Chapter Two, Misery Begins
Title: Your Eyes - Chapter Two, Misery Begins
Author: princessjessia
Pairing/Characters: Jareth/Sarah, Hoggle
Word Count: 1,557
Disclaimer: See first chapter.
Previous Chapter: Chapter 1, The Dream
Next Chapter: Chapter 3, Call Him Back
Sitting straight up in her bed, she gathered her knees to her chest and began to rock slowly, her arms wrapped tightly around her bent legs as slow, silent tears escaped the corners of her eyes. Even now, she did not cry more than those few tears and it was not because she did not want to, it was because her grief was strangling her.
She wanted to die, to escape the thoughts and feelings battering at her mind and heart. She had never felt such a desire to be dead before, but she wanted it all to stop. “I won’t think about the dream,” the thought frantically - perhaps the desperation threatening her would go away. Fighting hard, she tried to block the images of the dream from her mind, but she could not. They were imprinted in her mind in startling clarity and she knew deep within that if she lived to be a hundred, they would stay that clear.
Losing the battle in her mind, she felt her stomach hit rock bottom as the dream came pouring back, but still the tears only slipped silently down her cheek.
“What have I done?” she whispered brokenly. “Oh my God, what have I done?”
‘You know damn well what you have done,’ her mind answered her. ‘You rejected everything he offered you, including himself.’ The dreams he had been offering her was the love that lay within his eyes and deep within his heart. She thought he had been trying to distract her from her goal, keep her from saving Toby with the offer of another crystal ball dream. She had been so completely, utterly wrong, from the very beginning. If only she had paid more attention to what his eyes had been telling her… if only she had looked into the crystal… no, she could not, would not think like that.
“I had to save Toby,” she whispered, trying to assuage her guilt. But her feeble attempt at reassurance to herself failed miserably, instead making her think back to that time and all that had come after.
She had realized shortly after returning from the Underground that she did not despise him, as she knew she had only brought the whole thing upon herself. She had wished Toby away, after all. He was her adversary, but she had not hated him. He was smug, arrogant and irritating, but he had not been overly cruel to her, doing exactly as she asked. She had not been all that wonderful either, selfishly wishing Toby away and then repeatedly complaining about the unfairness of her predicament.
‘God, I was so childish just a short time ago,’ she thought disgustedly, the memories momentarily pushing the horror of her dream to the side. The Labyrinth had been such a step forward for her, for she was proud she had saved Toby, even thought it had all been her fault to begin with. She had learned a lot about life during her journey.
Over the next few months after her return, her feelings towards him had slowly begun to make their presence known. She had resisted, at first, her young feelings of rebellion over what he had made her go through battling with her feeling of inadequacy - for who was she to dare to love the King of the Goblins? But love him she did, loved him without question or condition, even though she had to come to terms with the fact he took away little children and turned them into goblins. As the feelings had continued to mature over the last two years, she began to suspect there could be more sides to him he had never shown to her, but she was content to love what she did know.
In all that time she had never considered that he might love her in return, for how could he love the spoiled, selfish girl she had been before the Labyrinth, especially after she had defeated him. Even with the knowledge that her love would probably never be returned, she had continued to thrive on the love she held close to her heart. It was her most jealously guarded secret, a secret that had been a source of great pleasure, but also a source of sad longing for what could have been.
“I long for that longing,’ she thought, a hysterical laugh bubbling in her throat. She had wished desperately so many times that there could have been another way. The longing for his love had been such an overwhelming feeling for so long, but now it paled in comparison to the desperation she was feeling as the dream came back once again to taunt her. She was so desperate to make things right, to change what had happened, but she didn’t know how. She could not turn back the clock, only he had the power to do that. She wasn’t really sure she wanted to, because that would have meant giving up Toby and that was something she just couldn’t do. Even in her selfishness, she had loved her brother and that love for him had grown into a fierce possessiveness since her return. She would not let anyone or anything hurt him, no matter what she had to give up to keep him safe and happy, even if it meant never seeing him again.
“I could call for him,” she whispered to herself and then immediately flung the idea from her in misery. He would not want her after she had uttered the words and she couldn’t stand the additional pain it would cause her to call him and never be answered. ‘I’m resigned to my fate,’ she thought sadly, ‘to live my life knowing exactly what I have done and unable to do one damn thing about it.’ Sarah bitterly thought that was just the beginning of an appropriate punishment for her crime of rejection.
Unable to sleep, she wandered listlessly to her window and opened it. The night air came in, cooling skin fevered by the dream and its after effects. It ruffled through her hair, blowing the dark strands away from her tear-streaked face. She gazed unseeingly into the night, not noticing the white barn owl that had just settled on a branch several feet from her window. It rotated its head side to side, eyeing the girl in the window, mismatched eyes both odd colors for an owl. One an icy blue and the other a hazel green, they seemed sad as they glittered in the night, gazing unblinkingly at the dark haired girl at the window who looked forlornly into the night.
Sarah heaved a great sigh after some time and turned away, sitting down at her vanity, still not noticing the owl. It blinked once and continued to watch as she looked up into the mirror in front of her.
Sarah gazed into the mirror. She needed someone to talk to so badly, but there was no one. She needed a friend, one who might help her forget this night if only for a little while, but she couldn’t think of anyone she wanted to call. Then a thought struck her. She hadn’t tried to do this in almost a year and half and she felt a pang of regret for that fact. It had just become too hard to not ask about him when she called, so she had stopped. Now, after all that time, she was not sure it would work.
‘But he might,’ she thought. He said whenever she needed him. “And I do need him more than I’ve ever had,” she whispered.
She looked into the mirror, and called out softly, “Hoggle? Are you there? I need you.”
A few minutes passed and her heart sank. She was about to turn away when a wrinkled face appeared in the mirror to one side of her reflection. A wide smile stretched practically from ear to ear.
“Sarah! It’s been so long,” Hoggle said and then frowned. “Why haven’t you called?” He waited, the look on his face grumpy and unhappy. Tears came to Sarah’s eyes at the look and her reply was hesitant.
“I’m sorry. I… I don’t have any excuse for not calling you. It is hard to explain and I wish I could but I can’t. Oh Hoggle, I’m sorry. I was afraid you might not… might not come if I called, but tonight I needed you so very much,” she said softly.
“Now don’t cry little missy,” Hoggle said, concern on his face. “I told you I’d be here should you need me and I am.” At that, Sarah glanced down at her side. Where he had been reflected in the mirror, he now stood.
Sarah embraced him tightly and Hoggle patted her back awkwardly. “Now why don’t you tell ‘ol Hoggle what’s troubling you,” he said roughly, but his voice was soft.
“I can’t,” Sarah whispered. “I just can’t.”
They were silent for several moments as Sarah clung to her old friend. Then Sarah sat up and wiped her face with a hand. “Hoggle, tell me how everyone is,” she said, attempting a smile and failing. Hoggle started to speak and Sarah desperately pushed her thoughts away to listen. Neither noticed the owl as it rose from the branch and launched itself into the night.
Author: princessjessia
Pairing/Characters: Jareth/Sarah, Hoggle
Word Count: 1,557
Disclaimer: See first chapter.
Previous Chapter: Chapter 1, The Dream
Next Chapter: Chapter 3, Call Him Back
Sitting straight up in her bed, she gathered her knees to her chest and began to rock slowly, her arms wrapped tightly around her bent legs as slow, silent tears escaped the corners of her eyes. Even now, she did not cry more than those few tears and it was not because she did not want to, it was because her grief was strangling her.
She wanted to die, to escape the thoughts and feelings battering at her mind and heart. She had never felt such a desire to be dead before, but she wanted it all to stop. “I won’t think about the dream,” the thought frantically - perhaps the desperation threatening her would go away. Fighting hard, she tried to block the images of the dream from her mind, but she could not. They were imprinted in her mind in startling clarity and she knew deep within that if she lived to be a hundred, they would stay that clear.
Losing the battle in her mind, she felt her stomach hit rock bottom as the dream came pouring back, but still the tears only slipped silently down her cheek.
“What have I done?” she whispered brokenly. “Oh my God, what have I done?”
‘You know damn well what you have done,’ her mind answered her. ‘You rejected everything he offered you, including himself.’ The dreams he had been offering her was the love that lay within his eyes and deep within his heart. She thought he had been trying to distract her from her goal, keep her from saving Toby with the offer of another crystal ball dream. She had been so completely, utterly wrong, from the very beginning. If only she had paid more attention to what his eyes had been telling her… if only she had looked into the crystal… no, she could not, would not think like that.
“I had to save Toby,” she whispered, trying to assuage her guilt. But her feeble attempt at reassurance to herself failed miserably, instead making her think back to that time and all that had come after.
She had realized shortly after returning from the Underground that she did not despise him, as she knew she had only brought the whole thing upon herself. She had wished Toby away, after all. He was her adversary, but she had not hated him. He was smug, arrogant and irritating, but he had not been overly cruel to her, doing exactly as she asked. She had not been all that wonderful either, selfishly wishing Toby away and then repeatedly complaining about the unfairness of her predicament.
‘God, I was so childish just a short time ago,’ she thought disgustedly, the memories momentarily pushing the horror of her dream to the side. The Labyrinth had been such a step forward for her, for she was proud she had saved Toby, even thought it had all been her fault to begin with. She had learned a lot about life during her journey.
Over the next few months after her return, her feelings towards him had slowly begun to make their presence known. She had resisted, at first, her young feelings of rebellion over what he had made her go through battling with her feeling of inadequacy - for who was she to dare to love the King of the Goblins? But love him she did, loved him without question or condition, even though she had to come to terms with the fact he took away little children and turned them into goblins. As the feelings had continued to mature over the last two years, she began to suspect there could be more sides to him he had never shown to her, but she was content to love what she did know.
In all that time she had never considered that he might love her in return, for how could he love the spoiled, selfish girl she had been before the Labyrinth, especially after she had defeated him. Even with the knowledge that her love would probably never be returned, she had continued to thrive on the love she held close to her heart. It was her most jealously guarded secret, a secret that had been a source of great pleasure, but also a source of sad longing for what could have been.
“I long for that longing,’ she thought, a hysterical laugh bubbling in her throat. She had wished desperately so many times that there could have been another way. The longing for his love had been such an overwhelming feeling for so long, but now it paled in comparison to the desperation she was feeling as the dream came back once again to taunt her. She was so desperate to make things right, to change what had happened, but she didn’t know how. She could not turn back the clock, only he had the power to do that. She wasn’t really sure she wanted to, because that would have meant giving up Toby and that was something she just couldn’t do. Even in her selfishness, she had loved her brother and that love for him had grown into a fierce possessiveness since her return. She would not let anyone or anything hurt him, no matter what she had to give up to keep him safe and happy, even if it meant never seeing him again.
“I could call for him,” she whispered to herself and then immediately flung the idea from her in misery. He would not want her after she had uttered the words and she couldn’t stand the additional pain it would cause her to call him and never be answered. ‘I’m resigned to my fate,’ she thought sadly, ‘to live my life knowing exactly what I have done and unable to do one damn thing about it.’ Sarah bitterly thought that was just the beginning of an appropriate punishment for her crime of rejection.
Unable to sleep, she wandered listlessly to her window and opened it. The night air came in, cooling skin fevered by the dream and its after effects. It ruffled through her hair, blowing the dark strands away from her tear-streaked face. She gazed unseeingly into the night, not noticing the white barn owl that had just settled on a branch several feet from her window. It rotated its head side to side, eyeing the girl in the window, mismatched eyes both odd colors for an owl. One an icy blue and the other a hazel green, they seemed sad as they glittered in the night, gazing unblinkingly at the dark haired girl at the window who looked forlornly into the night.
Sarah heaved a great sigh after some time and turned away, sitting down at her vanity, still not noticing the owl. It blinked once and continued to watch as she looked up into the mirror in front of her.
Sarah gazed into the mirror. She needed someone to talk to so badly, but there was no one. She needed a friend, one who might help her forget this night if only for a little while, but she couldn’t think of anyone she wanted to call. Then a thought struck her. She hadn’t tried to do this in almost a year and half and she felt a pang of regret for that fact. It had just become too hard to not ask about him when she called, so she had stopped. Now, after all that time, she was not sure it would work.
‘But he might,’ she thought. He said whenever she needed him. “And I do need him more than I’ve ever had,” she whispered.
She looked into the mirror, and called out softly, “Hoggle? Are you there? I need you.”
A few minutes passed and her heart sank. She was about to turn away when a wrinkled face appeared in the mirror to one side of her reflection. A wide smile stretched practically from ear to ear.
“Sarah! It’s been so long,” Hoggle said and then frowned. “Why haven’t you called?” He waited, the look on his face grumpy and unhappy. Tears came to Sarah’s eyes at the look and her reply was hesitant.
“I’m sorry. I… I don’t have any excuse for not calling you. It is hard to explain and I wish I could but I can’t. Oh Hoggle, I’m sorry. I was afraid you might not… might not come if I called, but tonight I needed you so very much,” she said softly.
“Now don’t cry little missy,” Hoggle said, concern on his face. “I told you I’d be here should you need me and I am.” At that, Sarah glanced down at her side. Where he had been reflected in the mirror, he now stood.
Sarah embraced him tightly and Hoggle patted her back awkwardly. “Now why don’t you tell ‘ol Hoggle what’s troubling you,” he said roughly, but his voice was soft.
“I can’t,” Sarah whispered. “I just can’t.”
They were silent for several moments as Sarah clung to her old friend. Then Sarah sat up and wiped her face with a hand. “Hoggle, tell me how everyone is,” she said, attempting a smile and failing. Hoggle started to speak and Sarah desperately pushed her thoughts away to listen. Neither noticed the owl as it rose from the branch and launched itself into the night.