Oh, yes they should change their perspectives just for you. It's your identity. You absolutely have the right to be viewed as you are, not as you "should" be, and you have the right to expect a certain level of understanding from those around you. You're a very giving person, and I know you don't want to make anyone uncomfortable or push them too far, but the people who are part of your life need to have enough respect for you to accept who and what you are. You will not be a bad person if you want people to be able to meet you halfway.
I guess it's not just perspectives--there's a difference between thinking something and having that something in your life. And it's that discomfort if, say, I asked them to call me with gender-neutral pronouns--something I still occasionally struggle with in normal conversation--because that's hard and... I don't know. people are very busy here, I guess, and they don't really have time to stop in a conversation and correct themselves if I'm not even there. And I know they should, but... I don't know. It's complicated.
The book I'm sending you, Gender Outlaw is a pretty good Trans Issues 101 book. Maybe you could give that to your counselor to read? It was written about 15 years ago, so it doesn't use a lot of the lingo that's been developed since then, but it's a solid first book to give to people who don't know what it's like to be trans*.
I'm not actually seeing a counselor right now because I have very little time in my schedule as it is, and like I said, she just wasn't really equipped to handle me. Plus at the end of last year I didn't feel as uncomfortable as I a) had in the past and b) feel now, so it was just different. I'll definitely be taking notes on the book before I send it back to you, though, so I have some stuff to go to people about.
They wouldn't be changing their perspectives just for you, Ai. They'd be learning a truth about human existence - that people like you exist. That the world is more varied than their categories presently allow for. That's not selfish, it's necessary. For a society to be healthy, people have to understand that differences happen.
And especially counselors. Think of it this way - gender variation doesn't slot itself into only places where it's convenient; you're probably not the last non-cis person this school will ever see. If you can educate the people you're interacting with, you've at least partially paved the way for anyone who comes after you. It's not just about you.
Which doesn't make it any easier. :(
*hugs you* You're an amazing person, and I wish you had Tribe there.
And I know all of this, it's just. In this incredibly gendered environment, where SO MANY THINGS depend on the gender binary (living spaces, uniforms) that to say that I don't fit in that--I don't know. It shouldn't be that big of a deal, but I feel like it would get blown out of proportion unless I emphasized the fact that it's not that big of a deal, in which case people wouldn't be able to take me seriously
( ... )
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And especially counselors. Think of it this way - gender variation doesn't slot itself into only places where it's convenient; you're probably not the last non-cis person this school will ever see. If you can educate the people you're interacting with, you've at least partially paved the way for anyone who comes after you. It's not just about you.
Which doesn't make it any easier. :(
*hugs you* You're an amazing person, and I wish you had Tribe there.
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