continuation frm my last post ( Read more... )

i opend up to him. for one more time. and i ended up getting hurt like i knew i would. i cant say its his fualt. he doesnt know...doesnt understand. but i need to stay closed up because of that and it hurts us both. im better off i guess. i cant make him understand, hes to stubbern. it sucks though...when im closed up hell give me what i crave for ( Read more... )

OMFG....i soooo wanna repeat last night. it was just so...fun. for REEEEALLLZ my ryan and olivia seriously just stayed at ranch 99/ chipotle all night from like 730 til 1130 haha. it was fun as hella...just smokin and chillin, it was all good. so yeeh thats about it lol. i dont feel like typing it all.

today was a good day. it was relaxing, i had fun. i got to hug whoever i wanted, talk to whoever i wanted, go wherever i wanted. i felt free. i missed ryan, yes, but sometimes i just dont want to see him everyday. i know i know, that sounds so bitchy,self centerd, and....well...mean. but nobody understands how i feel as well as i do. i just, ( Read more... )

today was....eventful. lunch was depressing, but enlightening. im so tired, but i think things might be looking up for a change. im in love, but im not sure with which side of the person. good night america. but as eric puts it "beddie-bi-sexual."

tired. suffocated. trapped. my day was sad. i want it to all just be ok, im tired of fighting for something that is out of my reach.

omahgosh....we packed so much today. like our hole living room is all ...gone haha. well the furniture and stuff is still in there but like everything else is gone.shelves are cleaned off, full boxes EVERYWHERE. lol. this morning i had a fight with ryan. it kinda sucked cause like everything was going great. but iuno.uhg anyways mother went on this ( Read more... )

today was my first day back since friday. im still pretty sick, but i just cant miss anymore school. today was pretty weird for me, it was fun, but i just couldnt get with it. i guess maybe cause ive been sick and sill am, but i was just damn rite depressed today. i felt ugly, and disgusted with myself. i just...i wanna quit smokin and all that. i ( Read more... )

god ie been sick since monday. and now its wednesday morning and IVE decided i need to go to school. its just i cant breath, and everytime i cough my whole body contracts. oh and i can barely raise my voice. im gonna miss first period though, cause theres no point what so ever in me doing p.e. today. i think ryans coming here then were taking the 9 ( Read more... )

i cant get rid of these headaches. they hurt so bad. im starting to rely too much on tylenol, 4,6,8 at a time. they just wont stop. last night was scarey, ryan saw me mood change. i think it scared him. i cant control them anymore, they come and go as they please. my mind nor my heart can take much more before i break again.