Prisoners of War Ch. 32
Title: Prisoners of War Ch. 32
Author: xpaperplanex
Beta: urplesquirrel
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~4300
Pairings: Sephiroth/Cloud
Genre: hurt/comfort, romance
Warnings: homophobia
Disclaimer: I do not own FFVII and make no money from this work. Lines yoinked from the game are yoinked from the game and not mine. I used the FFVII script transcribed by Little Chiba as reference.
Summary: Cloud and Sephiroth are taken prisoner by AVALANCHE. No one, least of all themselves, could have expected what it would set in motion.
Previous Chapters: | Part 1 |
| 29 | 30 | Omake 4 | 31 |
I'm posting early today because I have nothing better to do until my afternoon classes. I'm so proud of myself; I wrote two whole chapters this week (and a page or so of a third). I should get sick more often... Wait, no, that sucked being threatened with the byouki hito room if I didn't behave. I'm hoping that I'll get enough written in advance that there won't be a break over the summer holidays. *crosses fingers* In other news, I've got a week booked in Tokyo in September and no idea what I'm going to do. (Other than go to Akihabara and be a huge nerd.) I'm afraid that I'll be so overjoyed by the internet in my room that I'll just stay there, looking at porn all week.
***
Sephiroth lay awake for the third night in a row, just watching Cloud sleep. He was still fuming over some of the comments he had heard when they walked through town. How dare they say such vicious things about Cloud? When Cloud was the first person who ever loved him for being him.
It's because they're human. All humans are like that. They can't help it.
But… Cloud's human too, and he's not like that, Sephiroth thought back.
He's deceiving you. He will betray you, like he betrayed me. They all betrayed me, my son. We are the only ones who will never turn on each other. We are the only ones who deserve to live.
But Cloud loves me. And I love him.
It's a lie. He's just using you, like they said. He'll get what he wants from you and then he'll cast you aside. It's his nature. Only I love you, my son.
You keep calling me your son, but my mother is dead. Who are you?
They lied to you, my beautiful son. Go to the mansion, look in the basement. You'll find your answers there. Go now, unless you want to live in ignorance for the rest of your life, being mocked by the humans.
The voice faded away and Sephiroth was left pondering what it had said. It wasn't a lie that Cloud loved him; he was certain of that. But he did want to know about his past and where he came from. If there was a possibility that the mansion held the answers, he needed to check. Besides, maybe if he did what the voice wanted, it would let him sleep. He softly kissed Cloud's temple before quietly sliding out of bed and bundling the blankets around Cloud again. He really didn't want to leave Cloud, yet again, in the middle of the night, but he wanted to get this over with. Hopefully he could be back before Cloud ever realized he was gone.
***
The room was cold when Cloud woke up and he could tell in an instant that Sephiroth had left him alone again. He pulled the blankets tightly around himself and scurried over to the stove and quickly got it going again. While he was waiting for the stove to warm up, he tried calling Sephiroth, but there was no signal. When the room was warm enough to brave coming out from under the covers, Cloud quickly showered and dressed, then went to knock on Zack and Marcus's door.
"Have you seen Sephiroth this morning?" he asked when Zack opened the door with bleary eyes.
"No, why?"
"He's not here. I think he left a while ago; the stove was completely out. He would have put more wood in when he went out."
"Where the hell would he go in the dead of night?" Zack asked no one in particular. "He's been acting so fucking strange. How about you go take a look for him, and I'll get dressed and then come help you."
"Okay." Cloud nodded and rushed off down the stairs.
The first person he saw was Mrs. Guptar, getting the coffee ready for the morning rush. "Excuse me, Mrs. Guptar? Have you seen Sephiroth by any chance?"
She turned to him, looking startled. "I haven't, hon. Is he not upstairs?"
Cloud just shook his head and started putting on his winter gear. "No, ma'am, he's not. Thanks. If you see him, could you tell him that I'm looking for him?"
"Of course I can, dear. Here, take a bagel with you if you're going out before you eat."
"Thank you." Cloud shoved the bagel in his mouth and finished pulling on his boots. He hurried out the door and glanced around the snow-covered town. Where would Sephiroth have gone? He sighed, there was no help for it; unless he wanted to search the entire town, he'd have to ask people.
He spotted Johnny, who had been a part of Tifa's gang when they were kids, doing something by the water tower. "Hey, Johnny, have you seen General Sephiroth this morning?" Cloud asked as humbly as he could.
"Aww, missing your boyfriend, Cloudy? I guess your ass probably gets lonely without him."
"Have you seen him or not, Johnny?"
"Hey, is it true that you were experimented on and got turned into a woman by accident?"
"Fuck you, too, Johnny." Cloud spat at his feet and turned to look for someone else to ask. He had similar luck with the baker and his apprentice, although the apprentice was slightly more graphic than Johnny with his taunting. And when he tried to ask his mom's friend, Ingrid, she simply turned around and walked back the way she had come.
Cloud was standing in the middle of the town square, fighting back tears, when Zack found him. "Any luck?"
Cloud shook his head. "No one'll tell me, even if they do know. Guess that's the problem with being a whore."
"Cloud..." Zack reached out to touch him, but Cloud jerked away. "Don't talk like that. You know it's not true, no matter what they say. Why don't you go back to the inn, get some breakfast and warm up, while I ask around?"
Cloud nodded mutely and headed off. Zack would have better luck without him. He went back to the inn and tucked himself away at one of the corner tables. Mrs. Guptar brought over some breakfast for him and patted his hand in a motherly way. He picked at his meal while listening to himself being discussed by people who made no attempt to be discreet about it. It would be okay, he told himself. Zack would find Sephiroth, and then they could all go home and forget that they ever came to this hellhole.
He waited for over two hours for Zack to return. Marcus joined him in his corner eventually, but Cloud had nothing to say and they ended up sitting in silence, sipping coffee. Having Marcus there, though, was infinitely better than being alone. Finally, Zack came through the door in a flurry of snow and cursing. Zack shucked his coat and boots and spotted Cloud in the corner.
"Spike, let's go upstairs, we need to talk."
There was a burst of laughter from one of the tables and a man Cloud didn't know commented as he passed. "Make sure you do a good job, y'hear, boy? We'd hate for SOLDIER to be disappointed in the town's best whore."
Cloud just ignored him, but Zack rounded on him and punched the man hard enough to knock him off his chair and into the table. He grabbed Cloud's arm and hauled him up the stairs before anyone had a chance to react.
"I've decided that I'm not responding to anyone else's 'comments'," Zack said angrily as he shut the door. "I'm just punching. Eventually, they'll either learn or their jaws will all be broken and they won't be able to talk."
"You don't have to do that," Cloud muttered.
"Like hell I don't, have you been putting up with that shit all morning? Why didn't you come upstairs?"
Cloud shrugged. "I hoped you'd be back quicker than you were. Did you find him?"
"Yeah, I did." Zack sat down at the table and gestured for Cloud to do the same. "That photographer guy who took our picture was out getting some night shots and he saw Seph going into that mansion. I found him holed up in a library in the basement."
"What's he doing?"
"Researching his past, apparently. He's going through old journals and documents. He said something about Jenova being an organism found in a… geological something-or-other that was like two thousand years old and that it was confirmed that it was an 'Ancient'. He also said something about the Jenova Project, but he didn't elaborate. He's acting kind of strange, but he does that sometimes."
"I guess. Was he still researching? Is that why he didn't come back?"
"Yeah, he wasn't being too talkative, so I figured I should just let him look for whatever he's trying to find out and come tell you what's up. Do you want me to take you to him? I can't let you go there by yourself; there are a bunch of things wandering around that mansion. No vampires that I saw, though."
"Yeah, maybe we should let him be for a while longer, then if he's not back by mid-afternoon, could you take me?"
"Sure, that's a good plan. Poor guy deserves to know where he comes from, especially after yesterday. Although I don't know where he was getting those ideas from. Why would he just randomly ask if he's human?"
"He's been… distracted sometimes, I've noticed. He stares off into space and doesn't hear me right away when I talk to him. It's like he's listening to something that only he can hear."
"Maybe he's hearing voices."
"Don't joke, Zack. It's not funny."
"Sorry, Cloud, I'm just trying to lighten things up a bit. It'll be all right, don't worry."
***
Sephiroth pulled another book off the shelf and opened it. This one was a journal written by Gast. His writing had far more useful information in it than Hojo's ever did, so Sephiroth began pouring through the text, devouring as much of the information as he could. A knock at the door interrupted him. "Who is it?" he asked distractedly.
"It's me, Sephiroth." Cloud opened the door to the reading room with a loud creak that grated at Sephiroth's ears. "I brought you some dinner, you're probably starving by now. I can't imagine there's a whole lot that's still edible in here."
Traitor.
"Traitor," Sephiroth repeated Mother's word, although quietly enough that Cloud didn't hear it.
"What are you looking at?" Cloud set a bag on the corner of the desk and came around to peer over his shoulder.
"Nothing, Cloud. I'm busy. I'll be back at the inn later."
"Zack said you were researching about your past. Have you found anything helpful?"
"Yes, I have. Now, if you don't mind, I need some more time."
Just kill him, my son. He's a traitor; he deserves to die.
"I can't do that," Sephiroth said.
"Can't do what?"
"I can't… nothing. Go, Cloud."
"Not until you've eaten something." Cloud pulled a sandwich out of the bag and held it out to Sephiroth.
"I'm not hungry!" Sephiroth grabbed the sandwich out of Cloud's hand and threw it across the room.
"Sephiroth! What's wrong with you?"
"Everything all right in here?" Zack poked his head through the doorway.
"Yes, we're fine," Cloud answered shakily.
"All right, I'm right outside if you need me." Zack shut the door again.
"What's wrong, Sephiroth?" Cloud crouched by Sephiroth's side and laid a hand on his knee. "You're not acting like yourself."
"Perhaps that's because you've never known who I really am, traitor," Sephiroth sneered.
"Traitor?" Cloud sounded hurt, but Mother's voice shouted down the part of Sephiroth that cared.
"You ignorant traitor. Fine, if you want to know so badly, I'll tell you." Sephiroth picked up one of Gast's earliest journals and flipped it open. "The planet originally belonged to the Cetra."
"What are the Cetra?"
See? He doesn't even know what we are! How cruel, to betray us, and then forget about us.
"Hmph, it figures that you wouldn't know, human. They were an itinerant race. They would migrate to a planet, settle it, and then move on. It was believed that at the end of their long, hard journey, they would find the Promised Land and supreme happiness." Sephiroth slammed that book shut and grabbed the next one. "But this is where you come in, my dear Cloud. You see, there were those that disliked the journey. They claimed that it was too difficult and not worth it. They were weak. They stopped migrating and decided to remain on this planet. They took everything that the Cetra and the planet had made and they didn't give a single thing in return!" Sephiroth looked up and sneered at Cloud. "Those are your ancestors."
"Sephiroth…" Cloud began, but Sephiroth cut him off.
"Then, two thousand years ago, disaster struck the planet. A calamity came from the heavens and tried to destroy everything. The Cetra and the planet banded together to fight the calamity, but the humans opposed them. They got in the way and the planet had to sacrifice the lives of the Cetra to save itself and destroy the calamity. The humans, of course, survived and moved on without a care."
"That's terrible, Sephiroth. But what does something that happened thousands of years ago have to do with us?"
Such sweet lies that flow off his tongue. He thinks our pain is terrible.
"Jenova."
"Like the name written in the reactor? Or your mom?"
"Both. Jenova is a Cetra. She was found in the Northern Crater and brought here. She's my mother."
"How is that possible, Sephiroth? If she was found, she was probably dead, right? How could she be your mother?"
"What would you know? You're just a human," Sephiroth snapped at Cloud and pushed him away. "You betrayed her." He turned away from the scared look in Cloud's eyes and went back to the books.
That's right, my son. He should be scared. You're a god and gods punish the wicked.
"I betrayed her? Sephiroth, I'm seventeen years old and this happened, what? Two thousand years ago? How could I have betrayed her?"
"You're human. You carry the guilt of your ancestors. I need to take revenge for her."
"Sephiroth, listen to yourself!" Cloud's voice was trembling as he spoke. "Does anything you're saying make sense?"
"Of course it does, she explained everything."
"She? Sephiroth," Cloud's voice shook just a little bit more, "Who explained it to you? And how?"
"Mother did. I can hear her."
"Can-can you hear her right now?"
"Of course."
"What's she saying, Sephiroth?"
It's a shame he can't hear me. I would tell him all about how we'll destroy this planet, starting with him.
"No! I can't do that!"
Of course you can. You have to. I am your mother.
"But I need Cloud."
Don't be ridiculous! You're a god. We need no one but each other. Together, we'll take our revenge for everything that's been done to us.
"No, I need him. I love him."
That's enough, Sephiroth. Kill the boy. Now, before he causes any more problems.
"Sephiroth! What's happening? Please, talk to me." Cloud had come over to his side again.
"Cloud." Zack stuck his head through the door again. "Do you need help?"
Sephiroth stood involuntarily and he panicked; could Jenova control his body? He needed Cloud to go, now, before Mother made him hurt him, so he said the first thing that came to his mind that might make him go away. "Get away! You don't even care about me. You're just using me to get ahead!"
The door to the reading room banged all the way open and Zack barrelled in before either of them could react. He stormed over to Sephiroth and slapped him, as hard as possible, across the face.
"What the hell is the matter with you?"
Sephiroth reeled as he brought his hand up to touch his face. That hurt. He had never been slapped before. Where had Zack even come from? The slap had brought his head back down from wherever it had been and he realized exactly what he had said as Zack continued shouting.
"Why would you say something like that? Are you trying to ruin the best thing in your life? You know damn well it's not true, so are you just trying to hurt him? If so, you've done a good job. Congratu-fucking-lations."
Sephiroth stood there, stunned, with all thoughts of Mother driven straight out of his mind by the stinging pain on his cheek. "I-I-I just wanted him to go away."
"Why the hell would you want him to go away? He's trying to help you, as much as you don't deserve it. Can you honestly tell me that you don't think you need help when you've locked yourself in a basement and are rambling about how humanity betrayed you?"
"I-I didn't mean-I'm sorry."
"Don't tell me, you fucking moron!" Zack pointed violently at Cloud. "Tell him!"
Sephiroth looked up at Cloud and saw tears streaming down his face. When he saw Sephiroth looking at him, Cloud's legs suddenly gave out and he collapsed on the floor, sobbing.
"Cloud! Cloud, Cloud, Cloud, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry." Sephiroth rushed over and threw himself down beside Cloud and pulled his huddled form into a tight hug. "I'm so sorry. I know you love me, I know. And I love you too. Please, I'm sorry." He was certain that he had never felt like such a complete tool in his entire life. He wouldn't be surprised if Cloud never forgave him. But Cloud's smaller arms wrapped around him and his hands twisted through Sephiroth's hair. Cloud clung to him and sobbed his heart out. Sephiroth stroked Cloud's hair while he murmured more apologies and reassurances and looked up at Zack for help.
Zack just shrugged. "Let him cry, Seph. Just let him get it all out."
It took a long time for Cloud to get it all out and Sephiroth wasn't sure if he felt more helpless now, or when Cloud was being tortured. The only thing he could do now was hold Cloud, and ignore Mothe-Jenova screaming at him. He couldn't believe he had made Cloud cry; he never, ever wanted to do that again. Listening to Jenova was what had brought it about, so he resolved, right then and there, to never listen to her again. After all, apparently not everyone did what their mothers told them. And what was the point of being a god if he couldn't be with the person he loved more than anyone else? What was the point of getting revenge if it made Cloud cry? Jenova was shrieking something about Sephiroth betraying her and he shrugged minutely.
If I've got to betray someone, it's not going to be Cloud. With that, he shut Jenova out and turned all his attention to his lover in his arms.
Eventually, Cloud gave one final shuddering sob and sniffled loudly a few times. "I'm sorry," Cloud said hoarsely. "I just-everything-it was all too much."
"Hey, it's okay, Spike. You've had a shitty few days and everything's been building up. General Asshole just had to go and toss one more green on the chocobo's back."
"I'm sorry, Cloud, I really am. I didn't mean it. It was just a stupid, hurtful thing to say and it was only on my mind because of what everyone's been saying. I don't believe it. Not for one second."
Cloud just nodded and Sephiroth picked him up and stood. Zack handed him Cloud's coat and Sephiroth did his best to wrap it around him. "Let's go back to the inn, okay? We'll get some rest and think about what we're going to do."
Cloud continued to cling to Sephiroth, showing no desire to get down, as Zack led them through the winding passages of the basement. Zack took care of all the monsters they encountered, leaving Sephiroth's other hand free to stroke Cloud's hair and rub his back. When they got out of the mansion, Sephiroth paused.
"Do you want me to put you down before we go into town?"
Cloud shook his head vehemently. "No. Let them think what they want."
Sephiroth nodded and the three made their way through town to the inn. Zack opened the door for them and Sephiroth stopped in the foyer and turned to face everyone's stares. It must have been dinnertime and the dining room was packed full of townspeople.
"If even one of you ignorant bastards says anything to him, I'll burn this town to the ground with everyone in it."
***
Sephiroth had Zack get Marcus and meet him and Cloud in their room. He held Cloud on his lap and petted his hair soothingly; it was as much for his own benefit as it was for Cloud's, however. He wanted to keep contact with Cloud, to reassure Cloud that he was loved, but mostly, Sephiroth felt better when he was holding him. It was far easier to ignore Mo-Jenova when he had his reason for ignoring her in his arms. Although, now that he thought about it, he wondered why it he hadn't been a bit more bothered by hearing a voice in his head. He was well aware that such things aren't normal, but it hadn't fazed him at all. Perhaps... perhaps Jenova had affected him more than he had thought. There was a soft knock at the door and Zack opened it, with Marcus following. Sephiroth motioned for them to sit down.
"Care to tell us exactly what happened back there, Seph?" Zack sat with his arms crossed in front of him. He still looked extremely pissed off.
Sephiroth nodded and took a deep breath, wondering where to start. "It began almost as soon as we arrived in town…"
Sephiroth left nothing out. He told them about the buzzing that had turned into meanings and feelings, which then turned into words. Words that compelled him, words that filled him with inexplicable rage. He explained about how Jenova claimed to be his mother, how she told him that she was in pain, and that he needed to take revenge on the humans for her. He told them about the journals he had read, and how he had learned how he was created. He was a science experiment, meant to recreate the last Ancient.
"Some… some of what she said was appealing. She told me that I was meant to be a god. That I could rule this planet. Who wouldn't want that? She said that I could take revenge on the people who hurt me. Hojo tortured me in the name of science for years, I mean, wouldn't you want revenge, if you had the opportunity?" Sephiroth looked up at Zack pleadingly.
"Yeah, man. I'd gladly chop Hojo into mincemeat for everything he's done to you."
Cloud nodded his head as well, but didn't say anything.
"But then… Cloud annoyed her." Sephiroth clutched Cloud even closer to him and kissed the top of his head several times before he continued. "She didn't like him at all. He distracted me from her. She-she wanted me to kill him first. To get him out of the way. I couldn't. There's no way I could do that." Sephiroth felt Cloud's fists tighten in his hair and Sephiroth hugged him tightly. "I'd never hurt you, Cloud. Never."
"I'm glad to hear you say that, Seph, but, um, what are we going to do about this? You've got a voice in your head, telling you to take revenge on humanity, and the only thing stopping you is your boyfriend? Sorry, but that doesn't seem like the most failsafe of plans. What if you have a fight?"
"It's easy," Marcus spoke up, "This Jenova thing is obviously not good, so why don't we just destroy it and be done with it. It seems like it's kept at the reactor, right? Let's just go there and kill the hell out of it."
"I like the way you think, Sarge!" Zack clapped Marcus on the shoulder.
"It's just the obvious solution. We're soldiers, Jenova is an enemy. Soldiers kill their enemies."
Sephiroth attempted to consider the idea despite the shrieking that was filling his mind. "I know she's not good, but… she's my mo-"
"Sephiroth," Cloud finally spoke, although his voice was still hoarse, "She's not your mother. No matter what the journals say and no matter what she says, she's not your mother. Maybe she's genetically your parent, like Hojo is, but that doesn't mean she's a good one. And it doesn't mean you have to consider her your mother. A real mother would never do something like this. She's hurting you, isn't she? Because you're not doing what she wants?"
Sephiroth nodded slowly.
"We have to destroy her, Sephiroth, before she can influence you again. Before she hurts you even more."
"It wants you to kill Cloud, Seph," Zack reminded him, "You don't want that. You want Cloud alive, you love him very much."
"Yes," Sephiroth said quietly, "She doesn't love me, not really."
"So…" Zack paused, looking hopeful. "Do we have a plan of action? Do we set sail at dawn on our heroic journey to kill the wicked witch?"
"Yes." Sephiroth buried his face in Cloud's hair; ashamed of how his voice shook when he spoke. He knew he shouldn't be upset by this, but…
"Sephiroth." Cloud shifted and began stroking Sephiroth's head now. "Please don't be sad. Zack and Aerith and Tseng and I, we're your family. A real family loves each other, just like we do. You don't need her. Maybe… maybe she's not your real mother and maybe one day we can find out who your real mom was. But even if we can't, you're not alone. Please remember that. You've got a lot of people who love and care about you."
Sephiroth looked at Cloud and felt wetness in the corners of his eyes. "I-I'm not alone."
***
Previous Chapter | Next Chapter
Author: xpaperplanex
Beta: urplesquirrel
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~4300
Pairings: Sephiroth/Cloud
Genre: hurt/comfort, romance
Warnings: homophobia
Disclaimer: I do not own FFVII and make no money from this work. Lines yoinked from the game are yoinked from the game and not mine. I used the FFVII script transcribed by Little Chiba as reference.
Summary: Cloud and Sephiroth are taken prisoner by AVALANCHE. No one, least of all themselves, could have expected what it would set in motion.
Previous Chapters: | Part 1 |
| 29 | 30 | Omake 4 | 31 |
I'm posting early today because I have nothing better to do until my afternoon classes. I'm so proud of myself; I wrote two whole chapters this week (and a page or so of a third). I should get sick more often... Wait, no, that sucked being threatened with the byouki hito room if I didn't behave. I'm hoping that I'll get enough written in advance that there won't be a break over the summer holidays. *crosses fingers* In other news, I've got a week booked in Tokyo in September and no idea what I'm going to do. (Other than go to Akihabara and be a huge nerd.) I'm afraid that I'll be so overjoyed by the internet in my room that I'll just stay there, looking at porn all week.
***
Sephiroth lay awake for the third night in a row, just watching Cloud sleep. He was still fuming over some of the comments he had heard when they walked through town. How dare they say such vicious things about Cloud? When Cloud was the first person who ever loved him for being him.
It's because they're human. All humans are like that. They can't help it.
But… Cloud's human too, and he's not like that, Sephiroth thought back.
He's deceiving you. He will betray you, like he betrayed me. They all betrayed me, my son. We are the only ones who will never turn on each other. We are the only ones who deserve to live.
But Cloud loves me. And I love him.
It's a lie. He's just using you, like they said. He'll get what he wants from you and then he'll cast you aside. It's his nature. Only I love you, my son.
You keep calling me your son, but my mother is dead. Who are you?
They lied to you, my beautiful son. Go to the mansion, look in the basement. You'll find your answers there. Go now, unless you want to live in ignorance for the rest of your life, being mocked by the humans.
The voice faded away and Sephiroth was left pondering what it had said. It wasn't a lie that Cloud loved him; he was certain of that. But he did want to know about his past and where he came from. If there was a possibility that the mansion held the answers, he needed to check. Besides, maybe if he did what the voice wanted, it would let him sleep. He softly kissed Cloud's temple before quietly sliding out of bed and bundling the blankets around Cloud again. He really didn't want to leave Cloud, yet again, in the middle of the night, but he wanted to get this over with. Hopefully he could be back before Cloud ever realized he was gone.
***
The room was cold when Cloud woke up and he could tell in an instant that Sephiroth had left him alone again. He pulled the blankets tightly around himself and scurried over to the stove and quickly got it going again. While he was waiting for the stove to warm up, he tried calling Sephiroth, but there was no signal. When the room was warm enough to brave coming out from under the covers, Cloud quickly showered and dressed, then went to knock on Zack and Marcus's door.
"Have you seen Sephiroth this morning?" he asked when Zack opened the door with bleary eyes.
"No, why?"
"He's not here. I think he left a while ago; the stove was completely out. He would have put more wood in when he went out."
"Where the hell would he go in the dead of night?" Zack asked no one in particular. "He's been acting so fucking strange. How about you go take a look for him, and I'll get dressed and then come help you."
"Okay." Cloud nodded and rushed off down the stairs.
The first person he saw was Mrs. Guptar, getting the coffee ready for the morning rush. "Excuse me, Mrs. Guptar? Have you seen Sephiroth by any chance?"
She turned to him, looking startled. "I haven't, hon. Is he not upstairs?"
Cloud just shook his head and started putting on his winter gear. "No, ma'am, he's not. Thanks. If you see him, could you tell him that I'm looking for him?"
"Of course I can, dear. Here, take a bagel with you if you're going out before you eat."
"Thank you." Cloud shoved the bagel in his mouth and finished pulling on his boots. He hurried out the door and glanced around the snow-covered town. Where would Sephiroth have gone? He sighed, there was no help for it; unless he wanted to search the entire town, he'd have to ask people.
He spotted Johnny, who had been a part of Tifa's gang when they were kids, doing something by the water tower. "Hey, Johnny, have you seen General Sephiroth this morning?" Cloud asked as humbly as he could.
"Aww, missing your boyfriend, Cloudy? I guess your ass probably gets lonely without him."
"Have you seen him or not, Johnny?"
"Hey, is it true that you were experimented on and got turned into a woman by accident?"
"Fuck you, too, Johnny." Cloud spat at his feet and turned to look for someone else to ask. He had similar luck with the baker and his apprentice, although the apprentice was slightly more graphic than Johnny with his taunting. And when he tried to ask his mom's friend, Ingrid, she simply turned around and walked back the way she had come.
Cloud was standing in the middle of the town square, fighting back tears, when Zack found him. "Any luck?"
Cloud shook his head. "No one'll tell me, even if they do know. Guess that's the problem with being a whore."
"Cloud..." Zack reached out to touch him, but Cloud jerked away. "Don't talk like that. You know it's not true, no matter what they say. Why don't you go back to the inn, get some breakfast and warm up, while I ask around?"
Cloud nodded mutely and headed off. Zack would have better luck without him. He went back to the inn and tucked himself away at one of the corner tables. Mrs. Guptar brought over some breakfast for him and patted his hand in a motherly way. He picked at his meal while listening to himself being discussed by people who made no attempt to be discreet about it. It would be okay, he told himself. Zack would find Sephiroth, and then they could all go home and forget that they ever came to this hellhole.
He waited for over two hours for Zack to return. Marcus joined him in his corner eventually, but Cloud had nothing to say and they ended up sitting in silence, sipping coffee. Having Marcus there, though, was infinitely better than being alone. Finally, Zack came through the door in a flurry of snow and cursing. Zack shucked his coat and boots and spotted Cloud in the corner.
"Spike, let's go upstairs, we need to talk."
There was a burst of laughter from one of the tables and a man Cloud didn't know commented as he passed. "Make sure you do a good job, y'hear, boy? We'd hate for SOLDIER to be disappointed in the town's best whore."
Cloud just ignored him, but Zack rounded on him and punched the man hard enough to knock him off his chair and into the table. He grabbed Cloud's arm and hauled him up the stairs before anyone had a chance to react.
"I've decided that I'm not responding to anyone else's 'comments'," Zack said angrily as he shut the door. "I'm just punching. Eventually, they'll either learn or their jaws will all be broken and they won't be able to talk."
"You don't have to do that," Cloud muttered.
"Like hell I don't, have you been putting up with that shit all morning? Why didn't you come upstairs?"
Cloud shrugged. "I hoped you'd be back quicker than you were. Did you find him?"
"Yeah, I did." Zack sat down at the table and gestured for Cloud to do the same. "That photographer guy who took our picture was out getting some night shots and he saw Seph going into that mansion. I found him holed up in a library in the basement."
"What's he doing?"
"Researching his past, apparently. He's going through old journals and documents. He said something about Jenova being an organism found in a… geological something-or-other that was like two thousand years old and that it was confirmed that it was an 'Ancient'. He also said something about the Jenova Project, but he didn't elaborate. He's acting kind of strange, but he does that sometimes."
"I guess. Was he still researching? Is that why he didn't come back?"
"Yeah, he wasn't being too talkative, so I figured I should just let him look for whatever he's trying to find out and come tell you what's up. Do you want me to take you to him? I can't let you go there by yourself; there are a bunch of things wandering around that mansion. No vampires that I saw, though."
"Yeah, maybe we should let him be for a while longer, then if he's not back by mid-afternoon, could you take me?"
"Sure, that's a good plan. Poor guy deserves to know where he comes from, especially after yesterday. Although I don't know where he was getting those ideas from. Why would he just randomly ask if he's human?"
"He's been… distracted sometimes, I've noticed. He stares off into space and doesn't hear me right away when I talk to him. It's like he's listening to something that only he can hear."
"Maybe he's hearing voices."
"Don't joke, Zack. It's not funny."
"Sorry, Cloud, I'm just trying to lighten things up a bit. It'll be all right, don't worry."
***
Sephiroth pulled another book off the shelf and opened it. This one was a journal written by Gast. His writing had far more useful information in it than Hojo's ever did, so Sephiroth began pouring through the text, devouring as much of the information as he could. A knock at the door interrupted him. "Who is it?" he asked distractedly.
"It's me, Sephiroth." Cloud opened the door to the reading room with a loud creak that grated at Sephiroth's ears. "I brought you some dinner, you're probably starving by now. I can't imagine there's a whole lot that's still edible in here."
Traitor.
"Traitor," Sephiroth repeated Mother's word, although quietly enough that Cloud didn't hear it.
"What are you looking at?" Cloud set a bag on the corner of the desk and came around to peer over his shoulder.
"Nothing, Cloud. I'm busy. I'll be back at the inn later."
"Zack said you were researching about your past. Have you found anything helpful?"
"Yes, I have. Now, if you don't mind, I need some more time."
Just kill him, my son. He's a traitor; he deserves to die.
"I can't do that," Sephiroth said.
"Can't do what?"
"I can't… nothing. Go, Cloud."
"Not until you've eaten something." Cloud pulled a sandwich out of the bag and held it out to Sephiroth.
"I'm not hungry!" Sephiroth grabbed the sandwich out of Cloud's hand and threw it across the room.
"Sephiroth! What's wrong with you?"
"Everything all right in here?" Zack poked his head through the doorway.
"Yes, we're fine," Cloud answered shakily.
"All right, I'm right outside if you need me." Zack shut the door again.
"What's wrong, Sephiroth?" Cloud crouched by Sephiroth's side and laid a hand on his knee. "You're not acting like yourself."
"Perhaps that's because you've never known who I really am, traitor," Sephiroth sneered.
"Traitor?" Cloud sounded hurt, but Mother's voice shouted down the part of Sephiroth that cared.
"You ignorant traitor. Fine, if you want to know so badly, I'll tell you." Sephiroth picked up one of Gast's earliest journals and flipped it open. "The planet originally belonged to the Cetra."
"What are the Cetra?"
See? He doesn't even know what we are! How cruel, to betray us, and then forget about us.
"Hmph, it figures that you wouldn't know, human. They were an itinerant race. They would migrate to a planet, settle it, and then move on. It was believed that at the end of their long, hard journey, they would find the Promised Land and supreme happiness." Sephiroth slammed that book shut and grabbed the next one. "But this is where you come in, my dear Cloud. You see, there were those that disliked the journey. They claimed that it was too difficult and not worth it. They were weak. They stopped migrating and decided to remain on this planet. They took everything that the Cetra and the planet had made and they didn't give a single thing in return!" Sephiroth looked up and sneered at Cloud. "Those are your ancestors."
"Sephiroth…" Cloud began, but Sephiroth cut him off.
"Then, two thousand years ago, disaster struck the planet. A calamity came from the heavens and tried to destroy everything. The Cetra and the planet banded together to fight the calamity, but the humans opposed them. They got in the way and the planet had to sacrifice the lives of the Cetra to save itself and destroy the calamity. The humans, of course, survived and moved on without a care."
"That's terrible, Sephiroth. But what does something that happened thousands of years ago have to do with us?"
Such sweet lies that flow off his tongue. He thinks our pain is terrible.
"Jenova."
"Like the name written in the reactor? Or your mom?"
"Both. Jenova is a Cetra. She was found in the Northern Crater and brought here. She's my mother."
"How is that possible, Sephiroth? If she was found, she was probably dead, right? How could she be your mother?"
"What would you know? You're just a human," Sephiroth snapped at Cloud and pushed him away. "You betrayed her." He turned away from the scared look in Cloud's eyes and went back to the books.
That's right, my son. He should be scared. You're a god and gods punish the wicked.
"I betrayed her? Sephiroth, I'm seventeen years old and this happened, what? Two thousand years ago? How could I have betrayed her?"
"You're human. You carry the guilt of your ancestors. I need to take revenge for her."
"Sephiroth, listen to yourself!" Cloud's voice was trembling as he spoke. "Does anything you're saying make sense?"
"Of course it does, she explained everything."
"She? Sephiroth," Cloud's voice shook just a little bit more, "Who explained it to you? And how?"
"Mother did. I can hear her."
"Can-can you hear her right now?"
"Of course."
"What's she saying, Sephiroth?"
It's a shame he can't hear me. I would tell him all about how we'll destroy this planet, starting with him.
"No! I can't do that!"
Of course you can. You have to. I am your mother.
"But I need Cloud."
Don't be ridiculous! You're a god. We need no one but each other. Together, we'll take our revenge for everything that's been done to us.
"No, I need him. I love him."
That's enough, Sephiroth. Kill the boy. Now, before he causes any more problems.
"Sephiroth! What's happening? Please, talk to me." Cloud had come over to his side again.
"Cloud." Zack stuck his head through the door again. "Do you need help?"
Sephiroth stood involuntarily and he panicked; could Jenova control his body? He needed Cloud to go, now, before Mother made him hurt him, so he said the first thing that came to his mind that might make him go away. "Get away! You don't even care about me. You're just using me to get ahead!"
The door to the reading room banged all the way open and Zack barrelled in before either of them could react. He stormed over to Sephiroth and slapped him, as hard as possible, across the face.
"What the hell is the matter with you?"
Sephiroth reeled as he brought his hand up to touch his face. That hurt. He had never been slapped before. Where had Zack even come from? The slap had brought his head back down from wherever it had been and he realized exactly what he had said as Zack continued shouting.
"Why would you say something like that? Are you trying to ruin the best thing in your life? You know damn well it's not true, so are you just trying to hurt him? If so, you've done a good job. Congratu-fucking-lations."
Sephiroth stood there, stunned, with all thoughts of Mother driven straight out of his mind by the stinging pain on his cheek. "I-I-I just wanted him to go away."
"Why the hell would you want him to go away? He's trying to help you, as much as you don't deserve it. Can you honestly tell me that you don't think you need help when you've locked yourself in a basement and are rambling about how humanity betrayed you?"
"I-I didn't mean-I'm sorry."
"Don't tell me, you fucking moron!" Zack pointed violently at Cloud. "Tell him!"
Sephiroth looked up at Cloud and saw tears streaming down his face. When he saw Sephiroth looking at him, Cloud's legs suddenly gave out and he collapsed on the floor, sobbing.
"Cloud! Cloud, Cloud, Cloud, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry." Sephiroth rushed over and threw himself down beside Cloud and pulled his huddled form into a tight hug. "I'm so sorry. I know you love me, I know. And I love you too. Please, I'm sorry." He was certain that he had never felt like such a complete tool in his entire life. He wouldn't be surprised if Cloud never forgave him. But Cloud's smaller arms wrapped around him and his hands twisted through Sephiroth's hair. Cloud clung to him and sobbed his heart out. Sephiroth stroked Cloud's hair while he murmured more apologies and reassurances and looked up at Zack for help.
Zack just shrugged. "Let him cry, Seph. Just let him get it all out."
It took a long time for Cloud to get it all out and Sephiroth wasn't sure if he felt more helpless now, or when Cloud was being tortured. The only thing he could do now was hold Cloud, and ignore Mothe-Jenova screaming at him. He couldn't believe he had made Cloud cry; he never, ever wanted to do that again. Listening to Jenova was what had brought it about, so he resolved, right then and there, to never listen to her again. After all, apparently not everyone did what their mothers told them. And what was the point of being a god if he couldn't be with the person he loved more than anyone else? What was the point of getting revenge if it made Cloud cry? Jenova was shrieking something about Sephiroth betraying her and he shrugged minutely.
If I've got to betray someone, it's not going to be Cloud. With that, he shut Jenova out and turned all his attention to his lover in his arms.
Eventually, Cloud gave one final shuddering sob and sniffled loudly a few times. "I'm sorry," Cloud said hoarsely. "I just-everything-it was all too much."
"Hey, it's okay, Spike. You've had a shitty few days and everything's been building up. General Asshole just had to go and toss one more green on the chocobo's back."
"I'm sorry, Cloud, I really am. I didn't mean it. It was just a stupid, hurtful thing to say and it was only on my mind because of what everyone's been saying. I don't believe it. Not for one second."
Cloud just nodded and Sephiroth picked him up and stood. Zack handed him Cloud's coat and Sephiroth did his best to wrap it around him. "Let's go back to the inn, okay? We'll get some rest and think about what we're going to do."
Cloud continued to cling to Sephiroth, showing no desire to get down, as Zack led them through the winding passages of the basement. Zack took care of all the monsters they encountered, leaving Sephiroth's other hand free to stroke Cloud's hair and rub his back. When they got out of the mansion, Sephiroth paused.
"Do you want me to put you down before we go into town?"
Cloud shook his head vehemently. "No. Let them think what they want."
Sephiroth nodded and the three made their way through town to the inn. Zack opened the door for them and Sephiroth stopped in the foyer and turned to face everyone's stares. It must have been dinnertime and the dining room was packed full of townspeople.
"If even one of you ignorant bastards says anything to him, I'll burn this town to the ground with everyone in it."
***
Sephiroth had Zack get Marcus and meet him and Cloud in their room. He held Cloud on his lap and petted his hair soothingly; it was as much for his own benefit as it was for Cloud's, however. He wanted to keep contact with Cloud, to reassure Cloud that he was loved, but mostly, Sephiroth felt better when he was holding him. It was far easier to ignore Mo-Jenova when he had his reason for ignoring her in his arms. Although, now that he thought about it, he wondered why it he hadn't been a bit more bothered by hearing a voice in his head. He was well aware that such things aren't normal, but it hadn't fazed him at all. Perhaps... perhaps Jenova had affected him more than he had thought. There was a soft knock at the door and Zack opened it, with Marcus following. Sephiroth motioned for them to sit down.
"Care to tell us exactly what happened back there, Seph?" Zack sat with his arms crossed in front of him. He still looked extremely pissed off.
Sephiroth nodded and took a deep breath, wondering where to start. "It began almost as soon as we arrived in town…"
Sephiroth left nothing out. He told them about the buzzing that had turned into meanings and feelings, which then turned into words. Words that compelled him, words that filled him with inexplicable rage. He explained about how Jenova claimed to be his mother, how she told him that she was in pain, and that he needed to take revenge on the humans for her. He told them about the journals he had read, and how he had learned how he was created. He was a science experiment, meant to recreate the last Ancient.
"Some… some of what she said was appealing. She told me that I was meant to be a god. That I could rule this planet. Who wouldn't want that? She said that I could take revenge on the people who hurt me. Hojo tortured me in the name of science for years, I mean, wouldn't you want revenge, if you had the opportunity?" Sephiroth looked up at Zack pleadingly.
"Yeah, man. I'd gladly chop Hojo into mincemeat for everything he's done to you."
Cloud nodded his head as well, but didn't say anything.
"But then… Cloud annoyed her." Sephiroth clutched Cloud even closer to him and kissed the top of his head several times before he continued. "She didn't like him at all. He distracted me from her. She-she wanted me to kill him first. To get him out of the way. I couldn't. There's no way I could do that." Sephiroth felt Cloud's fists tighten in his hair and Sephiroth hugged him tightly. "I'd never hurt you, Cloud. Never."
"I'm glad to hear you say that, Seph, but, um, what are we going to do about this? You've got a voice in your head, telling you to take revenge on humanity, and the only thing stopping you is your boyfriend? Sorry, but that doesn't seem like the most failsafe of plans. What if you have a fight?"
"It's easy," Marcus spoke up, "This Jenova thing is obviously not good, so why don't we just destroy it and be done with it. It seems like it's kept at the reactor, right? Let's just go there and kill the hell out of it."
"I like the way you think, Sarge!" Zack clapped Marcus on the shoulder.
"It's just the obvious solution. We're soldiers, Jenova is an enemy. Soldiers kill their enemies."
Sephiroth attempted to consider the idea despite the shrieking that was filling his mind. "I know she's not good, but… she's my mo-"
"Sephiroth," Cloud finally spoke, although his voice was still hoarse, "She's not your mother. No matter what the journals say and no matter what she says, she's not your mother. Maybe she's genetically your parent, like Hojo is, but that doesn't mean she's a good one. And it doesn't mean you have to consider her your mother. A real mother would never do something like this. She's hurting you, isn't she? Because you're not doing what she wants?"
Sephiroth nodded slowly.
"We have to destroy her, Sephiroth, before she can influence you again. Before she hurts you even more."
"It wants you to kill Cloud, Seph," Zack reminded him, "You don't want that. You want Cloud alive, you love him very much."
"Yes," Sephiroth said quietly, "She doesn't love me, not really."
"So…" Zack paused, looking hopeful. "Do we have a plan of action? Do we set sail at dawn on our heroic journey to kill the wicked witch?"
"Yes." Sephiroth buried his face in Cloud's hair; ashamed of how his voice shook when he spoke. He knew he shouldn't be upset by this, but…
"Sephiroth." Cloud shifted and began stroking Sephiroth's head now. "Please don't be sad. Zack and Aerith and Tseng and I, we're your family. A real family loves each other, just like we do. You don't need her. Maybe… maybe she's not your real mother and maybe one day we can find out who your real mom was. But even if we can't, you're not alone. Please remember that. You've got a lot of people who love and care about you."
Sephiroth looked at Cloud and felt wetness in the corners of his eyes. "I-I'm not alone."
***
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