The Click, Chapter Four
Title: The Click
Rating: PG
Centric: High school twins.
Status: Complete.
Summary: When Joel makes the baseball team, his priorities shift from the band to the team. Can the band deal with the changes, or will they crumble and fall apart?
I haven't talked to him since that night. Benji has been completely avoiding me, guarding this action sacredly. He won't even make eye contact with me, won't even allow me to meet his eyes. The only way I can see his eyes is to look in the mirror. Of course the eyes aren't his but my own, and they bear a coat of guilt and misery, unlike his own. Two identical sets of brown eyes, two identical twins.
Twins... twins shouldn't fight like this. Twins shouldn't go a week without so much as speaking to each other. Not one word, we have not said one single word to each other in seven days. Seven days without even so much as acknowledging each other's existence. Twins shouldn't hit each other, but moreover twins shouldn't say the things to each other that I said to him.
No I'm beginning to wonder if things will ever be the same. I miss the old days, the old days meaning as soon as two weeks ago when we were close as ever. Best friends. I miss being able to talk to him about anything and know that he'll understand. Sure, he didn't always agree with me, and we have had more than our fair share of stupid little fights, but he always tried his best to understand.
I wish I could go to him and talk to him about this, but I can't. I've always hated how, when we fight, I can't go to him and talk about it. After all, during fights with him are the times I could use someone to talk to the most.
But I've really messed up this time and I don't know how to fix it. He never said those kind of things to me that I said to him and I don't think he ever would. Why he didn't beat me to death right then and there I can't fathom. It would have been so, so easy just to hail it all out, to hurt me physically fifty times over what he did. Nevertheless, he didn't. One brisk shot to the jaw seemed to cover it.
Most of the damage is more emotional than physical though. No matter how much pain my jaw, swollen and bruised as it is, has given me, the emotional side is hundreds of times worse. Just knowing that he hates me... it's probably the hardest thing. Not to mention he hasn't so much as looked at me, that he can't even say a word to me. Not that I deserve it... I don't deserve anything short of what I've gotten.
I wonder what's going on in his mind, as weird as it is. Considering we've always been able to kind of read each other's thoughts, it's even an odd concept for me to fathom, to be clueless to his thoughts. I can't read his thoughts though, he doesn't want me to. He's guarding them, tucking them away within the confines of the wall he has built, the wall that blocks only me out.
As for my other "friends", the "jocks"... Benji was right. They seem to only like me as long as I'm in the baseball diamond. I was out of baseball for three practices and a game. During that absence they didn't so much as talk to me, and you can bet that I wasn't welcomed at their table. I sat with the nerds, the science geeks, and listened as they discussed volcanic rocks and the effects of carbon monoxide for three straight days. That's three days of constant chatter and lame jokes involving things such as water pollution and seaweed.
You can rest assured that during those three lunch periods I was completely silent, not one word escaped my lips. Not one.. I slouched as far down into my seat as I could manage, praying that this made me invisible. This allowed me ample time to thing, good or bad I'm not completely sure. And, naturally, I was in plain view of my band's table; the table that used to be my home.
That seat right there, next to Benj's and across from Paul? That was mine. But now it's occupied, and not by me. Now A.J whatever his name is fills the fifth seat. I sat there the whole lunch period, trying to ignore the laughter and happiness emanating from that table. That's the thing about my band... they always, and I mean always, have fun.
But do they have to have this much fun without me? I mean, doesn't my absence affect them at all? Benji doesn't seem to mind. Neither does Paul, and Billy doesn't either. Aaron definitely doesn't; he has this thing about him where he doesn't really seem to like anyone. You could be the guy's best friend and he could give you the vibe that he hated your guts. Benji and him have always been pretty good friends, but me and him never really connected on a deeper level than much more than acquaintances. Nothing like I had with the other guys, especially Benji. AJ seems to be doing pretty good for himself, he seems to be filling the void I left perfectly.
I pull my shirt over my head, a navy sweater over a white cotton undershirt. My jeans actually fit, with strategic intentional fading, a Christmas present from my grandmother. I swore I would never wear them, never... they weren't my style. They were suited for the type you see at Abercrombie, the type that they show playing Frisbee on the beach, smiling as their blond hair bounces about. Not me.
Funny how my tastes could have changed so much in just a couple of months, huh? Truth is they haven't. My tastes haven't really changed and I still would rather be wearing a pair of Dickies, or anything baggy, but I can't. It doesn't really fit with the whole new status thing
I was finally able to practice again yesterday, and low and behold it, it was like I was never gone in the first place. They seemed to just pick up where we left off, completely disregarding the days of torture they had just subjected me to with the science geeks. So here I am, getting ready for school, where I will be hanging out with the "cool" crowd once again. Yay.
You'd think I would be thrilled, but I'm not. Something about them is just so phony, so superficial... so completely fake. If I were to dress in my old cloths, I can guarantee you that in a split second I'd be ousted from their little group. One second.
Rating: PG
Centric: High school twins.
Status: Complete.
Summary: When Joel makes the baseball team, his priorities shift from the band to the team. Can the band deal with the changes, or will they crumble and fall apart?
I haven't talked to him since that night. Benji has been completely avoiding me, guarding this action sacredly. He won't even make eye contact with me, won't even allow me to meet his eyes. The only way I can see his eyes is to look in the mirror. Of course the eyes aren't his but my own, and they bear a coat of guilt and misery, unlike his own. Two identical sets of brown eyes, two identical twins.
Twins... twins shouldn't fight like this. Twins shouldn't go a week without so much as speaking to each other. Not one word, we have not said one single word to each other in seven days. Seven days without even so much as acknowledging each other's existence. Twins shouldn't hit each other, but moreover twins shouldn't say the things to each other that I said to him.
No I'm beginning to wonder if things will ever be the same. I miss the old days, the old days meaning as soon as two weeks ago when we were close as ever. Best friends. I miss being able to talk to him about anything and know that he'll understand. Sure, he didn't always agree with me, and we have had more than our fair share of stupid little fights, but he always tried his best to understand.
I wish I could go to him and talk to him about this, but I can't. I've always hated how, when we fight, I can't go to him and talk about it. After all, during fights with him are the times I could use someone to talk to the most.
But I've really messed up this time and I don't know how to fix it. He never said those kind of things to me that I said to him and I don't think he ever would. Why he didn't beat me to death right then and there I can't fathom. It would have been so, so easy just to hail it all out, to hurt me physically fifty times over what he did. Nevertheless, he didn't. One brisk shot to the jaw seemed to cover it.
Most of the damage is more emotional than physical though. No matter how much pain my jaw, swollen and bruised as it is, has given me, the emotional side is hundreds of times worse. Just knowing that he hates me... it's probably the hardest thing. Not to mention he hasn't so much as looked at me, that he can't even say a word to me. Not that I deserve it... I don't deserve anything short of what I've gotten.
I wonder what's going on in his mind, as weird as it is. Considering we've always been able to kind of read each other's thoughts, it's even an odd concept for me to fathom, to be clueless to his thoughts. I can't read his thoughts though, he doesn't want me to. He's guarding them, tucking them away within the confines of the wall he has built, the wall that blocks only me out.
As for my other "friends", the "jocks"... Benji was right. They seem to only like me as long as I'm in the baseball diamond. I was out of baseball for three practices and a game. During that absence they didn't so much as talk to me, and you can bet that I wasn't welcomed at their table. I sat with the nerds, the science geeks, and listened as they discussed volcanic rocks and the effects of carbon monoxide for three straight days. That's three days of constant chatter and lame jokes involving things such as water pollution and seaweed.
You can rest assured that during those three lunch periods I was completely silent, not one word escaped my lips. Not one.. I slouched as far down into my seat as I could manage, praying that this made me invisible. This allowed me ample time to thing, good or bad I'm not completely sure. And, naturally, I was in plain view of my band's table; the table that used to be my home.
That seat right there, next to Benj's and across from Paul? That was mine. But now it's occupied, and not by me. Now A.J whatever his name is fills the fifth seat. I sat there the whole lunch period, trying to ignore the laughter and happiness emanating from that table. That's the thing about my band... they always, and I mean always, have fun.
But do they have to have this much fun without me? I mean, doesn't my absence affect them at all? Benji doesn't seem to mind. Neither does Paul, and Billy doesn't either. Aaron definitely doesn't; he has this thing about him where he doesn't really seem to like anyone. You could be the guy's best friend and he could give you the vibe that he hated your guts. Benji and him have always been pretty good friends, but me and him never really connected on a deeper level than much more than acquaintances. Nothing like I had with the other guys, especially Benji. AJ seems to be doing pretty good for himself, he seems to be filling the void I left perfectly.
I pull my shirt over my head, a navy sweater over a white cotton undershirt. My jeans actually fit, with strategic intentional fading, a Christmas present from my grandmother. I swore I would never wear them, never... they weren't my style. They were suited for the type you see at Abercrombie, the type that they show playing Frisbee on the beach, smiling as their blond hair bounces about. Not me.
Funny how my tastes could have changed so much in just a couple of months, huh? Truth is they haven't. My tastes haven't really changed and I still would rather be wearing a pair of Dickies, or anything baggy, but I can't. It doesn't really fit with the whole new status thing
I was finally able to practice again yesterday, and low and behold it, it was like I was never gone in the first place. They seemed to just pick up where we left off, completely disregarding the days of torture they had just subjected me to with the science geeks. So here I am, getting ready for school, where I will be hanging out with the "cool" crowd once again. Yay.
You'd think I would be thrilled, but I'm not. Something about them is just so phony, so superficial... so completely fake. If I were to dress in my old cloths, I can guarantee you that in a split second I'd be ousted from their little group. One second.