[Fic][To Forget is to die][Persona: Innocent Sin: Tatsuya/Jun]
Title: To Forget is to die
Fandom, Pairing: Persona: Innocent Sin, Jun/Tatsuya
Author: jurhael
Recipient: starza
Rating: PG
Warnings: Some swear words and an idea of what happened in the pairing's past.
Prompt: Post-game, thoughts and memories of the past.
Summary/Note: This scenario was originally for Suikoden 4's Hero/Snowe, but it never came out right and I found that Jun/Tatsuya was a much better, if not even more challenging choice. I think it was for the best because fanworks for Innocent Sin are quite rare.
To forget is to die. This is the absolute truth to Tatsuya. Memories define what a person is, it shapes their choices, it determines their futures. With no memory, what does a person have?
Nothing. This is what he would have if he forgets everyone he ever held close to him. His body would be alive in a new world, but what defines everything he is would be dead. The Tatsuya he knows himself as would be gone forever. The friends he knows would be gone forever. In the new world, they would all be little more than strangers.
To forget is to die, but remembering would mean that the whole world would die, including his friends and loved ones. What good would that do for anyone? Still, how could Tatsuya forget?
How could he forget Eikichi? The one who dreams of being a famous singer in a band? The one who dressed like a rock star in a school uniform? How could he forget that he is part of that very band?
“We went through a lot, but I'm glad we met again. Don't forget what you promised, dude.”
Tatsuya remembers Eikichi saying those very words just moments before he vanished. The promise is to forget, so that the world will survive. It’s logical, but--
How could he forget Lisa? The girl who fights like a wildcat? The American girl who simply adores him? She doesn’t want to be forgotten. She said so herself.
“Tatsuya...Don't forget me...I do love you.”
The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few or the one. Tatsuya remembers those words easily because they’re hard to forget even if they do come from a popular movie. He knows it makes sense. Even someone with the intelligence of stone knows that it’s logical, but--
How could he forget Maya? The woman who has been a “big sister” to him for years. The woman who just moments ago died after being stabbed by a spear, but not before telling him not to cry because the bunny would laugh at him. She would want him to do the right thing.
"Please forget about me....Go on without me..."
Tatsuya knows she is right, but--
How could he forget Jun? His best friend and lover. The one who was once an enemy so he could make everyone’s dream come true. The one whose heart was in the right place, but his methods were not. The one Tatsuya could never hate. How could he? Just thinking of Jun’s words make him smile while his heart sinks.
“ I won't forget... about the sin I committed, about you, or about anyone... we'll meet again for sure, and this time, we will protect Maya-neesan together... so I won't say goodbye, only... thank you.”
How can Tatsuya forget everything he had been through? How can he forget the times when he snuck into Jun’s school just to grab him, take him, hold him against the bathroom wall and kiss him? How can he forget Jun’s cool lips, the warmth of his slender body, the softness of his black hair? How can he forget the tasty rare steaks Jun would make for him after school? How can he forget the times they shared while watching TV, listening to the radio, or fucking each other’s brains out instead of doing homework? How can he forget that he managed to save Jun from himself and repair their relationship?
To forget is to die. Tatsuya can’t imagine a life without Jun, and can’t imagine what a life would be like with a Jun that would no longer be the Jun he knows all too well. Just thinking of it causes a tear to slide down Tatsuya’s face. He knows what the right thing is, but he also knows that a life without memories is not much of a life at all. When he watches Jun slowly fade into a sea of stars and light, he screams.
“I don't want to forget what happened! How can I forget? Guys, don't go...Don't leave me alone...Please no, please no. No!”
No. No. No. No. No. A thousand no’s. A million of them. All Tatsuya can think of is “no” while he grabs a lighter in his pocket because right now, it’s the only thing he has left. He remembers Jun giving it to him years ago as a symbol of their friendship, and the very thought that he will soon forget it makes him take it out of his pocket and hold it to his chest.
All of his friends say that they won’t forget yet Tatsuya knows that they will anyway, even Jun. He can’t even whisper “no” now, but he clings to it the way he continues to cling to his memories. To forget is to die, and he didn’t want to die, but he didn’t want the world to die either.
“There has to be another way,” he whispers to the fading stars.
He doesn’t know where he’s at anymore. Everything is dark and the only thing he can feel is the lighter he keeps close to him. He pictures the color, silver. Yes, it’s silver and bigger than a usual lighter. He remembers how he would often light it even though he never smoked. Jun would often call it a nervous habit.
“Jun...”
The metal is cool against his chest. Jun’s hand was cool whenever he touched Tatsuya there. He remembers the soft, gentle fingers over his beating heart and he sighs, not knowing whether to be relieved or horrified that he’s still hanging on to what he has left. The world doesn’t deserve to be destroyed, but no one deserves to lose the memories of all they hold dear.
“Tatsuya?”
Tatsuya gasps when he hears that low, soothing voice. He knows exactly who it is as he frantically looks around, and sees a simple white light surrounding a boy he knows all too well.
“Jun? Jun!” He heads over to the light, unsure if he is walking or flying, but he doesn’t care just so long as he can see Jun’s beautiful face again. “You don’t want to forget either, do you?”
“Tatsuya...” Jun lowers his head. “You have to promise me...promise that you’ll forget about me.”
This is not something Tatsuya wants to hear, but he isn’t surprised. “You know I can’t. I’d die. We’d all die. That’s what losing our memories would be about.” To forget is to die. He keeps thinking of that phrase the same way one thinks of a favorite song. “Without our memories, we are nothing! Can’t you see that? There has to be another way. I want both! Why can’t I have both the world and our lives? Why?”
Jun puts his hands on Tatsuya’s shoulders. “There is no other way. Philemon said so. If we keep our memories, then Nyralathotep will destroy the world, and where would we be then? With no world, then we’d truly be dead. Do you think I like this? No one does, but the only other choice is to do more than just lose memories.”
“But, that’s just it,” Tatsuya replies, unable to look away from Jun’s brown eyes. “I know what the right thing is, but I also think it’s wrong. My mind says that the world as a whole is more important than anything we have, but my heart...it doesn’t know anything except us. What we went through, and how we beat it all!” He shakes his head. “Philemon asks too much.”
“He didn’t do this,” Jun answers. “We did.”
An anvil could have fallen on Tatsuya. “What?”
“You still have your memories, so you couldn’t have forgotten what happened at the Shrine with Maya.”
“That wasn’t our fault!”
Jun shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter. Everything began there, and it has to end here. Resetting everything is the only way.”
“It’s so hard.” Tatsuya lowers his head. “I mean, no one should have die so that we could be together, but we shouldn’t have to sacrifice our own lives either! I know what must be done, but... .” Words fail him. He knows that saying anything else would be to repeat the same things over and over again. He remembers people claiming that doing what is utilitarian and logical are really easy, but he also remembers that such people are often not dictated by emotions. “I don’t know! I just don’t know. We’ll lose everything! Everything!”
“Tatsuya, listen to me!” Jun’s grip on Tatsuya tightens. “We’ll meet again and even if we never regain our old memories, we can create new ones, better ones. Ones without my sins, ones that can never be taken away. Then, maybe it won’t matter if we ever regain what we’ve lost.”
Tatsuya looks up. “It matters. That’s what makes it so hard.”
Jun smiles. “I know, but I did say that I won’t forget, so really, our memories will be repressed, and once Nyralathotep no longer matters, we can remember again.” His hands slide over Tatsuya’s arms, pulling him into a tight embrace. “Just promise me that you’ll forget. Whether or not this is all only temporary, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that no matter what happens, we will meet again in a better world. Maya will be safe, our friends will be safe, the world will be safe, and everything will be okay. Just promise me.”
He closes his eyes as the scent of roses fills his nose. Jun always smelt like some kind of flower, and Tatsuya found it fitting that he would smell like a flower that’s always been associated with love. He can’t argue anymore. He’s lost the words, and even if he didn’t, he knows that it’s never been a good idea to argue too much with Jun. His best friend and lover nearly always won in the game of words.
“I promise,” he finally whispers while he chokes back a few tears. “I...I promise.”
Jun is still smiling when he steps back, holding Tatsuya at arm’s length. “Don’t cry or the bunny will laugh at you.” He never looks away from Tatsuya as he once again fades into the glittery sea of space.
Tatsuya sinks to his knees, still holding the lighter to his chest.
“I promise.”
Fandom, Pairing: Persona: Innocent Sin, Jun/Tatsuya
Author: jurhael
Recipient: starza
Rating: PG
Warnings: Some swear words and an idea of what happened in the pairing's past.
Prompt: Post-game, thoughts and memories of the past.
Summary/Note: This scenario was originally for Suikoden 4's Hero/Snowe, but it never came out right and I found that Jun/Tatsuya was a much better, if not even more challenging choice. I think it was for the best because fanworks for Innocent Sin are quite rare.
To forget is to die. This is the absolute truth to Tatsuya. Memories define what a person is, it shapes their choices, it determines their futures. With no memory, what does a person have?
Nothing. This is what he would have if he forgets everyone he ever held close to him. His body would be alive in a new world, but what defines everything he is would be dead. The Tatsuya he knows himself as would be gone forever. The friends he knows would be gone forever. In the new world, they would all be little more than strangers.
To forget is to die, but remembering would mean that the whole world would die, including his friends and loved ones. What good would that do for anyone? Still, how could Tatsuya forget?
How could he forget Eikichi? The one who dreams of being a famous singer in a band? The one who dressed like a rock star in a school uniform? How could he forget that he is part of that very band?
“We went through a lot, but I'm glad we met again. Don't forget what you promised, dude.”
Tatsuya remembers Eikichi saying those very words just moments before he vanished. The promise is to forget, so that the world will survive. It’s logical, but--
How could he forget Lisa? The girl who fights like a wildcat? The American girl who simply adores him? She doesn’t want to be forgotten. She said so herself.
“Tatsuya...Don't forget me...I do love you.”
The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few or the one. Tatsuya remembers those words easily because they’re hard to forget even if they do come from a popular movie. He knows it makes sense. Even someone with the intelligence of stone knows that it’s logical, but--
How could he forget Maya? The woman who has been a “big sister” to him for years. The woman who just moments ago died after being stabbed by a spear, but not before telling him not to cry because the bunny would laugh at him. She would want him to do the right thing.
"Please forget about me....Go on without me..."
Tatsuya knows she is right, but--
How could he forget Jun? His best friend and lover. The one who was once an enemy so he could make everyone’s dream come true. The one whose heart was in the right place, but his methods were not. The one Tatsuya could never hate. How could he? Just thinking of Jun’s words make him smile while his heart sinks.
“ I won't forget... about the sin I committed, about you, or about anyone... we'll meet again for sure, and this time, we will protect Maya-neesan together... so I won't say goodbye, only... thank you.”
How can Tatsuya forget everything he had been through? How can he forget the times when he snuck into Jun’s school just to grab him, take him, hold him against the bathroom wall and kiss him? How can he forget Jun’s cool lips, the warmth of his slender body, the softness of his black hair? How can he forget the tasty rare steaks Jun would make for him after school? How can he forget the times they shared while watching TV, listening to the radio, or fucking each other’s brains out instead of doing homework? How can he forget that he managed to save Jun from himself and repair their relationship?
To forget is to die. Tatsuya can’t imagine a life without Jun, and can’t imagine what a life would be like with a Jun that would no longer be the Jun he knows all too well. Just thinking of it causes a tear to slide down Tatsuya’s face. He knows what the right thing is, but he also knows that a life without memories is not much of a life at all. When he watches Jun slowly fade into a sea of stars and light, he screams.
“I don't want to forget what happened! How can I forget? Guys, don't go...Don't leave me alone...Please no, please no. No!”
No. No. No. No. No. A thousand no’s. A million of them. All Tatsuya can think of is “no” while he grabs a lighter in his pocket because right now, it’s the only thing he has left. He remembers Jun giving it to him years ago as a symbol of their friendship, and the very thought that he will soon forget it makes him take it out of his pocket and hold it to his chest.
All of his friends say that they won’t forget yet Tatsuya knows that they will anyway, even Jun. He can’t even whisper “no” now, but he clings to it the way he continues to cling to his memories. To forget is to die, and he didn’t want to die, but he didn’t want the world to die either.
“There has to be another way,” he whispers to the fading stars.
He doesn’t know where he’s at anymore. Everything is dark and the only thing he can feel is the lighter he keeps close to him. He pictures the color, silver. Yes, it’s silver and bigger than a usual lighter. He remembers how he would often light it even though he never smoked. Jun would often call it a nervous habit.
“Jun...”
The metal is cool against his chest. Jun’s hand was cool whenever he touched Tatsuya there. He remembers the soft, gentle fingers over his beating heart and he sighs, not knowing whether to be relieved or horrified that he’s still hanging on to what he has left. The world doesn’t deserve to be destroyed, but no one deserves to lose the memories of all they hold dear.
“Tatsuya?”
Tatsuya gasps when he hears that low, soothing voice. He knows exactly who it is as he frantically looks around, and sees a simple white light surrounding a boy he knows all too well.
“Jun? Jun!” He heads over to the light, unsure if he is walking or flying, but he doesn’t care just so long as he can see Jun’s beautiful face again. “You don’t want to forget either, do you?”
“Tatsuya...” Jun lowers his head. “You have to promise me...promise that you’ll forget about me.”
This is not something Tatsuya wants to hear, but he isn’t surprised. “You know I can’t. I’d die. We’d all die. That’s what losing our memories would be about.” To forget is to die. He keeps thinking of that phrase the same way one thinks of a favorite song. “Without our memories, we are nothing! Can’t you see that? There has to be another way. I want both! Why can’t I have both the world and our lives? Why?”
Jun puts his hands on Tatsuya’s shoulders. “There is no other way. Philemon said so. If we keep our memories, then Nyralathotep will destroy the world, and where would we be then? With no world, then we’d truly be dead. Do you think I like this? No one does, but the only other choice is to do more than just lose memories.”
“But, that’s just it,” Tatsuya replies, unable to look away from Jun’s brown eyes. “I know what the right thing is, but I also think it’s wrong. My mind says that the world as a whole is more important than anything we have, but my heart...it doesn’t know anything except us. What we went through, and how we beat it all!” He shakes his head. “Philemon asks too much.”
“He didn’t do this,” Jun answers. “We did.”
An anvil could have fallen on Tatsuya. “What?”
“You still have your memories, so you couldn’t have forgotten what happened at the Shrine with Maya.”
“That wasn’t our fault!”
Jun shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter. Everything began there, and it has to end here. Resetting everything is the only way.”
“It’s so hard.” Tatsuya lowers his head. “I mean, no one should have die so that we could be together, but we shouldn’t have to sacrifice our own lives either! I know what must be done, but... .” Words fail him. He knows that saying anything else would be to repeat the same things over and over again. He remembers people claiming that doing what is utilitarian and logical are really easy, but he also remembers that such people are often not dictated by emotions. “I don’t know! I just don’t know. We’ll lose everything! Everything!”
“Tatsuya, listen to me!” Jun’s grip on Tatsuya tightens. “We’ll meet again and even if we never regain our old memories, we can create new ones, better ones. Ones without my sins, ones that can never be taken away. Then, maybe it won’t matter if we ever regain what we’ve lost.”
Tatsuya looks up. “It matters. That’s what makes it so hard.”
Jun smiles. “I know, but I did say that I won’t forget, so really, our memories will be repressed, and once Nyralathotep no longer matters, we can remember again.” His hands slide over Tatsuya’s arms, pulling him into a tight embrace. “Just promise me that you’ll forget. Whether or not this is all only temporary, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that no matter what happens, we will meet again in a better world. Maya will be safe, our friends will be safe, the world will be safe, and everything will be okay. Just promise me.”
He closes his eyes as the scent of roses fills his nose. Jun always smelt like some kind of flower, and Tatsuya found it fitting that he would smell like a flower that’s always been associated with love. He can’t argue anymore. He’s lost the words, and even if he didn’t, he knows that it’s never been a good idea to argue too much with Jun. His best friend and lover nearly always won in the game of words.
“I promise,” he finally whispers while he chokes back a few tears. “I...I promise.”
Jun is still smiling when he steps back, holding Tatsuya at arm’s length. “Don’t cry or the bunny will laugh at you.” He never looks away from Tatsuya as he once again fades into the glittery sea of space.
Tatsuya sinks to his knees, still holding the lighter to his chest.
“I promise.”