Story 248: "Prison of Innocents" by jrfpatton

[wendelah1]

Though I've not read it yet, "Prison of Innocents" has been requested three times now, beginning back in 2010, so let's do this

Comments

[tri_sbr]

I like this story a lot; I've read it several times. I definitely thought it was engaging - the first time through, I couldn't stop reading to the point of missing out on sleep. I too will have more to say later.

[melissaisdown]

I have just started reading this. The exposition is solid. Perhaps I'm weird but I tend to prefer vignettes over novel length pieces. However some of the long ones grow on you so that they feel like episodes that you want continued. I'm hoping this is one like that.

[badforthefish]

Just here to show moral support because I very much doubt I will have time to read something this long before the next one comes along. Tis a busy time of the year for me. I've heard about this fic a lot, so I will probably necropost later.

ch 1-5 or so

[tri_sbr]

I know some people are reading this for the first time, so I will try not to go too far ahead in my comments, and I'll mostly focus on details rather than big picture stuff for now. I'm around chapter 7 in my re-read. I'm pretty sure there are no spoilers beyond that in the rest of this comment.

Ch 1: love the M&S exchange at the airport. This is perfect after he unexpectedly kisses her goodbye:

"Why would bears want my toothpaste?" Mulder said as she herded him toward the gate. "It's a generic brand." She folded her arms across her chest, but her chuckle followed him down the tunnel.Ch 2: the teddy bear Mulder brings for Scully, and Skinner's (non)reaction to it. And, oh the contrast between the idea of coming home to Scully with a teddy bear and the reality of the situation Mulder actually finds

Re: ch 1-5 or so

[tri_sbr]

the story didn't pick up speed until Scully got into prison

I definitely agree with this. I think a lot of what I mentioned in these first few chapters only stood out to me because it's not the first (or second) reading for me, and I'm probably also projecting my general love of the story onto the whole thing.

I didn't much care for the first bedroom scene

I won't defend this too vigorously because I think it could have been done better, but I do think it comes across that Mulder is worried about her and he is berating himself for letting her go when something was obviously wrong. But he just spent a month away from her, during which time he seemed to come to a sort of decision about where he was hoping they were heading relationship-wise, so I don't entirely begrudge his thinking about that once he has done everything he can to help her and she is sleeping.

Gossamer Part 1

[wendelah1]

I agree with discordantwords that this story is ambitious. While there were some things that worked for me, the opening did not. It's always risky to tell your story from the POV of an OC. It can be done well. Kel's brilliant "The Beginner's Guide to Tightrope Walking" is told entirely from the POV of her OC, Jerry Luskin. I think this section was supposed to be like the teaser in an episode--giving just enough to draw in the viewer, or in this case the reader. But it's clumsily written. A writer has to hook me fast and this paragraph doesn't do it, nor does the next, or the one after that. At the end of this section all I'm feeling is bored and confused. I am certain that this clunky opener is the reason why I quit reading this in 2010

Re: Gossamer Part 1

[tri_sbr]

if Mulder thinks his partner is being framed, and she says she's missing time and was drugged, why does he let her leave?

Partly, I agree with this, but partly I don't think it's a fair question - I mean, it's Scully. She up and flies out the door in the middle of a conversation, and even under normal circumstances, she is unlikely to let him stop her. I don't think he has much say in whether she leaves or not even if she had given him some warning that she was about to leave.

Re: Gossamer Part 1

[wendelah1]

On the series, Mulder doesn't very often let his hormones get the better of him. Maybe if he'd been thinking about the case and the fact that his partner of six years is about to lose everything instead of "Mulder had the distinct impression he was about to get luckier than a man deserved," this scene might have worked better for me. When Scully leaves, he's still just thinking about sex. Come on! This is Mulder. He'd be all over this mess she's in, not thinking about jumping her bones. Do they kiss again? It was hard to tell with the messy sentence about the teeth and lips, etc. What a missed opportunity. If there has to be romance, then at least make it sexy! Why another perfunctory boring kiss? If this was supposed to be hot--well, it wasn't, not to me

Re: Gossamer Part 1

[tri_sbr]

I interpret the scene where Scully abruptly leaves as being caused by her wacky hormone levels. (We find out later that the mind control being done on her results in high testosterone followed by high estrogen levels which basically makes her horny - not sure if this premise is sound, but let's go with it for a minute.) I think both Scully's actions and Mulder's reactions in this scene are supposed to help us see this effect without giving the whole thing away yet. I interpret the reference to Mulder feeling like he was about to get lucky to be an illustration of just how overt the hormonal changes in Scully are. And she realizes it, too, and that's why she leaves. Agreed that it is confusing until you get further along in the story, and that by highlighting this, we get a Mulder who is less focused on figuring out what is going on than he should be.