g_odalisque13: for you (2/2)

[pepperpaste]

Sophomore Year - Age 19

Seungri nervously surveyed the large, bustling cafeteria- big windows looking out onto the streets of Seoul. He hated to admit it, but he felt like a freshman. Again. He knew no one, he didn’t know his way around campus, and his heart was pounding way too fast considering all he was doing was going to get lunch.

But he knew that he couldn’t complain. He’d fought for this. He’d fought hard for this. He had endured endless ‘discussions’ with his father in which the older man told him over and over that photography wasn’t a smart career choice, that he probably would find no success in the field, and that transferring to art school would be the biggest mistake of his life.

But Seungri hadn’t budged. For once in his life.

He knew he’d regret it if he didn’t try. If he didn’t transfer, he’d spend his whole life wondering what if. He wanted to follow his dreams; needed to follow his dreams, so despite his parents’ strong disapproval, he was here, at the best arts school in Seoul.

And he was so happy.

But now he was also scared shitless. Not just because of the classes that he knew would challenge him beyond his limits. Not just of what he’d do when he graduated.

No, now he was ashamed to admit that he was terrified of being the new kid- without an entire class of freshmen to share the experience with.

Taking a deep breath, Seungri willed himself forward, walking into the fray, snagging himself a plate and utensils before surveying the food. He took the fact that it looked much more edible than the food at his previous school as a good omen.

He leaned over a steaming platter, inspecting it, only to pull back quickly upon the realization that it was a tofu dish. Seungri stepped backwards, intent on heading to the pasta bar, only to bump into someone standing behind him. He cursed himself for being such a klutz as he turned around, apology already half way out of his mouth before he even saw whom he had knocked into.

“It’s totally fine. Don’t worry about it,” the stranger cut him off, a friendly smile on his face. Seungri blushed. Why did his first conversation with someone have to be because of his carelessness?

“Thanks,” Seungri smiled back hesitantly, “I’m new here so, I’m kind of all over the place,” he laughed nervously.

“Freshman?” the stranger asked.

“Sophomore,” Seungri quickly corrected, “I’m a transfer,” he added for clarity. The stranger nodded knowingly.

“You live in this building?”

“Yeah,” Seungri nodded, “a single on the seventh floor.”

“Well, I’m on eighth so I’ll see you around,” the stranger said before shooting him one more smile, turning around and heading to pay for the to-go sushi that he’d been holding, his gait easy and elegant at the same time, leaving Seungri standing in his spot, trying to get over his embarrassment.

---

Seungri walked into his first official college photography class: color darkroom. His heart was pounding and his hands were trembling. This was it. He was going to be working alongside other photo majors- really talented photographers. What if he didn’t measure up? Everyone would probably wonder why he was even a photo major.

With jangling nerves, Seungri slumped into an empty chair around the large table in the center of the classroom. Reaching into his backpack, he pulled out a notebook and started doodling, just for something to do with his hands.

“Is this seat taken?” someone asked. Seungri glanced up to see a girl standing to his left, big sunglasses propped up on her head.

“No! You can sit here,” Seungri told her, moving his bag to make more room. The girl smiled and sat down, plopping her bag down on the ground at her feet and removing her sunglasses; running her fingers through her long, light brown hair, and adjusting her side swept bangs.

“I’m CL,” she grinned, introducing herself.

“Seungri.”

“I’m a sophomore, you?”

“Me too. I’m a transfer though,” Seungri told her, thankful that she was the one to sit next to him. She had a way about her that put him at ease.

“So is this your first class here?”

“Yeah…I’m kind of freaking out,” Seungri admitted.

“You’ll be fine,” she smiled reassuringly.

“But…everyone else took black and white darkroom here…what if I’m really behind?”

“They saw your portfolio and put you here instead of photo I. They know what they’re doing. You wouldn’t be here if you weren’t ready.”

“You’re probably right,” Seungri felt himself relax a bit at her words, “Thanks.”

Just then, the professor walked in- a professional photographer, Seungri noted- and everyone quieted down. The professor went on to hand out syllabi and go over what the course entailed before launching into a color theory lecture that had everyone scrambling for their notebooks and pens.

Seungri took avid notes, terrified that he might miss something important. Nonetheless, he found his mind wandering back to that day in the cafeteria a few days before and hoping that the guy didn’t think that Seungri was a total spazz for knocking into him like that. Honestly, he had no idea why he couldn’t seem to shake the embarrassment, but he almost hoped that he’d meet the guy again so he could make a better impression, though he knew that the guy probably didn’t even remember him.

It was a long three hours and Seungri was starving by the time class was finally dismissed, eager to get to the cafeteria for once.

“Do you live on campus?” CL asked as they exited the class building, emerging onto the bustling sidewalk.

“Yeah, I live that dorm building,” Seungri told her, pointing to the tall building on the corner.

“Me too!” CL grinned.

“Hey,” Seungri mustered up his courage, “Want to get dinner together in the cafeteria? I’m getting kid of sick of eating alone since I don’t know anyone,” he laughed nervously.

“Of course!” CL shot him a smile, adjusting her line green bag on her shoulder, “I’m meeting my boyfriend for dinner and he’ll probably bring along his roommate, so as long as you don’t mind eating with two immature boys…” she laughed.

“They won’t mind me just tagging along?” he asked.

“Not at all,” CL waved her hand dismissively, pushing open the glass doors that opened into their dorm building. The two made their way through the lobby, flashing their student I.D.s as they passed security, and headed up to the second floor to the cafeteria.

“There they are,” CL pointed to two forms, cracking up and leaning on the table for support- basically making a scene, “I apologize in advance for…everything,” she laughed, leading the way to the table, Seungri trailing hesitantly behind.

“Guys!” CL got their attention, the two looking up at her like two little kids who gotten caught doing something naughty, “This is Seungri. He’s eating with us.” Seungri stepped forward, only to find himself gaping- it was the guy from before!

“We’ve met before,” the guy said, clearly regaining his composure far quicker than Seungri- if he even lost it to begin with,- “Well not officially. I’m Jiyong,” he introduced himself, smiling broadly. Seungri found that he could barely get a word out. Something about this guy intimidated him and he couldn’t figure out why.

“I-it’s nice to meet you,” he managed, a shy smile plastered on his face before he hurriedly turned back to CL, hoping she would tell him what he was supposed to be doing.

“And this is my boyfriend, TOP,” she thankfully jumped in, motioned to the other guy at the table.

“It’s nice to meet you Seungri,” TOP said, his voice deeper than Seungri had imagined.

“You too,” he replied, feeling like he sounded like a little kid in comparison.

“Alright, I want food!” CL announced, setting her bag on the chair next to her boyfriend, leaving Seungri to put his on the chair next to Jiyong, “Let’s go,” she ordered, heading toward the food, the three boys trailing after her.

---

Seungri and Jiyong were the first two back to the table, much to Seungri’s rapidly-beating-heart’s dismay. Why did this guy make him so nervous?

“What’s your major?” Jiyong asked, munching on his dinner casually, making Seungri’s anxious state even more obvious. At least to himself.

“Photography,” he choked out, quickly sipping his water so he wasn’t just staring awkwardly across the table. Of course, then he realized that he should probably ask Jiyong’s major back so he attempted to rapidly swallow what was in his mouth, resulting in him coughing as the water slid down his air pipe.

“Are you okay?” Jiyong asked, looking at him with concern written over his face. Seungri nodded, eyes watering and face red. He wanted to curl up and die.

“What’s…your major?” Seungri croaked, making Jiyong chuckle at his eagerness to be polite, despite the fact that he was just practically choking.

“Fashion design,” he replied, his eyes still dancing with amusement, making Seungri blush and look down.

“Yeah, you look like you would be a fashion major,” Seungri noted and then froze, “I mean…er….not in a bad way! I mean...I just…”

“It’s okay,” Jiyong cut him off, grinning. Before Seungri could apologize for…well, he didn’t know, but he felt that he should apologize for something…choking maybe, CL and TOP got back, playfully bickering about who knows what and sitting down, beginning to eat.

“So, should we tell the story of how I so selflessly set the two of you up?” Jiyong asked, grinning at the couple.

“Selflessly, Ji?” CL cocked an eyebrow while TOP just shook his head fondly, “What? Did you want to keep me for yourself?” she teased.

“You wish,” Jiyong responded, winking overdramatically and prompting CL to throw a balled up napkin at his grinning face.

“You didn’t make any great sacrifice setting us up,” TOP laughed, clapping his roommate on the shoulder.

“I sacrificed my ability to get a good night’s sleep!” he insisted, “You guys keep me up all night!”

“That’s a bit of an exaggeration…” CL mumbled, conveniently checking her phone. TOP just choked back a laugh, looking slightly smug as Jiyong simply gloated in his ability to get the last word. CL sighed, looking up from her phone.

“Go ahead and tell him if it makes you feel like a martyr,” she relented, unable to hide the amusement in her voice.

“It’s barely even a story!” TOP laughed, going back to his meal. Jiyong ignored him, turning to Seungri eagerly.

“CL was in my art history class last semester and we became friends. And the more I got to know her, the more I realized that she would be perfect for TOP, who was my roommate last year too. So, I invited her over to study for the midterm. Except we got nothing done because TOP kept ogling at her and asking her random, ridiculous questions. And they started dating two days later. Because I am amazing,” he finished with a flourish.

“Do you want a round of applause?” TOP asked drily, making Jiyong pout. He suddenly looked like a little kid to Seungri and he had the unexplainable urge to hug him. Which he, obviously, fought.

“So,” CL jumped in, clearly wanting a new topic, “Seungri, you said you were a transfer. How come you switched schools?”

“Well, my last school was just a typical college…the only thing anybody did for fun was drink in frat houses. And, not surprisingly, their art program wasn’t very impressive. You couldn’t even specifically major in photography, so…much to my parents’ dismay, I transferred here,” Seungri explained, proud that he’d managed to get so much out coherently with Jiyong staring at him.

“You’re going to love the photo program here,” CL gushed, “I mean, it’s really intense, but you’ll learn so much. Like, in darkroom I-”

“Fascinating,” TOP cut in, “for photo majors.”

“Exactly. That’s why I’m telling a photo major,” she mocked him.

“TOP is a music production major,” Jiyong explained as he and Seungri watched the couple bickering, “They do this a lot. They just both like to one-up the other. They’re not really fighting. Don’t worry.” Seungri nodded, watching as TOP cracked a smile, congratulating CL for something particularly witty she’d said.

“Oh my gosh,” CL checked the time on her cell phone, “I have a paper due tomorrow!”

“Come do it in my room,” TOP shot her puppy dog eyes.

“I won’t get anything done babe,” CL laughed.

“Please?” he stuck his lower lip out, “I’ll let you work. I promise.” CL sighed.

“Fine, but you better,” she warned before turning to Seungri, “Sorry to end dinner so abruptly.”

“It’s fine. I’m done anyway,” he assured her, gathering his dishes.

“It was so nice to meet you!” she gushed, “I’ll see you in class!” she waved before turning to rush out of the cafeteria, TOP in tow. Seungri felt his stomach flip with the knowledge that he was alone with Jiyong.

“I have no pressing issues, so we can ride the elevator up together,” Jiyong offered. Seungri nodded, smiling tensely as started out of the cafeteria with Jiyong by his side.

“So what kind of photography do you do?” Jiyong asked, seeming genuinely interested, unlike many of his relatives who asked, but then cut him off before he even finished his sentence to make some comment and then quickly move onto another topic.

“Um…everything right now,” he admitted, “I’m still trying to decide what I want to focus on…I like documentary photography and I could see myself doing commercial photography at some point. But…I love portraits.” Jiyong grinned as they stepped onto the elevator.

“I don’t know much about photography, obviously,” he laughed, “but I’m always drawn to photos of people before those of landscapes or still lifes or abstractions.”

“Me too…I just…I don’t even like people that much to be honest, but there’s something so…fascinating about being able to capture something about a person on film.”

“Don’t like people?” Jiyong questioned, eyes dancing with amusement.

“Er…” Seungri blushed, “It’s not that I don’t like people…I’m just picky I guess,” he stated as he got off on his floor.

“Well,” Jiyong grinned, “I guess I have my work cut out for me,” he joked before the doors closed, leaving Seungri standing there, watching the numbers over the elevator climb, blushing for some reason he couldn’t quite put his finger on.

---

“You like him!” CL exclaimed the moment Jiyong stepped into his dorm room as though she’d been waiting for his return so she could inform him of this.

“Who?” Jiyong asked, cursing himself for not thinking of a witty response. CL rolled her eyes.

“TOP,” she replied drily, “Seungri of course!”

“I just met him,” Jiyong reasoned, “It’s not even possible for me to like him yet.”

“Yet!” CL exclaimed, as though that single word was a synonym for ‘I love him.’

“Huh?” Jiyong asked, not playing dumb this time.

“You think he’s cute though,” she nudged him with her elbow playfully, “I can totally tell.”

“I…” Jiyong trailed off, wanting to slam his head into a wall for his brain’s refusal to work with him, “That doesn’t mean anything.”

“I’ll get his number for you!” CL promised, already in her own world of match-making.

“Really, CL,” Jiyong tried to reason, “That’s not necessary.”

“Of course it is! I owe you one,” she smirked, “Remember how you selflessly set TOP and I up?” she winked before turning around and waltzing into TOP’s bedroom, closing the door.

Jiyong stared after her, cursing himself and his damn big mouth. He should have known that would come back to bite him in the ass.

---

Seungri couldn’t help but grin when his photography professor declared portraiture as their first official assignment. It was the perfect opportunity to prove himself worthy of this school since he was confident in his portraiture skills. Plus, he would thoroughly enjoy shooting it.
Of course that led to the question of whom he was going to use for his model. He thought about asking CL, but he hated to bother her with it since she was busy doing her own shoot. Plus, he was already forming an idea in his head and it would work better with a guy.
“Hey CL?” Seungri caught up with her after class, neither heading to the cafeteria since they both had a lot of homework, “Can I borrow your boyfriend?”

“Depends,” she smirked, “for what?”

“The assignment,” Seungri clarified, smacking her playfully on the shoulder.

“You could, but I really don’t recommend him as a model,” she admitted, “He absolutely hates it. He gets all sulky and he’ll do nothing but just stare into the camera as though being in front of it is physically painful.”

“Oh, I guess-”

“If you want a guy, you should shoot Jiyong,” she cut him off, grinning, “He’s a great model. Total ham,” she rolled her eyes fondly, “but he takes direction well. I used him a ton last semester.”

“A-aren’t you gonna use him then?” Seungri tried, panicking at the suggestion.

“Nah, I’m going to shoot my friend from my photo history class,” CL explained, “She’s covered in tattoos and I’ve always wanted to try tattoo portraits.”

“Oh, well I’m not sure if-”

“I’ll tell Jiyong you want to use him,” she interrupted, “Gotta go! See ya!”
And with that she was gone.

Apparently Jiyong was his model.

At least he had someone to shoot…

---

“Jiyong!” CL sing-songed, letting herself into his and TOP’s dorm as though she lived there- which she practically did, “Seungri is going to shoot you for his portrait project,” she grinned triumphantly.

“Since when?” he asked, looking up from the book he was reading.

“Since I told him you were,” she stated, looking incredibly pleased with herself.

“I…you…” Jiyong was at a loss, though he should have expected something like this from CL, “Did he ask to shoot me?” he asked, trying to quell the hope fluttering in his chest. It was embarrassing.

“Um…he asked for TOP, but we all know what a great model he is,” she rolled her eyes.

“I can hear you!” TOP yelled from his bedroom.

“Want to model for Seungri?” CL called back.

“No!”

“Then be quiet!” she retorted, smirking.

“So…is he even okay with shooting me? He wanted TOP,” Jiyong couldn’t help, but feel a little dejected.

“Of course,” CL waved her hand dismissively, taking a sip from her water bottle, “I’ll give him your number next time I see him.”

---

Seungri fidgeted nervously as he waited for Jiyong to arrive. He’d set up the studio space that he had rented out- arranged the lights and assembled the backdrop. Now he just had to wait for Jiyong. Admittedly, he’d given himself too much time to set up, unfortunately giving himself ample amount of time to worry.

Although he had eaten a handful more meals with CL, TOP, and Jiyong, the latter still unnerved him for some reason. Not that the other did anything to make him uncomfortable. In fact, he went out of his away to be nice to him, which Seungri was very appreciative of. Still though, he always felt nervous around the other boy.

“Hey, you ready?” Jiyong appeared, pulling Seungri from his thoughts.

“Yeah, I just finished setting up,” he jumped up, attaching his camera to his tripod.

“So, what’s the plan?” Jiyong asked eagerly, setting his bag down.

“Um, well…I want to shoot you holding this apple up against the black background,” Seungri explained, gesturing to a shiny, red apple sitting on a stool.

“Is what I’m wearing okay?” he asked, “Is this kind of what you had in mind?”

“It’s perfect,” Seungri blushed, looking away so he didn’t stare. Jiyong had on a white ruffled shirt paired with a black suit jacket at matching, fitted black pants, a pair of black boots on his feet. His brown hair was slightly curled and slicked up on the sides so it was reminiscent of a mohawk, his eyes rimmed with kohl liner.

Jiyong picked up the apple and walked in front of the backdrop, tossing the fruit from hand to hand as he waited for Seungri to finish fiddling with his camera, setting the shutter speed and aperture.

“Okay, um…just turn to the side a bit and hold the apple up at chest height…good…and look toward me…put your chin down a little so you’re looking up a little…perfect,” Seungri clicked the shutter and then refocused, taking another shot, noting with glee that Jiyong would slightly alter his facial expression for each shot. CL was right; he was a great model.

“Now turn toward me…and hold the apple at your waist…just let it rest in one palm…and look straight at me,” Seungri felt his stomach flip when his eyes met the other’s smoldering ones through the camera. This was going to be a great set of pictures.

Seungri shot a few more like that before moving onto another pose and then another. He’d already burned though one roll of film and he was just about done with his second, therefore just about done shooting the assignment. He had one shot left.

“Last shot,” he announced, “do whatever you want.” It was kind of a habit. He always let his model do anything they wanted for the last frame. He never ended up printing the picture, but he figured they deserved to do what they wanted after listening to him order them around.

“Hold on one second,” Jiyong said, taking the apple and taking one bite and then another. Seungri watched curiously as Jiyong turned the apple around again, proudly displaying the heart shape he’d made. He then held it out on both of his flat palms as though he was offering it to the viewer, looking over the apple with intensity in his gaze. Seungri clicked the shutter, knowing it was the best picture he’d shot the entire day.

---

It had been a week since Seungri had shot the pictures and he couldn’t stop thinking about the shoot. Actually, if he was being completely honest with himself (which he wasn’t), he couldn’t stop thinking about Jiyong. And the fact that he was working diligently in the darkroom to print the photos wasn’t helping, the other boy staring at him from each piece of photo paper he exposed. Plus, he’d been eating dinner with him and CL and TOP almost every day.

The boy had completely taken over his thoughts and he had no idea why.

Then…he dreamt about him.

And, needless to say, it hadn’t been an innocent dream.

He’d woken up completely humiliated- his sheets wet like they hadn’t been since he was fourteen and his chest heaving. He couldn’t believe that he’d dreamt about the other boy like that.

But he couldn’t get the dream out of his head. And he’d had trouble meeting the other’s eyes at dinner that evening.

However, he managed to move past it. And he found Jiyong becoming his good friend over the next couple of weeks, even if he still made Seungri nervous.

And even if he still had the occasional dream about him.

---

Seungri had finally finished printing the photos from the shoot, so he decided to take the duplicates he had made for Jiyong over to Jiyong and TOP’s shared apartment. CL answered the door when he knocked.

“Come in! We’re watching a movie,” CL ushering him inside before taking her spot back on the couch next to TOP, Jiyong on the floor in front of them, “You should watch the rest with us!”

“I just stopped by to give Jiyong the photos that I took of him…”

“You finished printing?” Jiyong asked, eyes alight with excitement.

“Ooh! Let me see!” CL exclaimed, pausing the movie and leaping up from the couch. Seungri hesitantly handed the stack of five prints over, hoping that CL, a fellow photographer, would think they were up to snuff.

“CL!” Jiyong whined from his spot on the floor, “Hand them over! He brought them for me.”

“Ri! These are great!” CL exclaimed, ignoring Jiyong completely, much to the latter’s dismay.

“Really?” Seungri asked, eyes hopeful.

“Yes! They’re gorgeous! I told you that Ji was a good model!” she gloated. Seungri blushed lightly, nodding in agreement, careful not to meet the other man’s eyes.

“Can I see now?” Jiyong complained, stretched across the wood floor in distress, as though he couldn’t just get up and get them from CL himself.

“You’re so lazy,” CL teased, pressing her toe into his side and making him yelp, abruptly sitting up to reach for the photos. CL passed them over with a smirk and a mischievous gleam in her eyes that Jiyong chose to ignore.

“Wow…” he breathed, looking over the photos with big eyes, “These are awesome…You used this one!” he suddenly exclaimed, holding up the one with the heart shaped bite out of the apple and grinning broadly.

“Yeah,” Seungri blushed, “That one is my favorite.”

“Yah!” TOP spoke up for the first time, “The photos are lovely, but can we get back to the movie? It’s an exciting part!”

“You didn’t even see the pictures,” CL scowled, plopping down onto the couch again.

“I looked at them over Ji’s shoulder” he defended.

“Aish,” CL sighed, picking up the remote, “Fine,” and with that, she pressed play and the movie resumed, three sets of eyes immediately going to the screen.

Seungri shifted from foot to foot, not knowing where to sit or if the invitation to stay even still stood. Fortunately, Jiyong noticed his discomfort and motioned to the spot on the floor next to him. Seungri smiled appreciatively and moved forward to sit down, feeling his skin prickle slightly from the warmth emanating off the other man.

---

The movie continued on and somehow CL and TOP both disappeared before it was over, ending up in the latter’s bedroom despite his eagerness to watch the film earlier. Seungri and Jiyong both tried their hardest not to think about what was happening behind the, fortunately closed, door.

When the movie ended, the two looked at each other cautiously, unsure of what to do next since two of their group were no longer present.

“Um…I should go back to my room…I should sleep…or something…” Seungri haltingly spoke, his hands shaking for some reason unknown to him.

“Okay,” Jiyong nodded, looking slightly dejected, “You can…um…stay if you want though. Just, if you want.”

“O-okay,” Seungri agreed, forcing himself to lean back against the couch, scrambling slightly to keep from sliding down due to the slipperiness of the wood floor. Jiyong caught the action and stifled a giggle, watching him with amused eyes. Seungri blushed and felt his stomach flutter from the feel of the other’s gaze on him.

“The pictures are amazing,” Jiyong suddenly spoke, long fingers fiddling with the plate of cheese and crackers that was set on the coffee table in front of them at shoulder height.

“Thank you,” Seungri swallowed nervously and felt himself flush again, “I’m really glad that you like them. I mean, since you’re in them…”

“Really though,” Jiyong looked over and locked eyes with Seungri, “They’re great, and I’m not just saying that because I feel obligated or just because you made me look good…I- I really like them.” Seungri knew his face was practically on fire but he couldn’t look away- couldn’t break the eye contact.

And then Jiyong was leaning forward, a light blush across his cheeks and his eyes earnest and nervous at the same time. Seungri felt his breath catch in his throat, making it hard to breathe. But he didn’t move away. He couldn’t have even if he’d wanted to. He was frozen to the spot, watching the other move forward. All of his confusion about girls and boys suddenly disappearing as he became aware that this was what he wanted.

Jiyong’s lips met his then, a light brush that turned into solid pressure. And Seungri still wasn’t breathing. At least he didn’t think he was. But he didn’t care. His attention was on the other’s hand that was resting on the back of his neck, fingertips pressing shakily into his flesh. And he knew that Jiyong was nervous too and that somehow made him feel so much better- like he wasn’t alone in this. That they were doing this together.

And then the kiss was over- Jiyong pulling back, his eyes wide and questioning as he nervously licked his lips, sitting back against the couch, hands resting on his knees to keep them steady.

“I didn’t even…is this okay?” Jiyong glanced at him then, foot tapping nervously against the floor. Seungri felt like his heart was about to slam out of his chest and he didn’t think he was in any condition to be speaking- to be forming coherent sentences.

“Yeah,” he breathed anyway, his head spinning with what seemed like hundreds of emotions all at once. He was scared. He was nervous. Confused, ashamed, giddy, terrified, aroused, uneasy. But he was happy. He was so goddamned happy.

And he vowed not to let any of his other stupid emotions get in the way of this.

This.

“It’s okay…it’s…it’s great,” Seungri smiled then, feeling his heart leap when Jiyong grinned back, relief flooding across his face.

And that was how it began.

---

“Jiyong!” Youngbae grinned, waving through his webcam at the pixilated image of his best friend.

“Bae!” Jiyong waved back manically, making the other crack up, “How’s sophomore year so far?” he asked, feeling guilt wash over him when he realized that it was already October and he had barely even spoken to his best friend.

“So freaking busy, man,” Youngbae shook his head, still grinning, “I’ve had so many papers already. I’m going crazy. But it’s good. How about you?”

“Same. Very busy,” Jiyong agreed, his mind somehow making its way to thoughts of Seungri.

“What’s that look?” Youngbae asked, quirking an eyebrow.

“What look?” Jiyong knew he needed to stop playing dumb at times like this. His friends knew him too well.

“You’re blushing,” Youngbae told him, chuckling. Jiyong’s hands immediately flew to his face, palms pressing against his cheeks instinctively.

“I’m not,” Jiyong pouted, considering getting new friends who couldn’t read him so easily. Youngbae just shot him a look and he sighed, knowing that he may as well spill.

“I…I met someone,” Jiyong admitted, feeling himself flush darker.

“That’s great Ji!” Youngbae grinned, “Tell me about him.”

“His name’s Seungri. He’s a transfer. Photography major. He’s in class with CL. You know, TOP’s girlfriend,” he listed off the obvious facts, trying to resist being one of those obnoxious people who gush about their significant other all the time.

“What’s he like?” Youngbae chuckled at the generic information that his friend provided. Jiyong felt himself grin when he thought about Seungri’s personality and quirks.

“He’s shy. He tries to come off like he’s not, but he is. He likes to please people. But I can tell that he’s just got these ideas inside him that he just needs the confidence to let loose. He has the sweetest smile. He...” Jiyong blushed when he realized that he was rambling like a lovesick fool. Youngbae just grinned.

“I’m really happy for you, Ji,” he said sincerely.

“Thanks Bae,” Jiyong grinned, “I can’t wait for you to meet him.”

“Me neither.”

“Now…let’s find you a girlfriend! Tell me what’s up!”

---

It had been a month since they’d shared their first kiss, their relationship developing into something that made them both feel butterflies when they thought about it. They spent more and more time together- kisses at first nerve-wracking, fumbling, and sporadic, slowly becoming more sure and frequent.

Which was how they ended up how they were now: Seungri on his back on the couch in Jiyong’s shared dorm room, Jiyong over him, his knees planted on either side of him, their arousals brushing through their jeans as their mouths melted together in a tangle of tongues, making shivers jolt through their nervous systems.

Breath was coming fast, hearts thumping, and faces flushed. The sexual tension that had been building was finally let free as they gasped into each other’s mouths, hands brushing over clothes, fingers darting underneath the material to feel soft skin.

And that was when they heard CL’s voice outside of the door- TOP’s low laugh rumbling as they fiddled with the lock.

“Shit,” Jiyong breathed, sliding to the side so he was sandwiched between Seungri and the back of the couch, his hardened length pressing against the other’s hip. Seungri quickly tucked his erection into the waistband of his pants, tugging his shirt down just in time for the couple to come through the door. TOP entered first, pausing as he took in the scene in front of him, quirking an eyebrow. He chuckled, shaking his head as he made his way to his bedroom, Jiyong glaring at him angrily, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment. CL looked at them then, her eyes going wide.

“Sorry to interrupt!” she squealed, hurrying after TOP, an excited smile on her face as she closed the bedroom door behind her. Seungri could feel his cheeks burning.

“Well, I guess that’s it for tonight,” Jiyong sighed in defeat, knowing that it would be too awkward to continue now that his roommate and girlfriend were just on the other side of the hall, CL probably having her ear pressed against the door. Seungri nodded, willing his arousal to go away so he could perhaps actually focus on the movie they had playing in the background, rather than just pretending to pay attention.

Jiyong sighed again, curling into Seungri’s side, his cheek resting against the other’s shoulder. Seungri reached out and wrapped an arm around Jiyong’s slender waist, bringing him closer.

“I told my parents about you,” Jiyong suddenly said, breath ghosting over the skin of Seungri’s neck as he spoke.

“Really?” Seungri asked, shocked by the sudden confession. He felt warmth wrapping his heart though at the thought of the other caring about him enough to tell his parents. Jiyong nodded against his shoulder.

“So…they know that you…like boys?” Seungri asked hesitantly.

“Yeah,” Jiyong nodded again, “I came out to them when I was fifteen.”

“My parents…don’t know….” Seungri admitted, “How did yours react?”

“My mom was…my mom,” he laughed, “she hugged me and told me I should have told her sooner. Then she began asking me my opinion about every guy in the tristate area,” he chuckled fondly.

“What about your dad?” Seungri asked, shuddering at the thought of telling his own father that he was gay.

“It took him a while to get used to the idea,” Jiyong admitted, “He said he was fine with it, but I could tell that it made him really uncomfortable for awhile. He used to make really awkward comments all the time. But he’s gotten used to it now.”

“You’re really lucky,” Seungri sighed, thinking about how differently his parents would react to news like that.

“I know,” Jiyong said quietly, burrowing further into Seungri’s embrace.

“What…did they say about me?” Seungri couldn’t help but ask. He felt Jiyong smile against his neck.

“My mom screamed into the phone,” he laughed, “She wants to meet you as soon as possible. My dad wants to meet you too…he just told me like a sane person,” Jiyong chuckled.

“I feel like I should tell my parents…” Seungri fretted, suddenly feeling his stomach flip with nerves.

“Don’t feel like you have to tell them for my sake,” Jiyong told him, serious again.

“I know…I just…I’ll have to tell them sometime…” he trailed off nervously, “They’re going to be so disappointed.” Jiyong reached out and wrapped his arms around the other.

“I know that you want them to be happy with you,” he said, “But at the end of the day, you’re the one who has to be happy with how you’re living your life.” Seungri nodded.

“I know…it’s just…I already disappointed them so much by transferring here…”

“But you’re glad that you did,” Jiyong reminded him, “You have to live for yourself sometimes and follow your gut.”

“I’m trying,” Seungri whispered.

“Live for you, Ri,” Jiyong said, lifting his head to place a soft kiss on the other’s lips, Seungri immediately responding and sinking into the lip-lock, his spirits lifting almost immediately.

“Did you tell your parents first?” Seungri asked when they parted, Jiyong settling back into his side.

“No,” he shook his head, “I told my best friend two years before I told my parents. It seemed less daunting.”

“How did he react?”

“He was really supportive,” Jiyong smiled at the memory of how easily Youngbae had accepted his confession.

Seungri held Jiyong closer to himself as they both went back to watching the movie, just being near each other reason enough to put up with the lame storyline that played out in front of them.

---

“Daesung?” Seungri said into the phone, wishing that he could be face to face with his friend for such an important conversation.

“Hey Seungri,” Daesung greeted, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong…I just…I have to tell you something…” Seungri could feel his stomach twisting itself into knots. What if Daesung thought he was disgusting? What if he thought that being friends with him would be too uncomfortable? He couldn’t stand losing Daesung over this.

“What is it?” Daesung asked, his voice soft and encouraging. Seungri took a deep breath, trying to arrange the words in his head, but finding the task impossible.

“I…I have a boyfriend,” he blurted out, wanting to hit his head into the nearest wall. That wasn’t quite how he meant to confess.

The line was silent while Daesung processed what Seungri had just said. The latter felt as though he was going to have a heart attack waiting for his friend’s reaction. Finally Daesung spoke.

“You mean that you’re gay?” Daesung asked, not giving anything away with the tone of his voice.

“Y-yeah,” Seungri responded, feeling himself shaking and knowing that Daesung could hear his voice quake.

“Why are you so scared to tell me?” Daesung suddenly asked, catching Seungri by surprise.

“What? I just…I mean…”

“Ri, I’m not going to think of you any differently,” Daesung told him. Seungri felt relief flood through his tense limbs so intensely that he had to sit down.

“Really?”

“Of course,” Daesung assured him and Seungri could feel the other’s smile through the phone, “I always kind of thought it was a possibility anyway.”

“Me being gay?” Seungri asked.

“Well, you never liked girls…” Daesung pointed out. Seungri couldn’t help but laugh as he felt himself relax.

“I know,” he grinned too.

“So you have a boyfriend?” Daesung asked, sounding happy.

“Yeah,” Seungri felt his grin stretching even wider.

“Is he a good guy?”

“He’s…amazing.”

---

“Hi honey!” Seungri’s mom cooed into the phone, getting on another phone in their house so he could talk to both of his parents at the same time, “How’s school going?”

“It’s really great,” Seungri allowed himself to think about his photo classes for a moment, “I’ll have to show you my photos when I come home next.”

“What photos?” his father asked. Seungri couldn’t decide if he was more angry or hurt. His father’s words sent an unpleasant jolt to his heart, his hands starting to shake with frustration.

“The ones for my photography classes,” Seungri explained, trying to keep his voice even. This wasn’t the time to get into an argument.

“Oh,” his father responded, “I heard you did well on your art history midterm!” his voice suddenly becoming brighter. Seungri sighed. At least his father was proud of him for something.

“Yeah… I actually called to tell you guys something,” Seungri took a deep breath, his hands shaking and making it impossible to hold his phone steady, “I-I’m…gay.”

And there it was. Hanging in the air and seeming to suck up every sound so all Seungri could hear was his pulse in his ears as he held his breath, waiting for their reaction.

“What?” his father asked, voice deep and threatening, “I can’t take this Seungri. You don’t know what you’re saying.”

“I do know what I’m saying,” Seungri said softly, using all of his concentration to keep his voice from shaking too much, “I’m…seeing someone.”

“Like hell you are,” his father growled, “As if art school wasn’t bad enough. You’re throwing your life away. You’ll never get anywhere like this.”

“But-” Seungri tried to protest- tried to say something to change his father’s mind even though he knew it was futile. But his father had hung up the phone with a bang before he got anything else out.

“He’ll…come around,” Seungri heard his mother say into the phone, her voice shaking as much as his was.

“A-are you okay?” he asked, terrified of her answer.

“Of course,” she tried to sound happy, but he heard the sadness and disappointment behind her words, “It’s just a shock,” she tried to laugh but it almost sounded like a sob, “I’ll go talk to your father. Everything will be okay sweetheart. I love you,” she said and then she hung up, leaving Seungri listening to the hollow dial tone.

---

Jiyong got up from the couch when he heard the faint knock at the door. TOP and CL were at her place for once so he had the dorm room to himself, enjoying some horror movies and popcorn.
He figured it was an RA at the door reminding him about some floor meeting that he wouldn’t attend. So he was truly surprised when he opened the door to find Seungri, the hood of his sweatshirt pulled over his head to hide as much of his face as possible. Because he was crying; tears pours down his cheeks, eyes swollen, and nose red. And it broke Jiyong’s heart.
He immediately pulled Seungri into the room, shutting the door behind them before he gathered the other boy into his arms, feeling any restraint that Seungri had before crumble away as he sobbed into his chest- shoulders shaking and tears making a wet spot that soaked through Jiyong’s t-shirt.
Jiyong wanted to fix whatever it was that was making Seungri cry like this- he wanted to knock out anyone that dared rip sobs like that from his throat. But he didn’t even know what was wrong. And he knew that now wasn’t the time to ask. So he held on tight, hands rubbing soothing circles on Seungri’s back while he whispered I’ve got you into his hair.

After ten minutes, Seungri’s sobs had turned into hiccups, his tears not falling as constantly, so Jiyong pulled back to guide Seungri to his bedroom, leading him to his bed and tucking him in without even turning the lights on. The sun was setting, casting a reddish orange glow over the bedspread as Jiyong sat down, bringing Seungri’s head into his lap.

“I-I told them,” Seungri finally said, his face crumpling again from just the mere mention of the incident. Jiyong quickly leaned down, lips lightly brushing over Seungri’s cheeks, hating to see him so upset.

“M-my dad j-just said that I-I’m throwing m-my life aw-way,” Seungri took a gulping breath, “a-and then he hung u-up.” Jiyong ran his fingers through Seungri’s hair, forehead creased in worry.

“What about your mom?” he asked softly.

“She said he’d c-come around and that e-everything will be fine, but I could tell she was d-disappointed.”

“Ri, just because she sounded sad doesn’t mean that she doesn’t approve,” Jiyong pointed out gently, “She might just be worried because truthfully, being gay does make things more complicated. Or maybe she sounded disappointed because she’s disappointed in your dad’s reaction.”

Seungri sniffled, processing what the other boy had said. “Maybe,” he conceded, gratefully taking the tissue that Jiyong handed him and blowing his nose.

“Ri, you should sleep,” Jiyong told him, brushing his bangs from his forehead, noting how exhausted he looked after crying like that.

“Will you stay here?” Seungri asked in a small voice, flushing slightly at his request but Jiyong just smiled.

“Of course,” he whispered, kicking off his shoes and sliding under the covers with Seungri, cradling the other boy in his arms.

And he just lay there, running his fingers over Seungri’s back until he heard his breathing even out, the tension in his body finally draining.

---

When Seungri finally cracked his eyes open, it was night; the moon spilling through the window was the only light source in Jiyong’s bedroom. Seungri pulled a hand up to rub at his eyes, dried tears in his eyelashes making them stiff.

It was then that he felt the warmth against his side.

He turned his head, unable to hold back the small smile that stretched across his face when he saw Jiyong laying next him, eyes watching him with concern and even more warmth than was being emitted from his body.

“How long was I out?” Seungri asked, voice thick with sleep.

“Just over an hour,” Jiyong replied, burying his face into the other’s neck and placing soft kisses along the warm flesh making Seungri shiver, “Are you feeling any better?” he asked, pulling back to study Seungri’s face.

“Mmhmm,” Seungri hummed, eyes seeping shut as he enjoyed the feel of the other’s fingers tracing his hipbones where they were poking out from under his sweatshirt.

Jiyong took the opportunity to lean down and capture Seungri’s lips with his own, the warm pressure coaxing Seungri to part his lips, letting the other’s tongue slide into his mouth. Their tongues tangled languidly- lazily- sliding against one another as hands leisurely slid over fabric and skin. The relaxed pace didn’t make the kiss any less arousing- shivers coursing through their bodies and blood rushing south.

When Jiyong’s hand pressed against Seungri’s rapidly hardening length through the denim of his jeans, the kisses became slightly more frantic, more needy, as Seungri groaned into the other’s mouth- hips pushing up on their own accord.

“Ri,” Jiyong gasped, breaking the kiss- his lips swollen and pink, “Let me, please.” His eyes were so desperate and it made Seungri’s stomach flutter, knowing how badly the other wanted to bring him pleasure. So he nodded, breaths coming out in short puffs of air and his heart rate increasing when Jiyong unbuttoned his jeans and slid them, along with his boxers, down to mid-thigh.
Seungri gasped as the cool air met his heated flesh, a shiver going up his spine. And he almost forgot to be embarrassed until he remembered the fact that he was allowing someone else to see him like this: so exposed, so vulnerable. He felt his cheeks flush as he cast his gaze downward to where Jiyong was sitting, staring at his cock like it was the most beautiful thing he had ever laid eyes on. Seungri felt a tremor go through his body from the gaze alone.
And when Jiyong looked up to catch his eyes, his self-consciousness dissipated; instead he felt his heart swell and his arousal jump.

Seeing the willingness in Seungri’s eyes, Jiyong turned his attention back to the stiffened flesh in front of him, reaching out and brushing his fingers against the hot skin lightly, humming in approval when Seungri’s hips bucked up on their own. The tip of his index finger found its way to the leaking slit- dipping into the precum that had gathered there and swirling it around gently before using his palm to spread the slick substance over the entire length, eliciting a muffled cry from Seungri.

His long fingers wrapped around the other’s erection, grasping the shaft with just the right amount of pressure before setting a steady pace, pumping Seungri’s cock with the careful and meticulous focus that Seungri expected from him. But the way it felt- the way it was making his hips thrust up without his conscious consent and the way it made his head spin and his nerves spark and explode with pleasure- was so much more.

And before he knew it and before he was ready for it to end, he was writhing and shaking, feeling himself ready to tumble off the edge- his orgasm too insistent to stave off any longer.

“Oh oh I-I’m gonna-” he choked out, stars swimming in his vision, before he vaguely processed the other’s lips wrapping around the head of his arousal, his hand still moving over the shaft as he spilled harshly into Jiyong’s mouth, his vision going white and then black before he could see the ceiling again- his eyes slowly focusing.

As he panted and tried to recover from his orgasm, he felt Jiyong lay down next to him again, suddenly becoming aware that he was tucked back into his jeans. Jiyong curled into his side, nuzzling his neck and planting loving kisses along his jaw.

Part of Seungri wanted to just melt into the embrace and let himself drift into unconsciousness again with Jiyong by his side. But the more insistent part of him was very aware of the other’s still-hard erection pressed against his hip. And he wanted to do something about it- even if the thought of having to follow such a perfect performance was more daunting than Seungri wanted to admit.

“Let me,” Seungri murmured, his fingers running along the top of Jiyong’s jeans, feeling the muscles under the surface of smooth skin twitch at the contact.

“Are you sure?” Jiyong whispered, looking up to lock eyes with Seungri, “You don’t have to,” he said, but Seungri could hear the arousal in his voice- the way it shook with want. And there was no way he would leave him like this.

With shaking hands, he managed to slide the other’s fitted jeans and boxers down enough to free his throbbing erection. Seungri swallowed at the sight and he suddenly knew why Jiyong was staring at his own length so reverently because he was sure he was absolutely gaping.

But he managed to pull himself together, reaching out and wrapping his hand around the shaft, feeling the other’s pulse against the soft and delicate skin. The whimper that Jiyong let out at the contact gave him enough confidence to start to move his hand, feeling slick precum trickling down over his hand and making his movements faster.

Seungri lay back down, his head propped up by his free hand as he continued his movements with his other hand. From this position he could see Jiyong’s face better, lit only with moonlight, as his eyes squeezed shut and his brows furrowed in pleasure. And it was the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen.

He noted how the other’s hips began to cant upwards more erratically, breath coming in gasps as he writhed and squirmed on the bed. But he didn’t expect lips slamming into his at full-force, the kiss desperate and so so needy- Jiyong’s tongue immediately thrusting into his mouth and his teeth biting lightly at his lips.

“Oh god Seungri,” Jiyong whined into his mouth, hips moving frantically along with Seungri’s pace, “I love you.” And with that his back arched, hips jerking erratically as he came over his stomach and Seungri’s hand, a low moan falling from his parted lips.

Jiyong laid his head back onto his pillow, sucking oxygen into his lungs greedily and trying to get his limbs to keep from shaking. Seungri reached over to the bedside table and grabbed a few tissues, cleaning up the mess and re-dressing Jiyong’s lower half as he assumed that he had done for him.

But his mind kept replaying what the other had said right before he came: I love you. Had he meant it? Was it just a mistake? Did he even know that he had said it? What did it mean?

“I do,” Jiyong murmured, pulling Seungri from his racing thoughts. He must have looked confused because Jiyong smiled lightly and clarified, “I love you.”

Seungri felt like his heart was going to burst. And he felt tears threaten to fall again, but he was done crying for the day- even if this time it would be from happiness. Instead he just took a deep breath, giving up on trying to hold back the grin that threatened to break his face in half.
“I love you too,” he said, receiving a gleeful smile from Jiyong before the latter pulled him down into a chaste and loving kiss.

And Seungri felt, for the first time, that he was completely content with the way he was living his life. It wasn’t perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but he was so incredibly happy.
But Jiyong was wrong- what brought Seungri the most joy wasn’t living for himself; it was living for Jiyong. For him.