V-Day.: The Four Tasks
(The Four Tasks)- Task 1: Shower.
Quite frankly, Hero didn’t want to talk about it.
(The Four Tasks)- Task 2: Come Out to the Hyungs.
Hero left the bathroom feeling fresher than she had ever been in her entire life. And much, much more disturbed about her entire situation in general.
First, whilst in the middle of said shower, she felt the sudden strange compulsion to shave her legs… so she did. With lavender-scented gel. Just to clear up: (once) male pop superstar Hero Jaejoong now had legs that smelled like flowers.
Anyway, it was a good thing that even as a boy the singer didn’t have hair that grew under her arms, so that base was covered. But, ah… that wasn’t something to bring up to hi- her, like ever. Everyone had their insecurities.
‘Although it did make me feel pretty,’ Hero thought. ‘Prettier than that damn Heechul… the enthusiastic cross-dressing bastard…’
Next, she didn’t want to wash her body or hair in the musky body wash and shampoo that she had, because they just seemed much too powerful for her liking. She needed something more… feminine. And, as luck would have it, a quick peek in the cabinets under the sink gave her what she wanted: Xiah’s precious “Tropical Breeze” scented toiletries.
Score, baby.
All in all, after the nice shower and some primping here and there in the mirror with her hair, Hero was a happy woman. Except… she noticed a part of her short hair that was not cut like it should have been compared to the rest. Had Yesung cut a lock of her hair off while he was styling it? And if so- for what? That was just creepy.
Anyway, only one thing bothered her about her appearance: her bust was definitely lacking.
‘Oh sure, mysterious forces of nature- turn me into a woman. Give me the parts to have a child, but not nourish it…’ she thought bitterly. To be honest, as a man she had sometimes wondered about what she would look like as a girl (blame the fans, she always said)- and she always envisioned a perfect face and body and nice, perky br-
That was then followed by: ‘What the hell am I thinking?! Aish. Oh! Omo… omo omo omo… I can have children… Hero Jaejoong can now give birth… and it is somehow Heechul’s fault!’ (Somehow, that conclusion just didn’t make as much sense as it should have.)
The sound of knuckles angrily cracking filled the air.
(It was not a good time to mention that she could, in fact, produce children- and that she lived in close quarters with four healthy young men. Besides, that was just a paranoid way of thinking anyway, right? Right.)
Hero was still wearing her own boy clothes that she had picked out for the day from before she knew she was a woman (minus that stupid, loud, condemning belt), but she didn’t really seem to mind. Sure, they made her feel frumpy and a little less-than-presentable, but they were comfortable and loose, and besides- none of the boys had any girl clothes in the dorm. That she knew of, anyway. Except for that dress Heesica gave her… but no. No, no, no. Hell no. There was no way Hiffany was being relived.
With a sour mind, Hero remembered how she was forced to walk home in that outfit from the party because her supposed Super Junior hyungs hid her normal clothes. In an act of decency, Donghae had informed her that he and his friends hid her clothes in Eunhyuk’s shoe rack if she wanted them. However, in the end the singer had outright refused to get them- because nothing that goes near anything the monkey-boy’s feet have been in or on should ever, ever be retrieved. Ever.
In the end, Yunho had “escorted” her back home, giggling the entire way.
Jerk.
Hero had to remind herself that mercury poisoning, however tempting it was, seriously wasn’t an option when it came to Yunho… but, well, she did have a lot of money and was quite famous… heck, she could blame the murder on a crime of insane passion from the emotional issues that arose from becoming the opposite gender God intended her to be… Or maybe this was Him fixing a mistake?
The sudden towering image of the Biggin’ Himself shouting “My bad!” in panic on January 26, 1986 popped into Hero’s thoughts. She scratched her head in contemplation, eventually shaking the idea out of her mind. It wasn’t quite time yet for her to play the Philosophical and Hypothetical Life Question Corner.
That brought her back down. ‘I am a man in a woman’s body. I mean, not like I kind of wasn’t before, anyway, but now I’m really a woman. I don’t even have my sculpted chest anymore,’ Hero confided to herself with a pout.
The new woman left the bathroom finally, only to hear soft piano notes coming from the living room. With curiosity controlling her body, she softly and slowly padded her feet over to the end of the hallway to peek out from behind a wall at the player.
Of course, there was only one person who could play the piano with such skill like that- Micky. Hero watched avidly as the man in front of her played the keys like an expert, eyes closed and smiling peacefully.
Xiah was nowhere to be seen- and neither was Max, for that matter. That was odd; the Squeak Freak was just here before she started showering, hogging a blanket with Micky together on the couch as each mumbled dark threats to the other over taking too much of the soft cover. The Beggar Child had been outside the bathroom door, concerned and gasping for air. Had she really been that long in the shower?
‘Let’s see,’ Hero thought as she looked at her watch, ‘I started showering at 8:30 and it’s now… 11:00?!’ she realized, panicked. ‘How does a person physically stay in one place like that for over two whole hours? This is ridiculous.’ She released an exasperated sigh.
Hero then returned her attention to Micky and the music. With the slight pained feeling of her stomach reaching her chest (and not in the good way), she realized how attractive her dongsaeng looked playing that piano.
Micky Yoochun. A man.
‘Oh. My. God.’
Hero just put her head into her hands and groaned.
Noticing his fellow member at last, Micky opened his eyes and grinned up at her. “Morning, hyung!” he exclaimed cheerfully.
Another sigh. “Morning, Chunnie,” Hero replied, trying to sound casual. She actually did quite well- her voice didn’t betray even a hint of the panic attack that was rising through her. The phrase ‘Five Most Attractive Males in Asia’ kept spinning around in her mind, and it made her eyes widen in unwilling realization.
… God damnit.
“Uh… where’re the others?”
“Ah… hmm,” the pianist said, pouting his lips… cutely, “Susu went with Max to get our maknae’s needed daily food stock from a convenience store because you took too long in the shower and he told me if he didn’t get food soon he might implode, although I’d bet more on him attempting to eat pigeon-trod concrete in desperation first. I guess Susu went with him because he was angry I won the blanket war- hehe. I mean to say, he must have been hungry, too. Leader-sshi is still sleeping, of course,” he added, chuckling.
“I see.” Hero sat down on the couch, crossing her legs delicately as she did so. She decided she had to do this like a band-aid: just say what she needed to say without hesitation. She wanted to tell everyone at once, but it didn’t look like that was going to happen.
Why did nothing go the way she wanted it to? Oh, well. Maybe it was better to tackle this man by man rather than with all of them at the same time, anyway. (And, wow; that was an awkwardly phrased sentence…)
“Micky, IturnedintoagirlandIdontknowhowbutthereitis,” Hero breathed out quickly.
Micky looked at her with wide eyes and blinked slowly. “Come again?” he asked.
“I said…” the lead singer began hesitantly, “I said I turned into a… girl.”
The younger man’s mouth opened slightly, and it was obvious he was searching for words. He quickly decided against saying anything, instead choosing to walk over from the piano and pull his hyung into a fierce hug. Afterwards, Micky held her by the shoulders and looked her in the eyes.
‘His eyes are so dark, like pools; his hands… so warm and sof- EW! Stop it, damnit!’ Hero chided inwardly, disgusted. ‘This is the same man who leaves his dirty socks and boxers all over the floor; the same man who leaves various empty snack packages littering that expensive and pretty piano Xiah got him for his birthday- that I clean up, mind you; and the same man who burps at the dinner table and eats with his mouth open with no shame. There’s a reason we call him Icky Micky. And this isn’t even mentioning all the ruckus he and the Dolphin Boy Wonder cause when they go out drinking,’ she reminded herself, shivering at bad memories. Oh, the messes they made- it was best not to go down that mental path right now. Ah, housework! Ah, humanity!
“Hyung,” Micky began, “I know what Heechul did a couple of weeks ago upset you, but you can’t let it get to you like this. So what if you lost? So what if he printed out pictures of you dressed as a woman in an evening gown and sent them out? So what if you have a new degrading nickname and possibly lost a little of the respect you’ve spent years trying to build up between you and your friends? It’s not the end of the world, hyung.”
Hero made a noise low in her throat and pushed the man’s hands away with sudden ferocity.
“Actually, none of that is quite as bad as becoming the very thing that defined what Heesica kept calling me that night and from now on- Hiffany. Hiffany is, of course, my apparent female alter-ego, mixing the names Hero and Tiffany together. Do you understand what I’m trying to explain? Hiffany is a girl. I, Hero Jaejoong, am a girl now too!” The woman exclaimed, her arms thrown into the air in emphasis.
“Besides,” she added, thinking back on what Micky had said, “how did you know Heechul sent condemning pictures from the party to me? Yunho hasn’t woken up yet, and he was the one who gave me the stupid package…” Questioning eyes landed on the poor pianist, too caught up in everything the older man was trying to say and ask at once to understand it all.
Micky thought quickly. “Uh… Leader-sshi was up late last night and caught me and Pookie, I mean Xiah- sorry, haha, I call him that sometimes- sneaking out to play soccer. We invited him to come play with us but he declined. That man just doesn’t budge sometimes,” he finished with practical ease. Phew. That lie sounded like perfect truth; many nights Yunho would stay up just to make sure his other members were sound asleep and didn’t need anything, or was sometimes just bothered by the occasional bout of restlessness. Completely plausible.
“Oh,” Hero replied understandingly.
It was a good thing she bought it- after all, Micky needed to keep his friend’s and his secrets about the pictures, key chains and, God bless him, (unbeknownst to Hero- for now) stickers that Heechul had sent out from the party. They were just too entertaining.
There was a slight awkward silence as the two friends stood there, the odd topic of new womanhood wafting around in the air around them.
“So…”
“So, what makes you think you’re a woman, hyung?” Micky asked, continuing the slightly earlier conversation.
“Well, for starters, I have a vagina.” Duh.
“Wow. I… wow,” the man repeated, taken aback. He was more shocked by Hero’s word choice than by what she said. The DBSK members weren’t allowed to talk about or in any way have relations with anyone of the opposite gender in public (more for the girl’s protection than their own), and it had become a habit to not mention them in private, either- let alone their, uh… outstanding parts, if one could call them that.
Now that he thought about it that was really depressing. No wonder their fans thought they had “special friendships.” No one had any in his own group, he knew that, but Super Junior… they were fishy sometimes. Going by statistics, at least one of those boys was- well. That was something to bring up at another time.
“Umm…” Micky continued, staring at Hero quizzically. He tugged at his curly hair and struggled not to roll his eyes at the ridiculous situation he was in. A woman? Really? This kind of stuff happened in fan fictions only! Come on.
Hero could tell her band mate did not believe her words at all. “Look, you’re probably thinking this kind of stuff only happens in fan fictions, right?”
(Actually, yes.)
“Well, that’s what I thought too when it first happened to me but trust me- it’s real. I swear!”
Micky shook his head. “How much mental pressure are you going through lately? Is work affecting you this badly?”
“Look, if you won’t believe me right now, can you just try to humor me?” Hero pleaded. Her dongsaeng agreed with a small nod.
“Okay, well- what about other ways of telling you’re a woman? Like b- boobs?” He tripped on the word like he knew he would. Damnit, it really was sad how awkward talking about girls had become! “Like, wouldn’t your boobs be obvious? It doesn’t look like you’ve got any,” the curly-haired man added, pointing and staring at Hero’s chest.
Reflexively the woman covered her chest with her arms. “I… didn’t get much. Okay?” she replied, wounded. Seeing the sudden idea flash across her friend’s face, she gave him a dark look. “No, I will not show anything to you to prove it,” she added.
Micky sighed. “Right. I know you won’t. Because you’re not a girl. Hyung, you don’t look any different to me,” he concluded.
“Can’t you tell my voice is different? My Adam’s Apple is gone? Anything?” Hero asked.
“I’ve never noticed your Adam’s Apple before, to be honest. And your voice sounds a little off, yeah- but that could be sickness messing with your vocal chords.”
“Wonder where I could have gotten that from, Icky Micky,” the woman whispered under her breath.
“What?”
“Nothing. I coughed. Anyway-“
“Anyway, Hero, are you sure you didn’t just see that pretty face of yours in the mirror and get confused?” Micky was smiling again, and had moved back to his beloved piano, his hands back on the keys.
“Yes, I’m sure I didn’t see my pretty- Micky Yoochun!” Hero screamed, annoyed. He was totally not paying attention to her anymore! It made her mutinously angry.
“What?” he asked, surprised.
Hero pulled him away from the piano. “I. Am. A. Woman,” she declared at the startled man before her. “Look, you’re the ladies man, right? You’ve had a ton of girlfriends and such, right? You should be able to smell a woman from a mile away,” she continued.
Micky quickly agreed, not quite sure where his hyung was going with this…
“Smell me,” his friend commanded finally.
“Do WHAT?!”
“I said smell me. I should smell like one, yes? Pheromones and all that?” she asked.
Micky sighed. Pheromones didn’t have an identifiable smell, but his hyung was seemingly going insane, so he felt like he should oblige her anyway.
And that was how the poor man ended up standing up to Hero, smelling her neck in the middle of the living room in a dorm shared by five people. That left three people who could come in at any minute’s notice, concerned by the odd scene before them. Luckily, no one did come in; the last thing Micky needed were rumors about him and Hero. He got enough about his little Susu and him. They were only best friends. Honestly. (Yeah right.)
“You smell… like mangoes,” Micky finally answered, stepping away from the lead singer.
Hero put a hand on her hip and cocked her head, thinking. “Is it a girl or a boy mango?”
“Hyung, mangoes don’t have genders.”
“Yes they do.”
“No, they don’t.”
“Then how do they make the little baby seeds? Duh,” Hero answered with a roll of the eyes.
Micky puffed air through his cheeks. “It doesn’t quite work like that, hyung-“
“Okay, just answer my question! Girl or boy mango- I mean, am I a girl or a boy?”
There wasn’t even a way to try to connect an answer for this one. So, the younger man went with his logic, and what he knew: “Boy, and that’s final, Hero.” He looked at his friend, concerned. “Seriously, maybe you need a vacation.”
And then it came: the sympathy pat on the back. Hero couldn’t stop the sudden wave of emotion that overwhelmed her; she started crying, letting the hot water soak her cheeks for a second time that day.
‘He doesn’t believe me?’ she thought, incredulous. ‘He thinks I’m crazy! I have to say something to him, anything-‘
“I hate you!” burst from her lips, and she immediately covered them with her hands.
Micky just stared at her, scratching his head in awe.
“I- I have to go! Bye!” Hero then exclaimed quickly, turning and running for her bedroom. She didn’t know what to say to her friend after her uncontrolled outburst- and, quite frankly, how would one apologize for telling a person randomly that they hated them?
She was embarrassed, in tears, and overcome with emotion. How did women deal with this?!
Back in the living room, Micky sat at the piano again. As his hands touched the keys in preparation, he shook his head. ‘I shouldn’t have woken up today,” he thought exasperatedly. ‘And I wonder if Pookie and I can go drinking again tonight… because I know for a fact this insanity was not part of my SM slave contract,’ he dejectedly told himself.
A/N: I know a lot of people are reading this, but not many comment, so I wanted to say HELLO~! *waves* And let you know I wouldn't mind a comment here or there. Tell me what you like and don't like (yes, I'm even up for criticism! *gasp*) and feel free to give me suggestions too ^^ Just want to know: do you like the style this is written in? Like, colloquial and insane?