[死神] Shinigami
Title: Shinigami [1/3]
Author: xme_chanx
Pairing: Shou/Hiroto, Saga/Tora
Rating: R or NC-17 for graphic depictions of suicide
Warnings: Suicide, character death
Synopsis: If one takes his own life, he is reminded of his sin daily as he works collecting souls for the head Shinigami.
Notes: This will ONLY be posted here at my journal. And I like brackets.
Part 1 [死人地] Place of the Dead
The only sound in the cold, tiled bathroom was his heavy breathing. He turned on the faucet to drown out the sound, filling the white porcelain tub slowly with hot water.
“So tired...” he sighed.
I just don’t want to wake up anymore.
I don’t want to exist anymore.
I want to stop.
When the tub was filled, his breathing was once more amplified through the tiny room. Removing his clothes, he slid into the hot water, his skin becoming an angry red. He didn’t pay attention to that, he had bigger things on his mind.
A single, rectangular razorblade.
Shiny, sharp and clean.
Once pressure was applied, it sliced into his skin with ease. Blood didn’t even spill immediately, the cuts were so precise. He pressed the sharp, cold metal into his arms again and again, drawing ragged breaths as the blood started to run. He lost count of the number of cuts, that didn’t matter.
The only thing that mattered is that they served their purpose and he was finally freed.
The crimson blood mixed with the clear bathwater, tinting it a cardinal red. He watched as it flowed slowly out, darkening the water with each weakening beat of his heart. The razorblade slipped from his hand to the bottom of the tub, making a dull clink as it settled on the porcelain.
Eyes slowly lost their luster and became dull. The last sound in the bathroom was the slow exhale of one who took his own life.
***
Dragged forcibly out of the tub, I looked around wildly to see who/what had such a strong grip on me.
A short brunette met my eyes. The first thing I noticed about him was the sadness in his brown eyes. A sadness that went soul deep.
“I-”
“You’re Saga. I’m your partner. Hiroto.” The boy interrupted.
“I don’t think that’s my name…” I said quietly. He shrugged.
“That’s the name they gave you. You kinda lost some choices when you first stuck the razorblade in.” Hiroto said bluntly.
“Oh…” I drew in a deep breath. “Are we going to the hospital?” I asked. Hiroto chuckled bitterly.
“You don’t need one, you’re already dead.” He pointed at me. I looked down. The cuts and gashes I had inflicted on myself were still there, the first few, straight and deep, then the later ones, jagged and shallow as I lost the strength to hold the blade. They looked like scars now, for some reason.
“They’re only there to remind you of your sin. This is your punishment. Welcome to Shininchi.” Hiroto turned around and I noticed our new surroundings for the first time. It was like some sick fantasy movie. People with all manners of scars and some with none at all were walking around, sitting around, it was like a whole city of these people. Complete with high rise buildings, shops, and restaurants.
“What the hell is this?” I asked, trying to keep my voice even.
“It’s Shininchi. The Dead city. Those of us who’ve taken our own lives come here to start our penance. You’re a shinigami now. Like I said earlier, I’m your partner, we’ll collect souls together.” He said as though describing how to make a peanut butter sandwhich.
“What do we do then? I mean, how can we be placed in charge of souls?” I asked.
“Oh, we don’t decide where they go, or any of that, we just collect them. The head Shinigami decides what to do then. Of course, if they’re suicides, he keeps them. They become shinigami, like us.” Hiroto tried to offer me a smile. I shuddered.
“So I’m dead and now I have to collect souls?” I asked. Hiroto nodded.
“The nice of it is, here in Shininchi you can basically have a life. You can take a lover, set up a business, whatever. The only conditions are that you can’t leave, and you must do whatever tasks the head shinigami assigns to you. Anyone who takes their own life has spit in the face of God. As you can imagine, he doesn’t take too kindly to that.” he explained. I nodded, still confused. Hiroto sighed.
“Come on, I’ll take you to Shou, you’ll be staying with us anyway since you’re my partner. He’s better at explaining this shit than I am.” Hiroto grabbed my wrist and started pulling me towards one of the high rise buildings. It looked like any fancy tower apartment complex, if you disregarded the amounts of scars or other self-inflicted disfigurements of the people walking around it.
I tried to start a conversation with my new partner.
“You killed yourself, huh?” I asked. He rolled his eyes.
“If I didn’t I wouldn’t be here.” He replied.
“How’d you do it?” I asked curiously. He narrowed his eyes at me. “I mean, you already know how I did it, right? So why does it matter if you tell me how you did it?”
“I took a bunch of pills. It was right after college entrance exams.” Hiroto said in a way that didn’t invite further questions.
When we stepped into the apartment, it was seriously nicer than any I’d ever been in before.
“Why is it so nice?” I asked.
“Because they want you to have at least a few comforts, seeing as how you’ll never leave.” A lanky blonde said. He smiled as he leaned against the doorway. “I’m Shou, you must be Saga.” He bowed his head slightly, not moving from the doorway. His eyes immediately fell to my wrists, traveling the length between my wrists and elbows. I crossed my arms quickly and tried to look nonchalant. Shou had a sad smile on his face when I met his eyes again.
“You don’t need to be afraid of judgment here, Saga.” He said softly. Hiroto pushed past me to Shou; they were talking quietly as I stood there. The blonde shinigami looked up at me with understanding in his eyes.
“Sit down, Hiroto says you need a better explanation than he can give.” The blonde laughed slightly. “Do you have any questions?” he asked. I nodded.
“I just want to know why.” I said. The blonde nodded again and Hiroto went into what I supposed to be a kitchen and was clattering things around. A moment later his brunette head poked out.
“Do either of you want a drink?” he asked. Shou shook his head but I nodded.
“Yes, water please.” I said. My head felt like it was spinning.
“The purpose you have here is to collect souls for inspection of the Head Shinigami. The souls are then distributed to the Master of the Heavens, or the Leader of Hell, depending on a multitude of factors. We as shinigami simply act as harvesters. We make no judgments, we simply take the souls we are instructed to.” Shou paused, “The shinigami task is not assigned to just any soul. It is the act of paying penance for rejection of the Ultimate gift. Everyone here has reasons, however, and that is why we do not end up in the clutches of the Leader of hell.” Shou finished.
I nodded somberly.
“You have your first collection tomorrow.” Hiroto said quietly. My eyes widened.
“That doesn’t give me much time to get adjusted! How will I even know what to do?” I started sputtering. The small brunette kneeled on the floor in front of me.
“You’ll have eternity to get adjusted, and you’ll be fine tomorrow. I’m going to be teaching you what to do. That’s why we are assigned an older shinigami when we first reach Shininchi.”
A/N
Um… sensitive subject matter. J I personally have a very strange view on this kind of thing. I’m not going to explain myself (because it would take too long and much typing). I don’t mean to offend anyone with depictions of God or whatever. Comments are fantastic.
Author: xme_chanx
Pairing: Shou/Hiroto, Saga/Tora
Rating: R or NC-17 for graphic depictions of suicide
Warnings: Suicide, character death
Synopsis: If one takes his own life, he is reminded of his sin daily as he works collecting souls for the head Shinigami.
Notes: This will ONLY be posted here at my journal. And I like brackets.
Part 1 [死人地] Place of the Dead
The only sound in the cold, tiled bathroom was his heavy breathing. He turned on the faucet to drown out the sound, filling the white porcelain tub slowly with hot water.
“So tired...” he sighed.
I just don’t want to wake up anymore.
I don’t want to exist anymore.
I want to stop.
When the tub was filled, his breathing was once more amplified through the tiny room. Removing his clothes, he slid into the hot water, his skin becoming an angry red. He didn’t pay attention to that, he had bigger things on his mind.
A single, rectangular razorblade.
Shiny, sharp and clean.
Once pressure was applied, it sliced into his skin with ease. Blood didn’t even spill immediately, the cuts were so precise. He pressed the sharp, cold metal into his arms again and again, drawing ragged breaths as the blood started to run. He lost count of the number of cuts, that didn’t matter.
The only thing that mattered is that they served their purpose and he was finally freed.
The crimson blood mixed with the clear bathwater, tinting it a cardinal red. He watched as it flowed slowly out, darkening the water with each weakening beat of his heart. The razorblade slipped from his hand to the bottom of the tub, making a dull clink as it settled on the porcelain.
Eyes slowly lost their luster and became dull. The last sound in the bathroom was the slow exhale of one who took his own life.
***
Dragged forcibly out of the tub, I looked around wildly to see who/what had such a strong grip on me.
A short brunette met my eyes. The first thing I noticed about him was the sadness in his brown eyes. A sadness that went soul deep.
“I-”
“You’re Saga. I’m your partner. Hiroto.” The boy interrupted.
“I don’t think that’s my name…” I said quietly. He shrugged.
“That’s the name they gave you. You kinda lost some choices when you first stuck the razorblade in.” Hiroto said bluntly.
“Oh…” I drew in a deep breath. “Are we going to the hospital?” I asked. Hiroto chuckled bitterly.
“You don’t need one, you’re already dead.” He pointed at me. I looked down. The cuts and gashes I had inflicted on myself were still there, the first few, straight and deep, then the later ones, jagged and shallow as I lost the strength to hold the blade. They looked like scars now, for some reason.
“They’re only there to remind you of your sin. This is your punishment. Welcome to Shininchi.” Hiroto turned around and I noticed our new surroundings for the first time. It was like some sick fantasy movie. People with all manners of scars and some with none at all were walking around, sitting around, it was like a whole city of these people. Complete with high rise buildings, shops, and restaurants.
“What the hell is this?” I asked, trying to keep my voice even.
“It’s Shininchi. The Dead city. Those of us who’ve taken our own lives come here to start our penance. You’re a shinigami now. Like I said earlier, I’m your partner, we’ll collect souls together.” He said as though describing how to make a peanut butter sandwhich.
“What do we do then? I mean, how can we be placed in charge of souls?” I asked.
“Oh, we don’t decide where they go, or any of that, we just collect them. The head Shinigami decides what to do then. Of course, if they’re suicides, he keeps them. They become shinigami, like us.” Hiroto tried to offer me a smile. I shuddered.
“So I’m dead and now I have to collect souls?” I asked. Hiroto nodded.
“The nice of it is, here in Shininchi you can basically have a life. You can take a lover, set up a business, whatever. The only conditions are that you can’t leave, and you must do whatever tasks the head shinigami assigns to you. Anyone who takes their own life has spit in the face of God. As you can imagine, he doesn’t take too kindly to that.” he explained. I nodded, still confused. Hiroto sighed.
“Come on, I’ll take you to Shou, you’ll be staying with us anyway since you’re my partner. He’s better at explaining this shit than I am.” Hiroto grabbed my wrist and started pulling me towards one of the high rise buildings. It looked like any fancy tower apartment complex, if you disregarded the amounts of scars or other self-inflicted disfigurements of the people walking around it.
I tried to start a conversation with my new partner.
“You killed yourself, huh?” I asked. He rolled his eyes.
“If I didn’t I wouldn’t be here.” He replied.
“How’d you do it?” I asked curiously. He narrowed his eyes at me. “I mean, you already know how I did it, right? So why does it matter if you tell me how you did it?”
“I took a bunch of pills. It was right after college entrance exams.” Hiroto said in a way that didn’t invite further questions.
When we stepped into the apartment, it was seriously nicer than any I’d ever been in before.
“Why is it so nice?” I asked.
“Because they want you to have at least a few comforts, seeing as how you’ll never leave.” A lanky blonde said. He smiled as he leaned against the doorway. “I’m Shou, you must be Saga.” He bowed his head slightly, not moving from the doorway. His eyes immediately fell to my wrists, traveling the length between my wrists and elbows. I crossed my arms quickly and tried to look nonchalant. Shou had a sad smile on his face when I met his eyes again.
“You don’t need to be afraid of judgment here, Saga.” He said softly. Hiroto pushed past me to Shou; they were talking quietly as I stood there. The blonde shinigami looked up at me with understanding in his eyes.
“Sit down, Hiroto says you need a better explanation than he can give.” The blonde laughed slightly. “Do you have any questions?” he asked. I nodded.
“I just want to know why.” I said. The blonde nodded again and Hiroto went into what I supposed to be a kitchen and was clattering things around. A moment later his brunette head poked out.
“Do either of you want a drink?” he asked. Shou shook his head but I nodded.
“Yes, water please.” I said. My head felt like it was spinning.
“The purpose you have here is to collect souls for inspection of the Head Shinigami. The souls are then distributed to the Master of the Heavens, or the Leader of Hell, depending on a multitude of factors. We as shinigami simply act as harvesters. We make no judgments, we simply take the souls we are instructed to.” Shou paused, “The shinigami task is not assigned to just any soul. It is the act of paying penance for rejection of the Ultimate gift. Everyone here has reasons, however, and that is why we do not end up in the clutches of the Leader of hell.” Shou finished.
I nodded somberly.
“You have your first collection tomorrow.” Hiroto said quietly. My eyes widened.
“That doesn’t give me much time to get adjusted! How will I even know what to do?” I started sputtering. The small brunette kneeled on the floor in front of me.
“You’ll have eternity to get adjusted, and you’ll be fine tomorrow. I’m going to be teaching you what to do. That’s why we are assigned an older shinigami when we first reach Shininchi.”
A/N
Um… sensitive subject matter. J I personally have a very strange view on this kind of thing. I’m not going to explain myself (because it would take too long and much typing). I don’t mean to offend anyone with depictions of God or whatever. Comments are fantastic.