Journey 08/08: Supernatural AU
Title: Sandcastles
Author: yami_faerie
Words: ~3,000
Ratings/Warnings: Rated PG-13, language, mild violence, general spoilers for seasons 1-5
Disclaimer: Not my sandbox. I'll get my own someday, I swear.
Summary: Dean goes missing while searching for a Djinn, and Danielle Young calls with news, and bad news at that. Can Sam put all the pieces together before it all falls apart? Retelling of 2.20 "What Is And Never Should Be".
When Sam was seven, John had taken him and Dean to Huntington Beach in L.A. for a day off. Things like this pretty much never happened, so the moment the Impala had parked, Sam had been off like a shot, heading straight for the water, Dean running behind and shouting at him to slow down so he could put on his sunscreen.
It had been one of the best days of Sam's life as a child.
John wasn't around much as Sam got older, but he had at least taken the time in the past to teach both Sam and Dean how to swim. Of course, instead of spending the day playing with his sons, he had settled down in the shade with a few newspapers, looking for jobs. At least, that's what Sam figured when he looked back on that day, given that he hadn't learned the truth until the Christmas after he turned eight. But that hadn't stopped either Sam or Dean from splashing around in the water, roughhousing and swimming out in the ocean far enough to see the edges of the bay.
The best part of the day was that Dean actually sat down in the wet sand with Sam and made sandcastles. Or rather, they each made their own sandcastle and then had an all-out war to see whose would last longer in battle. Dean had won, but Sam hadn't cared one lick. Dean was already sarcastic enough for five people, but that day, he had felt like Sam's big brother, like he gave a damn about more than just looking out for him the way their dad insisted.
Sam remembered watching the tide come in, slowly disintegrating what was left of the sandcastles until they were nothing but memories in his mind. It had been kind of sad, and Sam knew that a day like this probably wouldn't happen again for a long time, if ever, but the memory of that day sustained him through several bad days in the years that followed. That day, Sam knew without a doubt that his dad and brother loved him.
He had returned to Huntington Beach with Jessica Moore the first summer after they started dating. It hadn't been the same, exactly, but the memory of that day was, in and of itself, precious because that was the day he'd garnered up the courage to ask Jess to move in with him. They had been building sandcastles together with Brady, Luis, and a few other friends they both shared, and the question had somehow slipped out in the middle of the conversation.
Jess had looked up at him, eyes shining and mouth slightly open. "You really mean it?" she had asked breathlessly.
Sam had ignored the knowing grins on their friend's faces and nodded. "I'd really like - I mean, I would love it if you would."
After a long moment, Jess had broken into a blinding smile and thrown her arms around Sam, knocking him into the sand as she started kissing him senseless.
"PDA!" Luis and Brady had started shouting while Rebecca Warren had squealed with delight. "Get a room!"
Jess had started laughing, but she hadn't let go of Sam, and he had been happy to wind his arms around her and keep her close. In a different way, it had been one of the best days of his life, and even when the tide came in that evening and washed the sandcastles away, his heart had still been light with the promise of a future filled with safety and love.
If only Sam had known better.
When Dean didn't call after an hour, Sam started to get worried.
When he tried to call Dean himself and only got voicemail, Sam got even more worried.
When he tracked the GPS on Dean's phone to an abandoned building almost twenty miles away, however, Sam got super worried and a little annoyed. He knew that Djinn were supposed to be pretty powerful, and he was frustrated that Dean had probably gotten himself into trouble with this one because he couldn't be bothered to pick Sam up for backup. "Sorry to whoever owns this," he muttered as he stole a beat-up Volvo and headed out of town. Just then, his phone rang.
"Dean?" he asked without looking at the ID.
"Pretty sure I'm not."
"Oh. Dani."
"Hi," Danielle Young said. "Why'd you think I was Dean?"
"I think he's in trouble," Sam sighed, "and I was hoping that he'd gotten himself out of trouble without my help."
"Oh," Danielle said. "I guess this is a bad time, then."
"I've got a few minutes of driving to do," Sam said. "What's up?"
"My dad just called me," Danielle said, sounding a little worried herself, "said he remembered something from when he was possessed."
Sam sat up straighter in the old car. "Really?" he asked, instantly interested. "What'd he tell you?"
He could hear Danielle swallow hard. "He said it's April, this month."
"What's this month?"
"When uh…" Danielle gave a small laugh. "When it all goes down." There was a moment of silence. "Sam," Danielle finally said, "I think that whatever Azazel's planning, it's gonna happen before the month is out."
"It's already the twenty-second," Sam said, frowning as he sped down the road. "Does your dad have any idea about what's happening, exactly?"
"Sorry," Danielle said sadly, "he didn't know. All he knows is that whatever it is, it's all goin' down before the month is out." Danielle sighed. "I wish I could tell you more."
"That's okay," Sam said at once, "it gives us an actual time frame to work with."
"Yeah," Danielle said. "So, what kind of trouble is Dean in?"
"It's a Djinn," Sam said, "you know, a uh, genie."
"Weird," Danielle said. "How would it do the whole 'granting wishes' thing, do you think?"
"No idea," Sam said. "I mean, Trickster's can create things that are as real as you and me, but if your wish was something bigger like being the president or something…" Sam trailed off.
"You'll have to tell me how it works once you find Dean and stop that nasty Djinn," Danielle said.
"Once I find him," Sam said. "I promise."
"Good," Danielle said. "Oh, there's Roxy, she's picking me up from my dance practice. Call me later, okay?"
"Yeah," Sam said. "Take care."
"You -" Danielle suddenly broke off with a scream. Sam could hear something whooshing, then clattering like the phone had dropped, and then silence.
"Dani!" Sam shouted into his phone, pulling over to the side of the road. "Dani, what happened?"
Nothing.
"Dani!" Sam tried again.
"Oh my God!" he heard someone scream distantly, and then he could hear the sound of running footsteps. "Dani!" A moment later, there were more sounds and then he heard Roxy's voice. "Who's this?"
"It's Sam, Sam Winchester," Sam said quickly. "Roxy, what's going on? Where's Danielle?"
"She's - oh, God, she's gone!"
"What?" Sam almost shouted. "Roxy, what do you mean, she's gone?"
"There was this - Sam, it was black smoke or something, and it just - it snatched her and left her bags and phone and - Sam, she's gone!"
"Wait," Sam said, "black smoke? You mean like a demon?"
"I guess," Roxy said, voice shaking. "It looked like what Dani described to me… Sam, why would a demon take her? She said none of you were to be touched until -"
"Until Azazel began the next phase of his plans," Sam cut her off. "Roxy, I have a friend who's been trying to track down others like me and Dani, and they've all gone missing except for me and two or three others besides Danielle. None of them have come back."
Roxy didn't say anything for a moment. "Are they gonna… kill her?"
"I don't -" Sam broke off and rubbed his forehead. "I don't know, Roxy. I don't know, anymore. Nothing makes sense, I mean, these disappearances? They've been staggered over the last five months, groups of three or four at a time, and I don't know what they're doing. I'm sorry, Roxy."
Roxy sniffed. "But you're gonna find her, right? I mean, it's Dani!"
"I'm gonna do everything I can," Sam promised.
"Okay," Roxy said. "Will you call me when you find out what's going on? God, what am I supposed to tell Taryn? She's doesn't know about any of this!"
"Roxy, calm down," Sam said softly. "I will call you the moment I figure things out, but you need to be careful." He ran a hand through his hair. "Do you think Taryn could handle the truth?"
"No," Roxy said at once, "I don't think she could, I mean, it took me three days."
"Then you're just gonna have to say that you found her stuff abandoned," Sam said decisively, "and you'll have to call the authorities as well as Danielle's family. Just - don't say anything to the cops that might sound crazy, okay?"
"Okay," Roxy said. "Please find Dani."
"I…" Sam took a deep breath. "I swear I'll do my best, and seriously, be careful out there."
"You, too," Roxy whispered, and then the line disconnected. Sam sat on the side of the road for a few minutes before he managed to get himself in gear and started back down the road again. He was going to find Dean, save him, and then they were going to find Danielle. They had to, she mattered to him too much to just let it go this time like he had done with Ava.
The old Volvo sped down the road as Sam clutched the wheel tightly in both hands.
Seeing Dean strung up like a piece of meat made Sam's heart clench. "Shit," he breathed as he quickly approached his older brother. "Dean! Dean! Oh, God." He shook Dean, silently willing him to wake up. "Come on, hey. Wake up. Wake up, dammit!"
Dean stirred and groaned. "Hey," Sam said, lowering his mental shields and taking in Dean's exhaustion and confusion, which was followed by relief.
"Auntie Em… there's no place like home," Dean mumbled.
"Oh, thank God," Sam breathed, cupping Dean's face and staring up at him. "I thought I lost you for a second."
"You almost did," Dean groaned as Sam pulled a strange IV needle thing out of Dean's neck.
"Let's get you down," he told his brother, pulling out his knife and starting on the ropes around Dean's wrists. He was so desperate to get Dean down and out of this place that he barely noticed the approaching presence of the Djinn. Thankfully, Dean still had working eyes.
"Sam!" he barked out in warning and Sam whirled around at once, knife in hand as he blocked the Djinn and forced him away from Dean.
The Djinn looked pretty human, but was covered in strange tattoos and had eyes that glowed a bright shade of blue. He was strong, but then, so was Sam. Unfortunately, this made the match more even than Sam wanted it to be and he had the disadvantage of not knowing the layout of the area as well as the Djinn.
He noticed Dean struggling with the ropes out of the corner of his eye while he and the damn genie faced off, dancing around corpses in various states of decay and one girl in a dirty white dress who looked so strung out she might not even be alive anymore.
And then Sam tripped.
The stupid Djinn was on him in an instant, slamming Sam against the floor and reaching toward him with one hand. It was sparking with a strange blue glow and Sam realized that it was trying to do to him whatever it had done to Dean. Sam could feel Dean's panic and determination to help him, even though he was certain he had enough strength to throw the genie off.
The Djinn was pretty fucking strong, regardless, and just as Sam's mind remembered he could use his stupid telekinesis to do what it seemed he couldn't with brute strength alone, Dean came flying up with the knife Sam had dropped when he'd tripped, and then he slammed it into the Djinn's back. Instantly, the blue whatever in the Djinn's hand sparked out and the blue glow in his eyes faded to a much-paler human-looking blue. Then the Djinn collapsed on Sam.
"Ugh," Sam grunted, pushing the body off him and accepting the hand Dean help out. "You okay?" he asked Dean once he was upright.
"Are you?" Dean shot back, and Sam rolled his eyes before remembering that girl he'd spotted during his fight.
"Is she…?" He opened his empathy and reached out, letting out a relieved sigh a moment later. "That girl over there. She's still alive."
Dean moved forward at once, holding onto the girl as Sam cut the ropes holding her up. "I've got you," he murmured to the girl as she moaned softly and started to resurface. "We're gonna get you out of here, okay? I've got you… I've got you."
Sam swallowed hard and stepped back silently, letting Dean do what he needed to do.
They took the girl to the emergency room before returning to their motel room. Dean dropped onto his bed, looking listless and more emotional than Sam had seen him in a long while.
"You shoulda seen it," he said nearly an hour later. Sam looked up from where he was packing up all his research. "Mom was alive, and you had Jess… but man, you were such a wuss."
"I guess we didn't get along, then," Sam said, looking away and feeling a little hurt. "I thought it was supposed to be the perfect fantasy."
"It wasn't," Dean sighed. "It was just a wish. I wished for Mom to be alive, and she didn't die, and we never Hunted because she never told us what's out there, and you and I…" He trailed off with a shrug. "We just never, you know…"
Sam forced himself to look at Dean. "I'm glad we do," he said quietly, "and I'm glad you got yourself out, Dean. Most people wouldn't've had the strength. They would've just… stayed."
"I wanted to," Dean admitted, meeting Sam's eyes with his own. "I mean, Dad was dead, but we had Mom, and you had Jess, and Mom was gonna have grandkids…"
"It was just fantasy," Sam said, slumping in his chair.
"But it's what I want," Dean said. "Well, not the part where we didn't get along, but I want that… that normal life, wish or not, and I just…" He sighed and scrubbed at his face. "All I can think about it what this life… how much this job has cost us. We've lost so much, sacrificed so damn much…"
It was like the sandcastles on the beach, Sam thought as he turned away. They both had things they wished for, but at the end of the day, their lives were what they were, and the tide was just going to come back in and disintegrate those dreams until they joined the sand once more.
"It's worth it," Sam said. "Isn't it? What we do? That's what you told me back at Stanford. People… We save a lot of lives doing what we do."
"And how many more do we ruin?" Dean snapped, standing and striding across the room like a caged animal. "How many people do we expose to the truth every damn day who would be so much better off never knowing what's out there?"
Sam didn't know what to say. He had known for months now that Dean had these issues, that he was tired of what they did, that he longed for the normal life Sam had lived and lost, but all he could see were those sandcastles as the tide came in and turned them back into patches of smooth sand. He didn't know how to make this better, how to convince Dean that they had to accept their reality for what it was and learn to make the best of it. That was what Sam struggled to do every day.
"It isn't fair," he said quietly, "and it hurts like hell, but this life… It's what we got, Dean, and wishing…" He swallowed and looked over at his brother. "It won't change anything."
"So you just accept that your life is shitty?" Dean said, voice harsh with emotions Sam imagined his brother didn't want to show any more than they already had in the duration of this crappy conversation.
"What do you want me to do?" Sam asked, rising and lifting his hands slightly. "I tried the normal thing, and a bunch of demons decided to screw me over! I can't go back to that life, Dean, and not just because of revenge for Jess and Mom and Dad or the fact that Azazel won't rest until his fucking 'favorite' goes darkside or whatever."
"Sam -" Dean started, but Sam suddenly found his anger and he couldn't figure out how to push it back down again. So, he let the dam break.
"Our lives suck, Dean, and they will never be normal," Sam cut his older brother off. "I can't cry over it because the tide already came in and washed away every last fucking dream I had until there was nothing left. I - God, I look at myself and I see someone who will never fit in no matter how hard he tries because his entire life was influenced by demons. I'm not even sure I know who the fuck I am, Dean! I wish -" He broke off and turned away, unable to say another word.
Dean didn't say anything, and less than a minute later, the door to their room opened and then slammed shut. Sam sank back onto his bed and let his tears loose.
He wasn't able to stop for a very long time.
Link to "Journey" Masterpost
Author: yami_faerie
Words: ~3,000
Ratings/Warnings: Rated PG-13, language, mild violence, general spoilers for seasons 1-5
Disclaimer: Not my sandbox. I'll get my own someday, I swear.
Summary: Dean goes missing while searching for a Djinn, and Danielle Young calls with news, and bad news at that. Can Sam put all the pieces together before it all falls apart? Retelling of 2.20 "What Is And Never Should Be".
When Sam was seven, John had taken him and Dean to Huntington Beach in L.A. for a day off. Things like this pretty much never happened, so the moment the Impala had parked, Sam had been off like a shot, heading straight for the water, Dean running behind and shouting at him to slow down so he could put on his sunscreen.
It had been one of the best days of Sam's life as a child.
John wasn't around much as Sam got older, but he had at least taken the time in the past to teach both Sam and Dean how to swim. Of course, instead of spending the day playing with his sons, he had settled down in the shade with a few newspapers, looking for jobs. At least, that's what Sam figured when he looked back on that day, given that he hadn't learned the truth until the Christmas after he turned eight. But that hadn't stopped either Sam or Dean from splashing around in the water, roughhousing and swimming out in the ocean far enough to see the edges of the bay.
The best part of the day was that Dean actually sat down in the wet sand with Sam and made sandcastles. Or rather, they each made their own sandcastle and then had an all-out war to see whose would last longer in battle. Dean had won, but Sam hadn't cared one lick. Dean was already sarcastic enough for five people, but that day, he had felt like Sam's big brother, like he gave a damn about more than just looking out for him the way their dad insisted.
Sam remembered watching the tide come in, slowly disintegrating what was left of the sandcastles until they were nothing but memories in his mind. It had been kind of sad, and Sam knew that a day like this probably wouldn't happen again for a long time, if ever, but the memory of that day sustained him through several bad days in the years that followed. That day, Sam knew without a doubt that his dad and brother loved him.
He had returned to Huntington Beach with Jessica Moore the first summer after they started dating. It hadn't been the same, exactly, but the memory of that day was, in and of itself, precious because that was the day he'd garnered up the courage to ask Jess to move in with him. They had been building sandcastles together with Brady, Luis, and a few other friends they both shared, and the question had somehow slipped out in the middle of the conversation.
Jess had looked up at him, eyes shining and mouth slightly open. "You really mean it?" she had asked breathlessly.
Sam had ignored the knowing grins on their friend's faces and nodded. "I'd really like - I mean, I would love it if you would."
After a long moment, Jess had broken into a blinding smile and thrown her arms around Sam, knocking him into the sand as she started kissing him senseless.
"PDA!" Luis and Brady had started shouting while Rebecca Warren had squealed with delight. "Get a room!"
Jess had started laughing, but she hadn't let go of Sam, and he had been happy to wind his arms around her and keep her close. In a different way, it had been one of the best days of his life, and even when the tide came in that evening and washed the sandcastles away, his heart had still been light with the promise of a future filled with safety and love.
If only Sam had known better.
When Dean didn't call after an hour, Sam started to get worried.
When he tried to call Dean himself and only got voicemail, Sam got even more worried.
When he tracked the GPS on Dean's phone to an abandoned building almost twenty miles away, however, Sam got super worried and a little annoyed. He knew that Djinn were supposed to be pretty powerful, and he was frustrated that Dean had probably gotten himself into trouble with this one because he couldn't be bothered to pick Sam up for backup. "Sorry to whoever owns this," he muttered as he stole a beat-up Volvo and headed out of town. Just then, his phone rang.
"Dean?" he asked without looking at the ID.
"Pretty sure I'm not."
"Oh. Dani."
"Hi," Danielle Young said. "Why'd you think I was Dean?"
"I think he's in trouble," Sam sighed, "and I was hoping that he'd gotten himself out of trouble without my help."
"Oh," Danielle said. "I guess this is a bad time, then."
"I've got a few minutes of driving to do," Sam said. "What's up?"
"My dad just called me," Danielle said, sounding a little worried herself, "said he remembered something from when he was possessed."
Sam sat up straighter in the old car. "Really?" he asked, instantly interested. "What'd he tell you?"
He could hear Danielle swallow hard. "He said it's April, this month."
"What's this month?"
"When uh…" Danielle gave a small laugh. "When it all goes down." There was a moment of silence. "Sam," Danielle finally said, "I think that whatever Azazel's planning, it's gonna happen before the month is out."
"It's already the twenty-second," Sam said, frowning as he sped down the road. "Does your dad have any idea about what's happening, exactly?"
"Sorry," Danielle said sadly, "he didn't know. All he knows is that whatever it is, it's all goin' down before the month is out." Danielle sighed. "I wish I could tell you more."
"That's okay," Sam said at once, "it gives us an actual time frame to work with."
"Yeah," Danielle said. "So, what kind of trouble is Dean in?"
"It's a Djinn," Sam said, "you know, a uh, genie."
"Weird," Danielle said. "How would it do the whole 'granting wishes' thing, do you think?"
"No idea," Sam said. "I mean, Trickster's can create things that are as real as you and me, but if your wish was something bigger like being the president or something…" Sam trailed off.
"You'll have to tell me how it works once you find Dean and stop that nasty Djinn," Danielle said.
"Once I find him," Sam said. "I promise."
"Good," Danielle said. "Oh, there's Roxy, she's picking me up from my dance practice. Call me later, okay?"
"Yeah," Sam said. "Take care."
"You -" Danielle suddenly broke off with a scream. Sam could hear something whooshing, then clattering like the phone had dropped, and then silence.
"Dani!" Sam shouted into his phone, pulling over to the side of the road. "Dani, what happened?"
Nothing.
"Dani!" Sam tried again.
"Oh my God!" he heard someone scream distantly, and then he could hear the sound of running footsteps. "Dani!" A moment later, there were more sounds and then he heard Roxy's voice. "Who's this?"
"It's Sam, Sam Winchester," Sam said quickly. "Roxy, what's going on? Where's Danielle?"
"She's - oh, God, she's gone!"
"What?" Sam almost shouted. "Roxy, what do you mean, she's gone?"
"There was this - Sam, it was black smoke or something, and it just - it snatched her and left her bags and phone and - Sam, she's gone!"
"Wait," Sam said, "black smoke? You mean like a demon?"
"I guess," Roxy said, voice shaking. "It looked like what Dani described to me… Sam, why would a demon take her? She said none of you were to be touched until -"
"Until Azazel began the next phase of his plans," Sam cut her off. "Roxy, I have a friend who's been trying to track down others like me and Dani, and they've all gone missing except for me and two or three others besides Danielle. None of them have come back."
Roxy didn't say anything for a moment. "Are they gonna… kill her?"
"I don't -" Sam broke off and rubbed his forehead. "I don't know, Roxy. I don't know, anymore. Nothing makes sense, I mean, these disappearances? They've been staggered over the last five months, groups of three or four at a time, and I don't know what they're doing. I'm sorry, Roxy."
Roxy sniffed. "But you're gonna find her, right? I mean, it's Dani!"
"I'm gonna do everything I can," Sam promised.
"Okay," Roxy said. "Will you call me when you find out what's going on? God, what am I supposed to tell Taryn? She's doesn't know about any of this!"
"Roxy, calm down," Sam said softly. "I will call you the moment I figure things out, but you need to be careful." He ran a hand through his hair. "Do you think Taryn could handle the truth?"
"No," Roxy said at once, "I don't think she could, I mean, it took me three days."
"Then you're just gonna have to say that you found her stuff abandoned," Sam said decisively, "and you'll have to call the authorities as well as Danielle's family. Just - don't say anything to the cops that might sound crazy, okay?"
"Okay," Roxy said. "Please find Dani."
"I…" Sam took a deep breath. "I swear I'll do my best, and seriously, be careful out there."
"You, too," Roxy whispered, and then the line disconnected. Sam sat on the side of the road for a few minutes before he managed to get himself in gear and started back down the road again. He was going to find Dean, save him, and then they were going to find Danielle. They had to, she mattered to him too much to just let it go this time like he had done with Ava.
The old Volvo sped down the road as Sam clutched the wheel tightly in both hands.
Seeing Dean strung up like a piece of meat made Sam's heart clench. "Shit," he breathed as he quickly approached his older brother. "Dean! Dean! Oh, God." He shook Dean, silently willing him to wake up. "Come on, hey. Wake up. Wake up, dammit!"
Dean stirred and groaned. "Hey," Sam said, lowering his mental shields and taking in Dean's exhaustion and confusion, which was followed by relief.
"Auntie Em… there's no place like home," Dean mumbled.
"Oh, thank God," Sam breathed, cupping Dean's face and staring up at him. "I thought I lost you for a second."
"You almost did," Dean groaned as Sam pulled a strange IV needle thing out of Dean's neck.
"Let's get you down," he told his brother, pulling out his knife and starting on the ropes around Dean's wrists. He was so desperate to get Dean down and out of this place that he barely noticed the approaching presence of the Djinn. Thankfully, Dean still had working eyes.
"Sam!" he barked out in warning and Sam whirled around at once, knife in hand as he blocked the Djinn and forced him away from Dean.
The Djinn looked pretty human, but was covered in strange tattoos and had eyes that glowed a bright shade of blue. He was strong, but then, so was Sam. Unfortunately, this made the match more even than Sam wanted it to be and he had the disadvantage of not knowing the layout of the area as well as the Djinn.
He noticed Dean struggling with the ropes out of the corner of his eye while he and the damn genie faced off, dancing around corpses in various states of decay and one girl in a dirty white dress who looked so strung out she might not even be alive anymore.
And then Sam tripped.
The stupid Djinn was on him in an instant, slamming Sam against the floor and reaching toward him with one hand. It was sparking with a strange blue glow and Sam realized that it was trying to do to him whatever it had done to Dean. Sam could feel Dean's panic and determination to help him, even though he was certain he had enough strength to throw the genie off.
The Djinn was pretty fucking strong, regardless, and just as Sam's mind remembered he could use his stupid telekinesis to do what it seemed he couldn't with brute strength alone, Dean came flying up with the knife Sam had dropped when he'd tripped, and then he slammed it into the Djinn's back. Instantly, the blue whatever in the Djinn's hand sparked out and the blue glow in his eyes faded to a much-paler human-looking blue. Then the Djinn collapsed on Sam.
"Ugh," Sam grunted, pushing the body off him and accepting the hand Dean help out. "You okay?" he asked Dean once he was upright.
"Are you?" Dean shot back, and Sam rolled his eyes before remembering that girl he'd spotted during his fight.
"Is she…?" He opened his empathy and reached out, letting out a relieved sigh a moment later. "That girl over there. She's still alive."
Dean moved forward at once, holding onto the girl as Sam cut the ropes holding her up. "I've got you," he murmured to the girl as she moaned softly and started to resurface. "We're gonna get you out of here, okay? I've got you… I've got you."
Sam swallowed hard and stepped back silently, letting Dean do what he needed to do.
They took the girl to the emergency room before returning to their motel room. Dean dropped onto his bed, looking listless and more emotional than Sam had seen him in a long while.
"You shoulda seen it," he said nearly an hour later. Sam looked up from where he was packing up all his research. "Mom was alive, and you had Jess… but man, you were such a wuss."
"I guess we didn't get along, then," Sam said, looking away and feeling a little hurt. "I thought it was supposed to be the perfect fantasy."
"It wasn't," Dean sighed. "It was just a wish. I wished for Mom to be alive, and she didn't die, and we never Hunted because she never told us what's out there, and you and I…" He trailed off with a shrug. "We just never, you know…"
Sam forced himself to look at Dean. "I'm glad we do," he said quietly, "and I'm glad you got yourself out, Dean. Most people wouldn't've had the strength. They would've just… stayed."
"I wanted to," Dean admitted, meeting Sam's eyes with his own. "I mean, Dad was dead, but we had Mom, and you had Jess, and Mom was gonna have grandkids…"
"It was just fantasy," Sam said, slumping in his chair.
"But it's what I want," Dean said. "Well, not the part where we didn't get along, but I want that… that normal life, wish or not, and I just…" He sighed and scrubbed at his face. "All I can think about it what this life… how much this job has cost us. We've lost so much, sacrificed so damn much…"
It was like the sandcastles on the beach, Sam thought as he turned away. They both had things they wished for, but at the end of the day, their lives were what they were, and the tide was just going to come back in and disintegrate those dreams until they joined the sand once more.
"It's worth it," Sam said. "Isn't it? What we do? That's what you told me back at Stanford. People… We save a lot of lives doing what we do."
"And how many more do we ruin?" Dean snapped, standing and striding across the room like a caged animal. "How many people do we expose to the truth every damn day who would be so much better off never knowing what's out there?"
Sam didn't know what to say. He had known for months now that Dean had these issues, that he was tired of what they did, that he longed for the normal life Sam had lived and lost, but all he could see were those sandcastles as the tide came in and turned them back into patches of smooth sand. He didn't know how to make this better, how to convince Dean that they had to accept their reality for what it was and learn to make the best of it. That was what Sam struggled to do every day.
"It isn't fair," he said quietly, "and it hurts like hell, but this life… It's what we got, Dean, and wishing…" He swallowed and looked over at his brother. "It won't change anything."
"So you just accept that your life is shitty?" Dean said, voice harsh with emotions Sam imagined his brother didn't want to show any more than they already had in the duration of this crappy conversation.
"What do you want me to do?" Sam asked, rising and lifting his hands slightly. "I tried the normal thing, and a bunch of demons decided to screw me over! I can't go back to that life, Dean, and not just because of revenge for Jess and Mom and Dad or the fact that Azazel won't rest until his fucking 'favorite' goes darkside or whatever."
"Sam -" Dean started, but Sam suddenly found his anger and he couldn't figure out how to push it back down again. So, he let the dam break.
"Our lives suck, Dean, and they will never be normal," Sam cut his older brother off. "I can't cry over it because the tide already came in and washed away every last fucking dream I had until there was nothing left. I - God, I look at myself and I see someone who will never fit in no matter how hard he tries because his entire life was influenced by demons. I'm not even sure I know who the fuck I am, Dean! I wish -" He broke off and turned away, unable to say another word.
Dean didn't say anything, and less than a minute later, the door to their room opened and then slammed shut. Sam sank back onto his bed and let his tears loose.
He wasn't able to stop for a very long time.
Link to "Journey" Masterpost