Elegy - Part 3
Type: Fanfiction
World: Twilight
Status: Oneshot in multiple parts // completed
Title: Elegy
Rating: M
Genre: Romance, Angst, Drama
Pairing: Jacob & Bella
Summary: “You cannot protect me from everything. At some point something is going to separate us. It will be an accident, an illness… old age. As long as I’m human.” - Bella Swan, New Moon
Jacob knows he will loose her. In some way he will always lose her. That is the consequence of his choice. But can it be worth it?
Notes: This was inspired by Bella´s quote above. I wanted to reflect on the dark sides of Jacob´s wish for Bella to have anormal human life with him.
Thank you so much to my amazing Beta carolarg for being so lovely all the time ♥
go to the beginning
made by sarahtomas
this beauty was made by mintenergy
Elegy
“you cannot protect me from everything. at some point something is going to separate us. it will be an accident, an illness… old age. as long as I’m human.”
two.
everyone deserves a chance to fly
Monday, January 25th 2010
It looks almost magical. The thin, filigree cover of soft and light white power coating every surface - streets, driveways, lifeless suburban lawns, fences, roofs, swings in the playground, every gravel on the beach.
There is no distinction between the white foam on the ocean’s surface, upset by the merciless wind, and the grayish-white, sparkling, snow-covered gravel.
As the sun stands high in the blue sky, illuminating the ground in a way that turns the snow into a blinding force, almost unbearable to look at, families escape the dullness of their homes and instead enjoy the peaceful winter day, clear skies and cold, fresh air.
Jacob is one of these people who spend this perfect day outside, however he has work to do - at least Bella has made him believe that fixing the blinds could not wait until a later day.
Short arms suddenly wrap themselves around his torso and he smiles as he feels Bella’s cheek press into his warm back, her fingers interlacing themselves above his heart.
“Are you here to check on me?” he says with a smile, turning his head to see Bella staring up at him with a bright smile on her glowing face - the cold immediately turning her cheeks bright red.
“Maybe… and maybe I just missed you,” she whispers, pressing her lips between Jacob’s shoulder blades before letting go of him to step aside a little, eyeing his work.
“Well, considering they look just as dysfunctional as they did before, I guess I should be here to check on you. Were you watching all the young moms walking by or what?”
“Maybe… or maybe I was thinking about you for so long that I forgot my task here.”
He winks at Bella before wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her close to him, softly pressing his lips against her forehead.
“I hope so. I wouldn’t want you to elope with a pretty single mom the day before we get married,” Bella laughs, pulling herself closer to Jacob’s warmth.
Jacob snorts at her imagination (not having taken notice of anyone walking by so far) and kisses her gently, his right hand playing with her long hair.
“Speaking of single moms,” Bella says as she finds the will to separate her lips from Jacob’s, “I’m off to Port Angeles. Renée’s flight should land in about an hour and I don´t want to leave her waiting.”
“I wouldn’t want my future mother-in-law to be mad at me right from the start because I distracted her daughter, would I?”
Bella slowly runs her hand over Jacob’s neck, her fingers lingering at the sensitive skin behind his ear. She can feel him shiver as she brushes her finger over it and a rush of warmth and affection runs through her veins, making her smile.
“And how exactly are you planning to distract me?” she asks, unconsciously pressing herself closer to Jacob’s body.
“I could think of a few ways to do so,” he mutters before tightening his grip on her and gently presses her against the wall next to their kitchen window, trapping her between the cold wooden panel and his warm body.
Bella’s breathing picks up as he trails the tip of his nose along the exposed skin of her neck and he is grateful that she once again forgot her scarf.
“Jake…,” she whispers against the side of his head as his hands begin to wander beneath her coat.
“Hmm…,” he replies, the vibration of his lips causing a flood of goose bumps to erupt on Bella’s skin.
“I don´t want to spend the night at Emily’s.”
Jacob lifts his head so he can see the painful and longing expression in Bella’s eyes, her tiny hands clinging to his arms.
“I’m afraid she’ll kill you if you spend the night before our wedding with me, honey.”
Bella shivers as Jacob’s fingers find the bare skin of her stomach and she groans in frustration.
“Who cares about all these traditions? And why is everybody more excited about this than we are?”
“So, you’re not excited?” Jacob asks, retreating his hands and putting on a very fake pouting face.
“Of course I am,” Bella mutters against his lips before kissing him softly. “I love you.”
“I love you, too,” Jacob whispers and drops a gentle, feather-light kiss on Bella’s earlobe before letting her go, fighting his unwillingness to do so.
“I’ll be back for lunch,” Bella calls over her shoulder as she paces through their front-yard towards her red truck which she refuses to give away.
As the motor roars to life she turns down the window and waves in Jacob’s direction before disappearing down the snow-covered road.
***
Jacob does not start to worry until he hears Charlie’s voice…
He does not start to worry when he has lunch ready and there is no sight of a red truck. He does not start to worry when he decides that Bella would not want him to wait for her and he eats his tepid pasta. He does not worry when he is finished with dinner, cleans his plate, puts Bella’s portion into the fridge and cleans the kitchen.
Maybe it’s just bad traffic. That is what he keeps thinking. Maybe they stopped at Charlie’s. Maybe…
Jacob does not worry but when three hours have passed since Bella was supposed to be back he starts to become edgy, pacing through the house, takes his suit for tomorrow out of the closet, resisting the temptation to open the white bag that holds Bella’s dress, puts on the jacket - just to see - and cleans the mirror in the bathroom.
When the telephone rings he expects it to be Bella. Bella complaining about being stuck in a traffic jam, Bella whining about Renee’s flight being delayed because of all the snow, Bella excusing for being stuck at Charlie’s for tea, Bella…
But when he picks up the phone and hears Charlie’s voice on the other end he knows. He fears.
***
All that is left for Jacob to do is identify her. Charlie cannot bear it. When they pull the blanket away from her face he knows that it is Bella. But he cannot find his Bells in her anymore.
He does not dare to look at her body for longer than necessary, cannot bring himself to touch her. All that he wants to do is leave.
Only he does not know where to go.
***
When he comes home late that night, darkness welcoming him instead of a warm smile and warm kisses, Jacob makes determined steps into the bedroom, undressing on his way, his clothes leaving a trail behind him.
He slowly puts on his suit, careful not to rip off a button again like he had yesterday, much to Emily’s dislike.
Looking into the mirror he sees himself standing proud - but broken. And he wonders how he might have looked like tomorrow standing in the small chapel, anxious and full of excitement.
Definitely not as empty and hollow as he does now.
With trembling fingers he takes out the white bag and places it on the bed. His heartbeat drums bluntly behind his red, blood-shot eyes and it takes him a few minutes, maybe hours or weeks or months or maybe a decade, before his shivering fingers manage to pull down the zipper and to reveal something he is not supposed to see in this moment, at this time.
He had promised Bella not to look at the dress, even in the eye of the temptation that it has been in their closet for almost two months now.
But there is no use in keeping that promise now.
It is light, so light Jacob almost cannot feel the soft silk in his hands, and it is beautiful.
As he feels the embroidery beneath his fingertips it all suddenly becomes real.
Like a force of nature.
Tears slowly drop onto the white dress and they do not cede as realization crushes Jacob that Bella would never wears this dress, would never get a chance to punch and scratch him for staining it with his salty tears.
***
Renée finds Jacob the next day, deep asleep, curled together like a fetus on the bed, clinging to the white dress as if it were Bella, as if it held the power to bring her back to him.
Silent tears trail down Renee’s cheeks as she places her daughter’s engagement ring that the police had given her on the bedside table and steps back outside into the cold wind, the sky still as flawlessly blue as it had been yesterday.
She does not see that, though.
***
part 4
World: Twilight
Status: Oneshot in multiple parts // completed
Title: Elegy
Rating: M
Genre: Romance, Angst, Drama
Pairing: Jacob & Bella
Summary: “You cannot protect me from everything. At some point something is going to separate us. It will be an accident, an illness… old age. As long as I’m human.” - Bella Swan, New Moon
Jacob knows he will loose her. In some way he will always lose her. That is the consequence of his choice. But can it be worth it?
Notes: This was inspired by Bella´s quote above. I wanted to reflect on the dark sides of Jacob´s wish for Bella to have anormal human life with him.
Thank you so much to my amazing Beta carolarg for being so lovely all the time ♥
go to the beginning
made by sarahtomas
this beauty was made by mintenergy
Elegy
“you cannot protect me from everything. at some point something is going to separate us. it will be an accident, an illness… old age. as long as I’m human.”
two.
everyone deserves a chance to fly
Monday, January 25th 2010
It looks almost magical. The thin, filigree cover of soft and light white power coating every surface - streets, driveways, lifeless suburban lawns, fences, roofs, swings in the playground, every gravel on the beach.
There is no distinction between the white foam on the ocean’s surface, upset by the merciless wind, and the grayish-white, sparkling, snow-covered gravel.
As the sun stands high in the blue sky, illuminating the ground in a way that turns the snow into a blinding force, almost unbearable to look at, families escape the dullness of their homes and instead enjoy the peaceful winter day, clear skies and cold, fresh air.
Jacob is one of these people who spend this perfect day outside, however he has work to do - at least Bella has made him believe that fixing the blinds could not wait until a later day.
Short arms suddenly wrap themselves around his torso and he smiles as he feels Bella’s cheek press into his warm back, her fingers interlacing themselves above his heart.
“Are you here to check on me?” he says with a smile, turning his head to see Bella staring up at him with a bright smile on her glowing face - the cold immediately turning her cheeks bright red.
“Maybe… and maybe I just missed you,” she whispers, pressing her lips between Jacob’s shoulder blades before letting go of him to step aside a little, eyeing his work.
“Well, considering they look just as dysfunctional as they did before, I guess I should be here to check on you. Were you watching all the young moms walking by or what?”
“Maybe… or maybe I was thinking about you for so long that I forgot my task here.”
He winks at Bella before wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her close to him, softly pressing his lips against her forehead.
“I hope so. I wouldn’t want you to elope with a pretty single mom the day before we get married,” Bella laughs, pulling herself closer to Jacob’s warmth.
Jacob snorts at her imagination (not having taken notice of anyone walking by so far) and kisses her gently, his right hand playing with her long hair.
“Speaking of single moms,” Bella says as she finds the will to separate her lips from Jacob’s, “I’m off to Port Angeles. Renée’s flight should land in about an hour and I don´t want to leave her waiting.”
“I wouldn’t want my future mother-in-law to be mad at me right from the start because I distracted her daughter, would I?”
Bella slowly runs her hand over Jacob’s neck, her fingers lingering at the sensitive skin behind his ear. She can feel him shiver as she brushes her finger over it and a rush of warmth and affection runs through her veins, making her smile.
“And how exactly are you planning to distract me?” she asks, unconsciously pressing herself closer to Jacob’s body.
“I could think of a few ways to do so,” he mutters before tightening his grip on her and gently presses her against the wall next to their kitchen window, trapping her between the cold wooden panel and his warm body.
Bella’s breathing picks up as he trails the tip of his nose along the exposed skin of her neck and he is grateful that she once again forgot her scarf.
“Jake…,” she whispers against the side of his head as his hands begin to wander beneath her coat.
“Hmm…,” he replies, the vibration of his lips causing a flood of goose bumps to erupt on Bella’s skin.
“I don´t want to spend the night at Emily’s.”
Jacob lifts his head so he can see the painful and longing expression in Bella’s eyes, her tiny hands clinging to his arms.
“I’m afraid she’ll kill you if you spend the night before our wedding with me, honey.”
Bella shivers as Jacob’s fingers find the bare skin of her stomach and she groans in frustration.
“Who cares about all these traditions? And why is everybody more excited about this than we are?”
“So, you’re not excited?” Jacob asks, retreating his hands and putting on a very fake pouting face.
“Of course I am,” Bella mutters against his lips before kissing him softly. “I love you.”
“I love you, too,” Jacob whispers and drops a gentle, feather-light kiss on Bella’s earlobe before letting her go, fighting his unwillingness to do so.
“I’ll be back for lunch,” Bella calls over her shoulder as she paces through their front-yard towards her red truck which she refuses to give away.
As the motor roars to life she turns down the window and waves in Jacob’s direction before disappearing down the snow-covered road.
***
Jacob does not start to worry until he hears Charlie’s voice…
He does not start to worry when he has lunch ready and there is no sight of a red truck. He does not start to worry when he decides that Bella would not want him to wait for her and he eats his tepid pasta. He does not worry when he is finished with dinner, cleans his plate, puts Bella’s portion into the fridge and cleans the kitchen.
Maybe it’s just bad traffic. That is what he keeps thinking. Maybe they stopped at Charlie’s. Maybe…
Jacob does not worry but when three hours have passed since Bella was supposed to be back he starts to become edgy, pacing through the house, takes his suit for tomorrow out of the closet, resisting the temptation to open the white bag that holds Bella’s dress, puts on the jacket - just to see - and cleans the mirror in the bathroom.
When the telephone rings he expects it to be Bella. Bella complaining about being stuck in a traffic jam, Bella whining about Renee’s flight being delayed because of all the snow, Bella excusing for being stuck at Charlie’s for tea, Bella…
But when he picks up the phone and hears Charlie’s voice on the other end he knows. He fears.
***
All that is left for Jacob to do is identify her. Charlie cannot bear it. When they pull the blanket away from her face he knows that it is Bella. But he cannot find his Bells in her anymore.
He does not dare to look at her body for longer than necessary, cannot bring himself to touch her. All that he wants to do is leave.
Only he does not know where to go.
***
When he comes home late that night, darkness welcoming him instead of a warm smile and warm kisses, Jacob makes determined steps into the bedroom, undressing on his way, his clothes leaving a trail behind him.
He slowly puts on his suit, careful not to rip off a button again like he had yesterday, much to Emily’s dislike.
Looking into the mirror he sees himself standing proud - but broken. And he wonders how he might have looked like tomorrow standing in the small chapel, anxious and full of excitement.
Definitely not as empty and hollow as he does now.
With trembling fingers he takes out the white bag and places it on the bed. His heartbeat drums bluntly behind his red, blood-shot eyes and it takes him a few minutes, maybe hours or weeks or months or maybe a decade, before his shivering fingers manage to pull down the zipper and to reveal something he is not supposed to see in this moment, at this time.
He had promised Bella not to look at the dress, even in the eye of the temptation that it has been in their closet for almost two months now.
But there is no use in keeping that promise now.
It is light, so light Jacob almost cannot feel the soft silk in his hands, and it is beautiful.
As he feels the embroidery beneath his fingertips it all suddenly becomes real.
Like a force of nature.
Tears slowly drop onto the white dress and they do not cede as realization crushes Jacob that Bella would never wears this dress, would never get a chance to punch and scratch him for staining it with his salty tears.
***
Renée finds Jacob the next day, deep asleep, curled together like a fetus on the bed, clinging to the white dress as if it were Bella, as if it held the power to bring her back to him.
Silent tears trail down Renee’s cheeks as she places her daughter’s engagement ring that the police had given her on the bedside table and steps back outside into the cold wind, the sky still as flawlessly blue as it had been yesterday.
She does not see that, though.
***
part 4