inexhaustible craving for something [active/closed]

[wildkickstart]

Characters: Riza Wildman, Yousuke Hanamura
Location: Outside the boys' dorm, moving to a nearby burger joint
Time: Saturday at the agreed-upon time
Content: Riza and Yousuke have a ~*serious date*~
Format: I did it in third person but we can switch to action if you want, idk
Warnings: No innuendo. Minimal innuendo. Less innuendo than usual, we'll

Comments

Third is good

[advisortype]

Knock knock?

Oh, hell! Yousuke had completely lost track of time for a while there. This was totally the day and time for that little outing with Riza, wasn't it? Yes, yes it was, and he... was unprepared. Well, physically. Mentally, he'd psyched himself up enough. But now he was flailing around helplessly.

"Just a minute!" He was already wearing socks, thankfully, and shoes went on quick. He actually remembered to grab his wallet, thank God, and put on his (fake) fur-rimmed jacket, then bolted to the door. Whole process took about a minute and a half: damn, he's good.

He swung open the door, and grinned an idiot's grin. "Hey, all set?"

[wildkickstart]

This metaphor was just getting more and more complicated by the minute. Good thing they weren't actually talking about it or things really would get confusing. "Whatever, bun-bun," she shot back with a sidelong glare. "All right, good, that gives me enough time to ask what nickname you'd give Tats." Just because he'd end up like Yogi didn't mean she would.

[advisortype]

And it would inevitably lead to at least one of them violating the 'avoid innuendo' rule. This was serious business, people. "Hey, I'm not Bun-Bun. He dubbed me 'Chewtoy' in honor of my position with you." That was supposed to be a secret, but oh well. He's too busy flustering over what she just said. "Oh, uh. You know." This was naughty language here, the kind his mom would slap him silly for uttering, "All it takes is a vowel swap and you got a nickname!"

[wildkickstart]

Avoid innuendo wherever possible was the rule, or at least it was now. The two of them couldn't avoid innuendo if it were made of poison-tipped exploding spikes that were also on fire. But yeah, serious business. "'Chewtoy'? Man, Al can't do anything right. That one doesn't even make sense yet." And there she was, powering along before he could comment on that last word even though she knew he'd find a way somehow. "Pff. I like my nicknames to be accurate, dude."

[advisortype]

Said poison-tipped exploding spikes are constantly flying at them at supersonic speeds, so you can hardly blame them. Wait, now the metaphor is getting even more convoluted. "Hey, she's... uh. No, I'm not commenting on this subject, there's no way I could say anything and not incriminate myself." You don't talk about the attributes of other women to your girlfriend, it's bad. "And I thought Chewtoy was a decent name. He's just being proactive." Yeah, he heard that 'yet.'

[wildkickstart]

Well, the two of them were nothing if not constantly confusing. And there was nothing wrong with that. The point was... well, she'd lost the point, but that didn't matter. "Dude, be honest with me. I didn't freak out when she ended up in your lap, I'm not gonna freak out if you talk about her boobs." Hell, if he thought Tatsuki was attractive and didn't say anything, that would be the big problem. "I don't know. It's okay, but I like Derpington better. Or Derpsworth. Or basically anything with derp in it." Of course he had.

[advisortype]

One day they'd reach a point of perfect confused equilibrium and just ascend to a higher plane of existence and derpiness. And that day, it would be a wonderful one. "Hey, that lap thing never happened. Never happened. And since I got clearance, they're at least C's. It's an acceptable nickname to never use." That was refreshing, a girl that doesn't get jealous easily. Not that he knew what someone that did get jealous was like, but that's what you're supposed to say in these situations. "You just really love that word derp. No wonder you're so hot on me, you want to be the Derp Queen." Damn straight. Oh hey, who likes burgers?

[wildkickstart]

She could only imagine what some sort of derp-filled plane would be like. Angels flitting around awkwardly asking out other angels and all manner of hilarious mental images. "Right. Never happened." Yeah, fine, she'd let him have that. "Her? Really? Yeah, I guess. I don't spend a lot of time focusing on them." Though she had a feeling both their boyfriends wouldn't mind it if she did. But she had to laugh at his boldness. "Hot on you? Yeah, I guess that works. Good word. Ballsy." It was Riza, Riza liked burgers. "Let's get in there and get some meat in us."

[advisortype]

She'd better only imagine them, because he'd copyrighted the idea already and had every intention of marketing it. Might even get a TV series out of the deal. This derp was gonna be rich. "It's a natural guy thing. We really can't help it. It's a curse." Not that he was actually complaining. Or would complain if she did pay attention to them. "What can I say, I'm slowly growing a spine. Some day, I'll crawl out of the mud and join my fellow homo sapiens." Damn right she did, but did she have to use that phrasing? "Hell yes. Out of the cold, and into hot, juicy heaven." He could do it too.

[wildkickstart]

Best of luck to you, derp-for-derp. As long as she got a good spot in the opening credits. Something like executive producer worked. "Oh yeah, I obviously have no idea what sort of horrible burden you must deal with every day. Keep on fighting, you brave little soldier." She looked at him with intensity as she held open the door. "Keep on fighting. Just don't go join the homos yet, sapiens or otherwise. We got stuff to do." And yes, she totally had to use that phrasing. All the time. Always.

[advisortype]

Does an executive producer actually even do anything? Maybe Riza could get a better role. One with more gratuitous nudity. "It really is a terrible thing," he sighed, standing up straighter, "We men have to endure such hardship." Yeah, he set her up with that one, but to his credit he realized immediately after saying it. "Don't you worry about that. Guys hold no sway over my heart." Or other things that needed no mention. "Now then, food. I think I'll get the... double-deluxe, that looks nice and heart-stopping."

[wildkickstart]

Whoa, what kind of TV show was he making here anyway? Did it have "softcore" in the title? "Yeah, looking at boobs must be the hardest thing. I guess I get distracted from bleeding every month to realize that." She'd at least had enough class to lower her voice before she said that. "Wasn't worried at all, dude. I see how you get with just the tame stuff." Yeah, same sotto voce and all that. But back to food. "I'm gonna give that thing you said a shot. A cheeseburger with O-rings."

[advisortype]

Nah, she's in the movie that cashes in on the show's rampant success! See, you need to think long-term here, Riza. "Hey," he winced, "no fair bringing seriously ick stuff into this. We're eating, remember?" Such a bastion of sensitivity, this one. "Dudes just aren't pretty. And they don't have boobs," he summed it up nicely, then looked so proud at her, "Attagirl! Of course, I'll be adding them to my artery-clogger as well."

[wildkickstart]

Oh, okay, so he was making a porno in the future. Good to know. She'd be sure to dump him before it happened. "You're right, party foul. My bad." She knew she had taken it too far as soon as she'd said it, but a Wildman never took her words back. Or at least, this Wildman didn't. "Gotta say, though, boobs are pretty great." Weren't they supposed to have a non-sexual conversation? Oh well. "A fine choice, sir," she said in the snootiest accent possible. "Well then, shall we?"

[advisortype]

Hey, hey now, it's tasteful nudity. All those moviegoers only get to see her from the back. That keeps it PG-13. "Penalty. Uh, you've got to do something to make up for it that I'll decide on later." Hanamuras, on the other hand, were notorious for attempting to eat their own words. "They really are." This didn't count, it was still just... technical. It only broke the rules when they discussed her's in particular. "Hey, I thought we were banning accents." This just meant he'd be able to whip out his terrible ones later, glorious. "Let's."

[wildkickstart]

Well, as long as it was tasteful, she couldn't get too mad at this increasingly ridiculous hypothetical situation. "I deserve it. But I think you missed part of that rule," she said, moving on to the accent thing. "You can't use accents. I can use them whenever I want." Ah, but the conversation would have to taper off, because she moved up to the counter and placed her order, and it would just be weird to keep talking about boobs and accents in front of the cashier.