(Untitled)

Mar 31, 2010 21:44

it's my birthday.
i guess i'll drink till i forget.
legally.

EDIT.

Plastic Heart
I saw a plastic bag amongst the clouds. It bothered me because it wasn't windy and I don't remember when plastic learned to fly. I imagine it's plastic soul was thrilled to be so weightless-- floating free above the streets. I stared at it with the deepest envy my body ( Read more... )

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clearly_blindd_ April 2 2010, 16:09:32 UTC
[i'm in your bed]
"I don't remember when plastic learned to fly" YES!

I'm a sucker for a good image and I can perfectly see a plastic bag just a-floatin' around. That's what is amazing about poetry. With no images, you can create a picture or scene in a person's head using only words. That is just crazy.
Anyway, think about ending with a really good image of the bag, something more specific than "floating, dancing, flying" maybe. Give the reader one more sharp intake of breath before that shit is over.
kudos.
you're naked.

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