Anything plain can be lovely. And something imperfect can be beautiful. [6|?]
Title: Anything plain can be lovely. And something imperfect can be beautiful.
Chapter Title: I'm so sorry but I love you
Chapter: 6 |?
Rating: PG 13 or more? (only mentioning of alcohol and maybe language XD)
Pairing: Tegoshi Yuya/Yamashita Tomohisa
Genre: Drama, Romance
Summary: Yes things seemed to get better but how long will it last? ....
Chapter 1 || Chapter 2 || Chapter 3 || Chapter 4 || Chapter 5
The next few days Yamapi strangely felt a little more cheerful again after spending some time with Tegoshi, even though it wasn’t much and they didn’t talk much and neither was it going anywhere it was more than he could have hoped for so far. It still hurt a lot not being able to talk to him the way he wanted and how he used to, but there was a flicker of hope somewhere deep down inside.
They stayed for about 3 days in each city they had stopped and after playing a few concerts even the rest of the band felt a positive change. Nobody could tell why or what had happened but neither did anyone question it.
These good feeling within Yamapi didn’t last long though.
The rainy and cold night they arrived in Tokyo brought him back to cruel reality. The dreary surroundings of such a lively metropolis couldn’t seem any more surreal this night. He could already sense the change of wind the moment he set foot out of the airplane from Osaka.
Everyone were happily chatting and enjoying themselves, everyone except Yamapi. Koyama decided that everyone had to go out as soon as they would land to celebrate another successful tour, and of course Yamapi tagged along. They went to eat Yakisoba at a small but quiet place within the Roppongi area, and afterwards everyone made plans to head to some clubs and bars. Massu happily joined KoyaShige, Ryo decided he was too tired to go out and went straight home. When Tegoshi said he would want to meet someone somewhere, Yamapi replied he would call up his friends and meet them at his favorite pub.
Yamapi was the last one to leave the Yakisoba shop after calling his college friends. He rushed out and into the night, destination: pub. He took a cab down the high street and got off in front of the pub he indented to meet his friends. Closing the cab door behind him he turned around the corner and walked straight up to a crowd of teenagers, mostly girls. “Crap.” He cursed, considering whether he should hide and wait for a moment rather than just happily walk past them to avoid any commotion, but then he noticed something familiar. Yamapi didn’t move when he heard that familiar laugh in between all these girly giggles and squeals, it was Tegoshi’s laugh.
Tegoshi had always been surrounded by many pretty girls wherever he went, only Yamapi never really took notice and he actually didn’t bother about it much before. Now he had to accept it bothered him a lot and he didn’t enjoy the sight of it the slightest. Yamapi couldn’t look at the scene neither could he look away. Yamapi hated his life, just when he thought he could have another chance this had to happen. Probably it didn’t just happen, he knew that, but it didn’t change the fact he felt like falling into a deep hole and never wanting to come out again.
He took a deep breath and started to move, first slowly not sure where to go but then decided to simply walk past Tegoshi and his harem of slutty strangers and enjoy the night, somewhere else. Yeah, he could have fun without Tegoshi, knowing he would be out there with these girls... right? Yeah. Right.
Yamapi walked up toward the crowd, towards Tegoshi like he was the only one there. He didn’t mind the girls nor did he mind making a commotion. Actually he’d have been pleased if these girls would have taken off their carnivorous eyes from Tegoshi, but to his disappointment they didn’t. None of the girls seemed to care about him walking up to them; they kept giggling, laughing and playing with their phones - taking pictures of themselves and their friends. Tegoshi’s phone rang the moment Yamapi walked pass him. Pulling out his phone Tegoshi’s wallet dropped to the ground. The girls didn’t notice, but Yamapi did and so he stopped, turned around and picked it up.
Their eyes met. Tegoshi went silent and looked at him startled.
“Here, you should be more careful and better chain it to your pants, like you used to.”
Yamapi handed Tegoshi the wallet and turned around, leaving without another word. Tegoshi didn’t say anything either and just watched Yamapi leave and disappear into the night. Some of the girls kept talking to him but he didn’t respond, he didn’t even notice. Tegoshi kept staring at the direction Yamapi disappeared to. He thought about following him, but then what? He didn’t know, he just wanted to see him. He didn’t mind if he wouldn’t talk to him or ignore him, just being near Yamapi was all that he wished for but he knew he couldn’t.
A few moments later he was shaken out of his daze, as his friend started to yell at him worryingly.
“Tegoshi!? What’s wrong with you?”
“What? Oh you’re here already?”
“Already? I’ve been looking for you all over, since you suddenly disappeared from the phone’s speaker and never picked up after wards..” his friend replied playfully hitting Tegoshi on his shoulder.
“Oh I am sorry, I ..I don’t know I just .. might be the jetlag…well you are here now so let’s go!” Tegoshi pulled his friends by his sleeve and yelled at the girls; “Sorry girls we got to go~” and so they started running away from the crowd as fast as they could. Once they reached a small bar where he and his friends used to hang out a lot they decided to quick stop there and meet with the others. “Sorry but these girls were scary and so persistent. They just kept following me and talking to me like we all went to school together but I have never seen any of them in my entire life.” Tegoshi started to gabble on in his usual pace, hardly stopping to breathe, “and then they stared at me and kept on talking and laughing and like I dunno what they’re thinking you know..” he went on and on until his friend cut in.
“So have you met with the girl your grandma tried to hook you up with?”
“Who? Ah..that girl, no of course not. I mean she lives next to my grandma and they’re like already best friends.. I don’t wanna go out with my grandma’s BFF~” both laughed and ordered something to drink.
Tegoshi couldn’t come up with a plausible excuse not to date her, so his friend would actually understand cause she was pretty fit. Yes Tegoshi had seen her when he went to visit his grandma, obviously. He talked to her, yes and he went to help her with the moving as his grandma insisted he would but then he decided to simply leave it this way. There was no way he would want to date anyone right now and maybe even not for a very long time.
On the other side of the city, Yamapi fought his way through the crowded streets not bothered if he’d be seen by anyone. Soon he found the place his friend suggested over the phone a few minutes earlier. Passing a bunch of teenagers that suddenly burst out in screams when they noticed him, he picked up his pace rushing toward the building. Outrunning the kids he got safely inside the club and found himself a quiet spot at the bar. Yamapi let him sink into the seat, and called someone over to take his order. A large cocktail was what he needed; any cocktail would be fine as long as it had enough alcohol to drown out the taste so he wouldn’t be bothered picking out a taste of his likes.
His thoughts kept spinning around Tegoshi again and again; no matter what he tried he just couldn’t clear his mind. He was just there, didn’t matter what he thought about or talked about in the end it was back to him. It’s something that can drive you crazy especially if you don’t want to think about that someone. Yamapi couldn’t understand how he could act like this. After all the time he’d spent with Tegoshi he thought he knew how he ticks. Yamapi actually thought he knew him pretty well but maybe he was wrong about him. He couldn’t believe that he had actually been so wrong about him.
I still can't forget you. Even if it takes forever, even until I die.
I wonder if that hurt I gave you has healed, I'm sorry because I didn't do anything for you.
I'm so sorry but I love you.
[///]
He hadn’t seen Tegoshi in a while; for the past three weeks they had only been on one press related appointment together as band. Since the tour had passed everyone had gotten back to their individual activities. He was busy composing, recording and a lot of dancing lately, and even went through a lot of new scripts. Yamapi didn’t know if Tegoshi had started dating someone else or not. He kept telling himself that he didn’t care if he would’ve, but that was a lie. He himself couldn’t even think of anyone else and definitely not seriously date someone else for the time being. He tried to clear his mind with some random people, girls to be precise but it didn’t work out in any way it would have left him with a better feeling. It actually made it worse, in many ways.
Yamapi had decided from the day they went separate ways not to date anyone else, mainly to prevent himself from getting heartbroken again. He thought it would be fine though to distract him with others and see if he could forget about Tegoshi faster, maybe he could just fall back into an old habit and forget what had changed him so much. Yamapi didn’t expect it to be so difficult to forget that bratty boy since he never thought he could actually lose his heart to a guy. Being touched by someone else was already getting on his nerves especially if some random girl walked up to him and thought she could pick him up with a lustful smile and pretty eyes. It might work on others and even might have worked on him in what seemed like a long time ago. Now was a different story and it only made him angry. He didn’t understand why so many people tried to hook up with him especially since he gave them the cold shoulder...But maybe that's what people like? Maybe they think he's actually waiting for it and just playing hard-to-get.
Yamapi had tried to stay away from girls and just chat with his friends but soon they would dance and sometimes not come back for a long time. It usually left him drinking and waiting, chatting with strangers and when the alcohol kicked in he happened to lock lips with some of them as well. When he realized what had happened he wasn’t sure if anything else could make him feel sicker than the taste of a drunken kiss from a stranger.
Yamapi seemed to get easily depressed lately and it would get worse if he would stay home at nights, therefore he was happy that a couple of his old friends called him up almost daily. He spent most of his nights at bars or his friends place. Usually he wasn’t the type who would get drunk every night but he couldn’t say no to an occasional drink, which recently led to another and another and…yes he kinda got drunk almost every night within past weeks. Good thing Yamapi had the ability to manage not to be a wreck the next day… and always got to work on time and almost in his usual act.
[///]
Today after a long time he had a photo shooing in the morning. When he got there he was told that most likely Ryo would be there too. Yamapi looked forward to meet him actually; he hadn’t seen him much the last weeks but also felt kind of nervous since he had been acting too strange when they were on tour. Yamapi hoped Ryo wouldn’t really have been offended by anything he did. The dressing rooms seemed empty and almost nobody was around this morning. After he had changed into his clothes he picked up a random magazine that lay on the table and curled up onto the sofa. After browsing through the colorful pages that absolutely stopped being interesting back in 1970, Yamapi lifted his head when he heard noises coming from outside. It seemed to be more interesting than this magazine so he simply put it away and turned to see what was going on. The moment he laid eyes on the people outside he wished he hadn’t. Out of the blue he saw an angel Tegoshi. Yamapi felt his heart skip before beating in a beat it hasn’t been beating for a long time. Totally mind-boggling and he hated it. He looked at Tegoshi standing in front of the open door, talking on his phone, laughing. He just stood there, a cup of coffee in his other hand. He seemed really happy and full of energy despite it was really early in the morning. He kept on talking and Yamapi didn’t stop looking.
Maybe it's just me, but you seem finally happy…I don't think I've seen your face just glow like a neon sign.
Yamapi kept on gazing into his direction, not noticing that Tegoshi walked up inside already, his phone back in his pockets.
“Yamashita-kun!?!”
Tegoshi repeated for the third time, slowly getting worried seeing Yamapi gaze in abstraction.
“Hey, Yamashita-kun..” he sat down next to him and slightly shook him by the shoulder until he reacted, shaking his head he turned to Tegoshi.
“Ah, hey Tegoshi..”
“Hey, you alright?” Tegoshi smiled at his leader.
“Of course, I’m always fine.”
Yamapi faked a smile and picked up another magazine although he didn’t really want to read any of these. Tegoshi watched him, getting a feeling something was more than off. Yamapi felt like he had been caught doing something wrong. He hoped Tegoshi wouldn’t ask any more questions because he must have looked ridiculous right then staring at him. He wanted to ask what he was doing here but he knew the answer already; work. It would just sound silly to ask him when it was that obvious why they all were here.
“I was really surprised that we get to have a shooting together today you know.” Tegoshi said happily, leaning back against the sofa sipping on his coffee.
“We do?” Yamapi turned to look at Tegoshi in shock.
“Yeah, didn’t you know?” he asked casually.
“No…well I was told Ryo might be here too but they didn’t say anything about the rest.”
“Oh I see. It’s not the rest of news though, just us.” Tegoshi gave him a shy smile.
What’s with that smile ~
“Us two? you mean like in you and me?” Yamapi tried to make sense out of what was going on and why he wasn’t even informed.
“Yes that’s what I was told earlier.”
“Oh…I see.” That’s all you got to say….argh.
“Is that…that bad?” Tegoshi let his head sink down remembering how things had changed between them and maybe it really wasn’t that good to work together now. “I just thought …since we didn’t get to have many shootings together…”
Yamapi cut in, noticing he’d been acting unreasonable towards Tegoshi, “Of course it’s not bad …it’s just a surprise.” Yamapi gave Tegoshi a pat on his lap, fighting his jealousy and whatever had been bubbled up inside and tried to be rational, “Let’s do our best, ne~”
Tegoshi smiled cutely, agreeing to his sempai.
During the shooting, when they had to pose together Yamapi told some very simple and random jokes just to see Tegoshi’s bright smile to its fullest. He would always laugh wholeheartedly, giggle and fool around like they used to. In between breaks and set changes Tegoshi noticed how tired Yamapi looked. He watched Yamapi talk to one of the staff people and felt his heart cramp seeing how troubled Yamapi seemed. Why did he have such a hard time focusing on what that staff guy said? It couldn’t be? ..but Yamapi indeed looked sickened.
After they were finished for today and changed back into their street clothes Yamapi walked up to Tegoshi, who was finishing off his outfit in front of the mirror.
“Hey Yamashita-kun, are you alright?” Tegoshi asked smiling a warm smile.
“Huh? Sure why are you asking?” Yamapi replied casually, leaning against the wall watching Tegoshi fix his hair.
“You don’t look really good you know.. I mean you look sick.”
“Don’t worry I am fine.”
“Yeh, just.. you know..take care of yourself ne.”
“Hm Tegoshi?”
“Yes?”
Tegoshi’s phone started ringing, “Sorry Yamashita-kun I’ve got to go~”
Yamapi watched him answering the phone with a cheerful “Hello~”
“chotto… Um it was really nice seeing you Yamashita-kun!” Tegoshi waved cheerfully at Yamapi who clearly seemed crushed to be brushed off like that.
“Mh Yeah…” was all he could reply, watching Tegoshi running off again.
Great.
Yamapi let himself sink down onto the ground, banging his head against the wall behind him. He was tired, exhausted and more than that he hated himself for being such a fool.
And maybe we should be alone for ever after, ‘cause even though the nights are long at least I'll make it another day. Because I can't live if you're not happy, I can't live if you cry, but I can live without you if it makes you smile.
Another chapter done...
...I like rollercoaster ups and downs don't I ? O.o""
Well there is more to come so please watch out for it xD
..I hope will continue reading *.*
For the sake of Tegopi
