V-Day.: Jung Yunho, We Barely Knew Ye.
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DBSK Dorm- Task Two End: Jung Yunho, We Barely Knew Ye.
Max was put into time out.
Yes; after twenty-three minutes of dodging kitchen utensils of varying sizes with varying levels of (painful) pointy edges accompanied by a tearful rant about… something to do with mangoes and Twix Bars (it was hard to decipher, seeing as Hero could barely speak through her banshee level hysterics), Yunho came to this conclusion, and this conclusion alone.
Although it was not his prompting that led him to this decision; no, it was more the forceful vengeance of Hero, who took it upon herself to shove the youngest into a dark room (compliments of a make-shift slingshot and beginner’s luck on her part) and tie him to a chair using amazingly only Twizzlers, marshmallows, and a blowtorch. Yunho managed to stop her when she began contemplating gagging the boy as well, to his part. (Because that is so much more terrifying than a death-inducing blowtorch, Yunho. Totally.)
It did not come into question from where these things even came; no, no- best not to question it. The leader decided there were just too many things going on he did not understand, nor did he care to. If, by chance one day, he found a secret room full of hidden weapons in the vicinity of the DBSK dorm, there was a 50/50 chance he would either call a huge group meeting to discuss anger management and coping techniques or that he would dress himself up in a tux and play Spy all on his own like the adorable dork he was using the newfound contraptions. As it was, for the moment he was content in his ignorance and that was all that bloody mattered.
Back to the damn story.
The whole dorm was quiet now, save for whimpers coming from the general direction of the bedrooms where the tortured soul Max was now waiting out his punishment. Both Xiah and Micky had been driven out of the quarters with a very colorful threat involving the most intriguing imagery to describe the use of pianos to create aluminum tuna cans from the nonexistent bones of dolphins (this only worked thanks to Xiah’s vacant patches of brain mass and therefore his uncanny ability to believe… everything), and Hero wasn’t quite sure what their plans would be. Sure enough as the woman heard the Mousinator- even she had to wince at that nickname, that was plain awful- grumble something about drinking, she also noticed that it was raining outside. Perhaps the two would engage in a game of drunken soccer on the highway and get hit by a car. Or lightening.
Or both.
A small smile crept onto her lips but she immediately swallowed the emotion down. No, no, no- bloodlust or no, her violent side should be kept in check until she got her hands on Heechul. Then, and only then, would she vent the full power of her anger on the older man, not quite killing him so that she could have him change her back to her old pretty boy self again. Ah, the good days, she thought fondly.
(…And then she would kill him.)
In the darkness of a cold room with gooey substances running over his arms and burn marks that annoyingly itched to be scratched with no hope of relief, Max begged to differ on the issue of holding back anger. But…he doesn’t matter right now!
The point is- Yunho was now in the living room with his best friend, alone. And dear mother of God, he had some explaining to do.
Hero sat in the sole armchair in the expanse of the space, the leader opposite her on a big and comfy-looking couch. Her eyes were transfixed onto the set of keys that dangled a few inches out of Yunho’s pants pocket, zeroed in on the keychain that held the picture of her as a man dressed as a woman, that bastard Hee-Chu-Shall-Not-Be-Jessica holding him/her in some kind of headlock. It was ironic at this point, and sickening.
Sickening only because Hero looked no different at all than now. ‘Why? Why? I want men to be able to look at me and go, “Now that’s a fine lady right there;” not “Now that’s a… pretty… well, whatever, Hero’s pretty!”’ the incensed woman decided.
She also decided to let it go that she just imagined and cared about what men actually thought about her. This girl mind was deceiving her- how dare she even have thoughts of Yunho like… that! Ewwww. Once she got her manly bits back, she was going to have to play a manly sport with him, like manly Badminton, and reaffirm her testosterone of manliness.
… Wait. Seriously- Badminton again?
Anyway, the keychain menace lay before Hero and it took all her willpower not to snatch it away from Yunho and set fire to it with that cooking torch she had found in the kitchen earlier. (Who knew that would come in handy some day? Go chef skills, go!)
Yunho stared at Hero’s hands, which were at the moment terrifying him.
Tap, tap, tap, her fingernails sounded into the air from the coffee table, creating shock waves to pulse right through the leader as he desperately tried not to make a noise to betray his fear. Tap, tap, tap.
Tap, tap, tap-
“Alright! Alright. I-I’m sorry, hyung,” Yunho finally gasped out. In the matter of seconds it took Hero to turn the leader into a soundless glob of trepidation, the younger man noticed that his brow was now covered in a cold sweat.
Perhaps he should have left the dorm when his other members had. They really had the right idea; but how could he have known? Something was up with his best friend, it was obvious- Hero Jaejoong didn’t just start screaming like a madman with an uncanny wit for torture just for any old reason. Even with Max a simple game of one-touch would really only end up in a kind of wrestling match that would manage to destroy the living room and prompt the need of a simple electrician and possibly a psychiatrist to fix things up. Nothing too serious.
But this was so much different. Right now, Yunho needed to be there for his friend. He was going through some sort of rough patch, and the leader would be there to help him along the way with all the power he could muster. First, though… he had to apologize about the keychain. He felt bad, he really did; maybe he shouldn’t have picked on his princess so much about this stupid cross-dressing beauty contest thing. “I’m sorry,” he repeated again, not daring to look Hero in the eyes.
“Sorry for what?” Hero prompted with a bored tone. She had stopped tapping her nails on the coffee table by now, but somehow the atmosphere had turned even more tense.
Yunho panicked. ‘For what? What kind of an unfair question is that?’
“Uh,” he began with absolutely no confidence, “Sorry… I put this on my keychain?”
Hero sighed and crossed her legs because as a new woman, sitting just felt sexier that way. And no, she was not trying to seduce Yunho. That thought had never crossed her mind. No way. (…Not at this moment, anyway.) “It has nothing to do with you putting it on your keychain,” she replied. “Let’s try this again- what are you sorry for?”
“Um… walking out of the bathroom today?”
“No. Backtrack more.”
“Waking up?”
“No.”
“Oh, I know! Opening that package in the first place.”
“No.”
Yunho wanted to slam his head against something solid and jagged. Maybe he didn’t want to apologize anymore. This usually took seconds- “I’m sorry, bro” followed by “No biggie, Yunnie. Man hug?”- but this time it was taking so much longer. ‘Why?’ the leader fought to answer with himself.
Time to start the guessing game. “Accidentally eating that entire batch of homemade raspberry sorbet by myself that you spent hours making for all of us in one sitting?”
Hero’s eyebrows shifted higher on her forehead; she obviously didn’t know this little detail. “No,” she said through clenched teeth.
“Distracting you in the grocery store every time we go? I’m sorry, but it’s just so boring to me but you always insist I’m-“
"No."
“I really am sorry about that though,” Yunho continued without thought. “Like, sometimes I don’t know my own strength and I honestly didn’t mean to fling those food-sampling toothpicks at your eyes that one time that you dragged me-“
“Don’t mention that again.”
The look Hero gave Yunho made the leader actually think of dodging the lasers that were obviously going to shoot out of her eyes at any moment. Just kidding, she turns into the Hulk. Better continue to avoid severe bodily scorching.
“Sorry for letting Xiah borrow your pants yesterday?”
No wonder they felt so baggy now. “No.”
“Letting us go to that SM party a few weeks back?”
“Warmer, but no.”
“Being late to that party?”
“Colder. No.”
“Knowing Heechul?”
“VERY warm, but no.”
Yunho was ready to give up. That last guess was the best one he had, and it still wasn’t right? In his confusion, he whispered one last thing.
“…existing?”
Hero threw up her arms in absolute defeat. “NO! You are apologizing because you didn’t tell me straight away that you got these packages and inform me that you were using my likeness to be put onto your keys! It’s not what you did, it’s the way you did it!” Her eyes had taken on a new look of ferocity, and they bulged slightly. As good-looking as Hero was, her attractiveness level went down a few notches once she started resembling bugs. (Yesung would approve of it, though.)
“OH! I’m sorry I didn’t tell you firsthand that I got the packages, and I promise to always ask you first before I do anything like this again. Okay?” Yunho chanted afterwards, feeling slightly proud of himself he was apologizing correctly now.
Hero pouted acceptingly. “Thank you.”
The leader laughed and made his way over to his best friend, hand jutting out to rest on Hero’s shoulder gently. “Hey, now,” he said, finally looking her in the eyes. “You really okay? I heard a little bit from Micky how you’re a little too stressed lately, and well- I’m here for you, alright? No need to act like such a girl about things,” he added as a joke.
It was certainly not a joke to Hero. Quick to snap back into her previous (more like continuous) mood, she grabbed Yunho’s arm and dragged him into the direction of the stupid bathroom where this entire bad day had begun.
The door shut loudly, and from the darkness a faint “Hyung? I’m thirsty,” could be heard as Max tried to gain attention to his current condition. No response came because this isn’t about him right now, gosh.
Two minutes later a stunned Yunho came out of the bathroom, Hero trailing right behind him.
He barely made it four feet out of the door before he collapsed onto the ground, mumbling to himself that there were things in this world he had certainly never witnessed before nor knew anything about.
A freaking woman. Hero was a freaking woman!!
The eldest looked down at her best friend and smirked knowingly. ‘I figured words weren’t good enough to explain my current situation appropriately,’ she thought as she clapped her hands together cheerfully.
“Oh, Yunnie~” she cooed, grabbing the attention of the leader. “Yunnie, I can’t be in this place anymore. We should do something!”
Yunho didn’t move from his place on the floor. His eyes were a bit glazed over and his mouth was agape; in the silence that followed his lack of response, a small fly lazily flew past the orifice in question.
… Bzzzzzzzzzzzz.
“Omo- I need to go to the mall. Now. Yunnie!” Hero pleaded suddenly, dragging the younger’s body like a dead weight along the length of the narrow hallway to inch closer to the front door. She really had no way to explain it, but she had to go the mall. Right. Now.
Was this another girl thing?
Yunho seemed to snap out of his trance long enough to nod slowly. “Sure. Sure. We’ll- we’ll go. In a sec. Because I need to take care of you now that you’re a... I- I gotta call someone,” he said, walking away.
“What, can’t handle a woman by yourself? Well, don’t tell them… you know,” the singer replied as her friend walked towards his room to get his cell phone and car keys.
“I’m not calling them to help take care of you; I need them to take care of me,” the leader replied.
By the ridiculously dazed look on his face, Hero would have to agree with him on that.
‘Wonder who,’ she though absently while she tapped her fingernails on the doorframe in impatience.
A/N: So I kind of didn't like this chapter because I thought it was pretty boring D: I'm sorry! >< I'm just setting things up~ And YES, surprise guest for you all! It might dissapoint you but eh... I write to my preferences ^^ (but seriously, the next updates are PURE CRACK. I'm excited!!!)
AND YES HERO DID INDEED DO WHAT YOU THINK HE SHE DID IN THE BATHROOM. =D
Comments are LOVED!!!
(And I love you for them, of course.)
<3