Vulnerability, Chapter Two
Title: Vulnerability
Rating: PG-13
Status: In Progress.
Summary: Following a tragic accident, twenty-one year old Joel is left broken. Severe brain damage and his mental capacity at that of a seven-year-old’s, his life and being has been turned upside down without him even knowing it. Everyone around him is well aware, however, especially his brother and caretaker Benji. In a world of discrimination and uncaring, Benji is left to care for and protect his twin against a harsh world where the “ideal” is to lock him in an institution.
At the first sign of struggle, Joel can and will be taken away from him. His boundaries are blurred, the world around him just waiting to break him down. Can he get to the marker where Joel could get a chance at healing, or will the insensitivity of those around him break him before?
It’s stressful. End of story. Nothing to be added. I mean, honestly. It’s as stressful as I can imagine anything ever being, as I hope anything will ever be. I honestly cannot think of an instance in which something could outweigh this. It can only be added to.
In this, there are good days and there are bad days. There are the days he makes me smile, like he’s some adorable little kid. Then there are the times when it’s like… snap out of it. I know it’s stupid, but that’s truly what I want him to do. Somehow get over his injury and just… be Joel. And sometimes, that overrides everything else.
Like it did this morning. I was sleeping and at 6:30 Joel woke up and decided it was time to play.
He came in with his little train set and started playing with it on the floor in my bedroom. I awoke to the sound of the wheels of the train tracing over my hardwood flooring and my brother aiding in the commotion by making “chug-a-chug…” and “choo-choo” noises.
Groaning, I glanced at the clock. “Joel…” He looked at me innocently, a smile on his face.
“Come play, Benji” he grinned, turning his attention to the train before glancing up at me again.
“Joel, what did I say about not waking me up so early?” Pursing my lips, I try to remain patient
and not let frustration get the best of me.
“Um…” he pauses for a section, pursing his lips in thought. He puts his index finger to his temple as if in deep concentration. “I don’t know” he says nonchalantly.
“Joel, you need to go to sleep” I sigh, too tired to deal with this situation at the moment.
“Nope” he continues to play with his toy, ignoring me. Nope? No, he doesn’t say that to me.
“Yes, Joel” I say sternly. “Now you either go back to bed or I’m taking the toy back.” He glances to me, a snotty look on his face.
“No” he raises his chin defiantly. That’s it.
“Fine, Joel” I fume. “We’re not going to the zoo tomorrow.” His face falls.
“But, you said…” he starts to pout, his eyes wide in shock.
“I said that if you were good and didn’t wake me up we would” I remind him slowly. “I gave you a choice and you turned it down.”
“Benji” he starts to cry. “I’ve been good!”
“The answer is no, Joel” I breathe. “You blew your chance. Maybe we’ll go some other time.”
“No!” he shouts. “I want to go now!”
“Too bad” I say firmly, clenching my teeth. “Right now you’re going back to bed, anyway.”
“No” he crosses his arms.
“Yes” I get from my bed and gently grab his arms to guide him back to his bedroom. Instead, he kicks my arms away and screams, sending himself into a temper tantrum.
“Joel” I snap in frustration. “Get up.” He continues.
“Joel” I try again, reaching down to pick him up. Again he kicks, this time missing me. He then falls forward, sending his shin into a sharp piece of the train. He yowls, sobbing now. Tears flow down his face as he pulls his injured leg to his chest.
“Joel” I sigh. “Let me see.” He shakes his head, but I manage to gently ease the injured leg away from him and into my view. I cringe, a gash oozing blood.
“Come on, we have to get you cleaned up” my voice soft. He juts his bottom lip out, but allows me to guide him into the bathroom. I set him down on the closed toilet seat before rummaging through the medicine cabinet for the first aid kit. I find it on the second shelf and pull out a bandage, cotton ball, gauze, some peroxide and cream.
Kneeling down on the floor, I set his foot on my leg so the wound is at eye level. He whimpers as I press the gauze against the injury so I can stop the bleeding. I glance up to him sympathetically.
His lip quivers, as does his voice as he asks, “Benji, am I going to die?” I meet his eyes, smiling softly.
“No, Joel, you’re not going to die” I remove the gauze and toss it in the wastebasket. “You’ll be just fine.”
He nods, relieved.
“This is going to sting a little” I warn, placing the hydrogen peroxide-soaked cotton on the wound. He whimpers as I scrub. Once again, I give him a sympathetic look.
“Almost done” I offer, applying some antibiotic cream and carefully placing a bandage on.
“There, all done.” He nods, chewing his lip to keep from crying.
“Hey, it’s okay” I place my hand on his shoulder. Once again he nods, sniffling. I stand up, washing my hands as he examines the bandage.
“At the hospital they gave me a Barney one” he says quietly. “And a zoo animal one.”
“Really?” I ask, glancing in the cabinet. There’s nothing in the way of decorative bandages, just plain ones.
“Yeah.”
“Sorry, bud, I think we’re fresh out.” His face falls a bit further.
“But, hey, we could decorate it” I try to cheer him up. He looks at me skeptically.
“How?” I smile.
“I’ll be right back.” Briefly I leave the room, returning with a fine-pointed Sharpie.
“What do you want on it?” I ask. He narrows his eyes in thought.
“A monkey” he answers surely.
“A monkey?” I question.
“Yeah” he confirms. “And a… a… um… ice cream.”
“A monkey and ice cream?” I smile. He nods.
“Alright, one monkey and ice cream Band-Aid coming right up.” I pop the cap of the marker and carefully sketch on the bandage. By the time I’m done, there is one horribly drawn monkey and a shaky ice cream cone. I’m not much of an artist, but Joel lights up when he sees the finished product.
“Like it?” I inquire, hopeful.
“Uh-huh” he grins. The tears have stopped and he smiles at the piece of “art” covering his gash.
“Good, now how about we get you to bed?” I push gently. He nods, still entranced. I carefully guide him to his bed, tucking him in.
“Wake me up if it hurts, okay?” I tell him, concerned. He smiles.
“Okay.”
“Good, try and get some sleep, alright?” He nods.
“I’ll try” he offers. I smile, muttering a goodnight before leaving the room, but by the time I get to the door he’s already fast asleep.
Rating: PG-13
Status: In Progress.
Summary: Following a tragic accident, twenty-one year old Joel is left broken. Severe brain damage and his mental capacity at that of a seven-year-old’s, his life and being has been turned upside down without him even knowing it. Everyone around him is well aware, however, especially his brother and caretaker Benji. In a world of discrimination and uncaring, Benji is left to care for and protect his twin against a harsh world where the “ideal” is to lock him in an institution.
At the first sign of struggle, Joel can and will be taken away from him. His boundaries are blurred, the world around him just waiting to break him down. Can he get to the marker where Joel could get a chance at healing, or will the insensitivity of those around him break him before?
It’s stressful. End of story. Nothing to be added. I mean, honestly. It’s as stressful as I can imagine anything ever being, as I hope anything will ever be. I honestly cannot think of an instance in which something could outweigh this. It can only be added to.
In this, there are good days and there are bad days. There are the days he makes me smile, like he’s some adorable little kid. Then there are the times when it’s like… snap out of it. I know it’s stupid, but that’s truly what I want him to do. Somehow get over his injury and just… be Joel. And sometimes, that overrides everything else.
Like it did this morning. I was sleeping and at 6:30 Joel woke up and decided it was time to play.
He came in with his little train set and started playing with it on the floor in my bedroom. I awoke to the sound of the wheels of the train tracing over my hardwood flooring and my brother aiding in the commotion by making “chug-a-chug…” and “choo-choo” noises.
Groaning, I glanced at the clock. “Joel…” He looked at me innocently, a smile on his face.
“Come play, Benji” he grinned, turning his attention to the train before glancing up at me again.
“Joel, what did I say about not waking me up so early?” Pursing my lips, I try to remain patient
and not let frustration get the best of me.
“Um…” he pauses for a section, pursing his lips in thought. He puts his index finger to his temple as if in deep concentration. “I don’t know” he says nonchalantly.
“Joel, you need to go to sleep” I sigh, too tired to deal with this situation at the moment.
“Nope” he continues to play with his toy, ignoring me. Nope? No, he doesn’t say that to me.
“Yes, Joel” I say sternly. “Now you either go back to bed or I’m taking the toy back.” He glances to me, a snotty look on his face.
“No” he raises his chin defiantly. That’s it.
“Fine, Joel” I fume. “We’re not going to the zoo tomorrow.” His face falls.
“But, you said…” he starts to pout, his eyes wide in shock.
“I said that if you were good and didn’t wake me up we would” I remind him slowly. “I gave you a choice and you turned it down.”
“Benji” he starts to cry. “I’ve been good!”
“The answer is no, Joel” I breathe. “You blew your chance. Maybe we’ll go some other time.”
“No!” he shouts. “I want to go now!”
“Too bad” I say firmly, clenching my teeth. “Right now you’re going back to bed, anyway.”
“No” he crosses his arms.
“Yes” I get from my bed and gently grab his arms to guide him back to his bedroom. Instead, he kicks my arms away and screams, sending himself into a temper tantrum.
“Joel” I snap in frustration. “Get up.” He continues.
“Joel” I try again, reaching down to pick him up. Again he kicks, this time missing me. He then falls forward, sending his shin into a sharp piece of the train. He yowls, sobbing now. Tears flow down his face as he pulls his injured leg to his chest.
“Joel” I sigh. “Let me see.” He shakes his head, but I manage to gently ease the injured leg away from him and into my view. I cringe, a gash oozing blood.
“Come on, we have to get you cleaned up” my voice soft. He juts his bottom lip out, but allows me to guide him into the bathroom. I set him down on the closed toilet seat before rummaging through the medicine cabinet for the first aid kit. I find it on the second shelf and pull out a bandage, cotton ball, gauze, some peroxide and cream.
Kneeling down on the floor, I set his foot on my leg so the wound is at eye level. He whimpers as I press the gauze against the injury so I can stop the bleeding. I glance up to him sympathetically.
His lip quivers, as does his voice as he asks, “Benji, am I going to die?” I meet his eyes, smiling softly.
“No, Joel, you’re not going to die” I remove the gauze and toss it in the wastebasket. “You’ll be just fine.”
He nods, relieved.
“This is going to sting a little” I warn, placing the hydrogen peroxide-soaked cotton on the wound. He whimpers as I scrub. Once again, I give him a sympathetic look.
“Almost done” I offer, applying some antibiotic cream and carefully placing a bandage on.
“There, all done.” He nods, chewing his lip to keep from crying.
“Hey, it’s okay” I place my hand on his shoulder. Once again he nods, sniffling. I stand up, washing my hands as he examines the bandage.
“At the hospital they gave me a Barney one” he says quietly. “And a zoo animal one.”
“Really?” I ask, glancing in the cabinet. There’s nothing in the way of decorative bandages, just plain ones.
“Yeah.”
“Sorry, bud, I think we’re fresh out.” His face falls a bit further.
“But, hey, we could decorate it” I try to cheer him up. He looks at me skeptically.
“How?” I smile.
“I’ll be right back.” Briefly I leave the room, returning with a fine-pointed Sharpie.
“What do you want on it?” I ask. He narrows his eyes in thought.
“A monkey” he answers surely.
“A monkey?” I question.
“Yeah” he confirms. “And a… a… um… ice cream.”
“A monkey and ice cream?” I smile. He nods.
“Alright, one monkey and ice cream Band-Aid coming right up.” I pop the cap of the marker and carefully sketch on the bandage. By the time I’m done, there is one horribly drawn monkey and a shaky ice cream cone. I’m not much of an artist, but Joel lights up when he sees the finished product.
“Like it?” I inquire, hopeful.
“Uh-huh” he grins. The tears have stopped and he smiles at the piece of “art” covering his gash.
“Good, now how about we get you to bed?” I push gently. He nods, still entranced. I carefully guide him to his bed, tucking him in.
“Wake me up if it hurts, okay?” I tell him, concerned. He smiles.
“Okay.”
“Good, try and get some sleep, alright?” He nods.
“I’ll try” he offers. I smile, muttering a goodnight before leaving the room, but by the time I get to the door he’s already fast asleep.