and began to babble. "Those horrible people left me here! Now I have to marry a woman I've never met and I've never been kissed or done anything and I'm going to be expected to consummate the marriage! I have no idea what to do there! I’m all alone again, just like always. I have no one!" She had stopped speaking as she was out of breath, and felt electric tendrils of sensation travel up through her arm when she realized that the peasant girl had taken her hand.
"You can have me if you want,” came Andy’s sweet reply to her rant. “Miranda of castle Priestly, would it be all right if I kissed you?" It may have been the combination of actual human touch or that Miranda suddenly noticed that the girl had such a sensual mouth that just looked like it had been made for kissing, that she nodded yes to the question. The peasant girl's smile got even wider as she raised up and pulled the princess into a sweet meeting of their mouths.
Miranda moaned in ecstacy at how soft the girl’s lips were. When Andy pulled away and opened her eyes, she was shocked when she felt the sting of Miranda’s palm on her cheek. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry,” Miranda said, truly devastated at the protective impulse she had to smack this girl after her first kiss ever. “I was just really surprised at how that felt!”
Andy smiled, amused as she rubbed her cheek. “Well it didn’t hurt much. Other than that, I hope it was good.”
"Princess Andrea, your mother bids you to bring your Dragon Bride into dinner," interrupted Emily, one of the serving girls.
Princess Andy turned to her betrothed, pulling her towards the castle, "Let's go into dinner and you can meet everybody." Andy looked at Miranda's clothing. "I love your dress."
Miranda smiled. She would follow her princess wherever she led, and hopefully wouldn’t smack her every time they kissed.
Tune in next Saturday for: “What do you mean your father arranged more than one marriage?” Miranda asked. “I promise I won’t hit you again if you kiss me, or at least I’ll try not to."
Part 2 here: community.livejournal.com/ysosrsmiranda/10893.html#cutid1