Vacant, Chapter Three
Title: Vacant
Rating: PG (Horror, suspense)
Centric: Twins.
Status:Complete.
Summary: Joel's life is shaken when his twin brother mysteriously disappears on Halloween. After five years, can Joel return to the place his twin went missing? And if he can, will he find something he never could have imagined?
"So... what's down there then?" I ask, breathless. I have a bad feeling, a really bad feeling...
"I don't know" Andrew says, eyes glancing at the concrete steps. It's a winding staircase, twisting so sharply you can't see further than the two and a half steps in view.
"Only one way to find out" Tommy smiles, pushing past Billy and I. He stops right before taking the first step. "Aren't you guys coming?" I shrug, not wanting to go down those steps at all.
"Yeah" Jake blindly agrees, at his best friend's heals in an instant. Andrew shrugs listlessly, but squishes behind Jake. Billy looks to me and I nod solemnly, shuffling towards the others as they begin to scale the steep stairs. Billy's behind me, and the five of us in such close quarters causes my claustrophobia to kick in. Hell, I didn't even know I had claustrophobia, but I've always had a problem with trusting others. Ever since the day I was born I didn't even trust my own family members completely. Not Mom, not Dad, not Josh, and not Sarah... only Benji did I trust one-hundred and ten percent.
A putrid, musty smell enters my nostrils and I subsequently scrunch up my nose, bringing my hand to my face upon instinct. These stairs seem to take for ever, and they're just narrow enough to allow your arms to move about three inches either way, if that. After what seems like an eternity, the others just stop, leaving me to run into Andrew and Billy into me.
"What the-" I begin, stopping as I see the reason of their stopping. Light... pure, blue light, not florescent white like that from the flashlights. It's not like any light I've ever seen before, something of this magnitude. It sends cobalt waves over everything and bounces off the walls, seemingly circling before your eyes. Light... this place is abandoned and there is light...
The guys slowly fill from the stairway and I take a step to the dirt ground, mouth dropping as I take in this room, this expansive extent. There are small blue lights washing the entire room in its grandeur, the lights themselves just emanating the light, without anything such as a filter, just pure light. This place- a long hall with seemingly endless doors on either side, a light between each. As far as I can see, every single door is shut.
"What is this place?" Billy whispers, mouth agape in horror and intrigue.
"I don't know" Andrew admits, equally dumb-stricken. "Why are there so many doors?"
"Why don't we find out?" Tommy asks, walking to the door and taking the knob in his hand. We form a half circle around him, as if backing him like such will form a protecting shield from whatever may lie on the other side of the door. He opens it to a small white room. Everything is in the same monotone: the walls, floor... and the bed.
On top the bed sits what appears to be a little girl, her back turned to us. Her pale blonde hair sits flowing from her head as she holds what appears to be a doll. Eerie singing fills my ears as she sings a nursery rhyme, cradling her doll in her arms.
"Hello?" I clear my throat, fear rising.
The little girl turns, causing us all to freeze. Her skin... she's gray. A pale gray washes her tone and her eyes are so pale they nearly appear white. When she sees us she flashes us a smile, a toothless grin brightening her skeletal frame. We slowly back away from her, not having the ability to scream or the sense to run.
"Wait... don't leave" she asks in such a sad, small voice that I stop in my tracks. "Please... come here..."
"No" I lick my lips, crossing my arms. I'm aware that she's talking to me and me alone. Her bony finger beckons me and her eyes boar into my own.
"Please... tell me how... how you're not..." she struggles. As much as I want to be completely petrified of her, I can't. She's a little girl, nonetheless.
"How I'm not what?" my voice trembles.
"You... you were gray too..." she nods her head.
"No... I'm... I've never been..." I shake my head.
"Yes, you were. I've seen you" she insists.
"I've never been here before... I'm sorry, but..." I trail off.
"Yes... you... you were younger, but you were" she insists, playing with her doll's hear.
"Younger?" my mind swirls. "I... my brother... Benji..."
"Yes, yes!" she nods anxiously. "Benji, Benjamin... that's your name!"
"No... no, not my name" I shake my head. "My brother... my brother Benji... he disappeared."
"Disappeared?" her eyes widen. "No, no... he's been here..."
"My brother? He's here?" I question, my eyes wide. My brother... he's here? I've found him?
"You better leave" she states firmly, her eyes seemingly drifting behind me.
"I'm... my brother... I can't just..." I stutter, staring at the girl.
"Yes, go... alive, you're alive. If you stay you won't be..." she bows her head.
"You mean..." I gasp. Benj... he can't be dead. I'm so close, too close to just let him go.
"Your brother... he's like me" she hangs her head, raising it quickly with furrowed eyebrows. "How long?"
"What?" I question.
"How long has it been since your brother 'disappeared'?" she inquires eagerly.
"Five years... five Halloweens" I look at my shoes, the thought of my brother sending tears to my eyes.
"Oh!" she claps. "Five? Five? He's not gone yet... not until the clock strikes midnight and five Halloweens have gone and past! You can still save him... still save..."
"What? How? Where..." I question, eyes wide. He's not gone yet... my brother could still be alive.
"Your brother... he's five paces away" she states simply, as if I'm supposed to know what five paces equals.
"But I..." I stall.
"Go... go..." she insists. "He's lucky someone cares enough to save him. For me no one ever did..."
"Thanks... thanks so much..." I thank, knowing it isn't fair to keep harassing this child. She needs to rest... needs to be left to peace.
"What's your name?" I question, curious. She looks up at me one last time and smiles slightly.
"Sienna. Sienna Thompson."
"Joel..." Jake begins. "Maybe this isn't... maybe we should..." it seems to me he's trying to find an easy way to break something to me. "Maybe we shouldn't be here."
"What?" I turn to him, glancing at his worried demeanor in shock.
"Maybe we should leave; I mean, you heard what she said. If we stay here we'll end up looking like her" he elaborates, glancing into the room Sienna resides in. "And I don't want to look like her."
"You won't" I flash him a look of disgust. "We're here and this is the last time ever I might have the chance to get my brother back, and I'm not blowing it." I sigh, glancing to the four who still look utterly shocked at what they have seen. It's not to say I don't, but I wasn't afraid of her. Sure, she looked ghastly and somewhat terrifying, but still... she's a little girl. She's a little girl who just told me that tonight is the last opportunity I will ever get to save my twin brother, and I'm taking that opportunity.
"Look, if you guys want to go, fine, but I'm not. Not until I get my brother back" I offer with an outtake of breath. So much for the whole sticking together thing...
Everyone just kind of stares at their feet, until Tommy speaks up. "So, are we doing this? I mean, it's only three hours until midnight and who knows how long this may take" he rallies. I watch as, slowly, one by one, the others nod, a small smile reaching across my face.
"So, she said five paces... is that like steps or something?" I question, looking down the hallway of seemingly never-ending doors. To think my brother may still be behind one of them after all of these years... it makes my heart break. I mean, if I wasn't such a wimp I could have gotten him back that night, or even a year later. Anything but five years down the road. I can't patronize myself too much though, because I came just in time... at least I hope I did.
"I'm not sure" Billy chews his lip, looking at the expanse of doors. "I guess we'll have to just look in every door..."
"But I kind of don't remember what exactly he looks like..." Jake shuffles his feet.
"We're twins, what do you think he looks like?" I snap.
"Hey, what does 'SET' mean?" Andrew questions, causing our attention to shift to him. He's standing at Sienna's door, tracing something carved in her door with his right index finger. Upon closer inspection I see three letters messily carved into the door: S... E... T: SET.
"Eleanor" a weak voice comes, that of Sienna. My attention shifts to the gaunt girl, her back once again turned to us.
"Eleanor?" Tommy repeats in confusion.
"Eleanor... after Eleanor Roosevelt" she elaborates weakly.
"Wait... Sienna Thompson. Her middle name, it's Eleanor. Sienna Eleanor Thompson... S.E.T. It's her initials" Jake reasons excitedly, obviously proud of himself. Her initials...
I turn and walk slowly over to the door on the opposing side of the slender hallway. Carved into the teak lumber in the same messy handwriting are the letters A.I.P. Not the ones I was looking for, but at least it confirms my theory, that I could identify my brother's dwelling with three simple letters. I choose this over the painstaking task of looking in every room, saving myself some sanity. I don't think I can take seeing anymore people similar to Sienna; seeing my brother in that state will kill me enough.
"What were his initials?" Andrew questions.
"His initials are BLC" I glare at my supposed "friend" for referring to Benji in the past tense. "Benjamin Levi Combs."
"Levi?" Tommy smiles. I want to be angry at him for making a joke of anything of my brother, but I can't help but smile.
"Yeah... Benj hated that as much as being called Benjamin" I recall with a shy smile. Smiling is so near to being foreign to me anymore, but I can't help but smile. I mean, my brother... he's coming home.
"Well, we better get looking, we don't know how long this may take..." Billy encourages, pacing in front of me on the right side while I scour the left. KLM, MJS, ERP, CJM... I hurry down this hallway, with such urgency, but nothing even resembling my twin's initials surface.
After awhile the outwardly endless doors seem to blend into each other and my mind drifts. What if Benji weren't the one who took the dare that night? What if I'd stopped him? What if I were to have gone instead? Would Benji have saved me? Somehow I think my brother would have been there that very night, searching high and low until he found me. That's just Benji, too fearless for his own good.
People just don't get it. They say move on, forget and get over it.
But how are you supposed to just "get over" losing the biggest part of you? The hardest part has been not knowing what happened to him. It hurts so deeply to not know whether to mourn his passing or keep searching. And the times I've chosen to believe he's dead... I couldn't do it. I had monster breakdowns because that possibility that I was giving up on him and he may still have been alive killed me inside.
"Joel..." someone calls my name and I am abruptly jousted from my thoughts. I stop, causing Andrew to run into me, literally.
"Huh?" I question, glancing over to Billy who stops before one door in particular, parallel to me.
"I think I found it" he whispers. My eyes widen and I slowly walk over to the door, examining the symbols carefully. BLC...my brother's... my brother. My brother could very well be on the other side of this door. And after all this time... I'm afraid to see him.
Will he look too gruesome for me to stand? Will he be angry with me for not coming sooner? Will he have changed so much that he's not my brother anymore, and all this effort go to waste? Given this effort could never truly be a waste because it means knowing what happened to Benji, and he's my twin whether he has changed or not, but still I...
Slowly I take the doorknob in my hands, turning it carefully to the right and applying a bit of force so it creaks open gradually. Little but little the whiteness of the room enters my view, the door blocking out the right side where the bed should lie.
"Benji?" I croak, pushing the door further so more of the room comes into view... and a bit more...
Finally I can't take any more suspense, and I throw the door open, wincing slightly as it clinks against the wall. The room itself is the same. The walls are pure white, as it the floor. The bed is white and the room is completely void of color or any excitement. It reminds me of those mental hospitals you see on television, minus the padded walls: spotless and causing of a mental disorder. I mean you can only be in an area of complete nothingness for so long before you start to go crazy. And he's been here five years.
He... my brother.
His back is turned to us just as Sienna had been, but I know it's him. His slouchy posture that Mom used to yell at him for night and day is evident, his back bent as his elbows rest on his knees. He sits crisscross-applesauce, as we learned to call it in kindergarten, and his bony knee covered in jean fabric protrudes to the edge of the bed. Bony... he's skeletal just as Sienna was. Through his shirt I can count every one of his ribs, every vertebrae of his spine.
"Benj?" I whisper, having he not turned around on my last attempt. Ironically, at the attempt I can barely hear myself he slowly swivels along, my heart in my throat at what I see.
His skin is a shade of gray, not quite as true as Sienna's, but close enough so that it brings tears to my eyes. His eyes are huge, his under-eye area blackened and drooping. His bones protrude in every aspect of him, his face, arms... everything. The look in his eyes is of complete sadness, such though that I can hardly refrain myself from sobbing.
My heart breaks over and over again at every revelation, everything I notice that makes my brother ghostly. Ghostly... but not scary. Scary is something I could never see in my brother, because I know what lies beneath the horrid surface. And that's just it, it's my brother inside, no matter the gruesome façade.
His eyes are faded, the once deep brown, mischievous pupils now light and mechanical. The emotion once in his eyes is gone, faded with the years of disregard. I open my mouth to say something, anything, but close it again just as quick as he stares at me, forcing into my soul. He parts his pale, dry lips as well, bringing his eyebrows in a confused __expression.
"Who... who are you?" his voice trembles, as if in fear. Fear... my own twin is afraid of me. Well, obviously not me, seeing as he doesn't seem to recognize me, or know who I am.
"Benj... it's me" I offer softly, taking a step into the room. "It's me... Joel." As soon as I say my name he freezes, eyes growing wide.
"No... no, you're not" he shakes his head vigorously, causing me fear that he may hurt himself. It can't be that hard, I think as my eyes trace over his frail body. "Joel... he's my age, he's not..." his eyes trail over me, and I realize he sees me as a nine-year-old still in his mind, not the fourteen-year-old I am.
"Benj, it's me. We're not nine anymore... we're fourteen" I explain, taking another slow step in. "See..." I motion towards the door, where the others cower. "We're all older now." I watch as his eyes travel to the others, widening as he recognizes his friends.
"But I..." he begins, eyes shifting to his skinny fingers. "If... how... how long?"
"How long since what?" I keep my voice soft, afraid of breaking him if I don't. He looks so fragile, as if a burst of air could break every bone in his body. I want to hug him, hold him and tell him that I won't let anything bad happen to him every again, that I'm never letting him out of my sight, but I don't. I won't, not until I'm assured that in doing so I won't crush him, or I can't take not doing so any longer.
"How long have I been here?" he questions, grimacing slightly, as if afraid of the response.
"It's five years tonight" I answer sitting carefully on the edge of the bed. The bed... not his bed. His bed is at home, not here. This bed is hard as a rock, completely unyielding.
"Five years" he more repeats than asks. I bobble my head, watching my brother, the brother I thought I would never see again. Given, the sight of him hurts so deeply I feel like I'm breaking in pieces, but it's Benji nonetheless.
"We have to get you out of here by midnight, or..." I trail off, not wanting to let him ponder the possibility of him not getting out in time. I just assume die rather than not getting him out.
"No..." he shakes his head and my face scrunches in confusion.
"What?" I ask, taken back with surprise.
"You can't... you can't" he insists, still shaking his head vigorously.
"What? Benj, I have to..." I insist, still confused as to what he's referring to, as if I could ever really just let him stay.
"No. If you try to get me out, you'll die... I'm already dead, it's already too late" he hangs his head.
"No... we're not too late" I say, fire in my eyes. "It's not too late until midnight tonight, and it's not even eleven yet. I'm not too late, and I'm not leaving without you. I'd fricken die for you Benj... no questions asked."
"If you leave now you'll be spared" he pleads softly.
"Spared of what? Do you have any idea how miserable I've been without you? Life isn't worth it knowing I haven't done everything I could to get you back. And don't you even try to tell me you wouldn't do the same for me, because you would. I know you would" I fire, maintaining eye contact through his resistance.
"That's not the point" he utters. "This is you. You could be like this and I won't let that happen."
"Answer me. If I were in your situation wouldn't you do everything in your power to get me out?" I inquire strongly.
"Yes, yes I would. But I'm not and the odds are against you, not me. At midnight everything gets locked for another year, another year, and anyone inside stays along with it. They stay... they're like me. Even if I were to get out, how could I live out there? Look at me, I'm disgusting" he hangs his head.
"You're not disgusting Benji. And I don't care what you look like, that's not the important thing. The important thing is you're my brother and I love you, and will love you regardless of what you look like" I fume, angered that he thinks his appearance would make any difference. I just want him to be alive and accessible, the rest is just details.
"Even if I did agree to leave, I can't walk" he mumbles.
"I'll carry you" I state simply, knowing that he can't weigh any more than sixty, seventy pounds, at the very most... he's that emaciated.
"I..." he protests weakly, coming up with nothing.
"Please Benj?" I ask, puppy dog eyes and pouting lip." Please? For me?"
"Damn you..." he mumbles. I laugh and I see the most mechanical, small upturning of the lips. It's a smile nonetheless, and I'll take it. I'll take it for all it's worth.
Rating: PG (Horror, suspense)
Centric: Twins.
Status:Complete.
Summary: Joel's life is shaken when his twin brother mysteriously disappears on Halloween. After five years, can Joel return to the place his twin went missing? And if he can, will he find something he never could have imagined?
"So... what's down there then?" I ask, breathless. I have a bad feeling, a really bad feeling...
"I don't know" Andrew says, eyes glancing at the concrete steps. It's a winding staircase, twisting so sharply you can't see further than the two and a half steps in view.
"Only one way to find out" Tommy smiles, pushing past Billy and I. He stops right before taking the first step. "Aren't you guys coming?" I shrug, not wanting to go down those steps at all.
"Yeah" Jake blindly agrees, at his best friend's heals in an instant. Andrew shrugs listlessly, but squishes behind Jake. Billy looks to me and I nod solemnly, shuffling towards the others as they begin to scale the steep stairs. Billy's behind me, and the five of us in such close quarters causes my claustrophobia to kick in. Hell, I didn't even know I had claustrophobia, but I've always had a problem with trusting others. Ever since the day I was born I didn't even trust my own family members completely. Not Mom, not Dad, not Josh, and not Sarah... only Benji did I trust one-hundred and ten percent.
A putrid, musty smell enters my nostrils and I subsequently scrunch up my nose, bringing my hand to my face upon instinct. These stairs seem to take for ever, and they're just narrow enough to allow your arms to move about three inches either way, if that. After what seems like an eternity, the others just stop, leaving me to run into Andrew and Billy into me.
"What the-" I begin, stopping as I see the reason of their stopping. Light... pure, blue light, not florescent white like that from the flashlights. It's not like any light I've ever seen before, something of this magnitude. It sends cobalt waves over everything and bounces off the walls, seemingly circling before your eyes. Light... this place is abandoned and there is light...
The guys slowly fill from the stairway and I take a step to the dirt ground, mouth dropping as I take in this room, this expansive extent. There are small blue lights washing the entire room in its grandeur, the lights themselves just emanating the light, without anything such as a filter, just pure light. This place- a long hall with seemingly endless doors on either side, a light between each. As far as I can see, every single door is shut.
"What is this place?" Billy whispers, mouth agape in horror and intrigue.
"I don't know" Andrew admits, equally dumb-stricken. "Why are there so many doors?"
"Why don't we find out?" Tommy asks, walking to the door and taking the knob in his hand. We form a half circle around him, as if backing him like such will form a protecting shield from whatever may lie on the other side of the door. He opens it to a small white room. Everything is in the same monotone: the walls, floor... and the bed.
On top the bed sits what appears to be a little girl, her back turned to us. Her pale blonde hair sits flowing from her head as she holds what appears to be a doll. Eerie singing fills my ears as she sings a nursery rhyme, cradling her doll in her arms.
"Hello?" I clear my throat, fear rising.
The little girl turns, causing us all to freeze. Her skin... she's gray. A pale gray washes her tone and her eyes are so pale they nearly appear white. When she sees us she flashes us a smile, a toothless grin brightening her skeletal frame. We slowly back away from her, not having the ability to scream or the sense to run.
"Wait... don't leave" she asks in such a sad, small voice that I stop in my tracks. "Please... come here..."
"No" I lick my lips, crossing my arms. I'm aware that she's talking to me and me alone. Her bony finger beckons me and her eyes boar into my own.
"Please... tell me how... how you're not..." she struggles. As much as I want to be completely petrified of her, I can't. She's a little girl, nonetheless.
"How I'm not what?" my voice trembles.
"You... you were gray too..." she nods her head.
"No... I'm... I've never been..." I shake my head.
"Yes, you were. I've seen you" she insists.
"I've never been here before... I'm sorry, but..." I trail off.
"Yes... you... you were younger, but you were" she insists, playing with her doll's hear.
"Younger?" my mind swirls. "I... my brother... Benji..."
"Yes, yes!" she nods anxiously. "Benji, Benjamin... that's your name!"
"No... no, not my name" I shake my head. "My brother... my brother Benji... he disappeared."
"Disappeared?" her eyes widen. "No, no... he's been here..."
"My brother? He's here?" I question, my eyes wide. My brother... he's here? I've found him?
"You better leave" she states firmly, her eyes seemingly drifting behind me.
"I'm... my brother... I can't just..." I stutter, staring at the girl.
"Yes, go... alive, you're alive. If you stay you won't be..." she bows her head.
"You mean..." I gasp. Benj... he can't be dead. I'm so close, too close to just let him go.
"Your brother... he's like me" she hangs her head, raising it quickly with furrowed eyebrows. "How long?"
"What?" I question.
"How long has it been since your brother 'disappeared'?" she inquires eagerly.
"Five years... five Halloweens" I look at my shoes, the thought of my brother sending tears to my eyes.
"Oh!" she claps. "Five? Five? He's not gone yet... not until the clock strikes midnight and five Halloweens have gone and past! You can still save him... still save..."
"What? How? Where..." I question, eyes wide. He's not gone yet... my brother could still be alive.
"Your brother... he's five paces away" she states simply, as if I'm supposed to know what five paces equals.
"But I..." I stall.
"Go... go..." she insists. "He's lucky someone cares enough to save him. For me no one ever did..."
"Thanks... thanks so much..." I thank, knowing it isn't fair to keep harassing this child. She needs to rest... needs to be left to peace.
"What's your name?" I question, curious. She looks up at me one last time and smiles slightly.
"Sienna. Sienna Thompson."
"Joel..." Jake begins. "Maybe this isn't... maybe we should..." it seems to me he's trying to find an easy way to break something to me. "Maybe we shouldn't be here."
"What?" I turn to him, glancing at his worried demeanor in shock.
"Maybe we should leave; I mean, you heard what she said. If we stay here we'll end up looking like her" he elaborates, glancing into the room Sienna resides in. "And I don't want to look like her."
"You won't" I flash him a look of disgust. "We're here and this is the last time ever I might have the chance to get my brother back, and I'm not blowing it." I sigh, glancing to the four who still look utterly shocked at what they have seen. It's not to say I don't, but I wasn't afraid of her. Sure, she looked ghastly and somewhat terrifying, but still... she's a little girl. She's a little girl who just told me that tonight is the last opportunity I will ever get to save my twin brother, and I'm taking that opportunity.
"Look, if you guys want to go, fine, but I'm not. Not until I get my brother back" I offer with an outtake of breath. So much for the whole sticking together thing...
Everyone just kind of stares at their feet, until Tommy speaks up. "So, are we doing this? I mean, it's only three hours until midnight and who knows how long this may take" he rallies. I watch as, slowly, one by one, the others nod, a small smile reaching across my face.
"So, she said five paces... is that like steps or something?" I question, looking down the hallway of seemingly never-ending doors. To think my brother may still be behind one of them after all of these years... it makes my heart break. I mean, if I wasn't such a wimp I could have gotten him back that night, or even a year later. Anything but five years down the road. I can't patronize myself too much though, because I came just in time... at least I hope I did.
"I'm not sure" Billy chews his lip, looking at the expanse of doors. "I guess we'll have to just look in every door..."
"But I kind of don't remember what exactly he looks like..." Jake shuffles his feet.
"We're twins, what do you think he looks like?" I snap.
"Hey, what does 'SET' mean?" Andrew questions, causing our attention to shift to him. He's standing at Sienna's door, tracing something carved in her door with his right index finger. Upon closer inspection I see three letters messily carved into the door: S... E... T: SET.
"Eleanor" a weak voice comes, that of Sienna. My attention shifts to the gaunt girl, her back once again turned to us.
"Eleanor?" Tommy repeats in confusion.
"Eleanor... after Eleanor Roosevelt" she elaborates weakly.
"Wait... Sienna Thompson. Her middle name, it's Eleanor. Sienna Eleanor Thompson... S.E.T. It's her initials" Jake reasons excitedly, obviously proud of himself. Her initials...
I turn and walk slowly over to the door on the opposing side of the slender hallway. Carved into the teak lumber in the same messy handwriting are the letters A.I.P. Not the ones I was looking for, but at least it confirms my theory, that I could identify my brother's dwelling with three simple letters. I choose this over the painstaking task of looking in every room, saving myself some sanity. I don't think I can take seeing anymore people similar to Sienna; seeing my brother in that state will kill me enough.
"What were his initials?" Andrew questions.
"His initials are BLC" I glare at my supposed "friend" for referring to Benji in the past tense. "Benjamin Levi Combs."
"Levi?" Tommy smiles. I want to be angry at him for making a joke of anything of my brother, but I can't help but smile.
"Yeah... Benj hated that as much as being called Benjamin" I recall with a shy smile. Smiling is so near to being foreign to me anymore, but I can't help but smile. I mean, my brother... he's coming home.
"Well, we better get looking, we don't know how long this may take..." Billy encourages, pacing in front of me on the right side while I scour the left. KLM, MJS, ERP, CJM... I hurry down this hallway, with such urgency, but nothing even resembling my twin's initials surface.
After awhile the outwardly endless doors seem to blend into each other and my mind drifts. What if Benji weren't the one who took the dare that night? What if I'd stopped him? What if I were to have gone instead? Would Benji have saved me? Somehow I think my brother would have been there that very night, searching high and low until he found me. That's just Benji, too fearless for his own good.
People just don't get it. They say move on, forget and get over it.
But how are you supposed to just "get over" losing the biggest part of you? The hardest part has been not knowing what happened to him. It hurts so deeply to not know whether to mourn his passing or keep searching. And the times I've chosen to believe he's dead... I couldn't do it. I had monster breakdowns because that possibility that I was giving up on him and he may still have been alive killed me inside.
"Joel..." someone calls my name and I am abruptly jousted from my thoughts. I stop, causing Andrew to run into me, literally.
"Huh?" I question, glancing over to Billy who stops before one door in particular, parallel to me.
"I think I found it" he whispers. My eyes widen and I slowly walk over to the door, examining the symbols carefully. BLC...my brother's... my brother. My brother could very well be on the other side of this door. And after all this time... I'm afraid to see him.
Will he look too gruesome for me to stand? Will he be angry with me for not coming sooner? Will he have changed so much that he's not my brother anymore, and all this effort go to waste? Given this effort could never truly be a waste because it means knowing what happened to Benji, and he's my twin whether he has changed or not, but still I...
Slowly I take the doorknob in my hands, turning it carefully to the right and applying a bit of force so it creaks open gradually. Little but little the whiteness of the room enters my view, the door blocking out the right side where the bed should lie.
"Benji?" I croak, pushing the door further so more of the room comes into view... and a bit more...
Finally I can't take any more suspense, and I throw the door open, wincing slightly as it clinks against the wall. The room itself is the same. The walls are pure white, as it the floor. The bed is white and the room is completely void of color or any excitement. It reminds me of those mental hospitals you see on television, minus the padded walls: spotless and causing of a mental disorder. I mean you can only be in an area of complete nothingness for so long before you start to go crazy. And he's been here five years.
He... my brother.
His back is turned to us just as Sienna had been, but I know it's him. His slouchy posture that Mom used to yell at him for night and day is evident, his back bent as his elbows rest on his knees. He sits crisscross-applesauce, as we learned to call it in kindergarten, and his bony knee covered in jean fabric protrudes to the edge of the bed. Bony... he's skeletal just as Sienna was. Through his shirt I can count every one of his ribs, every vertebrae of his spine.
"Benj?" I whisper, having he not turned around on my last attempt. Ironically, at the attempt I can barely hear myself he slowly swivels along, my heart in my throat at what I see.
His skin is a shade of gray, not quite as true as Sienna's, but close enough so that it brings tears to my eyes. His eyes are huge, his under-eye area blackened and drooping. His bones protrude in every aspect of him, his face, arms... everything. The look in his eyes is of complete sadness, such though that I can hardly refrain myself from sobbing.
My heart breaks over and over again at every revelation, everything I notice that makes my brother ghostly. Ghostly... but not scary. Scary is something I could never see in my brother, because I know what lies beneath the horrid surface. And that's just it, it's my brother inside, no matter the gruesome façade.
His eyes are faded, the once deep brown, mischievous pupils now light and mechanical. The emotion once in his eyes is gone, faded with the years of disregard. I open my mouth to say something, anything, but close it again just as quick as he stares at me, forcing into my soul. He parts his pale, dry lips as well, bringing his eyebrows in a confused __expression.
"Who... who are you?" his voice trembles, as if in fear. Fear... my own twin is afraid of me. Well, obviously not me, seeing as he doesn't seem to recognize me, or know who I am.
"Benj... it's me" I offer softly, taking a step into the room. "It's me... Joel." As soon as I say my name he freezes, eyes growing wide.
"No... no, you're not" he shakes his head vigorously, causing me fear that he may hurt himself. It can't be that hard, I think as my eyes trace over his frail body. "Joel... he's my age, he's not..." his eyes trail over me, and I realize he sees me as a nine-year-old still in his mind, not the fourteen-year-old I am.
"Benj, it's me. We're not nine anymore... we're fourteen" I explain, taking another slow step in. "See..." I motion towards the door, where the others cower. "We're all older now." I watch as his eyes travel to the others, widening as he recognizes his friends.
"But I..." he begins, eyes shifting to his skinny fingers. "If... how... how long?"
"How long since what?" I keep my voice soft, afraid of breaking him if I don't. He looks so fragile, as if a burst of air could break every bone in his body. I want to hug him, hold him and tell him that I won't let anything bad happen to him every again, that I'm never letting him out of my sight, but I don't. I won't, not until I'm assured that in doing so I won't crush him, or I can't take not doing so any longer.
"How long have I been here?" he questions, grimacing slightly, as if afraid of the response.
"It's five years tonight" I answer sitting carefully on the edge of the bed. The bed... not his bed. His bed is at home, not here. This bed is hard as a rock, completely unyielding.
"Five years" he more repeats than asks. I bobble my head, watching my brother, the brother I thought I would never see again. Given, the sight of him hurts so deeply I feel like I'm breaking in pieces, but it's Benji nonetheless.
"We have to get you out of here by midnight, or..." I trail off, not wanting to let him ponder the possibility of him not getting out in time. I just assume die rather than not getting him out.
"No..." he shakes his head and my face scrunches in confusion.
"What?" I ask, taken back with surprise.
"You can't... you can't" he insists, still shaking his head vigorously.
"What? Benj, I have to..." I insist, still confused as to what he's referring to, as if I could ever really just let him stay.
"No. If you try to get me out, you'll die... I'm already dead, it's already too late" he hangs his head.
"No... we're not too late" I say, fire in my eyes. "It's not too late until midnight tonight, and it's not even eleven yet. I'm not too late, and I'm not leaving without you. I'd fricken die for you Benj... no questions asked."
"If you leave now you'll be spared" he pleads softly.
"Spared of what? Do you have any idea how miserable I've been without you? Life isn't worth it knowing I haven't done everything I could to get you back. And don't you even try to tell me you wouldn't do the same for me, because you would. I know you would" I fire, maintaining eye contact through his resistance.
"That's not the point" he utters. "This is you. You could be like this and I won't let that happen."
"Answer me. If I were in your situation wouldn't you do everything in your power to get me out?" I inquire strongly.
"Yes, yes I would. But I'm not and the odds are against you, not me. At midnight everything gets locked for another year, another year, and anyone inside stays along with it. They stay... they're like me. Even if I were to get out, how could I live out there? Look at me, I'm disgusting" he hangs his head.
"You're not disgusting Benji. And I don't care what you look like, that's not the important thing. The important thing is you're my brother and I love you, and will love you regardless of what you look like" I fume, angered that he thinks his appearance would make any difference. I just want him to be alive and accessible, the rest is just details.
"Even if I did agree to leave, I can't walk" he mumbles.
"I'll carry you" I state simply, knowing that he can't weigh any more than sixty, seventy pounds, at the very most... he's that emaciated.
"I..." he protests weakly, coming up with nothing.
"Please Benj?" I ask, puppy dog eyes and pouting lip." Please? For me?"
"Damn you..." he mumbles. I laugh and I see the most mechanical, small upturning of the lips. It's a smile nonetheless, and I'll take it. I'll take it for all it's worth.