Heart failure..soon, very soon

[xxcelebornxx]

Ok, so we arrived in Mordor

Comments

[celebrianrules]

I think it might be a good idea to get some/most/all of those goblins spayed/neutered very soon.

Or not.

I just posted a crate of air-fresheners to your new address.

*yawns* Hi daddy.

[xxcelebornxx]

Hi, princess!! :D How's the pregnancy going?

But if I do that there won't be little goblin babies running around and Jareth has been looking forward to having babies, it would break his little heart! :(

Thanks :D

[glorfind3l]

GOBLIN. BABIES?!!!

*has heart attack*

[celebrianrules]

See see? Spaying and neutering are good ideas. You guys have enough pets already.

Me too, actually. I got Cat5, Dr Jekyl, Mr Hyde, and Bitches Brew spayed. I don't know about Shelob Jr, but she doesn't really have enough contact with other tarantulas, so I haven't really bothered. And, much as the thought of thousands of Shelob Jr Jrs running around scares me, I don't know if there are any vets out there that spay spiders. O.o

[jareththegoblin]

:( Jarth beieng good goblin! Jareth looves Celelborn!!!

*pets*

[xxcelebornxx]

I know :D Jareth is the best little goblin ever! I was talking about the other fuckers that keep biting ankles and chewing earlobes. Want a cupcake?

The hat is still glaring at you, though.

[glorfind3l]

I'm impressed. You managed to use your angry face for 45 minutes this time. I had to say the words "black neglige" twice.

I apologized damnit, it's a stubborn bastard!

[xxcelebornxx]

It's not a negligee, it's a very manly article of clothing that, uh, is prettier than others.

He's still mad about you chasing him around the room with scissors.

[glorfind3l]

Yes, Cel, it's a very manly negligé. Much more masculine than when it was pink.

He had a loose <i>thread</i>!

[xxcelebornxx]

.....

It was never pink...it was a pretty lavender-ish, rosey kind of color.

[finduilas]

Eeeek! Poor Celeborn >_< That trip sounds a bit like me when dad crated me off to Gondor. Fucking goddamn awful.

You poor thing!

[xxcelebornxx]

Fathers are bastards. Did I ever tell you about the time my father put me and Galathil in a box that could contain one person with one fucking airhole to have us shipped off to our grandfather? It was complete hell, there was one brief moment when our grandfather opened the box and then shipped us back immediately. Dad was so pissed he had us stay in the box until we weren't kicking it anymore. Mainly because he thought we died and was damn well disappointed when instead of decomposing corpses he got Galathil's vomit all over him.

Ah, memories.

Re: You poor thing!

[finduilas]

Oh Celeborn! That's fucking awful :( Nearly as bad as the my dad decided it would be funny to cut off all my hair when i was merely beating the shit out of Imrahil. I mean, my hair! He could have chopped off a leg or something but not the hair. Evil bastard.

Re: You poor thing!

[xxcelebornxx]

Your Dad is an evil fucker >_< How could he even think about cutting your hair?! It's such beautiful hair!!!

You know, maybe we should try setting our fathers up, they can cut off each others limbs for the sake of romance together.

*convenient letter dropping wheee*

[earwen]

Celeborn;
I would send air fresheners if the box of them from Celebrían that this letter is attached to weren't so freakishly huge. Instead, please resort to licking the paper and envelope-- it's from that stationery set your grandpa Olwë gave me for my birthday, and naturally, it has been heavily dipped in acid. Put the goblins away before licking. Put some in Glorfie's orange juice if he annoys you too much.

Your loving mother who does not want her grandbabies to be unhappy but at the same time doesn't want your nipples to be ripped out by force,
Eärwen

*sends Thank You note*

[xxcelebornxx]

Mom,

Thanks for the acid coated envelope! I would put some into Glorfie's juice just to see how he'd react but it either probably wouldn't do anything, or he'd be even more scary. Or he might think he is the orange juice like some stupid mortal kids I read about. I read the twins your letter :) Absinthe made some gurgling sound so I'm assuming he said 'hi'. Kubrick...well, was Kubrick. I miss you! Come visit me sometime!!! I love you!

Cel

wheeeee

[earwen]

Cel--

Seeing as how I'm enjoying being unmarred by Arda unhappiness here in Tirion, I'll come visit when Elanor Gamgee gives birth and just do a fun tour of Arda while I'm at it. ;) Everyone and their mother seems to be at Lindon, so Mordor will be a refreshing change, in a dark and evil sort of way. Prepare zee babies by getting them flame proof jumpers-- we shall teach them the art of pyromania on your husband's hair the neighbors' pets. Hugs and kisses to all, especially that adorable homicidal goblin and the ten foot tall alien.

xoxo, mum

[glorfind3l]

Eärwen, my dear mother-in-law;

Die, bitch. And leave my hair alone.

The goblins send their love. :)

Regards,
Glorfindel