one bite at a time
Looks like The Bun is all set for his annual food strike. When it happened last year, the entire family, especially the grandparents, were very worried. We saw two doctors, who both told us he was fine and to not push the issue, and eventually, after two weeks, The Bun began eating again and everyone heaved a big sigh of relief.
This time round, The Bun either eats very slowly (like forty-five minutes to finish a small bowl of cereal with milk), or spits out the food because it is 'too big a bite' or 'not very good', or else he spends a lot of time cutting his food into microscopic bits and then eating them slowly, one at a time. This happens even for his favourite foods like fries or pizza or fish fingers. A couple of nights ago he ate noodles one strand at a time, and when he declared that he was done I think the total amount of noodles he had consumed could probably fill just one soup spoon. Tonight at dinner he had a couple of nibbles of a burger (after claiming he was hungry and would eat 'super fast'), some fries, a bit of juice, and that was it.
He does not snack in-between meals and evidently is none the worse for wear because even after what passed for dinner tonight he was in the best of moods, singing and skipping alongside as J and I did some grocery shopping. He was bouncy, happy, and even had pink cheeks from all the skipping around. At bedtime as we sat together for stories I stroked his knee absently and realised how bony and scrawny his legs were. J was also a lanky, skinny kid, so I shouldn't be surprised, but still...
On one level I know it is a power struggle and a way for him to test his limits yet again. I also think that he has realised that poor eating means that the adults all cluck worriedly around him and shower him with attention. I have been asking the grandparents to stop coaxing him or talking about him and his diet in front of him - he may not understand that much Mandarin or Hokkien but I am quite sure he knows that he is the topic of discussion. The slower he eats, the more everyone tries to bribe, feed, or sit around with him as he slowly chews each noodle, each grain of rice.
Perhaps this is yet another reaction to Bao's arrival. As a three-year-old, the only thing you have control over is your body. To get adults to pay attention, simply disrupt the following parts of your daily life: sleeping (check), elimination (some regression), and eating (check, check, check). Even if it is laced with frustration, some adult attention is better than none.
We know that he won't fade away from lack of food, so the real challenge here is to give The Bun appropriate attention during mealtimes without getting into a power struggle over the way he eats or the amount he eats. That is A LOT easier said than done. It is seriously frustrating when everyone at the dinner table has finished and he is still picking his way through his food, but cries and has a tantrum if given a deadline and/or when the food is removed. At one point I was so annoyed that I said something along the lines of not having to cook lunch for him anymore since he never eats it anyway, and he shrugged and said 'okay'. Who wins here, really?
He still has a lingering cough (yep, that same one since Christmas) and maybe that affects the way his throat feels and his unwillingness to eat up. Then again, when he manages to get his hands on cake and cookies (his top favourite foods) he has no problem whipping through it and stuffing his face, so I'm not sure how well that theory floats.
So much for J and I patting ourselves on the back a couple of months ago because we thought The Bun was a good eater who was willing to try anything and who counted tripe as one of his favourite foods. We obviously jinxed ourselves. Now he's reduced to milk (not much), bread (with some coaxing), pasta, crackers, soup, and some fruit. And all these in tiny portions. Planning meals is a headache because even though I won't make special meals just for him, I do try to accommodate his preferences and when that dwindles to such limited choices, it makes me feel like I just shouldn't bother at all.
I know it's a phase we need to get through, like The Bun's Sleep and Scream phase a month ago, and that all of it is part of The Bun's overall reaction to the new changes in his life (i.e. Bao). J says he will eat when he is hungry, and that we should let him learn that he needs to eat during mealtimes or just go hungry and wait for the next meal. I say that my responsibility ends when I place the meal in front of him - I can't force feed him and I don't want to coax every single bite into him. It's just really hard to do because it's such a primal instinct, making sure your young is nourished, and when that is problematic the frustration just keeps wearing you down with every bite not taken.
One bite at a time; one day at a time.
This time round, The Bun either eats very slowly (like forty-five minutes to finish a small bowl of cereal with milk), or spits out the food because it is 'too big a bite' or 'not very good', or else he spends a lot of time cutting his food into microscopic bits and then eating them slowly, one at a time. This happens even for his favourite foods like fries or pizza or fish fingers. A couple of nights ago he ate noodles one strand at a time, and when he declared that he was done I think the total amount of noodles he had consumed could probably fill just one soup spoon. Tonight at dinner he had a couple of nibbles of a burger (after claiming he was hungry and would eat 'super fast'), some fries, a bit of juice, and that was it.
He does not snack in-between meals and evidently is none the worse for wear because even after what passed for dinner tonight he was in the best of moods, singing and skipping alongside as J and I did some grocery shopping. He was bouncy, happy, and even had pink cheeks from all the skipping around. At bedtime as we sat together for stories I stroked his knee absently and realised how bony and scrawny his legs were. J was also a lanky, skinny kid, so I shouldn't be surprised, but still...
On one level I know it is a power struggle and a way for him to test his limits yet again. I also think that he has realised that poor eating means that the adults all cluck worriedly around him and shower him with attention. I have been asking the grandparents to stop coaxing him or talking about him and his diet in front of him - he may not understand that much Mandarin or Hokkien but I am quite sure he knows that he is the topic of discussion. The slower he eats, the more everyone tries to bribe, feed, or sit around with him as he slowly chews each noodle, each grain of rice.
Perhaps this is yet another reaction to Bao's arrival. As a three-year-old, the only thing you have control over is your body. To get adults to pay attention, simply disrupt the following parts of your daily life: sleeping (check), elimination (some regression), and eating (check, check, check). Even if it is laced with frustration, some adult attention is better than none.
We know that he won't fade away from lack of food, so the real challenge here is to give The Bun appropriate attention during mealtimes without getting into a power struggle over the way he eats or the amount he eats. That is A LOT easier said than done. It is seriously frustrating when everyone at the dinner table has finished and he is still picking his way through his food, but cries and has a tantrum if given a deadline and/or when the food is removed. At one point I was so annoyed that I said something along the lines of not having to cook lunch for him anymore since he never eats it anyway, and he shrugged and said 'okay'. Who wins here, really?
He still has a lingering cough (yep, that same one since Christmas) and maybe that affects the way his throat feels and his unwillingness to eat up. Then again, when he manages to get his hands on cake and cookies (his top favourite foods) he has no problem whipping through it and stuffing his face, so I'm not sure how well that theory floats.
So much for J and I patting ourselves on the back a couple of months ago because we thought The Bun was a good eater who was willing to try anything and who counted tripe as one of his favourite foods. We obviously jinxed ourselves. Now he's reduced to milk (not much), bread (with some coaxing), pasta, crackers, soup, and some fruit. And all these in tiny portions. Planning meals is a headache because even though I won't make special meals just for him, I do try to accommodate his preferences and when that dwindles to such limited choices, it makes me feel like I just shouldn't bother at all.
I know it's a phase we need to get through, like The Bun's Sleep and Scream phase a month ago, and that all of it is part of The Bun's overall reaction to the new changes in his life (i.e. Bao). J says he will eat when he is hungry, and that we should let him learn that he needs to eat during mealtimes or just go hungry and wait for the next meal. I say that my responsibility ends when I place the meal in front of him - I can't force feed him and I don't want to coax every single bite into him. It's just really hard to do because it's such a primal instinct, making sure your young is nourished, and when that is problematic the frustration just keeps wearing you down with every bite not taken.
One bite at a time; one day at a time.