Symphony of Sound [19/40]
Zack’s nodded off by the time Kara wakes up and realizes where she is. The movie is long since over, too. She shuffles out of his grip and ejects the disk, shutting the laptop down and closing it as quietly as possible, picking it up and setting it down gently on the floor before leaving, closing the door after her as softly as she can.
The glow of the common room TV alerts her to the presence of someone else as she’s leaving. She moves carefully over to the space in front of the recently extinguished fire and glances around for any sign of life.
She finds Rian sitting there, half asleep and dazed, holding the remote against his chest.
“Why are you still up?” She asks, perhaps too accusingly.
“Can’t sleep. Nightmares. Why are you still here?”
“I fell asleep in Zack’s room and I just woke up.”
“It’s two in the morning.”
“And? You’re still awake, aren’t you?”
“Granted, but I’m in my own grade block and I’m not falling asleep with a friend.”
“Don’t turn this into something it isn’t, Rian.” Kara snaps, glaring at the older boy.
“That’s what it looked like when I looked in to talk to Zack earlier.”
“Stop being an asshole about this, Rian. He needed you earlier, and you weren’t there for him. I had to be.”
“And why did he need me? Pray tell, Kara.”
“Because, Rian,” She starts, her mind reeling from the thoughtlessness of the older boy sitting before her, “in case you’d forgotten, you’re his best friend. You shouldn’t have to be reminded to be there for him when he needs a shoulder to cry on. You should be there no matter what.”
“Why the Hell was he crying this time?” Rian says with an exasperated, overdramatic sigh. Kara’s expression hardens even further and the look on her face is one of utter contempt.
“Rian, think about it.” She snaps, louder than she means to. “His last few weeks away from here have probably been the happiest he’s had in a while. Just because you’re so preoccupied with stupid Cassadee and your stupid relationship doesn’t stop your best friend’s world from collapsing around him.”
Rian stares at her, confused, for a few seconds before she sighs loudly and steps in front of him.
“In the weeks before Christmas, he spent more of his time crying than he did doing anything else, Rian.”
“You think I don’t know that?”
“Then do something about it! Show him that you do care! It’s the least you could do!”
Rian gapes at her, mouth open and dark brown eyes wide.
“Don’t look so confused.” She snaps again, her usually soft green eyes almost uncharacteristically angry.
“But I don’t know what you’re saying!” Rian whisper shouts, trying to keep his voice hushed to prevent people from waking up.
Kara sighs begrudgingly, sitting down next to Rian, her angry expression unchanging.
“How have you not noticed, Dawson? I can’t say I’m honestly surprised, but seriously? He’s been tearing himself apart, his mind’s been doing nothing but confuse him and play with him and he just doesn’t understand how he should be feeling any more. He needed his best friend, Rian, and for weeks and weeks, he waited for you, never said anything because he wanted you, he trusted you to notice yourself. And you never did.”
“But he wouldn’t replace you, I know that, he knows that, and I’m pretty sure you know it too. You’re too important to him. He’s scared, Rian. He’s so scared.”
“What of?” Rian asks shakily, playing absently with the hem of his tee shirt.
“Honestly? I can’t tell you. He can, and he wants to, but he just doesn’t dare. His trust in you is just dropping more and more day by day, and every time you discount something he does or says, not only does he trust you less, but he feels worse about himself.”
“He has little to no confidence, Rian. And it plummets each and every day you fail to notice something wrong.”
Rian bites at his lip, tugs a little harder at the hem of his tee.
“Are you… Are you sure?”
“Positive. He’s sensitive, you know that, but because it’s just after Christmas, it’s worse. I think he feels bad leaving his dad all alone for months on end.”
Kara pauses for a second, glances up at the TV (which is showing what must be the seven hundred and fifty first rerun of that Friends episode where Ross gets a turkey stuck on his head) before continuing.
“He just needs a friend, Rian. And you’re a little late to the ball game to be that friend.”
“He has Evan now, doesn’t he?” Rian replies, his tone indicating a hint of sadness, almost resentment. “I think he’s good for him, though.”
“Evan’s a good kid, yeah.” Kara says, speaking of the recently turned sixteen year old with a small sense of pride. “He’s been there for Zack when you should’ve been and he never complained about it. But, he’s not you. That’s kind of all Zack wants at the moment. Just to spend some time with you, and just you.”
“He doesn’t like Cassadee, does he?” Rian asks, even though he’s pretty sure he knows the answer.
“No… He doesn’t really, to be honest.”
“I thought as much.”
“It’s not that he dislikes her, Rian.” Kara replies quickly. “I think it’s more that you spend all of your time with her and not him, and he’s been around longer than her.”
“She is my girlfriend, though.”
“But he’s your best friend, Rian. I think he kind of feels, well, inadequate.”
“Why is that, then?”
“Because you’re pushing him out in favour of her. When he needs someone, you’re not there when he needs you to be.”
Rian sighs, feels his eyes fill with tears because that makes perfect sense to him. He’s not exactly left much time to just hang out with Zack lately.
“… Oh, God. You’re right. How did I not… I’m such an idiot.”
“Yeah, you are.” Kara replies, rolling her eyes and a smug smile on her face.
She stands, heads for the main double doors like she had meant to do around forty five minutes ago.
“Oh, and Rian?”
“Yeah?”
“Breaking hearts isn’t cool. People get hurt real easily if you don’t pay attention.”
She gives him a lopsided smile before finally leaving, closing the door as quietly as possible behind her.
Rian turns away from the door and moves back around to face the TV, where the titles of yet another episode of Friends is starting up.
He flicks it off with a quick press of the button on the remote, sets the remote on the miniscule width of wood sitting above the fire before turning back and heading towards the boys’ dorm corridor.
He knows Zack’s door is unlocked (how else did Kara get out?) so he doesn’t bother knocking, just pushes the door open gently, wincing at the tiny creak the hinge lets out.
It doesn’t wake Zack, though, and the younger boy is still asleep on top of his duvet.
Rian’s first thought is of how adorable Zack looks at this moment -in the most heterosexual way possible, of course. Which, granted, isn’t very straight at all, really.
But, he closes the door as carefully as possible after him and goes to sit on the edge of Zack’s bed. He smiles sadly at the younger boy’s sleeping form, which shuffles gently as his weight moves the mattress.
“I’m sorry.” Rian says softly, tentatively reaching over to brush Zack’s unruly bangs away from his tightly closed eyes. “I’m so sorry.”
Zack instinctively moves his head to brush his nose against Rian’s palm, and the brown haired boy chuckles quietly to himself, because, honestly? Cutest thing ever.
He can believe he let himself miss this.
He shuffles around awkwardly, lying down beside Zack and wrapping his arms around the smaller boy’s tiny waist. He’s gotten skinnier, Rian notes.
Zack makes a small, appreciative noise in his slumber and buries his face in Rian’s shoulder, twisting his fingers in his baggy, oversized shirt.
Rian smiles to himself again, trying to squash the overwhelming desire he’s just felt to kiss the blonde boy sleeping beside him.
But he doesn’t, because, hi, very irritable, angry girlfriend across campus, unsuspecting and sleeping.
It kind of sucks, Rian realizes, that Zack doesn’t like his girlfriend. He is more than well aware of the fact that Cassadee doesn’t like Zack, which, in some respects, is even worse.
He doesn’t understand why, because Zack’s really done nothing wrong -at least, not to the extent that Cassadee makes out. Rian kind of wants to tell her to just shut up and get out, because what she is unaware of is that Zack is more important to him than she could ever hope of being.
Zack snuffles gently into Rian’s chest and the older smiles fondly, tugging the sleeping form of the younger boy closer into his body.
The urge to kiss him comes back again, and this time Rian doesn’t care enough to stop himself.
He leans forward, ducks his head down and presses his lips gently to Zack’s forehead, kissing him through the mop of blonde waves that has fallen back into his eyes.
Rian swears he sees Zack smile in his sleep, so he smiles back, kisses him again, this time because he just really, really wants to.
This time he’s positive Zack smiles, a small grin forming on his soft lips. This in turn makes Rian grin, pulling the smaller boy even closer to him.
He guesses it’s a security thing, because Zack shifts his arms sleepily to around Rian’s neck and blinks his eyes open.
“Hey,” He says drowsily, smiling gently.
That overpowering urge of Rian’s comes back full force, and this time he doesn’t bother to stop himself before he’s pressing his lips to Zack’s.
The glow of the common room TV alerts her to the presence of someone else as she’s leaving. She moves carefully over to the space in front of the recently extinguished fire and glances around for any sign of life.
She finds Rian sitting there, half asleep and dazed, holding the remote against his chest.
“Why are you still up?” She asks, perhaps too accusingly.
“Can’t sleep. Nightmares. Why are you still here?”
“I fell asleep in Zack’s room and I just woke up.”
“It’s two in the morning.”
“And? You’re still awake, aren’t you?”
“Granted, but I’m in my own grade block and I’m not falling asleep with a friend.”
“Don’t turn this into something it isn’t, Rian.” Kara snaps, glaring at the older boy.
“That’s what it looked like when I looked in to talk to Zack earlier.”
“Stop being an asshole about this, Rian. He needed you earlier, and you weren’t there for him. I had to be.”
“And why did he need me? Pray tell, Kara.”
“Because, Rian,” She starts, her mind reeling from the thoughtlessness of the older boy sitting before her, “in case you’d forgotten, you’re his best friend. You shouldn’t have to be reminded to be there for him when he needs a shoulder to cry on. You should be there no matter what.”
“Why the Hell was he crying this time?” Rian says with an exasperated, overdramatic sigh. Kara’s expression hardens even further and the look on her face is one of utter contempt.
“Rian, think about it.” She snaps, louder than she means to. “His last few weeks away from here have probably been the happiest he’s had in a while. Just because you’re so preoccupied with stupid Cassadee and your stupid relationship doesn’t stop your best friend’s world from collapsing around him.”
Rian stares at her, confused, for a few seconds before she sighs loudly and steps in front of him.
“In the weeks before Christmas, he spent more of his time crying than he did doing anything else, Rian.”
“You think I don’t know that?”
“Then do something about it! Show him that you do care! It’s the least you could do!”
Rian gapes at her, mouth open and dark brown eyes wide.
“Don’t look so confused.” She snaps again, her usually soft green eyes almost uncharacteristically angry.
“But I don’t know what you’re saying!” Rian whisper shouts, trying to keep his voice hushed to prevent people from waking up.
Kara sighs begrudgingly, sitting down next to Rian, her angry expression unchanging.
“How have you not noticed, Dawson? I can’t say I’m honestly surprised, but seriously? He’s been tearing himself apart, his mind’s been doing nothing but confuse him and play with him and he just doesn’t understand how he should be feeling any more. He needed his best friend, Rian, and for weeks and weeks, he waited for you, never said anything because he wanted you, he trusted you to notice yourself. And you never did.”
“But he wouldn’t replace you, I know that, he knows that, and I’m pretty sure you know it too. You’re too important to him. He’s scared, Rian. He’s so scared.”
“What of?” Rian asks shakily, playing absently with the hem of his tee shirt.
“Honestly? I can’t tell you. He can, and he wants to, but he just doesn’t dare. His trust in you is just dropping more and more day by day, and every time you discount something he does or says, not only does he trust you less, but he feels worse about himself.”
“He has little to no confidence, Rian. And it plummets each and every day you fail to notice something wrong.”
Rian bites at his lip, tugs a little harder at the hem of his tee.
“Are you… Are you sure?”
“Positive. He’s sensitive, you know that, but because it’s just after Christmas, it’s worse. I think he feels bad leaving his dad all alone for months on end.”
Kara pauses for a second, glances up at the TV (which is showing what must be the seven hundred and fifty first rerun of that Friends episode where Ross gets a turkey stuck on his head) before continuing.
“He just needs a friend, Rian. And you’re a little late to the ball game to be that friend.”
“He has Evan now, doesn’t he?” Rian replies, his tone indicating a hint of sadness, almost resentment. “I think he’s good for him, though.”
“Evan’s a good kid, yeah.” Kara says, speaking of the recently turned sixteen year old with a small sense of pride. “He’s been there for Zack when you should’ve been and he never complained about it. But, he’s not you. That’s kind of all Zack wants at the moment. Just to spend some time with you, and just you.”
“He doesn’t like Cassadee, does he?” Rian asks, even though he’s pretty sure he knows the answer.
“No… He doesn’t really, to be honest.”
“I thought as much.”
“It’s not that he dislikes her, Rian.” Kara replies quickly. “I think it’s more that you spend all of your time with her and not him, and he’s been around longer than her.”
“She is my girlfriend, though.”
“But he’s your best friend, Rian. I think he kind of feels, well, inadequate.”
“Why is that, then?”
“Because you’re pushing him out in favour of her. When he needs someone, you’re not there when he needs you to be.”
Rian sighs, feels his eyes fill with tears because that makes perfect sense to him. He’s not exactly left much time to just hang out with Zack lately.
“… Oh, God. You’re right. How did I not… I’m such an idiot.”
“Yeah, you are.” Kara replies, rolling her eyes and a smug smile on her face.
She stands, heads for the main double doors like she had meant to do around forty five minutes ago.
“Oh, and Rian?”
“Yeah?”
“Breaking hearts isn’t cool. People get hurt real easily if you don’t pay attention.”
She gives him a lopsided smile before finally leaving, closing the door as quietly as possible behind her.
Rian turns away from the door and moves back around to face the TV, where the titles of yet another episode of Friends is starting up.
He flicks it off with a quick press of the button on the remote, sets the remote on the miniscule width of wood sitting above the fire before turning back and heading towards the boys’ dorm corridor.
He knows Zack’s door is unlocked (how else did Kara get out?) so he doesn’t bother knocking, just pushes the door open gently, wincing at the tiny creak the hinge lets out.
It doesn’t wake Zack, though, and the younger boy is still asleep on top of his duvet.
Rian’s first thought is of how adorable Zack looks at this moment -in the most heterosexual way possible, of course. Which, granted, isn’t very straight at all, really.
But, he closes the door as carefully as possible after him and goes to sit on the edge of Zack’s bed. He smiles sadly at the younger boy’s sleeping form, which shuffles gently as his weight moves the mattress.
“I’m sorry.” Rian says softly, tentatively reaching over to brush Zack’s unruly bangs away from his tightly closed eyes. “I’m so sorry.”
Zack instinctively moves his head to brush his nose against Rian’s palm, and the brown haired boy chuckles quietly to himself, because, honestly? Cutest thing ever.
He can believe he let himself miss this.
He shuffles around awkwardly, lying down beside Zack and wrapping his arms around the smaller boy’s tiny waist. He’s gotten skinnier, Rian notes.
Zack makes a small, appreciative noise in his slumber and buries his face in Rian’s shoulder, twisting his fingers in his baggy, oversized shirt.
Rian smiles to himself again, trying to squash the overwhelming desire he’s just felt to kiss the blonde boy sleeping beside him.
But he doesn’t, because, hi, very irritable, angry girlfriend across campus, unsuspecting and sleeping.
It kind of sucks, Rian realizes, that Zack doesn’t like his girlfriend. He is more than well aware of the fact that Cassadee doesn’t like Zack, which, in some respects, is even worse.
He doesn’t understand why, because Zack’s really done nothing wrong -at least, not to the extent that Cassadee makes out. Rian kind of wants to tell her to just shut up and get out, because what she is unaware of is that Zack is more important to him than she could ever hope of being.
Zack snuffles gently into Rian’s chest and the older smiles fondly, tugging the sleeping form of the younger boy closer into his body.
The urge to kiss him comes back again, and this time Rian doesn’t care enough to stop himself.
He leans forward, ducks his head down and presses his lips gently to Zack’s forehead, kissing him through the mop of blonde waves that has fallen back into his eyes.
Rian swears he sees Zack smile in his sleep, so he smiles back, kisses him again, this time because he just really, really wants to.
This time he’s positive Zack smiles, a small grin forming on his soft lips. This in turn makes Rian grin, pulling the smaller boy even closer to him.
He guesses it’s a security thing, because Zack shifts his arms sleepily to around Rian’s neck and blinks his eyes open.
“Hey,” He says drowsily, smiling gently.
That overpowering urge of Rian’s comes back full force, and this time he doesn’t bother to stop himself before he’s pressing his lips to Zack’s.