In Caelum Intramus 3
Title: In Caelum Intramus (We enter into Heaven) 3/
Author: Meg-chan (xme_chanx)
Pairing: Shou/Saga
Rating: NC-17
Genre: angst, yaoi
Warnings: MASSIVE ANGST this chapter, anorexia, depression
Disclaimer: I do not own these boys, I wish I did. I do own the story and will use brute force if you steal it. No beta.
Summary: We were finally together, everything was perfect, and then I found out the truth. He hid so much from me, but I was ok with that if he’d stay with me, and promise me never to do it again.
X-Posted: My journal, aliceinloveland
Chapter 3: Weighing the Options
Saga stopped talking at the restaurant, and the silence continued all the way home. I was almost ready to boot him out of my car halfway to my apartment.
“What’s wrong?” I finally asked. Saga smiled a huge fake smile at me.
“Nothing’s wrong, baby.” He said sweetly.
“Saga, cut the crap. What is going on in your mind? We’re all starting to worry about you.” I sighed.
“So now you’re talking about me to other people?” Saga raised his voice angrily.
“You won’t talk to me, what am I supposed to do?” I shot back. Saga huffed and looked out the window.
“Mind your own damn business, Shou.” He said darkly. He shot out of the car when I parked, and had already let himself in to the apartment.
I found him on the fucking scale again. I’m starting to hate that metal box.
He was weighing himself in the bathroom, pretending to be brushing his teeth when he saw me.
“Why do you keep weighing yourself?”
“So I know how much I weigh.” He rolled his eyes, which I didn’t appreciate. I wanted to throw the scale out the window, I really did.
“Saga, why are you so worried?” I asked him carefully.
“Because I don’t look good.” He said simply. My heart broke. He was so beautiful, but here he was, slowly killing himself.
“You’re going to be unhealthy.” I said seriously.
“But I’ll be skinny.” He whispered, almost inaudibly. His eyes bored into mine. I sighed and tried to hug him. He hugged me stiffly.
“You’re going to get sick, Saga.” I mumbled into his chest. He sighed.
“You’re being silly, Shou-chan.” He tilted my face up to look at him. He kissed me softly.
“Saga, I’m being serious.” He laughed quietly and kissed me again. I pushed him off of me.
“Why won’t you listen to me?” I demanded. He gave me what had recently become his typical response: the shrug. I wanted to smack him.
“Use words, Saga.” I gave him my best look. The one that makes him cringe. This time he just stood there, not saying anything, looking at the floor.
“I’m going to bed. We’ll talk about this tomorrow.” I said firmly. Saga pulled his gaze up, staring angrily at me.
“It’s none of your business, Shou! It’s my life, it’s my body!” He screamed. I turned around and glared at him.
“Saga, I am with you. That makes it my business. If you don’t want it to be my business, that’s up to you. As long as you are in my home, I will not tolerate this.” I snarled.
“Fine, I’m leaving.” Saga shoved me on his way out of the bathroom.
“What the hell is your problem?” I shouted. He pointed at me.
“You. I hate you.” He hissed. I gasped.
“All I wanted was for you to be like you used to. You used to have fun, you used to eat, and you used to tell me things, Saga!” I was trying so hard not to cry as I forced the words out of my mouth. If I cry, I won’t be strong enough for both of us.
“I eat. I do eat! Ok? Like tonight, I ate. Everyone fucking watched me eat.” He snapped, shoving me away from him.
“Saga! Get back here!” I yelled, grabbing his arm. He shoved me again, and I fell on the floor. I grabbed his ankle, and pulled him down.
“FUCK, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?” He screamed.
“You’re KILLING yourself, Saga!! It’s not only stupid, but it’s selfish!! You’re going to die if you keep going like this. You’re going to leave me alone.” I screamed back at him. And I cried. I promised myself I wouldn’t cry, but I did. I just broke. At first Saga just sat there, staring at me. Then he came over and hugged me, he was crying too. We sat there crying together for a long time, just holding each other. Finally, Saga pulled back and looked me in the eyes.
“I’m so sorry, Shou.”
~NOTES~
Wow, that was intense to write!! This chapter is so dark! Yish.
And I don’t know if I like it…
My keyboard is being temperamental, so don’t judge my typing too harshly in this chapter.
I love you all that comment! I love you if you read and don’t comment too, but not as much as I love the ones that comment. *showers you guys with cookies*
Not to be anal, but Saga is not acting anorexic alone, he’s got an anxiety disorder or something too, because he’s a spaz in this story. Not actually what I intended, but it works, I guess. *shrug*
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