Unlock - Chapter Thirty
Title: Unlock
Authors: renichifreak and yeonah
Chapter: 30/?
Fandom: SS501, cameos by KARA
Pairings: KyuSaeng, HyunMin (may be other pairings in the future)
Rating: PG-16
Warning: Angst, AU, Fluff
Summary: Not everything is as it seems, and for those who are as far from normal as you can get, life is a bleak existence. The only ones who can truly understand what these individuals go through are those...just like them.
A/N: YoungSaeng and HyunJoong are played by renichifreak and KyuJong and JungMin are played by me. Updates will be every Wednesday <3
KyuJong listened to the chatter that faintly reached him as he watched YoungSaeng sleep. He hoped YoungSaeng would be able to feed from that energy and rise out of the depression, but he knew it wouldn't be that easy. It didn't matter. He wasn't going anywhere, and wouldn't stop trying.
He had no idea how long he lay there, just listening to the distant conversation and the sound of YoungSaeng's breathing and heartbeat, forehead resting lightly against his lover's back. Some time later, he heard light footsteps pause outside the door, and then a hand gently twisting the doorknob to open the door a crack.
"Dinner is ready, dears," his mother said softly. KyuJong lifted his head a little to smile tiredly at her, before looking back down at YoungSaeng, gently brushing his hair back behind his ear.
YoungSaeng slowly woke up at KyuJong's gentle motions. Blinking, he slowly tilted his head toward the door to see KyuJong's mother. A moment later, he turned back toward KyuJong, blankness still present.
"Hey," KyuJong whispered, cupping YoungSaeng's face gently and kissing his forehead. "Dinner is ready, let's try eating something, okay? I think umma made something nice and spicy just for you." He tried to coax a reaction out of YoungSaeng, a smile, anything.
Continuing to look at KyuJong, YoungSaeng rolled over and buried his face in his lover's chest, mumbling a 'not hungry'. He knew that he was probably worrying KyuJong and the others, but he just couldn't find it in him to reassure them.
Eyes sad, KyuJong kissed the top of YoungSaeng's head. "I know, Saeng," he murmured. "But some food will help you feel better. Please try, for me?" He ran his hand soothingly along YoungSaeng's back, cradling him close.
YoungSaeng paused at the quiet request before slightly nodding his head. He'd try, seeing as how it was KyuJong asking. He slowly pulled himself into a seated position, noting that it took far more effort than he thought.
Smiling a little, KyuJong sat up along with YoungSaeng, one arm around his shoulders to support him. His mother stepped into the room when she saw they were up, balancing a tray with dishes on it for them. "Here," she said gently, placing it down on their laps once YoungSaeng was ready. She took the honey tea off and placed it beside the bed so that it wouldn't spill. "Let me know if you want more, okay sweetie?" she smiled, brushing YoungSaeng's hair out of his eyes with a motherly touch.
His breath caught as the woman brushed his hair aside, choking up at the caring gesture. After a moment, YoungSaeng nodded his head and rested his head on KyuJong's shoulder as he took a small bite of the roll on the plate.
The woman just smiled at them both, tucking in the sheets around them before leaving the room.
KyuJong watched YoungSaeng eat, taking just as much as he did, nothing more. "Is it good?" he asked, trying to start up a conversation, as slight as it might be.
As with everything he'd eaten to date, it was the best food the younger boy had eaten. Pausing, YoungSaeng nodded again, making a small sound of affirmation before he continued nibbling on the roll.
Smile widening as YoungSaeng nodded, KyuJong kept his arm around his lover and took another bite as well. "Maybe we'll get lunch boxes for the trip back again," he murmured. "I know you liked it last time, I saw you making off with all the kimchi," he teased gently, rubbing his hand slowly along YoungSaeng's arm.
YoungSaeng continued to carefully pick at the food, listening to KyuJong talk, finding the soothing voice calming. After a while, he placed the chopsticks down and pushed the food away, closing his eyes. He'd eaten maybe half of the meal, but he just couldn't eat any more.
Noticing YoungSaeng put his chopsticks down, KyuJong smiled sadly. "Full?" he murmured, kissing his cheek gently. YoungSaeng hadn't eaten that much, and it worried him, especially since with his mother's cooking YoungSaeng usually ate as much as he possibly could.
Biting the inside of his cheek, YoungSaeng looked apologetically at KyuJong, the first real show of emotion yet. He did, however, find himself remaining close to KyuJong.
KyuJong's gaze softened at the apologetic look, and he caressed YoungSaeng's cheek gently. "It's all right. We'll try again later, okay? Let me know if you feel hungry." He kissed the corner of YoungSaeng's mouth lightly, a chaste brush of lips before he shifted the trays off their laps, his own food half-eaten as well. He placed them on the nightstand, and picked up YoungSaeng's cup of honey tea. "Want some tea?" he asked gently, offering it.
Looking at the tea, YoungSaeng hesitated before sitting up a bit straighter and taking the cup from his lover's hands, sipping the warm liquid slowly. He then turned his eyes from KyuJong to the food, and then back again, silently asking why he wasn't eating. Silence was his companion for so long that he found it familiar and comforting, almost like a defense mechanism of sorts.
Noticing the silent question, KyuJong smiled as he ran his hand along YoungSaeng's back. "I'm not that hungry," he said, massaging between his shoulder blades lightly. After a moment he took a sip from his own tea, enjoying the taste of honey on his lips.
Not believing him, YoungSaeng turned his attention back to the tea that he was nursing in both hands, taking occasional sips.
Continuing the soothing motion, KyuJong didn't say anything else, just lent his support the best he could. It physically hurt to see YoungSaeng like this, but he couldn't push him to recover, only stay with him every step of the way.
Once YoungSaeng finally finished the tea, he placed the cup back on the table and slid down, resting his head in KyuJong's lap, closing his eyes. A moment later, there was a small whisper:
"Thanks, Kyu yah."
KyuJong smiled, relaxing a little at the sound of YoungSaeng's voice, as soft as it was. There was no verbal reply, but his thumb brushed along one soft cheek before he started running his fingers through YoungSaeng's hair again.
They stayed like that for a while before KyuJong's mother came to check on them. Seeing the half-eaten meals, she smiled sadly, looking at them both.
There was a cloud of despair around them, almost visible. Seeing how badly it was affecting KyuJong, her son's eyes dimmed with pain and mental exhaustion, she decided it was time she helped out with more than just food. "Saeng honey, why don't you come down for some fresh air?" she asked gently, collecting the trays of food and the empty cups. "It's not that cold anymore."
Opening his eyes at the suggestion, YoungSaeng stared for a minute before looking up at KyuJong. Seeing the sheer amount of worry there was what made him nod. Uncurling from the safety of the bed, he finally stood up, shifting nervously from foot to foot.
KyuJong's mother smiled reassuringly at YoungSaeng, stepping out into the hallway. When KyuJong started to get up to follow, she shook his head at him. "It's okay dear, get some rest," she said softly. The time traveler paused, worry strong in his expression; he didn't want to be away from YoungSaeng, especially not now.
Looking back at KyuJong, YoungSaeng tried to smile reassuringly, though it probably just made him worry even more.
Watching them both, KyuJong smiled a little in return, but it didn't quite reach his eyes as he slowly sat back down again.
EunAh passed by in the hallway and took the dishes from her mother without being told, smiling at them all before disappearing downstairs and into the kitchen.
YoungSaeng followed behind the woman once she closed KyuJong's door, pausing before lightly grasping the fabric of her shirt as she led him out back, away from the group that was situated in the living room.
Picking up her coat and YoungSaeng's on the way by, KyuJong's mother stepped out onto the porch, smiling back at YoungSaeng as she closed the door behind them. "Here," she said gently, draping his coat over his shoulders. "It's warmer, but you might still catch a cold if you aren't careful." Pulling on her own coat, she sat down on the porch steps, patting the spot beside her.
Slipping his arms into the sleeves, YoungSaeng did as requested and took a seat next to the woman. He then began looking around before tucking his legs against his chest and comfortably resting his chin upon his knees.
She watched him with a smile. "Feel a little better, sweetie? It's a nice evening, isn't it?" The sun was setting, throwing colors across the sky as light faded and stars appeared across the sky.
Shrugging lightly, YoungSaeng continued to watch the sunset. It was a stunning view out here as compared to the city.
Turning back to the sky as well, KyuJong's mother smiled. "Would you like to come back for Christmas? You're always welcome here, and I remember someone saying he was going to help with Christmas baking...and keep my husband and son from eating all the cookies at once."
YoungSaeng turned to look at the woman rather than the sunset. As he listened to her talk about the things they could do, he found himself slowly tearing up. She was so kind and hardly knew him, yet was treating him more like a son than his own parents had. Slowly, he nodded shakily as he reached up and quickly wiped the tears from his eyes.
Looking back towards YoungSaeng after a moment, KyuJong's mother smiled gently. She reached out slowly, gently tucking strands of hair behind YoungSaeng's ear, running her hand through his hair gently.
"There's nothing wrong with letting it out, honey..."
Listening to the woman's calming voice and feeling the soothing feeling of her hand running through his hair, YoungSaeng felt himself tip over slightly, his head resting on her shoulder.
"...I don't wanna go back to the hospital..." he quietly murmured, voice trembling.
The woman continued the gentle motion, shifting to hold him in a comforting embrace, like a parent should. "And we'll do everything in our power to keep you here with us, YoungSaeng dear," she said softly.
Hearing that, YoungSaeng relaxed slightly, feeling just as safe in the woman's arms as he did in his lover's.
Smiling softly, she continued to hold him for as long as he needed, stroking his hair slowly.
"...I'm worrying him so much....just like always," YoungSaeng said softly, not moving. "All I ever do is make him worry..."
She chuckled gently. "That's my baby for you...he's always worrying. But he worries because he loves you, and he wants to make you happy."
"But I don't want to make anyone worry anymore," YoungSaeng argued, finally looking up. "I don't want to be weak. I'm always weak..." YoungSaeng stated, looking at his lap.
"You're not weak dear," she shook her head as she tenderly brushed the bangs back. "You just haven't been given the chance to prove it." She looked towards her husband watching quietly by the door, then back at YoungSaeng, tucking her fingers lightly under his chin and tilting his face up slightly. "You are strong, YoungSaeng. But you have to believe you are if you want to see how strong you can be."
The tears finally started falling at the woman's statement. Returning his head to her shoulder, he began crying silently. "It takes so much energy to not end it all when I get like this...more than I have sometimes..." he whimpered, clutching her shirt tightly.
Resting her cheek against the top of the boy's head, she rocked him back and forth slowly. "It's important not to hold it all inside," she whispered. "You have a caring boyfriend and a circle of friends ready and willing to give you that energy and more...and EunAh, my husband and I would be more than happy to do the same. Can you feel that energy, in this house?"
Biting his lip and swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat, YoungSaeng managed a small nod of the head. The peaceful and caring household held energy much the same. In his mind, it was perhaps the only thing keeping him from completely losing it.
"It's a side effect from my curse...the depression I mean," he began. "Don't tell Kyu yah I called it that, though, but it is one to me."
She nodded with a sad smile. "What you call it doesn't matter so much as how it makes you feel." She cradled him close. "How does it make you feel, baby?"
YoungSaeng reached up to wipe his eyes yet again before shrugging. "Weak…overwhelmed...useless," he answered after awhile. "K-Kyu doesn't see it as a curse. None of them do except maybe JungMin."
"I don't know much about what it is like...but listening to everyone, I see it as a bit of both." She closed her eyes. "The main difference in how you see it is how it makes you feel. I know you've been practicing, sweetie...Does it feel as bad of a curse as it used to? Don't think about right now. Think about yesterday, when you were with your friends in KyuJong's room."
Doing as she asked, YoungSaeng closed his eyes and recalled the feelings from when they were all gathered together. The memory of Nicole yelling at HyungJoon was the first thing that came to mind, drawing a choked laugh from him.
"HyungJoon really sucks with his..." he mused before shaking his head slightly. "I-I even used it once. When Kyu vanished for the first time in front of me. I didn't know where he went and I panicked. I asked them for help," he explained quietly.
KyuJong's mother smiled. "I think practice really is the key...and that you feel you can do something with the ability you have." She stroked his hair gently. "Do you believe you could help someone? Have you helped anyone? Living or otherwise."
"Um, last time we were here, there was a lost spirit. I told her where her mom was..." YoungSaeng recalled. "And when Joonie got us lost I followed the link to the cemetery."
The woman nodded slowly, smiling. "How did you feel after that?" she murmured, gently coaxing YoungSaeng into thinking past the depression.
"...” YoungSaeng was silent while he considered the question. The girl looked so happy... "Pretty good, I suppose."
"Did it seem like a curse then?" She asked softly.
"...Not really, no," YoungSaeng quietly replied.
She smiled down at him, caressing his cheek. "That's what you have to remember, when the depression gets bad. You need to remember that you're not weak, and you're not useless...just take a step back and reflect. It's hard when you're alone, but you're not alone anymore, honey."
YoungSaeng listened carefully to the woman, taking in everything she was saying. "It's hard, though. The voices are so loud...so insistent," he murmured. He was, however, beginning to slowly relax.
"That's all they are, YoungSaeng. Just voices." She kissed his temple. "They have no power over you unless you give it to them yourself."
"I know that logically," YoungSaeng replied. "It's just that it's hardly logical when the attacks come."
"No, it isn't...but that's what friends and family are for, right? To remind you when you can't remember."
Not knowing what else to say, YoungSaeng closed his eyes again and leaned against the woman, soaking in the parental comfort that he so desperately craved and needed.
She held him with a gentle embrace, stroking his hair and rocking back and forth slowly. KyuJong's father continued to watch from the doorway, smiling.
"I don't want to go back," YoungSaeng whispered, voice nearly inaudible as he felt himself begin to drift off, mind beginning to calm slightly.
"You won't, sweetie," the woman whispered in return, not disturbing him. "You won't."
Reassured by the woman's words and motherly embrace, he finally managed to fall asleep with a somewhat calm mind.
Smiling, she continued to hold him until he was fast asleep before looking back at her husband. He stepped up beside her and kissed her before carefully taking the sleeping boy from her arms, straightening. Without a word spoken, he brought YoungSaeng inside and upstairs, avoiding walking by the gathering in the living room.
Nudging the door to KyuJong's room open with his foot, he chuckled to see KyuJong wasn't resting like he had been told to, but sitting at the edge of the bed. When he saw his father come in with YoungSaeng, KyuJong got up and pulled the sheets down so he could lay the sleeping boy down onto the mattress.
"How did it go?" KyuJong asked quietly.
"He'll be all right," his father smiled. "Get some sleep KyuJong, you look beat." He messed up his son's hair lightly before leaving the room, closing the door behind him.
KyuJong climbed onto the bed beside YoungSaeng, pulling up the sheets and making sure his boyfriend was comfortable. Sighing inwardly, he curled up next to the other boy, just watching him sleep.
*******************************
After seeing EunAh return with the half empty dishes, followed by two sets of quiet footsteps walking down the stairs and out the door, HyunJoong assumed that one was YoungSaeng, but chose to remain silent. KyuJong's father stood and left the room, walking in the same direction the footsteps had gone in.
'At least he's up and moving around,' HyunJoong thought. 'It's better than before.'
An easygoing conversation had kept up through the evening, the group talking about anything that came to mind. The worry for YoungSaeng was obvious in their faces, but understanding there wasn't much they could do as of now, they did their best to keep on going. JungMin drifted in and out of the conversation; if left out of it too long he became antsy and agitated, so they always drew him back in after a while.
Some time later, KyuJong's mother returned and sat down next to HaRa. "What are the plans for tomorrow?" she smiled, looking between them.
"We might head to the woods if KyuJong oppa and YoungSaeng oppa are up for it," Nicole explained with a small smile.
"We thought it sounded like fun," HaRa added. "And the fresh air might help, too."
"Sounds great," the older woman smiled, eyes dancing. "If you get lost, just give the home phone a call and we'll find a way to fish you out."
"Can we watch a movie tomorrow night?" HyungJoon asked, a wide grin appearing.
"Don't see why not."
"One suggestion," HyunJoong stated. "No ghost stories," he finished with a smile.
"I will not complain," HyungJoon replied adamantly. Horror anything was most definitely not his thing.
JungMin nodded, puffing out his cheeks. "Maybe something funny?"
"Romantic comedy!" Nicole clapped her hands together happily.
"I was hoping for something more along the lines of action," HyunJoong said, lips turning into an almost pout.
"Action comedy?" HaRa suggested.
"Maybe we should ask KyuSaeng for their input," Nicole piped up, then spotted EunAh walking by on her way upstairs. "EunAh yah, want to watch a movie with us tomorrow night?"
EunAh looked back at them and smiled brightly. "Sure!" She looked at HyungJoon and blushed before scurrying upstairs.
HyungJoon looked at the stairs before shrugging. "I don't think she likes me much..."
Everyone just stared at him.
"Are you stupid? Well, more so than we already know," Nicole asked, shock clear in her voice.
"Even I know better," JungMin snorted.
HyungJoon blinked at them all owlishly. "Huh?"
HaRa shook her head and looked at Nicole. "I feel bad for poor EunAh."
HyungJoon sulked. "Well, she can never look me in the eye and doesn't talk to me at all. I don't get it. I'm a nice guy, right?" He paused. "On second thought, don't answer that..."
"You're just extremely dense," HaRa smiled, patting him on the head before standing. "I'm going to head to sleep, it's pretty late."
KyuJong's mother just smiled, seeming highly amused by what everyone except for HyungJoon had picked up on. "Sleep well then."
HyunJoong laughed as HyungJoon started flailing in an attempt to stop the childish action, only resulting in the youngest looking even more childish.
"I think that's a good idea. Today's been an extremely long day. We probably all need the rest."
"And it gives us more time to get lost tomorrow," JungMin snickered, getting to his feet as well.
"Thanks for the tea umma," HaRa smiled; they'd had another cup of honey tea after dinner, and it had both calmed them and made them rather sleepy.
"No problem dear. I'll see you all in the morning." The older woman smiled at them and got up, walking into a different room.
They all headed upstairs, and with goodnights and secretive glances toward the closed door down the hall, they all split up for the night.
HyungJoon changed quickly and fell onto one of the beds and was out moments later. Snickering, HyunJoong changed as well, not too shy since JungMin had already seen him without most of his clothes because of the swim meet.
Glancing towards HyungJoon in amusement, JungMin rolled his eyes and fished around in his bag for his pajamas. Okay, and he would have been lying if he said he hadn't sneaked a few peeks at HyunJoong, but he didn't say anything. The flirting had been rather toned down after the scene while practicing in KyuJong's room.
He didn't get changed right away, just looking down at the material and biting his lower lip as he played with his gloves. The other nights he'd managed to get changed before anyone else had come into the room, excessively paranoid about bare skin thanks to his electricity. Glancing at HyunJoong out of the corner of his eyes, JungMin finally shifted a little and eased out of his thick sweater, putting on the pajama top right away. It did absolutely nothing to hide his throat, but there was nothing he could do about it, hurriedly changing into the pajama bottoms as well.
Once dressed, HyunJoong risked a glance back at JungMin just in time to see him slip on the pajama bottoms. He hadn't missed seeing the redhead's long legs, however, blushing slightly. Scanning the younger, his eyes fell on the deep mark around his neck.
Bringing his hand to lightly touch his own neck, HyunJoong quietly asked, "Does it still hurt?"
Blinking, JungMin looked over at HyunJoong and noticed the hand to his neck. "Sometimes," he shrugged, sitting down on the edge of the bed. He touched one gloved hand to the mark, feeling the raised skin. "Mostly just feels like something's pressing on my throat." He didn't like leaving the mark visible.
HyunJoong moved over to the bed and took a seat beside JungMin, continuing to look at him. "You don't deserve that, Min. I'm sorry that it happened at all..." he murmured.
A little caught off guard by the movement, JungMin shrugged a little. "Stuff happens I guess. I deal. There's no reason for you to be sorry," he said, raising an eyebrow at the older boy. He appreciated the empathy though.
"I know, but still..." HyunJoong said, fading out. He was a bit caught off-guard by the way he had been acting around JungMin lately. Sure they were friends, but on occasion, there was this feeling that he didn't quite get, but it only appeared in the redhead's presence.
Looking at him, JungMin sighed and quirked a smile. "Thanks though." He shifted a little on the bed, drawing his legs up. "Does it look...really bad?"
Looking at JungMin, HyunJoong had to resist the urge to reach out and touch the scar. "Honestly, I don't think so, but I understand why you cover it. It still is something that would draw the eye."
JungMin wrinkled his nose. "I would cover it with one of those collars or neck bands rather than a turtleneck, but I'm not allowed anything around my neck. They got rid of all the computer wires and stuff like that in my room back home too." He rested his chin on his knees.
HyunJoong listened, slightly taken aback by this quiet and somber JungMin, so different from the bright and spastic redhead he knew. "Is there any way that I can help?" he asked. JungMin seemed to only have one true confidant, but with YoungSaeng in the condition he was...
The younger boy shrugged slightly. "I don't know." He wasn't used to people being willing to listen; he'd only talked to YoungSaeng, but even then there were some things he'd never told even him.
"...I'm not crazy..."
"I think we're all a bit crazy, but no, you aren't in the way they think," HyunJoong replied. "I may tease you, but know that I believe that you're perfectly sane, if not a bit too loud and blunt at times," he added, teasing the boy in an attempt to lighten the mood a bit.
JungMin's lips quirked upwards. "Someone's gotta be. Especially with him," he said, pointing at HyungJoon, passed out and snoring with his mouth open. "You can be as blunt as you want and he'll still be confused."
HyunJoong laughed at that. "I can't believe he hasn't noticed the massive crush EunAh has on him..."
"Maybe he'll see it in one of his visions. Who knows." JungMin shrugged, and then flopped over onto his back on the bed, blinking up at the ceiling before looking at HyunJoong. "Have you ever dated anyone?"
Looking back at JungMin, HyunJoong chuckled before doing the same, resting his hands behind his head. "Once, but he was a jerk, so it didn't last very long," he explained with a light shrug.
"He?" JungMin blinked, looking over at him. "So you're into guys?" Despite the endless teasing and flirting, he'd thought for sure the older boy preferred girls.
HyunJoong nodded his head. "Figured that one out when I joined the swim team," he replied. "Like you said before, the uniform leaves little to the imagination."
JungMin snorted. "That it does. Though those other people on your team didn't pull it off half as well as you did," he smirked.
HyunJoong grinned, blushing yet again. "Not really, but I worked hard to get into shape for swimming." He was beginning to get used to JungMin's comments, but no matter what, they always seemed to make him blush.
"And it shows," JungMin grinned, looking back up at the ceiling before putting his hands behind his head and closing his eyes. "I'm coming to every swim meet from now on, just to see that."
"I'd like that. The others try to come, but can't usually. It was nice to know that someone was there to cheer me on, even if I only found out after the fact," HyunJoong explained.
"Then I'll just have to make sure you hear me next time," JungMin replied, chuckling. "Just be happy I can't go into the changing rooms while the showers are running, the doors weren't guarded all that well," he teased.
"Remind me to start locking the shower door then," HyunJoong replied, grin still in place. JungMin didn't need to know that there wasn't one to begin with.
"No point in locking it now. It's if I ever get enough control to not fry the entire room that you'd have to worry." Keeping his eyes closed, JungMin felt himself starting to drift off.
Noticing JungMin starting to fall asleep, HyunJoong chuckled. "You comfortable?" he asked, deciding to get under the covers and sleep as well. He was thankful for the thick comforter seeing as how he easily got cold.
"Mhm." JungMin yawned, eyes cracking open a little at the older boy. "You're over here tonight? Not worried I might electrocute you?" He'd easily claimed one of the two beds for himself the past nights, on account of first the kicking, then the possibility of shocking the other person repeatedly.
"I'm totally confiscating your bed, so yes, I'm staying." HyunJoong paused to smile. "And who knows? Maybe a few jolts will actually get me awake..."
"Maybe," JungMin snickered. "Better than trying the rolling out of bed idea again." Even so, he stayed above the comforter to avoid shocking the other boy, pulling the edge of the thick blanket up and over himself as he curled up on his side, blinking tiredly at HyunJoong through a mess of red hair.
Looking over, HyunJoong paused for a moment. "I can move if you want, you know. It's not a big deal..."
"Did I say I want you to move?" JungMin wrinkled his nose at the older boy, and then yawned. "If I want you to move, it's to stuff a sock in Joonie's mouth so he stops snoring," he mumbled sleepily, closing his eyes.
Smiling, HyunJoong still shifted to give JungMin both more room and more covers. "Trust me, it doesn't stop him."
"Already tried, have we?" The redhead cracked one eye open at the movement, and chuckled, curling up a little more. "Night." He was out like a light, energy finally expended for the day.
Chuckling at how fast he managed to fall asleep, HyunJoong found himself watching the redhead for a bit longer before letting his own eyes close, soon falling asleep.
Authors: renichifreak and yeonah
Chapter: 30/?
Fandom: SS501, cameos by KARA
Pairings: KyuSaeng, HyunMin (may be other pairings in the future)
Rating: PG-16
Warning: Angst, AU, Fluff
Summary: Not everything is as it seems, and for those who are as far from normal as you can get, life is a bleak existence. The only ones who can truly understand what these individuals go through are those...just like them.
A/N: YoungSaeng and HyunJoong are played by renichifreak and KyuJong and JungMin are played by me. Updates will be every Wednesday <3
KyuJong listened to the chatter that faintly reached him as he watched YoungSaeng sleep. He hoped YoungSaeng would be able to feed from that energy and rise out of the depression, but he knew it wouldn't be that easy. It didn't matter. He wasn't going anywhere, and wouldn't stop trying.
He had no idea how long he lay there, just listening to the distant conversation and the sound of YoungSaeng's breathing and heartbeat, forehead resting lightly against his lover's back. Some time later, he heard light footsteps pause outside the door, and then a hand gently twisting the doorknob to open the door a crack.
"Dinner is ready, dears," his mother said softly. KyuJong lifted his head a little to smile tiredly at her, before looking back down at YoungSaeng, gently brushing his hair back behind his ear.
YoungSaeng slowly woke up at KyuJong's gentle motions. Blinking, he slowly tilted his head toward the door to see KyuJong's mother. A moment later, he turned back toward KyuJong, blankness still present.
"Hey," KyuJong whispered, cupping YoungSaeng's face gently and kissing his forehead. "Dinner is ready, let's try eating something, okay? I think umma made something nice and spicy just for you." He tried to coax a reaction out of YoungSaeng, a smile, anything.
Continuing to look at KyuJong, YoungSaeng rolled over and buried his face in his lover's chest, mumbling a 'not hungry'. He knew that he was probably worrying KyuJong and the others, but he just couldn't find it in him to reassure them.
Eyes sad, KyuJong kissed the top of YoungSaeng's head. "I know, Saeng," he murmured. "But some food will help you feel better. Please try, for me?" He ran his hand soothingly along YoungSaeng's back, cradling him close.
YoungSaeng paused at the quiet request before slightly nodding his head. He'd try, seeing as how it was KyuJong asking. He slowly pulled himself into a seated position, noting that it took far more effort than he thought.
Smiling a little, KyuJong sat up along with YoungSaeng, one arm around his shoulders to support him. His mother stepped into the room when she saw they were up, balancing a tray with dishes on it for them. "Here," she said gently, placing it down on their laps once YoungSaeng was ready. She took the honey tea off and placed it beside the bed so that it wouldn't spill. "Let me know if you want more, okay sweetie?" she smiled, brushing YoungSaeng's hair out of his eyes with a motherly touch.
His breath caught as the woman brushed his hair aside, choking up at the caring gesture. After a moment, YoungSaeng nodded his head and rested his head on KyuJong's shoulder as he took a small bite of the roll on the plate.
The woman just smiled at them both, tucking in the sheets around them before leaving the room.
KyuJong watched YoungSaeng eat, taking just as much as he did, nothing more. "Is it good?" he asked, trying to start up a conversation, as slight as it might be.
As with everything he'd eaten to date, it was the best food the younger boy had eaten. Pausing, YoungSaeng nodded again, making a small sound of affirmation before he continued nibbling on the roll.
Smile widening as YoungSaeng nodded, KyuJong kept his arm around his lover and took another bite as well. "Maybe we'll get lunch boxes for the trip back again," he murmured. "I know you liked it last time, I saw you making off with all the kimchi," he teased gently, rubbing his hand slowly along YoungSaeng's arm.
YoungSaeng continued to carefully pick at the food, listening to KyuJong talk, finding the soothing voice calming. After a while, he placed the chopsticks down and pushed the food away, closing his eyes. He'd eaten maybe half of the meal, but he just couldn't eat any more.
Noticing YoungSaeng put his chopsticks down, KyuJong smiled sadly. "Full?" he murmured, kissing his cheek gently. YoungSaeng hadn't eaten that much, and it worried him, especially since with his mother's cooking YoungSaeng usually ate as much as he possibly could.
Biting the inside of his cheek, YoungSaeng looked apologetically at KyuJong, the first real show of emotion yet. He did, however, find himself remaining close to KyuJong.
KyuJong's gaze softened at the apologetic look, and he caressed YoungSaeng's cheek gently. "It's all right. We'll try again later, okay? Let me know if you feel hungry." He kissed the corner of YoungSaeng's mouth lightly, a chaste brush of lips before he shifted the trays off their laps, his own food half-eaten as well. He placed them on the nightstand, and picked up YoungSaeng's cup of honey tea. "Want some tea?" he asked gently, offering it.
Looking at the tea, YoungSaeng hesitated before sitting up a bit straighter and taking the cup from his lover's hands, sipping the warm liquid slowly. He then turned his eyes from KyuJong to the food, and then back again, silently asking why he wasn't eating. Silence was his companion for so long that he found it familiar and comforting, almost like a defense mechanism of sorts.
Noticing the silent question, KyuJong smiled as he ran his hand along YoungSaeng's back. "I'm not that hungry," he said, massaging between his shoulder blades lightly. After a moment he took a sip from his own tea, enjoying the taste of honey on his lips.
Not believing him, YoungSaeng turned his attention back to the tea that he was nursing in both hands, taking occasional sips.
Continuing the soothing motion, KyuJong didn't say anything else, just lent his support the best he could. It physically hurt to see YoungSaeng like this, but he couldn't push him to recover, only stay with him every step of the way.
Once YoungSaeng finally finished the tea, he placed the cup back on the table and slid down, resting his head in KyuJong's lap, closing his eyes. A moment later, there was a small whisper:
"Thanks, Kyu yah."
KyuJong smiled, relaxing a little at the sound of YoungSaeng's voice, as soft as it was. There was no verbal reply, but his thumb brushed along one soft cheek before he started running his fingers through YoungSaeng's hair again.
They stayed like that for a while before KyuJong's mother came to check on them. Seeing the half-eaten meals, she smiled sadly, looking at them both.
There was a cloud of despair around them, almost visible. Seeing how badly it was affecting KyuJong, her son's eyes dimmed with pain and mental exhaustion, she decided it was time she helped out with more than just food. "Saeng honey, why don't you come down for some fresh air?" she asked gently, collecting the trays of food and the empty cups. "It's not that cold anymore."
Opening his eyes at the suggestion, YoungSaeng stared for a minute before looking up at KyuJong. Seeing the sheer amount of worry there was what made him nod. Uncurling from the safety of the bed, he finally stood up, shifting nervously from foot to foot.
KyuJong's mother smiled reassuringly at YoungSaeng, stepping out into the hallway. When KyuJong started to get up to follow, she shook his head at him. "It's okay dear, get some rest," she said softly. The time traveler paused, worry strong in his expression; he didn't want to be away from YoungSaeng, especially not now.
Looking back at KyuJong, YoungSaeng tried to smile reassuringly, though it probably just made him worry even more.
Watching them both, KyuJong smiled a little in return, but it didn't quite reach his eyes as he slowly sat back down again.
EunAh passed by in the hallway and took the dishes from her mother without being told, smiling at them all before disappearing downstairs and into the kitchen.
YoungSaeng followed behind the woman once she closed KyuJong's door, pausing before lightly grasping the fabric of her shirt as she led him out back, away from the group that was situated in the living room.
Picking up her coat and YoungSaeng's on the way by, KyuJong's mother stepped out onto the porch, smiling back at YoungSaeng as she closed the door behind them. "Here," she said gently, draping his coat over his shoulders. "It's warmer, but you might still catch a cold if you aren't careful." Pulling on her own coat, she sat down on the porch steps, patting the spot beside her.
Slipping his arms into the sleeves, YoungSaeng did as requested and took a seat next to the woman. He then began looking around before tucking his legs against his chest and comfortably resting his chin upon his knees.
She watched him with a smile. "Feel a little better, sweetie? It's a nice evening, isn't it?" The sun was setting, throwing colors across the sky as light faded and stars appeared across the sky.
Shrugging lightly, YoungSaeng continued to watch the sunset. It was a stunning view out here as compared to the city.
Turning back to the sky as well, KyuJong's mother smiled. "Would you like to come back for Christmas? You're always welcome here, and I remember someone saying he was going to help with Christmas baking...and keep my husband and son from eating all the cookies at once."
YoungSaeng turned to look at the woman rather than the sunset. As he listened to her talk about the things they could do, he found himself slowly tearing up. She was so kind and hardly knew him, yet was treating him more like a son than his own parents had. Slowly, he nodded shakily as he reached up and quickly wiped the tears from his eyes.
Looking back towards YoungSaeng after a moment, KyuJong's mother smiled gently. She reached out slowly, gently tucking strands of hair behind YoungSaeng's ear, running her hand through his hair gently.
"There's nothing wrong with letting it out, honey..."
Listening to the woman's calming voice and feeling the soothing feeling of her hand running through his hair, YoungSaeng felt himself tip over slightly, his head resting on her shoulder.
"...I don't wanna go back to the hospital..." he quietly murmured, voice trembling.
The woman continued the gentle motion, shifting to hold him in a comforting embrace, like a parent should. "And we'll do everything in our power to keep you here with us, YoungSaeng dear," she said softly.
Hearing that, YoungSaeng relaxed slightly, feeling just as safe in the woman's arms as he did in his lover's.
Smiling softly, she continued to hold him for as long as he needed, stroking his hair slowly.
"...I'm worrying him so much....just like always," YoungSaeng said softly, not moving. "All I ever do is make him worry..."
She chuckled gently. "That's my baby for you...he's always worrying. But he worries because he loves you, and he wants to make you happy."
"But I don't want to make anyone worry anymore," YoungSaeng argued, finally looking up. "I don't want to be weak. I'm always weak..." YoungSaeng stated, looking at his lap.
"You're not weak dear," she shook her head as she tenderly brushed the bangs back. "You just haven't been given the chance to prove it." She looked towards her husband watching quietly by the door, then back at YoungSaeng, tucking her fingers lightly under his chin and tilting his face up slightly. "You are strong, YoungSaeng. But you have to believe you are if you want to see how strong you can be."
The tears finally started falling at the woman's statement. Returning his head to her shoulder, he began crying silently. "It takes so much energy to not end it all when I get like this...more than I have sometimes..." he whimpered, clutching her shirt tightly.
Resting her cheek against the top of the boy's head, she rocked him back and forth slowly. "It's important not to hold it all inside," she whispered. "You have a caring boyfriend and a circle of friends ready and willing to give you that energy and more...and EunAh, my husband and I would be more than happy to do the same. Can you feel that energy, in this house?"
Biting his lip and swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat, YoungSaeng managed a small nod of the head. The peaceful and caring household held energy much the same. In his mind, it was perhaps the only thing keeping him from completely losing it.
"It's a side effect from my curse...the depression I mean," he began. "Don't tell Kyu yah I called it that, though, but it is one to me."
She nodded with a sad smile. "What you call it doesn't matter so much as how it makes you feel." She cradled him close. "How does it make you feel, baby?"
YoungSaeng reached up to wipe his eyes yet again before shrugging. "Weak…overwhelmed...useless," he answered after awhile. "K-Kyu doesn't see it as a curse. None of them do except maybe JungMin."
"I don't know much about what it is like...but listening to everyone, I see it as a bit of both." She closed her eyes. "The main difference in how you see it is how it makes you feel. I know you've been practicing, sweetie...Does it feel as bad of a curse as it used to? Don't think about right now. Think about yesterday, when you were with your friends in KyuJong's room."
Doing as she asked, YoungSaeng closed his eyes and recalled the feelings from when they were all gathered together. The memory of Nicole yelling at HyungJoon was the first thing that came to mind, drawing a choked laugh from him.
"HyungJoon really sucks with his..." he mused before shaking his head slightly. "I-I even used it once. When Kyu vanished for the first time in front of me. I didn't know where he went and I panicked. I asked them for help," he explained quietly.
KyuJong's mother smiled. "I think practice really is the key...and that you feel you can do something with the ability you have." She stroked his hair gently. "Do you believe you could help someone? Have you helped anyone? Living or otherwise."
"Um, last time we were here, there was a lost spirit. I told her where her mom was..." YoungSaeng recalled. "And when Joonie got us lost I followed the link to the cemetery."
The woman nodded slowly, smiling. "How did you feel after that?" she murmured, gently coaxing YoungSaeng into thinking past the depression.
"...” YoungSaeng was silent while he considered the question. The girl looked so happy... "Pretty good, I suppose."
"Did it seem like a curse then?" She asked softly.
"...Not really, no," YoungSaeng quietly replied.
She smiled down at him, caressing his cheek. "That's what you have to remember, when the depression gets bad. You need to remember that you're not weak, and you're not useless...just take a step back and reflect. It's hard when you're alone, but you're not alone anymore, honey."
YoungSaeng listened carefully to the woman, taking in everything she was saying. "It's hard, though. The voices are so loud...so insistent," he murmured. He was, however, beginning to slowly relax.
"That's all they are, YoungSaeng. Just voices." She kissed his temple. "They have no power over you unless you give it to them yourself."
"I know that logically," YoungSaeng replied. "It's just that it's hardly logical when the attacks come."
"No, it isn't...but that's what friends and family are for, right? To remind you when you can't remember."
Not knowing what else to say, YoungSaeng closed his eyes again and leaned against the woman, soaking in the parental comfort that he so desperately craved and needed.
She held him with a gentle embrace, stroking his hair and rocking back and forth slowly. KyuJong's father continued to watch from the doorway, smiling.
"I don't want to go back," YoungSaeng whispered, voice nearly inaudible as he felt himself begin to drift off, mind beginning to calm slightly.
"You won't, sweetie," the woman whispered in return, not disturbing him. "You won't."
Reassured by the woman's words and motherly embrace, he finally managed to fall asleep with a somewhat calm mind.
Smiling, she continued to hold him until he was fast asleep before looking back at her husband. He stepped up beside her and kissed her before carefully taking the sleeping boy from her arms, straightening. Without a word spoken, he brought YoungSaeng inside and upstairs, avoiding walking by the gathering in the living room.
Nudging the door to KyuJong's room open with his foot, he chuckled to see KyuJong wasn't resting like he had been told to, but sitting at the edge of the bed. When he saw his father come in with YoungSaeng, KyuJong got up and pulled the sheets down so he could lay the sleeping boy down onto the mattress.
"How did it go?" KyuJong asked quietly.
"He'll be all right," his father smiled. "Get some sleep KyuJong, you look beat." He messed up his son's hair lightly before leaving the room, closing the door behind him.
KyuJong climbed onto the bed beside YoungSaeng, pulling up the sheets and making sure his boyfriend was comfortable. Sighing inwardly, he curled up next to the other boy, just watching him sleep.
*******************************
After seeing EunAh return with the half empty dishes, followed by two sets of quiet footsteps walking down the stairs and out the door, HyunJoong assumed that one was YoungSaeng, but chose to remain silent. KyuJong's father stood and left the room, walking in the same direction the footsteps had gone in.
'At least he's up and moving around,' HyunJoong thought. 'It's better than before.'
An easygoing conversation had kept up through the evening, the group talking about anything that came to mind. The worry for YoungSaeng was obvious in their faces, but understanding there wasn't much they could do as of now, they did their best to keep on going. JungMin drifted in and out of the conversation; if left out of it too long he became antsy and agitated, so they always drew him back in after a while.
Some time later, KyuJong's mother returned and sat down next to HaRa. "What are the plans for tomorrow?" she smiled, looking between them.
"We might head to the woods if KyuJong oppa and YoungSaeng oppa are up for it," Nicole explained with a small smile.
"We thought it sounded like fun," HaRa added. "And the fresh air might help, too."
"Sounds great," the older woman smiled, eyes dancing. "If you get lost, just give the home phone a call and we'll find a way to fish you out."
"Can we watch a movie tomorrow night?" HyungJoon asked, a wide grin appearing.
"Don't see why not."
"One suggestion," HyunJoong stated. "No ghost stories," he finished with a smile.
"I will not complain," HyungJoon replied adamantly. Horror anything was most definitely not his thing.
JungMin nodded, puffing out his cheeks. "Maybe something funny?"
"Romantic comedy!" Nicole clapped her hands together happily.
"I was hoping for something more along the lines of action," HyunJoong said, lips turning into an almost pout.
"Action comedy?" HaRa suggested.
"Maybe we should ask KyuSaeng for their input," Nicole piped up, then spotted EunAh walking by on her way upstairs. "EunAh yah, want to watch a movie with us tomorrow night?"
EunAh looked back at them and smiled brightly. "Sure!" She looked at HyungJoon and blushed before scurrying upstairs.
HyungJoon looked at the stairs before shrugging. "I don't think she likes me much..."
Everyone just stared at him.
"Are you stupid? Well, more so than we already know," Nicole asked, shock clear in her voice.
"Even I know better," JungMin snorted.
HyungJoon blinked at them all owlishly. "Huh?"
HaRa shook her head and looked at Nicole. "I feel bad for poor EunAh."
HyungJoon sulked. "Well, she can never look me in the eye and doesn't talk to me at all. I don't get it. I'm a nice guy, right?" He paused. "On second thought, don't answer that..."
"You're just extremely dense," HaRa smiled, patting him on the head before standing. "I'm going to head to sleep, it's pretty late."
KyuJong's mother just smiled, seeming highly amused by what everyone except for HyungJoon had picked up on. "Sleep well then."
HyunJoong laughed as HyungJoon started flailing in an attempt to stop the childish action, only resulting in the youngest looking even more childish.
"I think that's a good idea. Today's been an extremely long day. We probably all need the rest."
"And it gives us more time to get lost tomorrow," JungMin snickered, getting to his feet as well.
"Thanks for the tea umma," HaRa smiled; they'd had another cup of honey tea after dinner, and it had both calmed them and made them rather sleepy.
"No problem dear. I'll see you all in the morning." The older woman smiled at them and got up, walking into a different room.
They all headed upstairs, and with goodnights and secretive glances toward the closed door down the hall, they all split up for the night.
HyungJoon changed quickly and fell onto one of the beds and was out moments later. Snickering, HyunJoong changed as well, not too shy since JungMin had already seen him without most of his clothes because of the swim meet.
Glancing towards HyungJoon in amusement, JungMin rolled his eyes and fished around in his bag for his pajamas. Okay, and he would have been lying if he said he hadn't sneaked a few peeks at HyunJoong, but he didn't say anything. The flirting had been rather toned down after the scene while practicing in KyuJong's room.
He didn't get changed right away, just looking down at the material and biting his lower lip as he played with his gloves. The other nights he'd managed to get changed before anyone else had come into the room, excessively paranoid about bare skin thanks to his electricity. Glancing at HyunJoong out of the corner of his eyes, JungMin finally shifted a little and eased out of his thick sweater, putting on the pajama top right away. It did absolutely nothing to hide his throat, but there was nothing he could do about it, hurriedly changing into the pajama bottoms as well.
Once dressed, HyunJoong risked a glance back at JungMin just in time to see him slip on the pajama bottoms. He hadn't missed seeing the redhead's long legs, however, blushing slightly. Scanning the younger, his eyes fell on the deep mark around his neck.
Bringing his hand to lightly touch his own neck, HyunJoong quietly asked, "Does it still hurt?"
Blinking, JungMin looked over at HyunJoong and noticed the hand to his neck. "Sometimes," he shrugged, sitting down on the edge of the bed. He touched one gloved hand to the mark, feeling the raised skin. "Mostly just feels like something's pressing on my throat." He didn't like leaving the mark visible.
HyunJoong moved over to the bed and took a seat beside JungMin, continuing to look at him. "You don't deserve that, Min. I'm sorry that it happened at all..." he murmured.
A little caught off guard by the movement, JungMin shrugged a little. "Stuff happens I guess. I deal. There's no reason for you to be sorry," he said, raising an eyebrow at the older boy. He appreciated the empathy though.
"I know, but still..." HyunJoong said, fading out. He was a bit caught off-guard by the way he had been acting around JungMin lately. Sure they were friends, but on occasion, there was this feeling that he didn't quite get, but it only appeared in the redhead's presence.
Looking at him, JungMin sighed and quirked a smile. "Thanks though." He shifted a little on the bed, drawing his legs up. "Does it look...really bad?"
Looking at JungMin, HyunJoong had to resist the urge to reach out and touch the scar. "Honestly, I don't think so, but I understand why you cover it. It still is something that would draw the eye."
JungMin wrinkled his nose. "I would cover it with one of those collars or neck bands rather than a turtleneck, but I'm not allowed anything around my neck. They got rid of all the computer wires and stuff like that in my room back home too." He rested his chin on his knees.
HyunJoong listened, slightly taken aback by this quiet and somber JungMin, so different from the bright and spastic redhead he knew. "Is there any way that I can help?" he asked. JungMin seemed to only have one true confidant, but with YoungSaeng in the condition he was...
The younger boy shrugged slightly. "I don't know." He wasn't used to people being willing to listen; he'd only talked to YoungSaeng, but even then there were some things he'd never told even him.
"...I'm not crazy..."
"I think we're all a bit crazy, but no, you aren't in the way they think," HyunJoong replied. "I may tease you, but know that I believe that you're perfectly sane, if not a bit too loud and blunt at times," he added, teasing the boy in an attempt to lighten the mood a bit.
JungMin's lips quirked upwards. "Someone's gotta be. Especially with him," he said, pointing at HyungJoon, passed out and snoring with his mouth open. "You can be as blunt as you want and he'll still be confused."
HyunJoong laughed at that. "I can't believe he hasn't noticed the massive crush EunAh has on him..."
"Maybe he'll see it in one of his visions. Who knows." JungMin shrugged, and then flopped over onto his back on the bed, blinking up at the ceiling before looking at HyunJoong. "Have you ever dated anyone?"
Looking back at JungMin, HyunJoong chuckled before doing the same, resting his hands behind his head. "Once, but he was a jerk, so it didn't last very long," he explained with a light shrug.
"He?" JungMin blinked, looking over at him. "So you're into guys?" Despite the endless teasing and flirting, he'd thought for sure the older boy preferred girls.
HyunJoong nodded his head. "Figured that one out when I joined the swim team," he replied. "Like you said before, the uniform leaves little to the imagination."
JungMin snorted. "That it does. Though those other people on your team didn't pull it off half as well as you did," he smirked.
HyunJoong grinned, blushing yet again. "Not really, but I worked hard to get into shape for swimming." He was beginning to get used to JungMin's comments, but no matter what, they always seemed to make him blush.
"And it shows," JungMin grinned, looking back up at the ceiling before putting his hands behind his head and closing his eyes. "I'm coming to every swim meet from now on, just to see that."
"I'd like that. The others try to come, but can't usually. It was nice to know that someone was there to cheer me on, even if I only found out after the fact," HyunJoong explained.
"Then I'll just have to make sure you hear me next time," JungMin replied, chuckling. "Just be happy I can't go into the changing rooms while the showers are running, the doors weren't guarded all that well," he teased.
"Remind me to start locking the shower door then," HyunJoong replied, grin still in place. JungMin didn't need to know that there wasn't one to begin with.
"No point in locking it now. It's if I ever get enough control to not fry the entire room that you'd have to worry." Keeping his eyes closed, JungMin felt himself starting to drift off.
Noticing JungMin starting to fall asleep, HyunJoong chuckled. "You comfortable?" he asked, deciding to get under the covers and sleep as well. He was thankful for the thick comforter seeing as how he easily got cold.
"Mhm." JungMin yawned, eyes cracking open a little at the older boy. "You're over here tonight? Not worried I might electrocute you?" He'd easily claimed one of the two beds for himself the past nights, on account of first the kicking, then the possibility of shocking the other person repeatedly.
"I'm totally confiscating your bed, so yes, I'm staying." HyunJoong paused to smile. "And who knows? Maybe a few jolts will actually get me awake..."
"Maybe," JungMin snickered. "Better than trying the rolling out of bed idea again." Even so, he stayed above the comforter to avoid shocking the other boy, pulling the edge of the thick blanket up and over himself as he curled up on his side, blinking tiredly at HyunJoong through a mess of red hair.
Looking over, HyunJoong paused for a moment. "I can move if you want, you know. It's not a big deal..."
"Did I say I want you to move?" JungMin wrinkled his nose at the older boy, and then yawned. "If I want you to move, it's to stuff a sock in Joonie's mouth so he stops snoring," he mumbled sleepily, closing his eyes.
Smiling, HyunJoong still shifted to give JungMin both more room and more covers. "Trust me, it doesn't stop him."
"Already tried, have we?" The redhead cracked one eye open at the movement, and chuckled, curling up a little more. "Night." He was out like a light, energy finally expended for the day.
Chuckling at how fast he managed to fall asleep, HyunJoong found himself watching the redhead for a bit longer before letting his own eyes close, soon falling asleep.