Fic: An Overpowering Staleness (2/5)

[yamx]

Title: An Overpowering Staleness (2/5)
Betas: canaana, kae_nine & wendymr - Thank you, guys! All remaining mistakes are mine.
Rating: Adult (strong language, dark motives)
Spoilers: The Doctor Dances, Human Nature/The Family of Blood
Characters: Nine/Jack/Rose
Disclaimer: This is a work of fanfiction; the characters are the property of the BBC and used here

Comments

[honorh]

It's gotta be agony for Rose, seeing the Doctor reduced to this. Jack can't be happy, either, but he's handling it better. And this might just be your best writing yet, which is saying something.

[canaana]

And this might just be your best writing yet, which is saying something.

I second this.

[yamx]

*blush* Thanks!

[yamx]

Jack has to keep it together. For Rose and for the Doctor. They can't all fall apart at the same time.

And this might just be your best writing yet, which is saying something.
*blushes* I'm so flattered. Especially since this seems to be a majority opinion... THANK YOU!

[kholly]

And once again you've left me breathless with the angst. But I suppose if there's this much hurt then the comfort is going to be brilliant later.

I really like how you're staying with John's POV with this, both for his observations of Rose and Jack and for things like
He's lived through worse than a bit of cold. He doesn’t need it. Doesn’t deserve it, either - not after what he's done.

Not that he can remember what that was, most days - but that's a good thing.

And even bundled up in this guilt and grief and anger he can't really stop his inner need to help people.

[yamx]

There might or might not be some comfort later. You'll just have to wait and see... *evil grin*

I'm glad the POV is working for you, and that it's coming across that the Doctor is still the Doctor, somewhere deep down.

Thanks for the detailed comment! :)

[firefly124]

So many excellent touches here: Rose's color sense, the details the Doctor notices and how he interprets them. Dying to know what April 30 is! My heart breaks for all three of them.

[sahiya]

My guess is that it's the day the TARDIS will change everything back. I think there was a time limit in HN/FoB, too.

[yamx]

Thank you! I put a lot of thought in the details, so I'm glad they're having an impact. :)

[wendymr]

I agree with honorh: this is your best work yet. Not just your vision of the premise of a fobwatched Nine and how you've woven Rose and Jack into it, but the quality of the writing. You're portraying an alcoholic tramp with such sympathy, yet not shirking on his less-pleasant qualities - abrasiveness, bargaining for alcohol with anything he senses they want, superficially not giving a damn about anyone. And at the same time, even if we didn't know who John Smith really is, you're dropping hints that all is not what it seems: his fuzzy history, the occasional sensation that there's more to him than might appear. I also love Jack and Rose as seen through his eyes; all we're seeing is what he observes, but that's more than enough to know how painful this is for both of them. Jack's being brilliant: courageous, inventive, persuasive and a solid support for Rose, while Rose is trying to show (and hide) her love for the Doctor in every way she can.

Fantastic work, and I hope I get to see that final chapter soon!

[yamx]

*blushes* Thanks.

I really wanted to show the ugliness here, the misery and the darkness, but I also wanted to make it clear that John Smith it one side of the Doctor, as different as they may seem on the surface. I'm glad I've managed to strike that balance.

[dark_aegis]

This continues to be amazing. I feel for Rose, seeing the Doctor and being unable to truly help. I love John's observations of Rose and Jack, and just the glorious angst here. Wonderful, wonderful work. And, as honorh said, I agree. This is definitely your best work yet.

[yamx]

Thank you. :)

Showing Rose and Jack through John's eyes was one of the challenges of this fic. He doesn't know them (or thinks he doesn't), he doesn't like them (he says), but still they have to come through as the amazing people they are.