Heroes fic: The Perfect Moment (again)

[yma2]

OK. Reread and did some changes. It's not so bad and I think I just got rid of some of the worst mistakes. Please be gentle though

Comments

[say_smile]

*stunned* It's Hiro (really is him) stubborn, determined, and in love. He messes with time and and he causes her tumor, or- but he have to kill her. It was all for nothing or.. she wouldn't have died if he hadn't tried to save her and...

Gabriel Grey.. Hmm, why does that sound fami- ".. have some of the shrimp." *flails* SYLAR! *creeped out* Does this mean Mentor!Hiro gave Gabriel his.. or did Gabe- *forcibly stops thinking about it* and that version is so sweet (aww the Sign)but with the same drive as Sylar and.. The way you wove these timelines is just mind-bogglingly wonderful.

In short: I <3

[yma2]

I'm VERY glad you like this! It's really made my day to have someone finally commenting on this.

A lot of the things you brought up (like Sylar and Gabriel and how he got Hiro's powers) are meant to be pretty ambiguous and creepy, so I'm glad that worked.
Getting the timeline thing sorted in my head was a little hard, but I wrote it on one go so it wasn't too bad.

Thanks especially for the characterisation comment, I was a bit unsure about that angle of it. Really I think it should have featured Ando more, but there you go.

Thanks so much for commenting. No one else has so far, so your comment really means a lot!

[say_smile]

And a damn shame too that nobody had. *frowns at lurkers*

The timeline is amazing (circular and hinting at all possible things).

And you know, in that episode, Ando didn't meet with any Future!Hiro, so it kinda makes sense that he wouldn't feature much.

I'll see what I can do about the pimping. :D

[say_smile]

Huh, I can’t remember how I found you. I just had the story on a tab waiting to be read. Strange. *Eyes you* Hana?

[tiggymalvern]

This is stunningly well thought out. Of course Hiro would keep trying nad trying, never let the multiple failures deter him, until he saw the absolute disaster for what it had become. Using Sylar to do it, fixing him before he broke - genius.

The time line is broken. Like an elastic band stretched too long, too far, it has finally snapped and scattered history about itself.

Nice simile. Fantastic last line too. When it's been beta'd and is cleaned up, it'll be a great piece.

[yma2]

Thanks very much! Sorry it's taken me so long to get round to replying.

I'm extremely glad the characterisation works, especially seeing as this was a characterisation lite piece, more of a concept work really.

Also glad you like the last line, I must say I'm rather pleased with it...

[copperbadge]

I love the point when Sylar gets hold of Hiro's power, that's awesome. :D And "save the waitress or save the world" is downright eerie.

After a while it gets confusing, but it's well-written and I ended up just kind of letting it wash over me :) It's kind of a nightmare, the idea of hundreds of Hiros all ripping time to shreds, but it's a good nightmare, I guess is what I'm saying. :)

I love the "godsend" twist.

Great fic :) Very satisfying.

[yma2]

Thanks! and thanks for taking the time to read this, I'm honoured and very glad you liked it! It is kinda confusing but it's meant to be. I guess that's what happens when you work out the full implocations of Time Travel...