New Age Atropos
TITLE: New Age Atropos
PAIRING: KoyaShige
RATING: PG
WORD COUNT: 3,875
SUMMARY: Koyama has an ugly duty.
NOTES:.... Um, happy birthday, Koyama? This is probably the worst birthday fic I could ever write. There's WTFery, maybe some mind-fuckery, and something like Stockholm Syndrome, maybe. I just... don't know what the hell this is. ._.
Goseki trembles and cries quietly. Koyama sits on his bed, frowning.
"You're not very original," Koyama mumbles. "You're a lot less entertaining in this scenario than I would have guessed."
"I'm sorry. Please don't."
"God, you're boring."
Goseki sobs and presses himself further back against the wall. Koyama stands and walks to him.
"You're no fun for me. So, we might as well get this over with. If it's any consolation, it doesn't hurt."
-
When Koyama arrives at work the next morning, Tegoshi is crying on the couch, and Yamapi is doing what he can to console him.
Tegoshi turns to Koyama, his eyes red and puffy. "It happened again," he cries. "G-Goseki-kun is--"
Koyama's eyes turn sad, and he hugs Tegoshi tightly.
-
"I haven't been sleeping," Shige says quietly over lunch. "The deaths-- They're freaking me out. It's not normal for perfectly healthy young people to just drop dead for no reason."
Koyama frowns and reaches across the table to hold Shige's hand. "You have to sleep, Shige. Would it make you feel better if I stayed the night?"
Shige's lips twitch, like if these were normal circumstances he'd have smiled. "You can protect me from the unexplainable death of young idols? Let's get real, Koyama."
"Shige is wonderful. You'll be fine."
"I envy you. Being able to be so sure and comfortable, even with everything that's going on."
Koyama ends up spending the night. It's hard for Shige to argue the point when Koyama follows him home like a puppy. Normally, Shige likes to have his space when he sleeps, but he doesn't do that for once. He shuffles close, pressing his shoulder against Koyama's.
"Go to sleep, Shige," Koyama whispers. "I'll keep an eye out for baddies while you rest."
Koyama's voice sounds like a lullaby, and Shige's eyelids feel heavy. He can't help but let them droop closed.
-
There's a month-long respite in the deaths. Everyone deludes themselves into thinking it's over.
Until there's a hysterical call from Inoo Kei's mother.
Koyama hadn't had a choice. He'd begged so pathetically. It was shameful, really.
-
There are certain people whose time has come. Their string of life is running short, and it's Koyama's duty to finish the job.
Unless they can give him something he doesn't have. If they can entertain him and give him a good reason why they should keep living, then it's an easy enough matter -- even for Koyama -- to cut and paste some new string and let that person live a little longer
But, humans are weak- and simple-minded. Most can't come up with a good reason. So, Koyama cuts their string and they descend to the river and its ferryman.
-
If it came up, Koyama would have to do it; which is why he's glad that NEWS member's names never show up on his list. He hopes they all live long, so that, at least, the nasty duty of killing them will fall to whoever follows him in his ugly job.
It's a bit odd, he thinks. This attachment he feels to such little creatures, these humans. Especially Shige. Koyama wonders if the Lord of the Underworld might allow him to visit Shige when that time comes. The Lord is fickle though, and Koyama tries not to get himself worrying about that too much.
So, NEWS isn't on his list. But, that doesn't mean Koyama sometimes doesn't want to scare them.
Like when Tegoshi flounces up and asks for Shige's help with setting his hair. Or when Ryo sits too close on the couch and uses Shige as a pillow. Or when Pi takes up Shige's time with invites out for dinner and beers.
Koyama feels territorial over Shige, for no particular reason. He sends the others nightmares, terrifying vision of worlds that even Koyama finds repulsive. And, when even that is not enough, Koyama visits them himself.
-
"Shige is not yours," Koyama hisses, the world around him shifting and changing.
Massu squints, like he's confused. "Koyama? Why am I dreaming about you?"
"Is this a dream, I wonder? Maybe. Maybe not. Regardless." The air grows heavy, and Massu falls to his knees. "You'll die someday, just like Shige. But, until that times, I'm what he sees in his eyes. Not you."
"K-Koyama?"
"Tell me why I shouldn't kill you. I'll get in trouble for cutting your string early, but not so much that it would be intolerable."
"You're scaring me, Koyama. It's not like you to say stuff like this."
"Koyama, Koyama, Koyama," he repeats in a whining, mocking voice. "I can't stand you sometimes. Just stay away from my Shige."
And, just like that, Koyama disappears like a wisp, and Massu jolts awake, covered in a cold sweat.
-
"I dreamt about you last night, Koyama."
"Really?! Was it a good dream," Koyama asks.
Massu pales. "No. You were really scary."
Koyama frowns and rubs Massu's shoulders. "I'm sorry. Did you eat something weird before you went to bed? That happens to me sometimes."
"... Maybe the yogurt I had for a snack wasn't so good..."
"Ah! You should be more careful!" Koyama leads Massu to the couch. "I'll go get you some tea. Wait here."
Massu leans back against the couch and feels relieved that his dreams aren't anything like reality.
-
"Are you sleeping better?"
"Yeah," Shige says, but Koyama can tell he's lying.
"It was probably just stress that got to them."
Shige frowns. "That only ever happens to old CEOs. Not young, healthy people."
"Just stop worrying, Shige. It's not good for you."
Shige pales, and Koyama invites himself over again.
-
Koyama sleeps soundly and lets his dreams wander.
He's in a library. He pulls a book from the shelf, and a piece of paper falls out from between the pages. He leans down and sees the name "Aiba" scrawled across it.
Koyama frowns. He'd always kind of liked Aiba.
But, a job's a job, and he refocuses.
Aiba is dreaming of Europeans who speak an unintelligible language, and he is their king. The citizens clear out of Koyama's way like water, and he ascends into Aiba's throne room.
"Ah, it's Koyama-kun!" Aiba says, smiling and voice light. "What a surprise. I wonder if this means I should take you out to lunch tomorrow?..."
"What is the duty of a king?" Koyama asks.
"To serve his people!"
"And, for that, he must live long."
"Long live the king!" The other people in the dream shout.
"Why should I let you live long, Aiba-kun?"
The smile slowly disappears from the king's face. "What do you mean?"
"If today was your day to die, what would you tell Death to make him change his mind?"
Aiba thinks long and hard before he says, "Without me, all these people are lost. It's cruel to leave them behind."
Koyama laughs, tears slipping out from his eyes. Aiba doesn't even realize he's dreaming, that the moment he wakes up, all these people will cease to be.
"You want to keep living so you can serve people who will disappear the moment your alarm goes off?" Koyama reaches towards Aiba. "Poor choice of--"
And then, everything seems to fall apart, and Koyama wakes.
"I heard something out in the hallway," Shige whispers, his voice hoarse and tight. "What if it's a murderer?"
Koyama blinks the last of the sleep from his mind.
Shige grips Koyama's arm tighter. "I don't want to die."
"I won't let you die," Koyama says and gets up to check out the noise that he'd pretty sure Shige imagined.
A minute later, Koyama comes back and crawls under the covers again. "There's nothing. You're scaring yourself. Go back to sleep."
Shige shuffles closer. Normally, Shige's wouldn't ever be this close (he likes his personal space bubble), but Shige is terrified of something unseen that is haunting him, and Koyama is honestly happy for that. He likes having Shige rely on him so fully.
Koyama wonders what happened with Aiba. I didn't fully cut his string, Koyama muses. This hasn't ever happened before...
-
He's in a coma. Completely out. His brainwaves aren't normal for a coma though, and it puzzles the doctors.
Shige can't finish his lunch when he hears the news.
-
Shige doesn't ask him for it, and Koyama doesn't ask if he wants it. He just quietly -- everyday -- follows the younger home and spends the night comforting him, promising that he'll keep Shige safe from any baddies that would try to take him away.
"Do you think it's a disease? Maybe it's going around the agency," Shige whispers, like he's afraid to talk too loudly.
"Who knows. Aiba-kun's coma is certainly out of the ordinary."
Shige shivers, and Koyama holds him tighter.
-
"I don't know what would be worse," Shige says a few nights later. "To be dead or to be a vegetable."
Koyama rubs a hand through Shige's hair, like he does to his cat. "Stop scaring yourself. Neither will happen. I promise."
"How? How can you promise that?"
"I just have this feeling."
Shige frowns and grips the comforter tightly in his hands. Koyama leans back onto the mattress and pulls Shige down with him.
Koyama hums a quiet song, trying to lull Shige to sleep. It takes a long time to work, and even in sleep, Shige looks worried. Koyama rubs his thumb across Shige's forehead, trying to ease out the creases from his skin. It only works a little, and Koyama takes to rubbing along Shige's hairline.
-
At a Bavarian-style mountain lodge, way up in the mountains, Shige sits at a desk, drinking coffee and writing. The sun is warm and the breeze is light. Koyama sits besides him. The wind stops and clouds cover the sun.
"You followed me?" Shige asks, and Koyama nods, taking a sip from Shige's mug. He doesn't have to ask; that's what being best friends is about. "Why?"
"It's your dream."
Shige mumbles something, but all Koyama hears is, "It is."
"I'll protect you," Koyama says, and Shige jolts in his seat. "From whatever it is you're scared of. You can count on me."
Shige trembles, and Koyama takes his hand. The clouds grow darker.
"I won't let anything hurt you, because all the things that could are frightened of me."
"What do you mean?"
"They all know that I'd make them suffer through such hells if they brought even the tiniest pain upon you. So. Don't worry. Rest easy."
Koyama stands and leans over the table. He kisses Shige gently on the forehead and disappears from the dream.
-
Koyama brings Shige coffee in bed in the morning.
"I'm so stressed that I'm dreaming about you, of all people."
"I feel so honored," Koyama says, laughing.
"You said you'd protect me. Because anything that could hurt me is scared of you."
Koyama sits up straighter and cocks his head. "You remember that much detail from your dreams?"
Shige nods. "Yeah. I tried to figure out how to lucid dream a while back, but I couldn't get it right. The memory exercises all stuck with me though."
While Shige continues, complaining about how his coffee is too sweet, Koyama swears in his head. He never anticipated that Shige might remember so much. It's dangerous. It might compromise his position. If Shige knows too much, his name might show up on Koyama's list, and that would be too much to bear.
-
Shige takes to having a drink every night before he goes to sleep. It worries Koyama, but at least it helps Shige sleep soundly. He snores quietly, face pressed against Koyama's shoulder. In his mind's eye, Koyama can see a name forming. It's not clear yet, but he knows that in a few days time, Shige's fears will be renewed, and it will weight heavily on them both.
-
The night the name solidifies -- Uchiumi Kouji -- Koyama visits Shige first.
"Don't worry!" Koyama shouts over the roar of ocean waves. "I'll keep you safe no matter what!"
"What -- What do you mean?"
"I'm sorry, Shige."
They look across the deck at each other for a long time. Shige looks stressed and Koyama nearly apologetic.
"There's something you're not telling me. Something awful."
Koyama doesn't answer -- just starts to disappear.
"I never thought you'd be the type to hide something from me..."
-
Koyama wakes him in the morning with a gentle shake. Shige grumbles and rolls over.
"Something happened."
Shige is instantly awake and looking up at Koyama with wide eyes.
"It was Uchiumi-san. From Hikaru Genji."
Shige takes a deep breath and rolls over. Koyama sits on the bed next to him and rubs his back.
-
Shige stays in bed for hours. No one at the agency tries to argue when Koyama calls, saying neither of them will be coming in.
It's after lunch time that Shige finally gets up. He takes a long shower and comes out, his hair still wet, and sweatpants riding low, the drawstring loose.
"I can't take much more of this."
Koyama opens his mouth to speak, but Shige cuts him off.
"I keep seeing you in my dreams, telling me everything will be okay, but it's not. I've never felt so helpless."
"Shige --"
"There's something you're not telling me. Something awful."
Koyama freezes and takes a very slow breath.
"You look startled."
Their eyes meet, and Koyama straightens up to his full height.
"It's what I said to you last night. That's why. What are you hiding from me? Haven't we always been honest with each other?"
"...I'm not hiding anything, Shige. Everything'll be fine. Don't worry."
Shige crosses his arms over his chest. "When you say that... it only makes me more worried."
-
In his dreams, Clotho -- in the form of an Indian woman -- comes to him.
"Normally you snip with such casual abandon, but look at you. Pathetic."
"I know," Koyama mumbles. "I'm not so good at this anymore. It's too close to home."
"You're worried about the little humans."
"... Just one of them."
"How unlike you. Looks like this new form of yours isn't working out so well."
"I want to be honest, but --"
"But, you know what that would mean."
"He'd show up on my list."
Clotho paces and gnaws her bottom lip.
"Go talk with Lachesis."
"What good woul --"
"She knows many ways to cheat," Clotho says, patting Koyama on the back.
So, he goes to her -- a little Latina woman, short and spunky with bleached hair. Koyama explains everything to her, and she listens, all the while never stopping making measurements of string.
"He's supposed to live long."
"Supposed?"
"The Watchers are getting worried. You should stop giving him so many hints when you talk with him in dreams."
"What should I do?"
Lachesis stands and spends a long bit of time digging through baskets and drawers. She eventually comes back to the table, a long, white string in hand.
"You want to be honest with him? Fully?"
"I can't imagine not having him around. But, I don't want to hurt him either."
"You don't have to," Lachesis whispers and wraps the string around her thumb.
-
Shige has lost weight. Koyama can tell because he's not using the normal hole-punch on his belt. He doesn't leave the apartment much either nowadays.
"Are you sleeping at all?" Koyama asks, and Shige shakes his head. "Can I tell you something?"
"...What?"
"Even if something bad happens to you, I know how to fix it."
Shige's quick to punch Koyama in the shoulder. "You can't fix death, asshole!"
He storms off to his room and slams the door. Koyama stays in the living room until the sun sets, like he's keeping a vigil.
"Shige," Koyama whispers, crawling into bed that night. "Do you know about the Fates?"
He grumbles and doesn't answer.
"The first weaves the string of life. The second measures it. And, the third cuts it."
"I don't see why this matters," Shige mumbles and swats a hand at Koyama, who catches it and uses it to turn Shige onto his back.
Koyama leans down, his breath skirting across Shige's cheeks. "I'm the third. I cut the string of life. I send people to the river Styx."
"Don't lie to me," Shige snaps.
"I'm not." Koyama runs a hand down Shige's torso, and the younger twitches. "I'm Atropos. Look it up if you want. It's why I tell you not to worry, why I can protect you."
Shige pushes Koyama off and scrambles over his desk, He flips open his laptop and clicks furiously against the keyboard. A few minutes later, he crumples to the floor.
"You kill people!" Shige shrieks, his terror making his pitch jump. He crawls away from Koyama. "You -- you killed them!"
"It was their time. It's my job. Lachesis is the one who measured that time."
Koyama backs Shige into a corner and cups his cheek. "Don't worry, Shige. I've got everything taken care of."
Shige scrunches his eyes closed. "This is a dream."
"It's not," Koyama says softly and holds Shige's ankle in his free hand. "You know that. Now, come back to bed."
He must be in a state of shock, because Shige lets Koyama help him up and into bed. Koyama tucks the blankets around them both and gives Shige a soft kiss good night.
-
Shige is careful and methodical around Koyama, like he's scared.
"It's okay," Koyama murmurs nearly all the time, reaching out towards Shige. "Haven't I always said I'd protect you?"
"You -- you killed Goseki-kun. You didn't need to."
"His time for this world was over. That's not my fault Shige."
"And Inoo-kun. And Aiba-kun. And Uchiumi-san." Shige's face is red, and he presses it against the cool tile of the kitchen counter. "I don't know who you are anymore. You're not the Koyama I know."
It hurts Koyama to hear that, because everything he's doing now is for Shige.
"There were ways they could have had their string lengthened, but they didn't do them. They accepted their fate, Shige."
He trembles, and Koyama embraces him from behind. He doesn't think it's necessary to tell Shige the details.
-
A name starts to form in his mind, and Koyama lets it take his course. The agency has practically stopped functioning while the police investigate the deaths. That's fine with Koyama. It just means he has all the more reason to hole himself up in Shige's apartment and talk in soft tones to the younger.
"Clotho is motherly. Very lovely," Koyama says while Shige hugs a pillow to his chest. "And Lachesis just wants people to take advantage of what time they have, though a lot don't. It's sad, I suppose."
"Please, stop," Shige begs, but he doesn't specify whether it's the talking or the killing. "Why can't you just be Koyama again?"
Koyama shifts closer. "I know it hurts for you to know right now, but everything will be okay. I've made sure of it."
Shige presses his face into the pillow. He seems uncomfortable, but lets Koyama soothe him.
Three days later, Shige's name is bold in Koyama's mind.
-
On a tropical beach, Shige sleeps, Koyama prods him, and he rolls over.
Shige tenses when he opens his eyes. "What are you doing here?"
Koyama smiles. "I'm supposed to kill you."
Shige scrambles away, tripping over a rock in the sand and falling onto his back. "K-Koyama --"
"Shhh, it's okay," he whispers, crawling towards Shige on his hands and knees. "I've got a plan. To make sure we'll always be together. Me and Shige." He pets a hand across Shige's cheek. "All you have to do, is wake up."
Shige's eyes flash open to the dark of his bedroom. He only knows Koyama is sitting on him because of the weight.
"Lachesis knows how to cheat. She'll take care of everything."
Shige pushes at Koyama, but he just grabs Shige's wrists and pins them to the mattress.
"Let go of me, please," Shige sobs. "I don't want to die. Why are you doing this?"
Koyama frowns. "I'm not going to hurt you. Haven't I always said I'd keep you safe?" Shige struggles against Koyama, and he keeps talking. "Humans aren't supposed to know about the Fates, that's why your string is supposed to be cut short now. But, everything is planned. You'll still be mine. We'll still have each other."
"Get off!"
Koyama shushes Shige again and leans down so their foreheads are touching. "It won't hurt, I promise. And, after all this is done, there won't be anyone able to take you away from me."
Shige's breath feels short in his chest, and he bites his lip just as Koyama kisses his cheek, softly, like he does most nights.
-
Lachesis holds Shige's hand gently, rubbing her thumb across his palm. "You're so sentimental sometimes, Atropos."
Koyama laughs, quietly and guiltily. "I need Shige."
"Okay," she says and reaches to a dark ball of string at her side. "We're all allowed to be a selfish from time to time."
She wraps a great deal of the string around Shige's wrist. Koyama moves and sits on the other side of Shige's prone and cold body. Lachesis, with the very last end of the string, ties it around two of Koyama's fingers.
"I'll keep his original string safe."
The dark string fades away, until it can't even be seen anymore, but Koyama can still feel it in the air between himself and Shige.
"Thank you," Koyama whispers, like Shige's asleep, and Koyama doesn't want to wake him.
Lachesis smiles and disappears like a puff of smoke.
-
Shige wakes to Koyama's face entirely too close to his own and feeling rather ill. He gets up and goes to the kitchen for some water. When he returns to the bedroom, Koyama is awake and sitting up. And that's when Shige remembers everything from the night before.
"Y-y-you -- .... Didn't you say you were going to kill me?"
Koyama smiles. "I did. But, I also told you that Lachesis knows how to cheat."
"What did you do to me?" Shige asks, his voice trembling.
"I cut your string, but not the one you were given at birth. It was a shoddy replacement, just so that the Watchers would think I did the job. Then, Lachesis gave you some of my string."
Shige reaches out behind him for his desk chair, and he collapses into it. "What does that all mean? I don't get it."
"It means we're attached now." Koyama stands and goes over to Shige. "Our lives are the same, because we're on the same string. Nothing can hurt you, and I can tell you everything. If you want me to."
Shige breaks eye contact and stares out the window. "... Am I still dead?"
"No. But, you're not really alive either."
Koyama reaches out and takes Shige's shoulders in his hands. "You'll come to see and appreciate the benefits in time."
"Why would you do this to me?" Shige croaks.
Koyama smiles and sits on the floor. He rests his head against Shige's knees and whispers, "Because Kei-chan can't go on without his Shige."
PAIRING: KoyaShige
RATING: PG
WORD COUNT: 3,875
SUMMARY: Koyama has an ugly duty.
NOTES:.... Um, happy birthday, Koyama? This is probably the worst birthday fic I could ever write. There's WTFery, maybe some mind-fuckery, and something like Stockholm Syndrome, maybe. I just... don't know what the hell this is. ._.
Goseki trembles and cries quietly. Koyama sits on his bed, frowning.
"You're not very original," Koyama mumbles. "You're a lot less entertaining in this scenario than I would have guessed."
"I'm sorry. Please don't."
"God, you're boring."
Goseki sobs and presses himself further back against the wall. Koyama stands and walks to him.
"You're no fun for me. So, we might as well get this over with. If it's any consolation, it doesn't hurt."
-
When Koyama arrives at work the next morning, Tegoshi is crying on the couch, and Yamapi is doing what he can to console him.
Tegoshi turns to Koyama, his eyes red and puffy. "It happened again," he cries. "G-Goseki-kun is--"
Koyama's eyes turn sad, and he hugs Tegoshi tightly.
-
"I haven't been sleeping," Shige says quietly over lunch. "The deaths-- They're freaking me out. It's not normal for perfectly healthy young people to just drop dead for no reason."
Koyama frowns and reaches across the table to hold Shige's hand. "You have to sleep, Shige. Would it make you feel better if I stayed the night?"
Shige's lips twitch, like if these were normal circumstances he'd have smiled. "You can protect me from the unexplainable death of young idols? Let's get real, Koyama."
"Shige is wonderful. You'll be fine."
"I envy you. Being able to be so sure and comfortable, even with everything that's going on."
Koyama ends up spending the night. It's hard for Shige to argue the point when Koyama follows him home like a puppy. Normally, Shige likes to have his space when he sleeps, but he doesn't do that for once. He shuffles close, pressing his shoulder against Koyama's.
"Go to sleep, Shige," Koyama whispers. "I'll keep an eye out for baddies while you rest."
Koyama's voice sounds like a lullaby, and Shige's eyelids feel heavy. He can't help but let them droop closed.
-
There's a month-long respite in the deaths. Everyone deludes themselves into thinking it's over.
Until there's a hysterical call from Inoo Kei's mother.
Koyama hadn't had a choice. He'd begged so pathetically. It was shameful, really.
-
There are certain people whose time has come. Their string of life is running short, and it's Koyama's duty to finish the job.
Unless they can give him something he doesn't have. If they can entertain him and give him a good reason why they should keep living, then it's an easy enough matter -- even for Koyama -- to cut and paste some new string and let that person live a little longer
But, humans are weak- and simple-minded. Most can't come up with a good reason. So, Koyama cuts their string and they descend to the river and its ferryman.
-
If it came up, Koyama would have to do it; which is why he's glad that NEWS member's names never show up on his list. He hopes they all live long, so that, at least, the nasty duty of killing them will fall to whoever follows him in his ugly job.
It's a bit odd, he thinks. This attachment he feels to such little creatures, these humans. Especially Shige. Koyama wonders if the Lord of the Underworld might allow him to visit Shige when that time comes. The Lord is fickle though, and Koyama tries not to get himself worrying about that too much.
So, NEWS isn't on his list. But, that doesn't mean Koyama sometimes doesn't want to scare them.
Like when Tegoshi flounces up and asks for Shige's help with setting his hair. Or when Ryo sits too close on the couch and uses Shige as a pillow. Or when Pi takes up Shige's time with invites out for dinner and beers.
Koyama feels territorial over Shige, for no particular reason. He sends the others nightmares, terrifying vision of worlds that even Koyama finds repulsive. And, when even that is not enough, Koyama visits them himself.
-
"Shige is not yours," Koyama hisses, the world around him shifting and changing.
Massu squints, like he's confused. "Koyama? Why am I dreaming about you?"
"Is this a dream, I wonder? Maybe. Maybe not. Regardless." The air grows heavy, and Massu falls to his knees. "You'll die someday, just like Shige. But, until that times, I'm what he sees in his eyes. Not you."
"K-Koyama?"
"Tell me why I shouldn't kill you. I'll get in trouble for cutting your string early, but not so much that it would be intolerable."
"You're scaring me, Koyama. It's not like you to say stuff like this."
"Koyama, Koyama, Koyama," he repeats in a whining, mocking voice. "I can't stand you sometimes. Just stay away from my Shige."
And, just like that, Koyama disappears like a wisp, and Massu jolts awake, covered in a cold sweat.
-
"I dreamt about you last night, Koyama."
"Really?! Was it a good dream," Koyama asks.
Massu pales. "No. You were really scary."
Koyama frowns and rubs Massu's shoulders. "I'm sorry. Did you eat something weird before you went to bed? That happens to me sometimes."
"... Maybe the yogurt I had for a snack wasn't so good..."
"Ah! You should be more careful!" Koyama leads Massu to the couch. "I'll go get you some tea. Wait here."
Massu leans back against the couch and feels relieved that his dreams aren't anything like reality.
-
"Are you sleeping better?"
"Yeah," Shige says, but Koyama can tell he's lying.
"It was probably just stress that got to them."
Shige frowns. "That only ever happens to old CEOs. Not young, healthy people."
"Just stop worrying, Shige. It's not good for you."
Shige pales, and Koyama invites himself over again.
-
Koyama sleeps soundly and lets his dreams wander.
He's in a library. He pulls a book from the shelf, and a piece of paper falls out from between the pages. He leans down and sees the name "Aiba" scrawled across it.
Koyama frowns. He'd always kind of liked Aiba.
But, a job's a job, and he refocuses.
Aiba is dreaming of Europeans who speak an unintelligible language, and he is their king. The citizens clear out of Koyama's way like water, and he ascends into Aiba's throne room.
"Ah, it's Koyama-kun!" Aiba says, smiling and voice light. "What a surprise. I wonder if this means I should take you out to lunch tomorrow?..."
"What is the duty of a king?" Koyama asks.
"To serve his people!"
"And, for that, he must live long."
"Long live the king!" The other people in the dream shout.
"Why should I let you live long, Aiba-kun?"
The smile slowly disappears from the king's face. "What do you mean?"
"If today was your day to die, what would you tell Death to make him change his mind?"
Aiba thinks long and hard before he says, "Without me, all these people are lost. It's cruel to leave them behind."
Koyama laughs, tears slipping out from his eyes. Aiba doesn't even realize he's dreaming, that the moment he wakes up, all these people will cease to be.
"You want to keep living so you can serve people who will disappear the moment your alarm goes off?" Koyama reaches towards Aiba. "Poor choice of--"
And then, everything seems to fall apart, and Koyama wakes.
"I heard something out in the hallway," Shige whispers, his voice hoarse and tight. "What if it's a murderer?"
Koyama blinks the last of the sleep from his mind.
Shige grips Koyama's arm tighter. "I don't want to die."
"I won't let you die," Koyama says and gets up to check out the noise that he'd pretty sure Shige imagined.
A minute later, Koyama comes back and crawls under the covers again. "There's nothing. You're scaring yourself. Go back to sleep."
Shige shuffles closer. Normally, Shige's wouldn't ever be this close (he likes his personal space bubble), but Shige is terrified of something unseen that is haunting him, and Koyama is honestly happy for that. He likes having Shige rely on him so fully.
Koyama wonders what happened with Aiba. I didn't fully cut his string, Koyama muses. This hasn't ever happened before...
-
He's in a coma. Completely out. His brainwaves aren't normal for a coma though, and it puzzles the doctors.
Shige can't finish his lunch when he hears the news.
-
Shige doesn't ask him for it, and Koyama doesn't ask if he wants it. He just quietly -- everyday -- follows the younger home and spends the night comforting him, promising that he'll keep Shige safe from any baddies that would try to take him away.
"Do you think it's a disease? Maybe it's going around the agency," Shige whispers, like he's afraid to talk too loudly.
"Who knows. Aiba-kun's coma is certainly out of the ordinary."
Shige shivers, and Koyama holds him tighter.
-
"I don't know what would be worse," Shige says a few nights later. "To be dead or to be a vegetable."
Koyama rubs a hand through Shige's hair, like he does to his cat. "Stop scaring yourself. Neither will happen. I promise."
"How? How can you promise that?"
"I just have this feeling."
Shige frowns and grips the comforter tightly in his hands. Koyama leans back onto the mattress and pulls Shige down with him.
Koyama hums a quiet song, trying to lull Shige to sleep. It takes a long time to work, and even in sleep, Shige looks worried. Koyama rubs his thumb across Shige's forehead, trying to ease out the creases from his skin. It only works a little, and Koyama takes to rubbing along Shige's hairline.
-
At a Bavarian-style mountain lodge, way up in the mountains, Shige sits at a desk, drinking coffee and writing. The sun is warm and the breeze is light. Koyama sits besides him. The wind stops and clouds cover the sun.
"You followed me?" Shige asks, and Koyama nods, taking a sip from Shige's mug. He doesn't have to ask; that's what being best friends is about. "Why?"
"It's your dream."
Shige mumbles something, but all Koyama hears is, "It is."
"I'll protect you," Koyama says, and Shige jolts in his seat. "From whatever it is you're scared of. You can count on me."
Shige trembles, and Koyama takes his hand. The clouds grow darker.
"I won't let anything hurt you, because all the things that could are frightened of me."
"What do you mean?"
"They all know that I'd make them suffer through such hells if they brought even the tiniest pain upon you. So. Don't worry. Rest easy."
Koyama stands and leans over the table. He kisses Shige gently on the forehead and disappears from the dream.
-
Koyama brings Shige coffee in bed in the morning.
"I'm so stressed that I'm dreaming about you, of all people."
"I feel so honored," Koyama says, laughing.
"You said you'd protect me. Because anything that could hurt me is scared of you."
Koyama sits up straighter and cocks his head. "You remember that much detail from your dreams?"
Shige nods. "Yeah. I tried to figure out how to lucid dream a while back, but I couldn't get it right. The memory exercises all stuck with me though."
While Shige continues, complaining about how his coffee is too sweet, Koyama swears in his head. He never anticipated that Shige might remember so much. It's dangerous. It might compromise his position. If Shige knows too much, his name might show up on Koyama's list, and that would be too much to bear.
-
Shige takes to having a drink every night before he goes to sleep. It worries Koyama, but at least it helps Shige sleep soundly. He snores quietly, face pressed against Koyama's shoulder. In his mind's eye, Koyama can see a name forming. It's not clear yet, but he knows that in a few days time, Shige's fears will be renewed, and it will weight heavily on them both.
-
The night the name solidifies -- Uchiumi Kouji -- Koyama visits Shige first.
"Don't worry!" Koyama shouts over the roar of ocean waves. "I'll keep you safe no matter what!"
"What -- What do you mean?"
"I'm sorry, Shige."
They look across the deck at each other for a long time. Shige looks stressed and Koyama nearly apologetic.
"There's something you're not telling me. Something awful."
Koyama doesn't answer -- just starts to disappear.
"I never thought you'd be the type to hide something from me..."
-
Koyama wakes him in the morning with a gentle shake. Shige grumbles and rolls over.
"Something happened."
Shige is instantly awake and looking up at Koyama with wide eyes.
"It was Uchiumi-san. From Hikaru Genji."
Shige takes a deep breath and rolls over. Koyama sits on the bed next to him and rubs his back.
-
Shige stays in bed for hours. No one at the agency tries to argue when Koyama calls, saying neither of them will be coming in.
It's after lunch time that Shige finally gets up. He takes a long shower and comes out, his hair still wet, and sweatpants riding low, the drawstring loose.
"I can't take much more of this."
Koyama opens his mouth to speak, but Shige cuts him off.
"I keep seeing you in my dreams, telling me everything will be okay, but it's not. I've never felt so helpless."
"Shige --"
"There's something you're not telling me. Something awful."
Koyama freezes and takes a very slow breath.
"You look startled."
Their eyes meet, and Koyama straightens up to his full height.
"It's what I said to you last night. That's why. What are you hiding from me? Haven't we always been honest with each other?"
"...I'm not hiding anything, Shige. Everything'll be fine. Don't worry."
Shige crosses his arms over his chest. "When you say that... it only makes me more worried."
-
In his dreams, Clotho -- in the form of an Indian woman -- comes to him.
"Normally you snip with such casual abandon, but look at you. Pathetic."
"I know," Koyama mumbles. "I'm not so good at this anymore. It's too close to home."
"You're worried about the little humans."
"... Just one of them."
"How unlike you. Looks like this new form of yours isn't working out so well."
"I want to be honest, but --"
"But, you know what that would mean."
"He'd show up on my list."
Clotho paces and gnaws her bottom lip.
"Go talk with Lachesis."
"What good woul --"
"She knows many ways to cheat," Clotho says, patting Koyama on the back.
So, he goes to her -- a little Latina woman, short and spunky with bleached hair. Koyama explains everything to her, and she listens, all the while never stopping making measurements of string.
"He's supposed to live long."
"Supposed?"
"The Watchers are getting worried. You should stop giving him so many hints when you talk with him in dreams."
"What should I do?"
Lachesis stands and spends a long bit of time digging through baskets and drawers. She eventually comes back to the table, a long, white string in hand.
"You want to be honest with him? Fully?"
"I can't imagine not having him around. But, I don't want to hurt him either."
"You don't have to," Lachesis whispers and wraps the string around her thumb.
-
Shige has lost weight. Koyama can tell because he's not using the normal hole-punch on his belt. He doesn't leave the apartment much either nowadays.
"Are you sleeping at all?" Koyama asks, and Shige shakes his head. "Can I tell you something?"
"...What?"
"Even if something bad happens to you, I know how to fix it."
Shige's quick to punch Koyama in the shoulder. "You can't fix death, asshole!"
He storms off to his room and slams the door. Koyama stays in the living room until the sun sets, like he's keeping a vigil.
"Shige," Koyama whispers, crawling into bed that night. "Do you know about the Fates?"
He grumbles and doesn't answer.
"The first weaves the string of life. The second measures it. And, the third cuts it."
"I don't see why this matters," Shige mumbles and swats a hand at Koyama, who catches it and uses it to turn Shige onto his back.
Koyama leans down, his breath skirting across Shige's cheeks. "I'm the third. I cut the string of life. I send people to the river Styx."
"Don't lie to me," Shige snaps.
"I'm not." Koyama runs a hand down Shige's torso, and the younger twitches. "I'm Atropos. Look it up if you want. It's why I tell you not to worry, why I can protect you."
Shige pushes Koyama off and scrambles over his desk, He flips open his laptop and clicks furiously against the keyboard. A few minutes later, he crumples to the floor.
"You kill people!" Shige shrieks, his terror making his pitch jump. He crawls away from Koyama. "You -- you killed them!"
"It was their time. It's my job. Lachesis is the one who measured that time."
Koyama backs Shige into a corner and cups his cheek. "Don't worry, Shige. I've got everything taken care of."
Shige scrunches his eyes closed. "This is a dream."
"It's not," Koyama says softly and holds Shige's ankle in his free hand. "You know that. Now, come back to bed."
He must be in a state of shock, because Shige lets Koyama help him up and into bed. Koyama tucks the blankets around them both and gives Shige a soft kiss good night.
-
Shige is careful and methodical around Koyama, like he's scared.
"It's okay," Koyama murmurs nearly all the time, reaching out towards Shige. "Haven't I always said I'd protect you?"
"You -- you killed Goseki-kun. You didn't need to."
"His time for this world was over. That's not my fault Shige."
"And Inoo-kun. And Aiba-kun. And Uchiumi-san." Shige's face is red, and he presses it against the cool tile of the kitchen counter. "I don't know who you are anymore. You're not the Koyama I know."
It hurts Koyama to hear that, because everything he's doing now is for Shige.
"There were ways they could have had their string lengthened, but they didn't do them. They accepted their fate, Shige."
He trembles, and Koyama embraces him from behind. He doesn't think it's necessary to tell Shige the details.
-
A name starts to form in his mind, and Koyama lets it take his course. The agency has practically stopped functioning while the police investigate the deaths. That's fine with Koyama. It just means he has all the more reason to hole himself up in Shige's apartment and talk in soft tones to the younger.
"Clotho is motherly. Very lovely," Koyama says while Shige hugs a pillow to his chest. "And Lachesis just wants people to take advantage of what time they have, though a lot don't. It's sad, I suppose."
"Please, stop," Shige begs, but he doesn't specify whether it's the talking or the killing. "Why can't you just be Koyama again?"
Koyama shifts closer. "I know it hurts for you to know right now, but everything will be okay. I've made sure of it."
Shige presses his face into the pillow. He seems uncomfortable, but lets Koyama soothe him.
Three days later, Shige's name is bold in Koyama's mind.
-
On a tropical beach, Shige sleeps, Koyama prods him, and he rolls over.
Shige tenses when he opens his eyes. "What are you doing here?"
Koyama smiles. "I'm supposed to kill you."
Shige scrambles away, tripping over a rock in the sand and falling onto his back. "K-Koyama --"
"Shhh, it's okay," he whispers, crawling towards Shige on his hands and knees. "I've got a plan. To make sure we'll always be together. Me and Shige." He pets a hand across Shige's cheek. "All you have to do, is wake up."
Shige's eyes flash open to the dark of his bedroom. He only knows Koyama is sitting on him because of the weight.
"Lachesis knows how to cheat. She'll take care of everything."
Shige pushes at Koyama, but he just grabs Shige's wrists and pins them to the mattress.
"Let go of me, please," Shige sobs. "I don't want to die. Why are you doing this?"
Koyama frowns. "I'm not going to hurt you. Haven't I always said I'd keep you safe?" Shige struggles against Koyama, and he keeps talking. "Humans aren't supposed to know about the Fates, that's why your string is supposed to be cut short now. But, everything is planned. You'll still be mine. We'll still have each other."
"Get off!"
Koyama shushes Shige again and leans down so their foreheads are touching. "It won't hurt, I promise. And, after all this is done, there won't be anyone able to take you away from me."
Shige's breath feels short in his chest, and he bites his lip just as Koyama kisses his cheek, softly, like he does most nights.
-
Lachesis holds Shige's hand gently, rubbing her thumb across his palm. "You're so sentimental sometimes, Atropos."
Koyama laughs, quietly and guiltily. "I need Shige."
"Okay," she says and reaches to a dark ball of string at her side. "We're all allowed to be a selfish from time to time."
She wraps a great deal of the string around Shige's wrist. Koyama moves and sits on the other side of Shige's prone and cold body. Lachesis, with the very last end of the string, ties it around two of Koyama's fingers.
"I'll keep his original string safe."
The dark string fades away, until it can't even be seen anymore, but Koyama can still feel it in the air between himself and Shige.
"Thank you," Koyama whispers, like Shige's asleep, and Koyama doesn't want to wake him.
Lachesis smiles and disappears like a puff of smoke.
-
Shige wakes to Koyama's face entirely too close to his own and feeling rather ill. He gets up and goes to the kitchen for some water. When he returns to the bedroom, Koyama is awake and sitting up. And that's when Shige remembers everything from the night before.
"Y-y-you -- .... Didn't you say you were going to kill me?"
Koyama smiles. "I did. But, I also told you that Lachesis knows how to cheat."
"What did you do to me?" Shige asks, his voice trembling.
"I cut your string, but not the one you were given at birth. It was a shoddy replacement, just so that the Watchers would think I did the job. Then, Lachesis gave you some of my string."
Shige reaches out behind him for his desk chair, and he collapses into it. "What does that all mean? I don't get it."
"It means we're attached now." Koyama stands and goes over to Shige. "Our lives are the same, because we're on the same string. Nothing can hurt you, and I can tell you everything. If you want me to."
Shige breaks eye contact and stares out the window. "... Am I still dead?"
"No. But, you're not really alive either."
Koyama reaches out and takes Shige's shoulders in his hands. "You'll come to see and appreciate the benefits in time."
"Why would you do this to me?" Shige croaks.
Koyama smiles and sits on the floor. He rests his head against Shige's knees and whispers, "Because Kei-chan can't go on without his Shige."