corpuscallos_m: blackout
Title: Blackout
Author: corpuscallos_m
Pairings: SeunghyunxDaesung, JiyongxDaesung
Rating: NC-17
Genres: angst, romance
Warnings: dub-con
Final Word Count: 5,845
Summary: While drunk, Daesung cheats on Seunghyun with Jiyong.
It had been deserved day off for Big Bang-well most of Big Bang anyway. Youngbae was busy at the studio putting the finishing touches on some new songs(with his free time) and Seunghyun was in Japan doing filming for a new drama he was cast in. This left Jiyong, Seungri, and Daesung together in the apartment. With nothing to do.
Of course Seungri had made several useless suggestions (“Lets go to the park!” “It’s dark out, maknae.”) all of which were rejected in the order they were received. They all settled for watching TV even though nothing interesting was on. They sat almost like zombies watching the television, boredom radiating throughout the room.
“Lets get drunk,” Seungri mumbled, not expecting the other two to take a liking to that suggestion either. However, both Jiyong and Daesung perked up at the suggestion.
“Do we have any booze?” Jiyong got up and went into inspect the kitchen.
“Wait, really? You actually want to get drunk?” Seungri looked after Jiyong in a slight disbelief.
“Yeah, it’s the only good idea you’ve had all night,” Jiyong said as he peered in the fridge and let out a little “ah-ha!” as he dragged out a bottle of soju from the back of the fridge. He turned and closed the door with his behind before getting three glasses out the cupboard and heading back to the other two. He set the glasses on the table and quickly unscrewed the cap from the bottle and poured a generous amount into each glass. Jiyong took his and plopped back down on the couch next to Daesung. He quickly downed his glass before the others had even taken a sip of theirs. Seungri and Daesung gaped at Jiyong who was already pouring another glass.
“Hey! Save some for us, hyung!” Seungri whined as Jiyong worked on his second glass.
“Hey, you said you wanted to get drunk,” Jiyong shrugged and took a big gulp. Seungri, who always never wanted to be far behind, quickly drank his own glass. Jiyong poured he and Seungri some more. “One shot?” he challenged the others with a devilish grin.
The night quickly dissolved into Jiyong and Seungri drunkenly arguing at each other as Daesung observed. They were in a heated game of rock paper scissors over who had more shoes. Yep, they were definitely drunk.
“Hyuuung, yer cheatin,” Seungri slurred and Jiyong giggled. It was true because Jiyong would hold out his answer exactly right after Seungri. “No, no, no, no! At the same time!” Seungri whined but Jiyong didn’t comply. Daesung giggled at the two idiots as he enjoyed the last of the soju. He wasn’t nearly as drunk as Jiyong or Seungri but still felt pretty tipsy.
“Hey, we’re out,” Daesung commented which immediately got Jiyong’s attention.
“Whaddya mean out?” Jiyong grabbed the bottle and shook it from side to side and frowned as he couldn’t hear the familiar swish of liquid. “Seungri, go get us more,” Jiyong commanded and Seungri protested.
“Why should I hav’ta get it, you drank-”
“Not it,” Jiyong interrupted.
“Not it!” Daesung chimed in, easily picking up on what was going on. Seungri looked at his hyungs, mouth agape before frowning and getting up too fast falling over easily. Jiyong and Daesung burst out laughing. Jiyong laughed so hard he leaned back on Daesung for support.
“Oh my god, Seungri,” Jiyong managed to gasp out between laughs. “That was so fuckin’ funny!” Seungri stood up and glared only to be betrayed by his own body as he suddenly wobbled off balance. Jiyong and Daesung only laughed harder.
“Screw y’ guys, I’m not getting yer damn soju,” Seungri half stomped and half wobbled towards his bedroom. “’M goin’ t’ bed!” he yelled before weakly slamming his door. Jiyong and Daesung were crying and clutching their sides from laughing so hard. Jiyong wrapped a hand around Daesung’s shoulders and looked at him with a goofy smile, letting out small giggles here and there.
“Daesung you should go see if we’av any more,” Jiyong said before nuzzling his head into the crook of Daesung’s neck and hugging Daesung tightly around his waist. Daesung slid away from Jiyong slightly. The leader was always very clingy with everyone and it only got worse the more he drank. Daesung couldn’t count the number of times where they had gone out clubbing and how he, Seunghyun, and Youngbae had to pretty much literally drag Jiyong away from whichever unfortunate girl he had decided to cling onto and try to seduce.
“Yeah, I’ll go see,” Daesung maneuvered out of Jiyong’s grip and went to inspect the fridge. He frowned as he looked inside. “No, we only have beer that’s not ours,” Daesung could hear Jiyong’s disappointed groan from across the rooms.
“Fuck it, jus' bring it out here,” Jiyong tried to persuade.
“But this is Seunghyun’s you know how he gets if we-”
“He’s gone, right? We’ll jus buy him s’more before he comes home!” Daesung had to agree it was a compelling argument. And if Seunghyun did find out that they did drink his beer, Daesung could easily give Seunghyun puppy dog eyes and claim some lame excuse. He didn’t like using Seunghyun like that, but sometimes the man got upset over the stupidest things. He grabbed a few cans and headed back out to the living room. “Alriiight,” Jiyong happily slurred as Daesung handed him a can.
Most of the case was gone within a few hours, mainly due to Jiyong forcing Daesung to drink most of them(“I can’t drink anymore, here yah go, Daedae,”). Both men were pretty much gone at that point. They laid on the couch with Jiyong draping his whole body over Daesung’s. The TV blared noisily in the otherwise silent room. Daesung tried to watch whatever was on, but Jiyong lying on top of him left him at an awkward angle and the cans on the table obscured his vision from the TV. Daesung was sure Jiyong was almost asleep until he felt long fingers stroke his arms and chest. Jiyong mm’d as he continued to touch Daesung.
“You feel nice an’ warm,” Jiyong mumbled into Daesung’s chest. Daesung laughed and tried to sit up a bit, but Jiyong was too heavy and he was too drunk.
“Jiyong, ‘m not a girl,” Daesung reminded him, knowing how promiscuous Jiyong got when he drank.
“I know,” Jiyong moved his hand south slowly from Daesung’s chest down to his outter thigh.
“I know what you’re tryin’ to do, and I have a boyfriend,” Daesung reminded again and Jiyong moved up to face Daesung and smiled like a drunken devil.
“He’s not here,” Jiyong pointed out and emphasized with a roll of his hips. Daesung gasped as he felt Jiyong’s half-hard member prod the hollow of his hip.
“No, stop, ’s wrong,” Daesung tried to move away from Jiyong but Jiyong quickly grabbed onto his arms and held him against the couch as he rolled his hips again.
“How long has Seunghyun-hyung been gone? Like two weeks right?” Jiyong kissed the line of Daesung’s jaw. “Yah ‘aven’t fucked in two weeks,” Jiyong stopped his hips and looked at Daesung.
Daesung opened his mouth to protest but was silenced by Jiyong’s mouth on his. The kiss wasn’t slow, tender, or neat. It was forceful, desperate, and messy. Daesung turned his head away. “Hyung, no. Yer drunk,” Daesung struggled against Jiyong’s grip, which was actually pretty ridiculous. In an every day situation Daesung could easily overpower Jiyong, but the alcohol had numbed his limbs and made him weak.
“What’s one fuck, Daedae? We don’t ‘av to be in love or anything,” Jiyong rolled his hips forcefully and Daesung moaned. He hadn’t noticed that he was starting to get hard. “Seunghyun-hyung won’t find out,” Jiyong persuaded and kissed and bit Daesung’s neck.
“H-hyung,” Daesung began to half-heartedly protest. He could feel a familiar heat wash throughout his body as Jiyong kissed and touched him. He knew it was wrong, he knew it was a mistake, but damn did it feel good.
Jiyong moved to Daesung’s turned head and kissed him again and this time Daesung didn’t turn away. Daesung could feel guilt tug at his heart strings, but it had been so long since he had been touched like this. It was wrong, it was wrong, wrong, wrong, and oh so right.
Jiyong let go of Daesung’s arms and immediately Daesung ran his hands up Jiyong’s back to his neck and dipped his fingers into Jiyong’s hair. Jiyong sat up a little and snuck his hands between his and Daesung’s body to massage the younger’s chest. His hands descended to the hem of Daesung’s shirt before pushing it upwards until he and Daesung had to break apart to remove the shirt. Jiyong sat back slightly and removed his own shirt quickly, tossing it across the room. Jiyong leaned back down and attacked Daesung’s exposed collarbone before moving lower to his nipples. Jiyong tentatively licked at a brown nub before lightly sucking on it, earning a small cry from Daesung. He moved lower, licking and kissing Daesung’s abs along the way before he found himself in front of Daesung’s buldge. Jiyong rubbed Daesung through his jeans with his palm and Daesung moaned.
“I shouldn’t…” Daesung thought as Jiyong began to unzip his jeans. Daesung suddenly sat up. “Jiyong, wait, no. We can’t,” Daesung pleaded but Jiyong didn’t stop. He quickly unfastened and pulled down Daesung’s pants just so the younger’s erection could be freed. Jiyong wasted no time and gripped Daesung’s hardness and stroked quickly. Any other protest left Daesung’s head as Jiyong touched him, the pleasure overriding the last bit of sense of judgment that the alcohol hadn’t already gotten rid of. Daesung didn’t think he could feel any more delight from Jiyong’s wicked fingers until he felt something hot and wet close around the tip of his shaft. He looked down to see Jiyong take his length into his mouth. Daesung threw his head back and moaned. Jiyong lightly sucked on the tip as the rest of Daesung’s erection was still being stroked by Jiyong’s hand. Jiyong moved his hand in order to take more of Daesung into his mouth which earned cries of approval from Daesung. But Jiyong pulled away after a short time and looked up at Daesung.
“You like that, Dae? How ‘bout we go to my room an’ continue?” Jiyong smirked and moved up to kiss Daesung again. “I wanna fuck you so bad, Dae,” Jiyong whispered against Daesung’s lips and Daesung moaned at Jiyong’s language. Jiyong stood up on wobbly legs and tugged at Daesung’s arm. Daesung hesitated again before he gave in and let Jiyong lead him to the bedroom as he tried to hold his pants up with his free hand and walk at the same time.
____________
When Daesung awoke he groaned as his head throbbed. He turned in the bed onto his side as he grasped his head. When he turned he noticed two very out of the ordinary things: one, he was naked and he never slept naked; two, more than just his head hurt. Daesung sat up and observed his surroundings. Another very out of the ordinary thing was that this wasn't his room, it was Jiyong's. Daesung turned to his side to see Jiyong sleeping beside him and suddenly everything got very real. Daesung wasn't stupid, he knew it wasn't some sort of cruel joke that he was naked in his hyung's room.
"Fuck!" Daesung shouted as his banged his already throbbing head on the back of the wall. It hurt but he felt like he deserved the pain. Jiyong slowly stirred due to Daesung's outburst. He groggily sat up and looked with tired eyes at Daesung.
"Daesung? What are you doing in my bed?" Jiyong took a closer look at Daesung. "Naked?" Jiyong pinched his temple as he continued to wake up. "Ahh my head," Jiyong closed his eyes and groaned before he looked down at his own state of undress. "Woah, wait, why am I naked?" Jiyong froze before the gears began to turn in his head and he turned back to Daesung. "Daesung..." Jiyong starred at his dongsaeng, wide-eyed.
Daesung got up quickly without a word and threw on his boxers he found on the floor and paced out of the room. Daesung ran down the hall and into his room, slamming the door behind him. He slid against the door until he hit the floor as overwhelming guilt filled his senses. He couldn't remember what had happened last night, but at the same time he knew and felt like the more horrible person in the world. Tears welled up in his eyes as he caught a glimpse of a picture of him and Seunghyun sitting on his dresser across the room. He cried silently to himself thinking about how he had betrayed Seunghyun. How he cheated on the one person who only ever gave him everything and took nothing. He felt, no, he knew Seunghyun deserved better; he always knew Seunghyun deserved better. Seunghyun always tried his best to make Daesung feel happy and loved and Daesung had to go and cheat? Daesung was soon disturbed from his depression as a soft knock came from the other side of the door.
"Daesung?" Jiyong asked, worried. "Daesung we need to talk," Jiyong said in almost a sad way.
"There's nothing to talk about, I cheated, hyung," Daesung's voice shook as he rasped out those few words. Daesung could practically feel Jiyong's worry from the other side of the door.
"It wasn't your fault, it wasn't anyone's fault, we were drunk-"
"That's not a fucking excuse!" Daesung shouted as hot tears ran down his face.
"Daesung..." Jiyong begged for him to open the door, but the other remained silent on the other side of the door aside from a muffled cry here and there. A mutual silence was reached between the two until a blaring noise from Daesung's phone sounded from near his bed. It was the ringtone set to Seunghyun's number. Daesung grew wide-eyed before he scrambled to answer his phone.
"H-hello?" Daesung mumbled as he tried to control his voice and wipe away his stray tears.
"Hey Dae, you just now getting up? I called like three times already," Seunghyun said calmly from the other line.
"Yeah, s-sorry," Daesung said as he let a sniffle escape in an effort to stop crying and then mentally cursed himself for it.
"Is something wrong? Are you crying?" Seunghyun asked, voice laced with concern.
"No! I mean, no, I'm not. I think I have a cold coming on," Daesung lied.
"Bullshit, I know when you're crying. Tell me what's wrong, please," Seunghyun asked in his "calming" voice reserved for Daesung's ears only. Even the word "please" was something he used rarely with the others.
"I-I can't," Daesung squeaked out as he started to cry all over again.
"Daesung..."
"I'm sorry, I can't," Daesung whispered and heard a defeated sigh come from the other line.
"Fine, tell me later, please, ok? You remember I'm coming home in a couple days right?" Seunghyun paused for a response but got none. "I love you, Daesung."
"I love you too," Daesung practically choked on those words. He felt like he was saying the biggest lie.
"I'll talk to you later. Get some rest and don't cry ok?" Seunghyun pleaded.
"I will, hyung, bye," Daesung said quietly and waited for the line to go silent before he closed his phone and threw it on the bed in anger. "Fuck!" Daesung grabbed his head and ran his fingers through his hair worriedly.
"Daesung," Jiyong piped up from the other side of the door again. He obviously had heard Daesung's entire conversation sans input from Seunghyun. "Daesung, please come out, I bet your head hurts right? I'll get you some medicine, ok?" Jiyong promised but heard nothing from Daesung. Jiyong reluctantly left Daesung's bedroom door and walked down the hall to the bathroom. He reached into the medicine cabinet and took out the painkillers. He grabbed two for himself and two for Daesung. As Jiyong exited the bathroom to head for the kitchen to get some water he met a very angry and groggy Seungri.
"What the fuck is with all the damn yelling and stomping?" Seungri asked with a tired voice.
"It's complicated, maknae, go back to bed," Jiyong answered as he pushed his way past Seungri.
"That's what I was trying to fucking do!" Seungri yelled at Jiyong and Jiyong turned around, fed up.
"You know what Seungri, you can fuck off and die for all I care right now. I have real fucking problems, buy some earplugs and get over it," Jiyong spat out angrily before stomping towards the kitchen.
"Fuck you!" Seungri retorted before he went back into his room, slamming the door as he did.
Jiyong just shook his head and breathed out through his nose, annoyed. He first got himself a glass of water and downed it with the painkillers. He left the empty glass on the kitchen table before fetching a glass of water for Daesung. He soon returned to Daesung's door and knocked softly.
"Daesung, I have medicine and water for you," Jiyong said softly but he heard nothing from inside the room. "Daesung, please, at least take the medicine. We don't have to talk," Jiyong bargained and soon enough he heard footsteps followed by the door opening slowly. Jiyong frowned at what he saw. Daesung stood at the open door, eyes puffy and red and cheeks tear-stained. Jiyong handed the water and painkillers to Daesung and Daesung took them quickly, gulping down the entire glass of water. Daesung handed the empty glass back to Jiyong and went to close the door but Jiyong quickly threw the glass onto the carpet and brought Daesung into an embrace. Daesung tried to push Jiyong off, but Jiyong held him tight. "Daesung, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Jiyong repeated over and over and Daesung stopped struggling. He didn't hug back, but simply fell into Jiyong's embrace. "Please don't feel guilty all by yourself ok? I don't remember anything, but I know that this wasn't your fault," Jiyong hugged Daesung tighter as he cried silently into Daesung's shoulder.
____________
Jiyong was cleaning up the mess in the living room when Youngbae came back to the apartment. He eyed his friend and the mess of beer cans in the garbage. Thankfully Jiyong had already put the discarded shirts from last night in the laundry basket to stop others from asking questions.
"Uh, did you guys have a party last night or what?" Youngbae smiled as he took off his shoes.
"Yeah," Jiyong replied stoically.
"Hangover?" Youngbae asked, noticing his friend's tone.
"Yeah."
"I see," Youngbae said as he walked into the living room. "You want some help?"
"Uh, sure. Can you get the vacuum cleaner?" Jiyong asked as he picked up more cans and garbage. Youngbae complied and retrieved the vacuum as Jiyong moved the full garbage bags by the door to be taken out later. "Thanks."
"Why aren't Daesung and Seungri helping?" Youngbae said as he looked around.
"They're... not feeling well," Jiyong said before he turned on the vacuum cleaner to silence any more questions from Youngbae. As if on queue, Seungri walked into the living room and glared at Jiyong vacuuming before going into the kitchen. He returned moments later as Jiyong finished vacuuming.
"Damn, how late did you guys stay up last night?" Seungri asked, anger from earlier gone. He then turned to look at Youngbae, "Hi, Hyung."
"Hey," Youngbae replied.
"I dunno, I don't remember much after you left," Jiyong said monotone.
"Where's Daesung?" Seungri asked and he thought he saw Jiyong frown for a second.
"In his room," Jiyong answered as he was putting away the vacuum cleaner. "Don't bother him," Jiyong added. Seungri gave him a weird look. "He has a bad hangover."
"Oh." Seungri said as Jiyong finished re-arranging the couch and table.
____________
Daesung had held up in his room for a whole day, only leaving to shower and to use the bathroom. He didn't come out and eat when the others had asked him to, which made Seungri and Youngbae ask questions.
"Hyung, you need to eat!" Seungri yelled at Daesung's door from the living room. "Geez, what's wrong with him? Shouldn't he be happy? The schedule says that Seunghyun is due back tomorrow," Seungri said as he pointed to the calendar hung on the fridge.
"Yeah I don't get it either, do you know what's wrong with him, Jiyong?" Youngbae asked his friend who was in the kitchen making dinner.
"No," Jiyong said flatly and Youngbae frowned.
"Bull. You know something, Jiyong. You're acting just as depressed as he is," Youngbae eyed Jiyong.
"Did something happen after I went to bed the other night, hyung?" Seungri asked, as he was as curious as Youngbae.
"No," Jiyong answered and Youngbae and Seungri exchanged a glance. They were about to press further when they heard the keypad to the door being unlocked. Youngbae and Seungri looked at the door as Seunghyun walked in, smiling even though he looked exhausted.
"Hey," Seunghyun said as he set down his duffle bag and began to take off his shoes.
"Hi, hyung! Why are you back so early?" Seungri asked as Seunghyun walked over to greet his band mates.
"Hey, hyung," Youngbae said with a smile and Seunghyun smiled back.
"Yeah, I finished filming and caught an earlier flight because I hear Daesung isn't feeling too well," Seunghyun said as he looked around. "Where is he?"
"He's been in his room for like forever," Seungri answered as he gestured towards Daesung's bedroom door. Seunghyun set his eyes on the door and began to walk towards it, walking past the kitchen as he did.
"Hey, Ji," Seunghyun said in mid-step but got no response from Jiyong. Seunghyun ignored Jiyong's lack of response and lightly knocked on Daesung's door. "Dae, I came home early," Seunghyun said before slowly opening the door and stepping inside the dark room. Daesung was on his bed, asleep. Seunghyun thought for a moment that he really must be getting sick if he's sleeping in the middle of the evening. Seunghyun walked over to the bed and sat on it gently as he shook Daesung awake. "Daesung, hey, Daesung wake up," Seunghyun whispered and Daesung eventually stirred. Daesung looked at his disturber oddly before he realized who it was and sat up, surprised.
"Hyung!" Daesung exclaimed, excited before a sad expression overtook his features.
"Hey, missed you," Seunghyun smiled and leaned in for a kiss that Daesung didn't return. Seunghyun leaned back and looked at Daesung who definitely looked like he had been crying. "Daesung... tell me what's wrong," Seunghyun looked into Daesung's eyes with concern as he held Daesung's hands and patiently waited for an answer. Daesung avoided Seunghyun's gaze as he began to cry. Seunghyun immediately held him and let Daesung cry into his chest.
"I'm sorry, hyung, I'm sorry!" Daesung apologized and Seunghyun was confused.
"Sorry?" Seunghyun asked.
"I did something terrible, hyung," Daesung whispered as he choked on his cries.
"Tell me, I promise I won't be mad," Seunghyun reassured as he calmly stroked Daesung's hair.
"I already know you'll never forgive me," Daesung mumbled into Seunghyun's chest.
"I don't even know what you did," Seunghyun said into Daesung's hair. Daesung pulled away slightly from Seunghyun's embrace but didn't look up.
"What's... what's the worst possible thing I could do?" Daesung whispered.
"Um, I don't know," Seunghyun thought about it but came up with nothing. Daesung pulled himself out of Seunghyun's embrace and took a deep breath.
"We were drunk and... I... slept... with Jiyong," Daesung mumbled. He felt sick, dizzy, and nervous from his confession, afraid of how Seunghyun would react. He expected yelling, cursing, and even hitting. He did not expect Seunghyun to outright get up and storm out the room. When Daesung looked up he saw Seunghyun's form disappearing out of the doorway soon followed by a ruckus and shouting voices from beyond the room.
Seunghyun had headed straight for Jiyong who was unsuspecting of Seunghyun advancing on him until he turned around at the last second, only to greet Seunghyun's fist. Seunghyun had punched Jiyong so hard that Jiyong flew back against the counter before falling to the kitchen floor, clutching the side of his face. Seunghyun contemplated hitting Jiyong again before Seungri and Youngbae appeared to hold him back.
"Ok, I deserved that, fuck," Jiyong winced as he looked up at Seunghyun, who radiated nothing but anger. Seunghyun shook Youngbae and Seungri off of him as he turned to stomp out of the kitchen and the apartment. Daesung had appeared as Seunghyun was leaving the kitchen, receiving a hurt glare from Seunghyun as the older hastily threw on his shoes and left the apartment, slamming the door so hard that it merely bounced back instead of shutting.
Youngbae helped Jiyong up and to a chair as Seungri retrieved an ice pack from the freezer. Both Youngbae and Seungri looked between Jiyong and Daesung before looking at each other.
"You guys owe us an explanation," Youngbae said as he turned off all the various appliances Jiyong was using to make dinner. Seungri nodded his head in agreement.
"Seunghyun is pissed because Daesung and I had drunk sex," Jiyong admitted as he held the ice pack to his bruised cheek. Youngbae and Seungri starred wide-eyed at the two.
"But-" Seungri began but he was interrupted.
"It wasn't intentional, we were drunk. I don't even remember it and I don't think Daesung does either," Jiyong paused before continuing. "All we know is that we woke up in my bed yesterday morning," he finished.
"Hyung!" Daesung whined as Jiyong told the others everything.
"It's not something we can exactly keep a secret now is it? You should go after Seunghyun," Jiyong told him as he pointed towards the front door. Daesung hesitated between the scene before him and the open front door. "Go!" Jiyong yelled and Daesung complied as he put on his shoes and ran out the door. Daesung knew where Seunghyun would be. Whenever the older man was depressed he would hide in a back alley near their apartment. Daesung had found him there many times whenever he had trouble recording a new rap or was fed up with dance practice. Daesung ran down the stairs of the apartment and quickly rounded the corners of the alleys outside until he found Seunghyun, sitting on an empty milk crate, smoking. Daesung approached slowly and Seunghyun made no motion to show he cared that Daesung had arrived.
"I thought you quit," Daesung broke the ice but Seunghyun refused to look at him and took a long drag of his cigarette before saying something.
"Yeah, well," Seunghyun shrugged.
"I'm sorry," Daesung apologized again and Seunghyun finally looked at him but soon looked elsewhere again. "It was a mistake, hyung. A stupid, drunken mistake and I know that's no excuse, and I don't expect you to ever forgive me but-"
"I can forgive you but I will never forgive Jiyong," Seunghyun said as he angrily stubbed out his cigarette onto the concrete.
"What? Why? It's both our faults-"
"No. It's Jiyong's fault, you know how he gets when he drinks. He probably seduced you or some shit," Seunghyun looked up at Daesung in a mix of anger and hurt.
"No he-well-I don't know," Daesung fumbled with his words and Seunghyun shook his head as he stood up. Seunghyun walked over to Daesung and looked him in the eyes.
"Daesung, I know this isn't your fault, and I can forgive you because I see how much you're hurting, but... it's just going to take some time, ok?" Seunghyun then walked past him and down one of the alleys. Daesung wanted to say something but he couldn't find the words. It was only until after Seunghyun disappeared that he realized that he wanted to tell Seunghyun that he didn't deserve a second chance; didn't deserve someone as wonderful as Seunghyun.
________
Daesung returned to the apartment after his confrontation with Seunghyun in the back alley. He had come home to a silent apartment and he knew Seunghyun had not returned without even looking for him. All the others had returned to their rooms and were being oddly silent. Usually they would bug each other or watch TV together or something, but the house was dead silent. Daesung decided that he needed to talk to Jiyong and slowly made his way to the leader's room, contemplating what he would say along the way. When he reached the door, he knocked lightly and waited for a response. When Daesung heard a small "come in" he turned the knob and opened the door slowly.
"Hyung," Daesung began and looked up to see Jiyong spin around in his computer chair and look up at him. Daesung froze as he saw the dark bruise that formed on Jiyong's cheek. Jiyong gave him a sympathetic smile.
"Don't worry about it, Daesung," Jiyong said as he turned to fully face Daesung who cautiously stepped forward. Daesung looked like he was about to say something when Jiyong spoke before him. "And don't apologize, this isn't your fault." Daesung gave out a small, sarcastic laugh at that.
"You know, I keep hearing that but I can't help but feel like it is," Daesung said as he sat on the edge of Jiyong's bed. When he realized where he had sat, he tried hard not to think about when he had woken up that morning. "And I do want to apologize, not because of Seunghyun hitting you, but because you don't deserve all the blame, Jiyong. No matter how much you and Seunghyun try to divert the blame onto you, I had a part in what happened too," Daesung ended his speech with a deep sigh, feeling better for getting that out in the open. Jiyong sat silent in his computer chair and looked at Daesung with a sadness in his eyes. "That's all I came in here to say," Daesung stood up and headed for the door when Jiyong spoke up.
"Daesung," Jiyong started and Daesung paused mid-step, "thank you," Jiyong nearly whispered and Daesung looked back at him and smiled before leaving.
______________
Seunghyun didn't return that night or that week for that matter and Daesung was worried as to exactly how much time Seunghyun needed. He wished that he at least had some sort of clue as to where Seunghyun was too, for that matter. There were plenty of places he could go, Seunghyun had good friends, but it didn't stop Daesung from worrying. Daesung knew he would have to return by tomorrow though, for a photo shoot and interview anyway. Now that Seunghyun was back from filming in Japan, Big Bang was on a normal schedule again. Well almost normal, since the photo shoot and interview was supposed to happen a week ago. Their manager had nearly had a heart attack when he saw Jiyong's face. Daesung knew that Seunghyun didn't have a choice in avoiding him as far as the schedule was concerned.
And that's when Daesung saw him finally, as he was sitting in the make-up chair getting his hair and make up done, in the reflection of the mirror, he saw Seunghyun walk in. Seunghyun didn't look his way or anyone else's for that matter, he simply found the nearest stylist and asked them where they wanted him. Daesung tensed when he saw the stylist point to the empty chair next to him. Daesung couldn't make out Seunghyun's expression from the reflection. It didn't look like he was happy nor sad. Seunghyun did as he was told and walked over to sit in the once empty chair next to Daesung who watched his every move, wondering what he should say or do. Seunghyun didn't look at him nor did he make any move to acknowledge Daesung's presence and Daesung mimicked him, unsure of what he should do. Seunghyun had said he needed time and Daesung felt he needed to wait for Seunghyun to make the first move.
It was more awkward than when they first realized they liked each other and were too stupid to act on their feelings. They either awkwardly danced around each other or ignored each other completely. It was nearly the same song and dance, just with a heavier precedence.
They sat in silence as the stylists did their job. They only acknowledged their stylist's attempts at casual conversation, which left an uncomfortable tension floating in the air. It was killing Daesung not knowing; not knowing if everything between them would be alright. He wished that Seunghyun would just look at him, just once, but then hated himself for feeling that way. He turned to look at Seunghyun as a silent apology for thinking what he did, even though it's for something ridiculous and something Seunghyun would probably never know. Still, he turned and looked first, and Seunghyun immediately picked up on it and looked back. Their eyes met, both looks filled with a sadness with a hint of hope. At least that's what Daesung wanted to believe that's what Seunghyun was feeling, because it was what he was feeling. They both turned away after a few seconds.
Daesung was done first and left as soon as he could, unable to stand the tension and the overwhelming sadness looming over them. He was sure if he stayed there any longer he would start crying.
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"Seungri, move to the front, next to Youngbae, now turn, yes, pose like that!" the photographer commanded from behind the camera. "Now, Jiyong, stand between Seunghyun and Daesung, but more in front of them, next to Seungri and turn your back to him," the photographer waved his hands in an effort to get the band mates to understand where they were wanted. "Ok, one, two, three-!" he counted down and the camera flashed. The photographer continued like that, counting down as the boys continued to pose in their assigned positions. Daesung did his best to focus on putting on his best (forced)smile for the cameras and not on who was standing next to him, when he felt a large, warm hand grasp his own. Daesung looked down and then over in surprise, ruining the shot in the process. "Daesung, pay attention!" the photographer barked and before Daesung went back to posing, he saw Seunghyun's genuine smile and felt Seunghyun's hand squeeze his own. It was a small gesture, but it was enough to make Daesung smile unforced and fill his heart with something more than worry and sadness. Daesung squeezed back without thinking twice. He didn't believe that Seunghyun had completely forgiven him yet, if ever, but at least Seunghyun wanted to try and that was all Daesung could ever ask for.
art post.
Author: corpuscallos_m
Pairings: SeunghyunxDaesung, JiyongxDaesung
Rating: NC-17
Genres: angst, romance
Warnings: dub-con
Final Word Count: 5,845
Summary: While drunk, Daesung cheats on Seunghyun with Jiyong.
It had been deserved day off for Big Bang-well most of Big Bang anyway. Youngbae was busy at the studio putting the finishing touches on some new songs(with his free time) and Seunghyun was in Japan doing filming for a new drama he was cast in. This left Jiyong, Seungri, and Daesung together in the apartment. With nothing to do.
Of course Seungri had made several useless suggestions (“Lets go to the park!” “It’s dark out, maknae.”) all of which were rejected in the order they were received. They all settled for watching TV even though nothing interesting was on. They sat almost like zombies watching the television, boredom radiating throughout the room.
“Lets get drunk,” Seungri mumbled, not expecting the other two to take a liking to that suggestion either. However, both Jiyong and Daesung perked up at the suggestion.
“Do we have any booze?” Jiyong got up and went into inspect the kitchen.
“Wait, really? You actually want to get drunk?” Seungri looked after Jiyong in a slight disbelief.
“Yeah, it’s the only good idea you’ve had all night,” Jiyong said as he peered in the fridge and let out a little “ah-ha!” as he dragged out a bottle of soju from the back of the fridge. He turned and closed the door with his behind before getting three glasses out the cupboard and heading back to the other two. He set the glasses on the table and quickly unscrewed the cap from the bottle and poured a generous amount into each glass. Jiyong took his and plopped back down on the couch next to Daesung. He quickly downed his glass before the others had even taken a sip of theirs. Seungri and Daesung gaped at Jiyong who was already pouring another glass.
“Hey! Save some for us, hyung!” Seungri whined as Jiyong worked on his second glass.
“Hey, you said you wanted to get drunk,” Jiyong shrugged and took a big gulp. Seungri, who always never wanted to be far behind, quickly drank his own glass. Jiyong poured he and Seungri some more. “One shot?” he challenged the others with a devilish grin.
The night quickly dissolved into Jiyong and Seungri drunkenly arguing at each other as Daesung observed. They were in a heated game of rock paper scissors over who had more shoes. Yep, they were definitely drunk.
“Hyuuung, yer cheatin,” Seungri slurred and Jiyong giggled. It was true because Jiyong would hold out his answer exactly right after Seungri. “No, no, no, no! At the same time!” Seungri whined but Jiyong didn’t comply. Daesung giggled at the two idiots as he enjoyed the last of the soju. He wasn’t nearly as drunk as Jiyong or Seungri but still felt pretty tipsy.
“Hey, we’re out,” Daesung commented which immediately got Jiyong’s attention.
“Whaddya mean out?” Jiyong grabbed the bottle and shook it from side to side and frowned as he couldn’t hear the familiar swish of liquid. “Seungri, go get us more,” Jiyong commanded and Seungri protested.
“Why should I hav’ta get it, you drank-”
“Not it,” Jiyong interrupted.
“Not it!” Daesung chimed in, easily picking up on what was going on. Seungri looked at his hyungs, mouth agape before frowning and getting up too fast falling over easily. Jiyong and Daesung burst out laughing. Jiyong laughed so hard he leaned back on Daesung for support.
“Oh my god, Seungri,” Jiyong managed to gasp out between laughs. “That was so fuckin’ funny!” Seungri stood up and glared only to be betrayed by his own body as he suddenly wobbled off balance. Jiyong and Daesung only laughed harder.
“Screw y’ guys, I’m not getting yer damn soju,” Seungri half stomped and half wobbled towards his bedroom. “’M goin’ t’ bed!” he yelled before weakly slamming his door. Jiyong and Daesung were crying and clutching their sides from laughing so hard. Jiyong wrapped a hand around Daesung’s shoulders and looked at him with a goofy smile, letting out small giggles here and there.
“Daesung you should go see if we’av any more,” Jiyong said before nuzzling his head into the crook of Daesung’s neck and hugging Daesung tightly around his waist. Daesung slid away from Jiyong slightly. The leader was always very clingy with everyone and it only got worse the more he drank. Daesung couldn’t count the number of times where they had gone out clubbing and how he, Seunghyun, and Youngbae had to pretty much literally drag Jiyong away from whichever unfortunate girl he had decided to cling onto and try to seduce.
“Yeah, I’ll go see,” Daesung maneuvered out of Jiyong’s grip and went to inspect the fridge. He frowned as he looked inside. “No, we only have beer that’s not ours,” Daesung could hear Jiyong’s disappointed groan from across the rooms.
“Fuck it, jus' bring it out here,” Jiyong tried to persuade.
“But this is Seunghyun’s you know how he gets if we-”
“He’s gone, right? We’ll jus buy him s’more before he comes home!” Daesung had to agree it was a compelling argument. And if Seunghyun did find out that they did drink his beer, Daesung could easily give Seunghyun puppy dog eyes and claim some lame excuse. He didn’t like using Seunghyun like that, but sometimes the man got upset over the stupidest things. He grabbed a few cans and headed back out to the living room. “Alriiight,” Jiyong happily slurred as Daesung handed him a can.
Most of the case was gone within a few hours, mainly due to Jiyong forcing Daesung to drink most of them(“I can’t drink anymore, here yah go, Daedae,”). Both men were pretty much gone at that point. They laid on the couch with Jiyong draping his whole body over Daesung’s. The TV blared noisily in the otherwise silent room. Daesung tried to watch whatever was on, but Jiyong lying on top of him left him at an awkward angle and the cans on the table obscured his vision from the TV. Daesung was sure Jiyong was almost asleep until he felt long fingers stroke his arms and chest. Jiyong mm’d as he continued to touch Daesung.
“You feel nice an’ warm,” Jiyong mumbled into Daesung’s chest. Daesung laughed and tried to sit up a bit, but Jiyong was too heavy and he was too drunk.
“Jiyong, ‘m not a girl,” Daesung reminded him, knowing how promiscuous Jiyong got when he drank.
“I know,” Jiyong moved his hand south slowly from Daesung’s chest down to his outter thigh.
“I know what you’re tryin’ to do, and I have a boyfriend,” Daesung reminded again and Jiyong moved up to face Daesung and smiled like a drunken devil.
“He’s not here,” Jiyong pointed out and emphasized with a roll of his hips. Daesung gasped as he felt Jiyong’s half-hard member prod the hollow of his hip.
“No, stop, ’s wrong,” Daesung tried to move away from Jiyong but Jiyong quickly grabbed onto his arms and held him against the couch as he rolled his hips again.
“How long has Seunghyun-hyung been gone? Like two weeks right?” Jiyong kissed the line of Daesung’s jaw. “Yah ‘aven’t fucked in two weeks,” Jiyong stopped his hips and looked at Daesung.
Daesung opened his mouth to protest but was silenced by Jiyong’s mouth on his. The kiss wasn’t slow, tender, or neat. It was forceful, desperate, and messy. Daesung turned his head away. “Hyung, no. Yer drunk,” Daesung struggled against Jiyong’s grip, which was actually pretty ridiculous. In an every day situation Daesung could easily overpower Jiyong, but the alcohol had numbed his limbs and made him weak.
“What’s one fuck, Daedae? We don’t ‘av to be in love or anything,” Jiyong rolled his hips forcefully and Daesung moaned. He hadn’t noticed that he was starting to get hard. “Seunghyun-hyung won’t find out,” Jiyong persuaded and kissed and bit Daesung’s neck.
“H-hyung,” Daesung began to half-heartedly protest. He could feel a familiar heat wash throughout his body as Jiyong kissed and touched him. He knew it was wrong, he knew it was a mistake, but damn did it feel good.
Jiyong moved to Daesung’s turned head and kissed him again and this time Daesung didn’t turn away. Daesung could feel guilt tug at his heart strings, but it had been so long since he had been touched like this. It was wrong, it was wrong, wrong, wrong, and oh so right.
Jiyong let go of Daesung’s arms and immediately Daesung ran his hands up Jiyong’s back to his neck and dipped his fingers into Jiyong’s hair. Jiyong sat up a little and snuck his hands between his and Daesung’s body to massage the younger’s chest. His hands descended to the hem of Daesung’s shirt before pushing it upwards until he and Daesung had to break apart to remove the shirt. Jiyong sat back slightly and removed his own shirt quickly, tossing it across the room. Jiyong leaned back down and attacked Daesung’s exposed collarbone before moving lower to his nipples. Jiyong tentatively licked at a brown nub before lightly sucking on it, earning a small cry from Daesung. He moved lower, licking and kissing Daesung’s abs along the way before he found himself in front of Daesung’s buldge. Jiyong rubbed Daesung through his jeans with his palm and Daesung moaned.
“I shouldn’t…” Daesung thought as Jiyong began to unzip his jeans. Daesung suddenly sat up. “Jiyong, wait, no. We can’t,” Daesung pleaded but Jiyong didn’t stop. He quickly unfastened and pulled down Daesung’s pants just so the younger’s erection could be freed. Jiyong wasted no time and gripped Daesung’s hardness and stroked quickly. Any other protest left Daesung’s head as Jiyong touched him, the pleasure overriding the last bit of sense of judgment that the alcohol hadn’t already gotten rid of. Daesung didn’t think he could feel any more delight from Jiyong’s wicked fingers until he felt something hot and wet close around the tip of his shaft. He looked down to see Jiyong take his length into his mouth. Daesung threw his head back and moaned. Jiyong lightly sucked on the tip as the rest of Daesung’s erection was still being stroked by Jiyong’s hand. Jiyong moved his hand in order to take more of Daesung into his mouth which earned cries of approval from Daesung. But Jiyong pulled away after a short time and looked up at Daesung.
“You like that, Dae? How ‘bout we go to my room an’ continue?” Jiyong smirked and moved up to kiss Daesung again. “I wanna fuck you so bad, Dae,” Jiyong whispered against Daesung’s lips and Daesung moaned at Jiyong’s language. Jiyong stood up on wobbly legs and tugged at Daesung’s arm. Daesung hesitated again before he gave in and let Jiyong lead him to the bedroom as he tried to hold his pants up with his free hand and walk at the same time.
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When Daesung awoke he groaned as his head throbbed. He turned in the bed onto his side as he grasped his head. When he turned he noticed two very out of the ordinary things: one, he was naked and he never slept naked; two, more than just his head hurt. Daesung sat up and observed his surroundings. Another very out of the ordinary thing was that this wasn't his room, it was Jiyong's. Daesung turned to his side to see Jiyong sleeping beside him and suddenly everything got very real. Daesung wasn't stupid, he knew it wasn't some sort of cruel joke that he was naked in his hyung's room.
"Fuck!" Daesung shouted as his banged his already throbbing head on the back of the wall. It hurt but he felt like he deserved the pain. Jiyong slowly stirred due to Daesung's outburst. He groggily sat up and looked with tired eyes at Daesung.
"Daesung? What are you doing in my bed?" Jiyong took a closer look at Daesung. "Naked?" Jiyong pinched his temple as he continued to wake up. "Ahh my head," Jiyong closed his eyes and groaned before he looked down at his own state of undress. "Woah, wait, why am I naked?" Jiyong froze before the gears began to turn in his head and he turned back to Daesung. "Daesung..." Jiyong starred at his dongsaeng, wide-eyed.
Daesung got up quickly without a word and threw on his boxers he found on the floor and paced out of the room. Daesung ran down the hall and into his room, slamming the door behind him. He slid against the door until he hit the floor as overwhelming guilt filled his senses. He couldn't remember what had happened last night, but at the same time he knew and felt like the more horrible person in the world. Tears welled up in his eyes as he caught a glimpse of a picture of him and Seunghyun sitting on his dresser across the room. He cried silently to himself thinking about how he had betrayed Seunghyun. How he cheated on the one person who only ever gave him everything and took nothing. He felt, no, he knew Seunghyun deserved better; he always knew Seunghyun deserved better. Seunghyun always tried his best to make Daesung feel happy and loved and Daesung had to go and cheat? Daesung was soon disturbed from his depression as a soft knock came from the other side of the door.
"Daesung?" Jiyong asked, worried. "Daesung we need to talk," Jiyong said in almost a sad way.
"There's nothing to talk about, I cheated, hyung," Daesung's voice shook as he rasped out those few words. Daesung could practically feel Jiyong's worry from the other side of the door.
"It wasn't your fault, it wasn't anyone's fault, we were drunk-"
"That's not a fucking excuse!" Daesung shouted as hot tears ran down his face.
"Daesung..." Jiyong begged for him to open the door, but the other remained silent on the other side of the door aside from a muffled cry here and there. A mutual silence was reached between the two until a blaring noise from Daesung's phone sounded from near his bed. It was the ringtone set to Seunghyun's number. Daesung grew wide-eyed before he scrambled to answer his phone.
"H-hello?" Daesung mumbled as he tried to control his voice and wipe away his stray tears.
"Hey Dae, you just now getting up? I called like three times already," Seunghyun said calmly from the other line.
"Yeah, s-sorry," Daesung said as he let a sniffle escape in an effort to stop crying and then mentally cursed himself for it.
"Is something wrong? Are you crying?" Seunghyun asked, voice laced with concern.
"No! I mean, no, I'm not. I think I have a cold coming on," Daesung lied.
"Bullshit, I know when you're crying. Tell me what's wrong, please," Seunghyun asked in his "calming" voice reserved for Daesung's ears only. Even the word "please" was something he used rarely with the others.
"I-I can't," Daesung squeaked out as he started to cry all over again.
"Daesung..."
"I'm sorry, I can't," Daesung whispered and heard a defeated sigh come from the other line.
"Fine, tell me later, please, ok? You remember I'm coming home in a couple days right?" Seunghyun paused for a response but got none. "I love you, Daesung."
"I love you too," Daesung practically choked on those words. He felt like he was saying the biggest lie.
"I'll talk to you later. Get some rest and don't cry ok?" Seunghyun pleaded.
"I will, hyung, bye," Daesung said quietly and waited for the line to go silent before he closed his phone and threw it on the bed in anger. "Fuck!" Daesung grabbed his head and ran his fingers through his hair worriedly.
"Daesung," Jiyong piped up from the other side of the door again. He obviously had heard Daesung's entire conversation sans input from Seunghyun. "Daesung, please come out, I bet your head hurts right? I'll get you some medicine, ok?" Jiyong promised but heard nothing from Daesung. Jiyong reluctantly left Daesung's bedroom door and walked down the hall to the bathroom. He reached into the medicine cabinet and took out the painkillers. He grabbed two for himself and two for Daesung. As Jiyong exited the bathroom to head for the kitchen to get some water he met a very angry and groggy Seungri.
"What the fuck is with all the damn yelling and stomping?" Seungri asked with a tired voice.
"It's complicated, maknae, go back to bed," Jiyong answered as he pushed his way past Seungri.
"That's what I was trying to fucking do!" Seungri yelled at Jiyong and Jiyong turned around, fed up.
"You know what Seungri, you can fuck off and die for all I care right now. I have real fucking problems, buy some earplugs and get over it," Jiyong spat out angrily before stomping towards the kitchen.
"Fuck you!" Seungri retorted before he went back into his room, slamming the door as he did.
Jiyong just shook his head and breathed out through his nose, annoyed. He first got himself a glass of water and downed it with the painkillers. He left the empty glass on the kitchen table before fetching a glass of water for Daesung. He soon returned to Daesung's door and knocked softly.
"Daesung, I have medicine and water for you," Jiyong said softly but he heard nothing from inside the room. "Daesung, please, at least take the medicine. We don't have to talk," Jiyong bargained and soon enough he heard footsteps followed by the door opening slowly. Jiyong frowned at what he saw. Daesung stood at the open door, eyes puffy and red and cheeks tear-stained. Jiyong handed the water and painkillers to Daesung and Daesung took them quickly, gulping down the entire glass of water. Daesung handed the empty glass back to Jiyong and went to close the door but Jiyong quickly threw the glass onto the carpet and brought Daesung into an embrace. Daesung tried to push Jiyong off, but Jiyong held him tight. "Daesung, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Jiyong repeated over and over and Daesung stopped struggling. He didn't hug back, but simply fell into Jiyong's embrace. "Please don't feel guilty all by yourself ok? I don't remember anything, but I know that this wasn't your fault," Jiyong hugged Daesung tighter as he cried silently into Daesung's shoulder.
____________
Jiyong was cleaning up the mess in the living room when Youngbae came back to the apartment. He eyed his friend and the mess of beer cans in the garbage. Thankfully Jiyong had already put the discarded shirts from last night in the laundry basket to stop others from asking questions.
"Uh, did you guys have a party last night or what?" Youngbae smiled as he took off his shoes.
"Yeah," Jiyong replied stoically.
"Hangover?" Youngbae asked, noticing his friend's tone.
"Yeah."
"I see," Youngbae said as he walked into the living room. "You want some help?"
"Uh, sure. Can you get the vacuum cleaner?" Jiyong asked as he picked up more cans and garbage. Youngbae complied and retrieved the vacuum as Jiyong moved the full garbage bags by the door to be taken out later. "Thanks."
"Why aren't Daesung and Seungri helping?" Youngbae said as he looked around.
"They're... not feeling well," Jiyong said before he turned on the vacuum cleaner to silence any more questions from Youngbae. As if on queue, Seungri walked into the living room and glared at Jiyong vacuuming before going into the kitchen. He returned moments later as Jiyong finished vacuuming.
"Damn, how late did you guys stay up last night?" Seungri asked, anger from earlier gone. He then turned to look at Youngbae, "Hi, Hyung."
"Hey," Youngbae replied.
"I dunno, I don't remember much after you left," Jiyong said monotone.
"Where's Daesung?" Seungri asked and he thought he saw Jiyong frown for a second.
"In his room," Jiyong answered as he was putting away the vacuum cleaner. "Don't bother him," Jiyong added. Seungri gave him a weird look. "He has a bad hangover."
"Oh." Seungri said as Jiyong finished re-arranging the couch and table.
____________
Daesung had held up in his room for a whole day, only leaving to shower and to use the bathroom. He didn't come out and eat when the others had asked him to, which made Seungri and Youngbae ask questions.
"Hyung, you need to eat!" Seungri yelled at Daesung's door from the living room. "Geez, what's wrong with him? Shouldn't he be happy? The schedule says that Seunghyun is due back tomorrow," Seungri said as he pointed to the calendar hung on the fridge.
"Yeah I don't get it either, do you know what's wrong with him, Jiyong?" Youngbae asked his friend who was in the kitchen making dinner.
"No," Jiyong said flatly and Youngbae frowned.
"Bull. You know something, Jiyong. You're acting just as depressed as he is," Youngbae eyed Jiyong.
"Did something happen after I went to bed the other night, hyung?" Seungri asked, as he was as curious as Youngbae.
"No," Jiyong answered and Youngbae and Seungri exchanged a glance. They were about to press further when they heard the keypad to the door being unlocked. Youngbae and Seungri looked at the door as Seunghyun walked in, smiling even though he looked exhausted.
"Hey," Seunghyun said as he set down his duffle bag and began to take off his shoes.
"Hi, hyung! Why are you back so early?" Seungri asked as Seunghyun walked over to greet his band mates.
"Hey, hyung," Youngbae said with a smile and Seunghyun smiled back.
"Yeah, I finished filming and caught an earlier flight because I hear Daesung isn't feeling too well," Seunghyun said as he looked around. "Where is he?"
"He's been in his room for like forever," Seungri answered as he gestured towards Daesung's bedroom door. Seunghyun set his eyes on the door and began to walk towards it, walking past the kitchen as he did.
"Hey, Ji," Seunghyun said in mid-step but got no response from Jiyong. Seunghyun ignored Jiyong's lack of response and lightly knocked on Daesung's door. "Dae, I came home early," Seunghyun said before slowly opening the door and stepping inside the dark room. Daesung was on his bed, asleep. Seunghyun thought for a moment that he really must be getting sick if he's sleeping in the middle of the evening. Seunghyun walked over to the bed and sat on it gently as he shook Daesung awake. "Daesung, hey, Daesung wake up," Seunghyun whispered and Daesung eventually stirred. Daesung looked at his disturber oddly before he realized who it was and sat up, surprised.
"Hyung!" Daesung exclaimed, excited before a sad expression overtook his features.
"Hey, missed you," Seunghyun smiled and leaned in for a kiss that Daesung didn't return. Seunghyun leaned back and looked at Daesung who definitely looked like he had been crying. "Daesung... tell me what's wrong," Seunghyun looked into Daesung's eyes with concern as he held Daesung's hands and patiently waited for an answer. Daesung avoided Seunghyun's gaze as he began to cry. Seunghyun immediately held him and let Daesung cry into his chest.
"I'm sorry, hyung, I'm sorry!" Daesung apologized and Seunghyun was confused.
"Sorry?" Seunghyun asked.
"I did something terrible, hyung," Daesung whispered as he choked on his cries.
"Tell me, I promise I won't be mad," Seunghyun reassured as he calmly stroked Daesung's hair.
"I already know you'll never forgive me," Daesung mumbled into Seunghyun's chest.
"I don't even know what you did," Seunghyun said into Daesung's hair. Daesung pulled away slightly from Seunghyun's embrace but didn't look up.
"What's... what's the worst possible thing I could do?" Daesung whispered.
"Um, I don't know," Seunghyun thought about it but came up with nothing. Daesung pulled himself out of Seunghyun's embrace and took a deep breath.
"We were drunk and... I... slept... with Jiyong," Daesung mumbled. He felt sick, dizzy, and nervous from his confession, afraid of how Seunghyun would react. He expected yelling, cursing, and even hitting. He did not expect Seunghyun to outright get up and storm out the room. When Daesung looked up he saw Seunghyun's form disappearing out of the doorway soon followed by a ruckus and shouting voices from beyond the room.
Seunghyun had headed straight for Jiyong who was unsuspecting of Seunghyun advancing on him until he turned around at the last second, only to greet Seunghyun's fist. Seunghyun had punched Jiyong so hard that Jiyong flew back against the counter before falling to the kitchen floor, clutching the side of his face. Seunghyun contemplated hitting Jiyong again before Seungri and Youngbae appeared to hold him back.
"Ok, I deserved that, fuck," Jiyong winced as he looked up at Seunghyun, who radiated nothing but anger. Seunghyun shook Youngbae and Seungri off of him as he turned to stomp out of the kitchen and the apartment. Daesung had appeared as Seunghyun was leaving the kitchen, receiving a hurt glare from Seunghyun as the older hastily threw on his shoes and left the apartment, slamming the door so hard that it merely bounced back instead of shutting.
Youngbae helped Jiyong up and to a chair as Seungri retrieved an ice pack from the freezer. Both Youngbae and Seungri looked between Jiyong and Daesung before looking at each other.
"You guys owe us an explanation," Youngbae said as he turned off all the various appliances Jiyong was using to make dinner. Seungri nodded his head in agreement.
"Seunghyun is pissed because Daesung and I had drunk sex," Jiyong admitted as he held the ice pack to his bruised cheek. Youngbae and Seungri starred wide-eyed at the two.
"But-" Seungri began but he was interrupted.
"It wasn't intentional, we were drunk. I don't even remember it and I don't think Daesung does either," Jiyong paused before continuing. "All we know is that we woke up in my bed yesterday morning," he finished.
"Hyung!" Daesung whined as Jiyong told the others everything.
"It's not something we can exactly keep a secret now is it? You should go after Seunghyun," Jiyong told him as he pointed towards the front door. Daesung hesitated between the scene before him and the open front door. "Go!" Jiyong yelled and Daesung complied as he put on his shoes and ran out the door. Daesung knew where Seunghyun would be. Whenever the older man was depressed he would hide in a back alley near their apartment. Daesung had found him there many times whenever he had trouble recording a new rap or was fed up with dance practice. Daesung ran down the stairs of the apartment and quickly rounded the corners of the alleys outside until he found Seunghyun, sitting on an empty milk crate, smoking. Daesung approached slowly and Seunghyun made no motion to show he cared that Daesung had arrived.
"I thought you quit," Daesung broke the ice but Seunghyun refused to look at him and took a long drag of his cigarette before saying something.
"Yeah, well," Seunghyun shrugged.
"I'm sorry," Daesung apologized again and Seunghyun finally looked at him but soon looked elsewhere again. "It was a mistake, hyung. A stupid, drunken mistake and I know that's no excuse, and I don't expect you to ever forgive me but-"
"I can forgive you but I will never forgive Jiyong," Seunghyun said as he angrily stubbed out his cigarette onto the concrete.
"What? Why? It's both our faults-"
"No. It's Jiyong's fault, you know how he gets when he drinks. He probably seduced you or some shit," Seunghyun looked up at Daesung in a mix of anger and hurt.
"No he-well-I don't know," Daesung fumbled with his words and Seunghyun shook his head as he stood up. Seunghyun walked over to Daesung and looked him in the eyes.
"Daesung, I know this isn't your fault, and I can forgive you because I see how much you're hurting, but... it's just going to take some time, ok?" Seunghyun then walked past him and down one of the alleys. Daesung wanted to say something but he couldn't find the words. It was only until after Seunghyun disappeared that he realized that he wanted to tell Seunghyun that he didn't deserve a second chance; didn't deserve someone as wonderful as Seunghyun.
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Daesung returned to the apartment after his confrontation with Seunghyun in the back alley. He had come home to a silent apartment and he knew Seunghyun had not returned without even looking for him. All the others had returned to their rooms and were being oddly silent. Usually they would bug each other or watch TV together or something, but the house was dead silent. Daesung decided that he needed to talk to Jiyong and slowly made his way to the leader's room, contemplating what he would say along the way. When he reached the door, he knocked lightly and waited for a response. When Daesung heard a small "come in" he turned the knob and opened the door slowly.
"Hyung," Daesung began and looked up to see Jiyong spin around in his computer chair and look up at him. Daesung froze as he saw the dark bruise that formed on Jiyong's cheek. Jiyong gave him a sympathetic smile.
"Don't worry about it, Daesung," Jiyong said as he turned to fully face Daesung who cautiously stepped forward. Daesung looked like he was about to say something when Jiyong spoke before him. "And don't apologize, this isn't your fault." Daesung gave out a small, sarcastic laugh at that.
"You know, I keep hearing that but I can't help but feel like it is," Daesung said as he sat on the edge of Jiyong's bed. When he realized where he had sat, he tried hard not to think about when he had woken up that morning. "And I do want to apologize, not because of Seunghyun hitting you, but because you don't deserve all the blame, Jiyong. No matter how much you and Seunghyun try to divert the blame onto you, I had a part in what happened too," Daesung ended his speech with a deep sigh, feeling better for getting that out in the open. Jiyong sat silent in his computer chair and looked at Daesung with a sadness in his eyes. "That's all I came in here to say," Daesung stood up and headed for the door when Jiyong spoke up.
"Daesung," Jiyong started and Daesung paused mid-step, "thank you," Jiyong nearly whispered and Daesung looked back at him and smiled before leaving.
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Seunghyun didn't return that night or that week for that matter and Daesung was worried as to exactly how much time Seunghyun needed. He wished that he at least had some sort of clue as to where Seunghyun was too, for that matter. There were plenty of places he could go, Seunghyun had good friends, but it didn't stop Daesung from worrying. Daesung knew he would have to return by tomorrow though, for a photo shoot and interview anyway. Now that Seunghyun was back from filming in Japan, Big Bang was on a normal schedule again. Well almost normal, since the photo shoot and interview was supposed to happen a week ago. Their manager had nearly had a heart attack when he saw Jiyong's face. Daesung knew that Seunghyun didn't have a choice in avoiding him as far as the schedule was concerned.
And that's when Daesung saw him finally, as he was sitting in the make-up chair getting his hair and make up done, in the reflection of the mirror, he saw Seunghyun walk in. Seunghyun didn't look his way or anyone else's for that matter, he simply found the nearest stylist and asked them where they wanted him. Daesung tensed when he saw the stylist point to the empty chair next to him. Daesung couldn't make out Seunghyun's expression from the reflection. It didn't look like he was happy nor sad. Seunghyun did as he was told and walked over to sit in the once empty chair next to Daesung who watched his every move, wondering what he should say or do. Seunghyun didn't look at him nor did he make any move to acknowledge Daesung's presence and Daesung mimicked him, unsure of what he should do. Seunghyun had said he needed time and Daesung felt he needed to wait for Seunghyun to make the first move.
It was more awkward than when they first realized they liked each other and were too stupid to act on their feelings. They either awkwardly danced around each other or ignored each other completely. It was nearly the same song and dance, just with a heavier precedence.
They sat in silence as the stylists did their job. They only acknowledged their stylist's attempts at casual conversation, which left an uncomfortable tension floating in the air. It was killing Daesung not knowing; not knowing if everything between them would be alright. He wished that Seunghyun would just look at him, just once, but then hated himself for feeling that way. He turned to look at Seunghyun as a silent apology for thinking what he did, even though it's for something ridiculous and something Seunghyun would probably never know. Still, he turned and looked first, and Seunghyun immediately picked up on it and looked back. Their eyes met, both looks filled with a sadness with a hint of hope. At least that's what Daesung wanted to believe that's what Seunghyun was feeling, because it was what he was feeling. They both turned away after a few seconds.
Daesung was done first and left as soon as he could, unable to stand the tension and the overwhelming sadness looming over them. He was sure if he stayed there any longer he would start crying.
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"Seungri, move to the front, next to Youngbae, now turn, yes, pose like that!" the photographer commanded from behind the camera. "Now, Jiyong, stand between Seunghyun and Daesung, but more in front of them, next to Seungri and turn your back to him," the photographer waved his hands in an effort to get the band mates to understand where they were wanted. "Ok, one, two, three-!" he counted down and the camera flashed. The photographer continued like that, counting down as the boys continued to pose in their assigned positions. Daesung did his best to focus on putting on his best (forced)smile for the cameras and not on who was standing next to him, when he felt a large, warm hand grasp his own. Daesung looked down and then over in surprise, ruining the shot in the process. "Daesung, pay attention!" the photographer barked and before Daesung went back to posing, he saw Seunghyun's genuine smile and felt Seunghyun's hand squeeze his own. It was a small gesture, but it was enough to make Daesung smile unforced and fill his heart with something more than worry and sadness. Daesung squeezed back without thinking twice. He didn't believe that Seunghyun had completely forgiven him yet, if ever, but at least Seunghyun wanted to try and that was all Daesung could ever ask for.
art post.