Help Me
Title: Help me
Pairing: JaeMin
Genre: romance, angst, drama
Rating: PG - 13
WARNING: UN-BETA'ED
WARNING2: Character death
Length: one-shot
A/N: idk why i wrote this, and why am I still crying like a complete moron. T_T
Summary: "Have you ever witnessed death? Can you even imagine what it feels like when your hands are covered with blood... blood of the person you love? Do you know how it feels when tears just keep coming and you don't how to stop crying?"
Help me
A petite woman came in to the grey room, carrying a pile of beige folders with her.
She put them on grey, metallic table and went to turn on the camera.
- Yoon JiMin. First interview with Shim ChangMin. -
She sat behind the table, took on of the folders, placed it in front of her and opened it.
- Goodm…-
“ If you will try to talk me back to work, I suggest you to turn of that camera and leave.” Male sitting in front of her suddenly said in emotionless, cold voice even before she said her ‘hello’.
- Why is that? - she closed the folder and placed it on top of the pile.
“Countless shrinks, psychologists, militaries, government officials and even foreign doctors have come here either to talk or force me to work, or to cure me, though they know they can’t.” the male said, his eyes focused on surface of the table.
- And none of them succeeded?-
“As you can see…”
- Why you refuse to continue your projects? - she took the top folder again, and quickly re-read some complicated names of projects Shim ChangMin used to work on.
“Because they ruined everything” his voice was still as cold as before, only now filling with anger.
- How is that possible? - JiMin decided not to use any of the materials she read and hear everything from the source him self.
“You have read it all. Why you ask?” he finally raised his eyes from the table surface. Two brown orbs started to stare at her.
- I want to hear it all from you, Shim-ssi.- she tried to sound friendly, yet it seemed to leave zero impression on other.
“In that case, do you have a lover, doctor? “
JiMin felt caught of guard and startled before giving the answer.
“Answer, please.” He insisted, still gazing at her.
- Yes, I do. - she finally said.
“And how often do you see him?” he continued.
- Every day. We are married. - she said, waiting to see, where this conversation will lead.
“Because of my job, my projects and researches, I could see the person I love, luckily once a week.” He said, his voice seeming so sad, that it somehow, a little, stabbed her heart.
- I … -
“Because of my researches, people tried to kill me.” He continued, cutting her off again.
“Because of it, he died.” His voice was now filled with so much anger and sadness, that JiMin almost considered ending their first meeting, yet unexplainable urge to hear his story, not read dull papers, made the next question pop our of her mouth.
- It was two years ago. Do you remember something about him?-
“Stupid question” he said with a slighting tone.
- Do you? - she didn’t back up.
“I remember everything about him.
The way he walked - like he was on the runway all the time. Even the most simple clothes looked on him, like they were made by the best designers.”
He smiled a little. His gaze focusing on the wall.
“I remember the way he always made dinner when I got home at that one night a week when I could really see him. He did it no matter how late it was.”
He seemed to drift back in past, his eyes almost sparkling because of these memories.
“I do remember how he sang when ever he washed the dishes after late dinner. His voice rang trough air. Even when he spoke I couldn’t focus on any other sound on earth - his voice was everything I heard.”
His eyes slowly got teary. Voice shook a little, yet he stayed poise.
“I remember his scent. The way his skin felt against mine, the taste of his lips, the way he shivered when I touched him… and how perfectly he fit in my arms.”
He swallowed the tears back again, like he trained to that for countless times, and somehow JiMin was sure, he did.
“I remember everything so vivid, that I can… I can see him walking in trough that door any second. But… I know he won’t.”
He locked his gaze on his hands, which he placed on the table.
- How about his smile?-
“His smile…” he repeated with a small laughter.
“I do remember, though I didn’t see him smiling often. Except for that week.”
- What week?-
“The last week we spent together in Japan.” He said with almost a sigh.
*
- Minnie-yah! - JaeJoong’s cheerful voice echoed around the empty beach.
- M? - ChangMin replied indolently, remaining “asleep” in the sand.
- Minnie! - JaeJoong landed in sand next to him.
- Come with me! - he shook ChangMin’s shoulder a little.
- Where? - other opened his eyes slowly to look at pure form of perfection before his eyes.
Dirty blond hair were framing others perfect face, his dark brown eyes glistering with joy, bright smile enameling his face.
- Does it matter? - he said with a smile and pouted a little.
- No. - ChangMin returned the smile and gently kissed the man in front of him.
- Yah! I count this as a stolen kiss! - other said and slapped ChangMin’s shoulder.
- Why? -
- Because you didn’t want to go with me. - JaeJoong pouted and stood up.
- I didn’t say that I don’t want to. - ChangMin stood up and wrapped his arms around others rather small frame, hugging him close.
- I know. You tall fool. - JaeJoong turned around in others arms and kissed him again.
- Now, close your eyes. - he commanded and ChangMin obeyed.
- Do you trust me? - he asked.
- More then anyone. - ChangMin replied with a smile.
He felt how JaeJoong takes his hand and leads him somewhere, until he could feel water under his feet.
He opened his eyes when the water already reached his knees.
- Where are we going? - he asked, making Jae to turn around.
- We are going for a swim. -
- With our clothes on? - ChangMin asked.
- Why not? - Jae smiled and splattered as much water as he could all over ChangMin.
- You will pay for this! - Min said loudly, bright smile on his face.
- I’m counting on that! - other smiled and took few steps back until he could start swimming and disappeared under the water.
*
- ChangMin-ssi?- JiMin called for third time and finally the man in front of her blinked few times.
- Do you hear me?- she asked.
“Yes. I do hear you.” He said, his voice sad and quiet.
“You know, that was the last thing he did…” he continued, obviously holding back tears.
- Explain.-
“When his life was literally leaking out of him, dripping trough my fingers, painting my hands bright red…”
A tear finally fell down his cheek.
“He smiled.”
His bottom lip started to shake a little, more and more tears leaking from his soulful eyes.
*
-ChangMin-ah! - he heard JaeJoong’s scream and turned around.
A loud sound of a shot echoed around the street and people started to scream, searching for cover. Few officers came from nowhere and more noises filled the air.
But that didn’t matter.
JaeJoong was in ChangMin’s arms, his body shaking violently, knees wobbling, hands desperately clenching in others shirt.
- J… Joongie…- more of a gasp escaped ChangMin’s lips as he landed on asphalt along with JaeJoong, whose legs gave up on him.
- JaeJoong! - ChangMin gathered others shaking form in his hands and scanned others body with his eyes.
- Jae…- he raised his hand to smooth away hair from others face, panic rushing trough his veins, and the he finally realized.
His hand was covered with warm, dark red liquid, leaking from JaeJoong’s back.
- Doctor! I need a doctor! - he screamed first in Korean, then in Japanese.
- Joongie, hold on. I bet paramedics are on their way. - he smoothed away few strands of hair from other face.
JaeJoong finally opened his eyes and looked at ChangMin, tears slowly leaking from corners of his eyes.
- You know that I love you Minnie-yah, right? - he smiled weakly, his shaking hand caressing others’ cheek.
- I know… I know. I love you too. - ChangMin felt how a something slowly and painfully ripped his heart out of his chest.
- Don’t cry. - JaeJoong whispered, wiping away Min’s tears.
- I… I think the bullet might have hit something vital… Just don’t move ok.- ChangMin said with a shaking voice.
- It doesn’t matter. - JaeJoong smiled.
- Don’t you dare to say that! - Min almost screamed, more tears flowing over his cheeks.
- I love you Minnie-yah. - he whispered with a smile once more and closed his eyes, his hand falling away from ChangMin’s face lifelessly.
-No… No. No! - he screamed, his whole body shaking violently.
- Don’t… Don’t you dare to play with me Kim JaeJoong!- he screamed.
- This... This is not funny. - he said already more quiet, caressing others peaceful face.
- JaeJoongie… Open your eyes for me… Please. - he whispered, placing a kiss on others forehead.
- I can’t be without you. I need you. Please. - his whole body seemed to be in pain, his heart pounding against his chest, like it wanted to jump out.
With shaking hand he checked for others pulse, wanting to fell at least a small chance that the man he was holding was still a live.
Nothing.
More and more tears flowed over his cheeks, accumulating on his chin and dripping down on others lifeless body.
-Joongie…- he whispered, pulling others frame closer, holding him for the last time. Almost gathering the last body heat other had as a last memory.
Paramedics arrived 20minutes later.
He was still holding JaeJoong’s body close, endless tears dripping down from his eyes.
When medics came closer, he just screamed at them.
- Go away you useless morons!-
- But sir.- they stammered.
- I said go away! Idiots! Corrupted bastards! Can’t you drive faster you fools!- he screamed from top of his lungs, mixing Korean with Japanese at moments.
- We have to…- one of them tried to speak again.
- Don’t you even dare to speak you stupid lowlife! - ChangMin yelled trough tears and turned away from medics.
He heard how some ahjumas from shops on the side of the street, who saw and probably heard everything, yelled at medics and told them to leave for some time.
They returned when it was already dark outside.
ChangMin was still in his place, still holding the lifeless frame close.
- Sir, we really have to…- one of the medics came close.
ChangMin finally let go of others’ body and let the medics to take it away.
He stayed at the same place till the next sunrise.
*
“Why is life unfair?” he whispered, tears landing on the metal surface of the table.
- Shim-ssi…-
“I asked, why life is unfair!” he screamed, his fists landing against the table as he stood up.
- Please, calm down.-
“You don’t get it, don’t you?” he sat back down.
- No. No I don’t. How could a brilliant mind come to this state.- she said quietly.
“Have you ever witnessed death? Can you even imagine what it feels like when your hands are covered with blood... blood of the person you love? Do you know how it feels when tears just keep coming and you don't how to stop crying? “
He said loudly, his eyes filled with so much sadness that it finally broke JiMin’s heart completely.
“I hate this world.” He whispered again, finally stopping his tears from falling.
She glanced at his hands, placed on the table.
Countless, obviously deep cuts enameled his wrists and forearms.
- That’s why you wanted to follow him so many times?- she asked.
He didn’t reply, just stared at his own hands.
- Maybe, you should live, if he gave you the chance to.- JiMin said quietly and slowly.
“He knew, that I won’t be able to. He wouldn’t either, if we switched roles.” He said lifelessly.
- I think, we should end for today.- she sighted and got up to turn of the camera.
- Yoon JiMin. End of first interview with Shim ChangMin. -
She said and turned the camera off.
“Help me.” He said quietly, head lowered, gaze still focused on his hands.
- What?- she didn’t sit down, but just stood shocked next to the table.
“Help me to finally leave this world.”
- I don’t…-
“Please.” He looked up. His eyes piercing right trough JiMin’s soul.
“I can’t even tell in how much pain I’m every day.”
She felt how a knot forms in her throat.
“Please. I’m begging you. I can’t exist likes no more.” He still gazed at JiMin.
- I… I…- she stammered. What could she answer?
“ If you know what’s true love, you have to understand.” He whispered and lowered his gaze with a sigh.
She didn’t say anything. She took the beige folders and headed out.
“Doctor.” He said, right before she left the room.
“Don’t work with me no more. Refuse from this case. It may still the time you could spent with the one you love.” He said as sincerely as possible.
JiMin turned around as fast as possible, before the knot in her throat made the first tears to leak from her eyes.
------
The next day she came back to mental hospital at time when patients were at group therapy and sneaked in to ChangMin’s room.
She was expecting to see something more fanatical, but all she found was a neat, clean room with light blue, almost white walls. No furniture except the bed and nightstand with a photo album on it.
She carefully took it and looked trough the photos until the first tear drops landed on the delicate paper of album.
Every single picture of Them was neatly put in to the album, with date and place. They were always smiling, always together and happy.
Pages of the album were tatty, like someone looked trough them every day, some of them were glued back in several times.
Now she didn’t regret her decision at all.
JiMin out the album back in its place and looked around the room again.
Not a single object that could be used for cutting or making something to cut.
She sighted and sat on the bed and slid her hand over the covers, leaving a “gift” under the pillow together with a note. “I shall listen to your advice. Thank You. And be happy… with him.”
------
Brilliant nuclear scientist Shim ChangMin were found dead in his ward at mental hospital where he was recovering already for year and a half after tragic death of his lover, model Kim JaeJoong, after a stray bullet deathly wounded the previous, in an assassination attempt against Shim-ssi.
Police confirms that this was a suicide.
Shim had tried to end his life several times before, and this time succeeded, using a knife stolen from hospitals cafeteria.
Our nation has lost a brilliant and unique mind.
Pairing: JaeMin
Genre: romance, angst, drama
Rating: PG - 13
WARNING: UN-BETA'ED
WARNING2: Character death
Length: one-shot
A/N: idk why i wrote this, and why am I still crying like a complete moron. T_T
Summary: "Have you ever witnessed death? Can you even imagine what it feels like when your hands are covered with blood... blood of the person you love? Do you know how it feels when tears just keep coming and you don't how to stop crying?"
Help me
A petite woman came in to the grey room, carrying a pile of beige folders with her.
She put them on grey, metallic table and went to turn on the camera.
- Yoon JiMin. First interview with Shim ChangMin. -
She sat behind the table, took on of the folders, placed it in front of her and opened it.
- Goodm…-
“ If you will try to talk me back to work, I suggest you to turn of that camera and leave.” Male sitting in front of her suddenly said in emotionless, cold voice even before she said her ‘hello’.
- Why is that? - she closed the folder and placed it on top of the pile.
“Countless shrinks, psychologists, militaries, government officials and even foreign doctors have come here either to talk or force me to work, or to cure me, though they know they can’t.” the male said, his eyes focused on surface of the table.
- And none of them succeeded?-
“As you can see…”
- Why you refuse to continue your projects? - she took the top folder again, and quickly re-read some complicated names of projects Shim ChangMin used to work on.
“Because they ruined everything” his voice was still as cold as before, only now filling with anger.
- How is that possible? - JiMin decided not to use any of the materials she read and hear everything from the source him self.
“You have read it all. Why you ask?” he finally raised his eyes from the table surface. Two brown orbs started to stare at her.
- I want to hear it all from you, Shim-ssi.- she tried to sound friendly, yet it seemed to leave zero impression on other.
“In that case, do you have a lover, doctor? “
JiMin felt caught of guard and startled before giving the answer.
“Answer, please.” He insisted, still gazing at her.
- Yes, I do. - she finally said.
“And how often do you see him?” he continued.
- Every day. We are married. - she said, waiting to see, where this conversation will lead.
“Because of my job, my projects and researches, I could see the person I love, luckily once a week.” He said, his voice seeming so sad, that it somehow, a little, stabbed her heart.
- I … -
“Because of my researches, people tried to kill me.” He continued, cutting her off again.
“Because of it, he died.” His voice was now filled with so much anger and sadness, that JiMin almost considered ending their first meeting, yet unexplainable urge to hear his story, not read dull papers, made the next question pop our of her mouth.
- It was two years ago. Do you remember something about him?-
“Stupid question” he said with a slighting tone.
- Do you? - she didn’t back up.
“I remember everything about him.
The way he walked - like he was on the runway all the time. Even the most simple clothes looked on him, like they were made by the best designers.”
He smiled a little. His gaze focusing on the wall.
“I remember the way he always made dinner when I got home at that one night a week when I could really see him. He did it no matter how late it was.”
He seemed to drift back in past, his eyes almost sparkling because of these memories.
“I do remember how he sang when ever he washed the dishes after late dinner. His voice rang trough air. Even when he spoke I couldn’t focus on any other sound on earth - his voice was everything I heard.”
His eyes slowly got teary. Voice shook a little, yet he stayed poise.
“I remember his scent. The way his skin felt against mine, the taste of his lips, the way he shivered when I touched him… and how perfectly he fit in my arms.”
He swallowed the tears back again, like he trained to that for countless times, and somehow JiMin was sure, he did.
“I remember everything so vivid, that I can… I can see him walking in trough that door any second. But… I know he won’t.”
He locked his gaze on his hands, which he placed on the table.
- How about his smile?-
“His smile…” he repeated with a small laughter.
“I do remember, though I didn’t see him smiling often. Except for that week.”
- What week?-
“The last week we spent together in Japan.” He said with almost a sigh.
*
- Minnie-yah! - JaeJoong’s cheerful voice echoed around the empty beach.
- M? - ChangMin replied indolently, remaining “asleep” in the sand.
- Minnie! - JaeJoong landed in sand next to him.
- Come with me! - he shook ChangMin’s shoulder a little.
- Where? - other opened his eyes slowly to look at pure form of perfection before his eyes.
Dirty blond hair were framing others perfect face, his dark brown eyes glistering with joy, bright smile enameling his face.
- Does it matter? - he said with a smile and pouted a little.
- No. - ChangMin returned the smile and gently kissed the man in front of him.
- Yah! I count this as a stolen kiss! - other said and slapped ChangMin’s shoulder.
- Why? -
- Because you didn’t want to go with me. - JaeJoong pouted and stood up.
- I didn’t say that I don’t want to. - ChangMin stood up and wrapped his arms around others rather small frame, hugging him close.
- I know. You tall fool. - JaeJoong turned around in others arms and kissed him again.
- Now, close your eyes. - he commanded and ChangMin obeyed.
- Do you trust me? - he asked.
- More then anyone. - ChangMin replied with a smile.
He felt how JaeJoong takes his hand and leads him somewhere, until he could feel water under his feet.
He opened his eyes when the water already reached his knees.
- Where are we going? - he asked, making Jae to turn around.
- We are going for a swim. -
- With our clothes on? - ChangMin asked.
- Why not? - Jae smiled and splattered as much water as he could all over ChangMin.
- You will pay for this! - Min said loudly, bright smile on his face.
- I’m counting on that! - other smiled and took few steps back until he could start swimming and disappeared under the water.
*
- ChangMin-ssi?- JiMin called for third time and finally the man in front of her blinked few times.
- Do you hear me?- she asked.
“Yes. I do hear you.” He said, his voice sad and quiet.
“You know, that was the last thing he did…” he continued, obviously holding back tears.
- Explain.-
“When his life was literally leaking out of him, dripping trough my fingers, painting my hands bright red…”
A tear finally fell down his cheek.
“He smiled.”
His bottom lip started to shake a little, more and more tears leaking from his soulful eyes.
*
-ChangMin-ah! - he heard JaeJoong’s scream and turned around.
A loud sound of a shot echoed around the street and people started to scream, searching for cover. Few officers came from nowhere and more noises filled the air.
But that didn’t matter.
JaeJoong was in ChangMin’s arms, his body shaking violently, knees wobbling, hands desperately clenching in others shirt.
- J… Joongie…- more of a gasp escaped ChangMin’s lips as he landed on asphalt along with JaeJoong, whose legs gave up on him.
- JaeJoong! - ChangMin gathered others shaking form in his hands and scanned others body with his eyes.
- Jae…- he raised his hand to smooth away hair from others face, panic rushing trough his veins, and the he finally realized.
His hand was covered with warm, dark red liquid, leaking from JaeJoong’s back.
- Doctor! I need a doctor! - he screamed first in Korean, then in Japanese.
- Joongie, hold on. I bet paramedics are on their way. - he smoothed away few strands of hair from other face.
JaeJoong finally opened his eyes and looked at ChangMin, tears slowly leaking from corners of his eyes.
- You know that I love you Minnie-yah, right? - he smiled weakly, his shaking hand caressing others’ cheek.
- I know… I know. I love you too. - ChangMin felt how a something slowly and painfully ripped his heart out of his chest.
- Don’t cry. - JaeJoong whispered, wiping away Min’s tears.
- I… I think the bullet might have hit something vital… Just don’t move ok.- ChangMin said with a shaking voice.
- It doesn’t matter. - JaeJoong smiled.
- Don’t you dare to say that! - Min almost screamed, more tears flowing over his cheeks.
- I love you Minnie-yah. - he whispered with a smile once more and closed his eyes, his hand falling away from ChangMin’s face lifelessly.
-No… No. No! - he screamed, his whole body shaking violently.
- Don’t… Don’t you dare to play with me Kim JaeJoong!- he screamed.
- This... This is not funny. - he said already more quiet, caressing others peaceful face.
- JaeJoongie… Open your eyes for me… Please. - he whispered, placing a kiss on others forehead.
- I can’t be without you. I need you. Please. - his whole body seemed to be in pain, his heart pounding against his chest, like it wanted to jump out.
With shaking hand he checked for others pulse, wanting to fell at least a small chance that the man he was holding was still a live.
Nothing.
More and more tears flowed over his cheeks, accumulating on his chin and dripping down on others lifeless body.
-Joongie…- he whispered, pulling others frame closer, holding him for the last time. Almost gathering the last body heat other had as a last memory.
Paramedics arrived 20minutes later.
He was still holding JaeJoong’s body close, endless tears dripping down from his eyes.
When medics came closer, he just screamed at them.
- Go away you useless morons!-
- But sir.- they stammered.
- I said go away! Idiots! Corrupted bastards! Can’t you drive faster you fools!- he screamed from top of his lungs, mixing Korean with Japanese at moments.
- We have to…- one of them tried to speak again.
- Don’t you even dare to speak you stupid lowlife! - ChangMin yelled trough tears and turned away from medics.
He heard how some ahjumas from shops on the side of the street, who saw and probably heard everything, yelled at medics and told them to leave for some time.
They returned when it was already dark outside.
ChangMin was still in his place, still holding the lifeless frame close.
- Sir, we really have to…- one of the medics came close.
ChangMin finally let go of others’ body and let the medics to take it away.
He stayed at the same place till the next sunrise.
*
“Why is life unfair?” he whispered, tears landing on the metal surface of the table.
- Shim-ssi…-
“I asked, why life is unfair!” he screamed, his fists landing against the table as he stood up.
- Please, calm down.-
“You don’t get it, don’t you?” he sat back down.
- No. No I don’t. How could a brilliant mind come to this state.- she said quietly.
“Have you ever witnessed death? Can you even imagine what it feels like when your hands are covered with blood... blood of the person you love? Do you know how it feels when tears just keep coming and you don't how to stop crying? “
He said loudly, his eyes filled with so much sadness that it finally broke JiMin’s heart completely.
“I hate this world.” He whispered again, finally stopping his tears from falling.
She glanced at his hands, placed on the table.
Countless, obviously deep cuts enameled his wrists and forearms.
- That’s why you wanted to follow him so many times?- she asked.
He didn’t reply, just stared at his own hands.
- Maybe, you should live, if he gave you the chance to.- JiMin said quietly and slowly.
“He knew, that I won’t be able to. He wouldn’t either, if we switched roles.” He said lifelessly.
- I think, we should end for today.- she sighted and got up to turn of the camera.
- Yoon JiMin. End of first interview with Shim ChangMin. -
She said and turned the camera off.
“Help me.” He said quietly, head lowered, gaze still focused on his hands.
- What?- she didn’t sit down, but just stood shocked next to the table.
“Help me to finally leave this world.”
- I don’t…-
“Please.” He looked up. His eyes piercing right trough JiMin’s soul.
“I can’t even tell in how much pain I’m every day.”
She felt how a knot forms in her throat.
“Please. I’m begging you. I can’t exist likes no more.” He still gazed at JiMin.
- I… I…- she stammered. What could she answer?
“ If you know what’s true love, you have to understand.” He whispered and lowered his gaze with a sigh.
She didn’t say anything. She took the beige folders and headed out.
“Doctor.” He said, right before she left the room.
“Don’t work with me no more. Refuse from this case. It may still the time you could spent with the one you love.” He said as sincerely as possible.
JiMin turned around as fast as possible, before the knot in her throat made the first tears to leak from her eyes.
------
The next day she came back to mental hospital at time when patients were at group therapy and sneaked in to ChangMin’s room.
She was expecting to see something more fanatical, but all she found was a neat, clean room with light blue, almost white walls. No furniture except the bed and nightstand with a photo album on it.
She carefully took it and looked trough the photos until the first tear drops landed on the delicate paper of album.
Every single picture of Them was neatly put in to the album, with date and place. They were always smiling, always together and happy.
Pages of the album were tatty, like someone looked trough them every day, some of them were glued back in several times.
Now she didn’t regret her decision at all.
JiMin out the album back in its place and looked around the room again.
Not a single object that could be used for cutting or making something to cut.
She sighted and sat on the bed and slid her hand over the covers, leaving a “gift” under the pillow together with a note. “I shall listen to your advice. Thank You. And be happy… with him.”
------
Brilliant nuclear scientist Shim ChangMin were found dead in his ward at mental hospital where he was recovering already for year and a half after tragic death of his lover, model Kim JaeJoong, after a stray bullet deathly wounded the previous, in an assassination attempt against Shim-ssi.
Police confirms that this was a suicide.
Shim had tried to end his life several times before, and this time succeeded, using a knife stolen from hospitals cafeteria.
Our nation has lost a brilliant and unique mind.