Lost and Found-Part Three
See Master Post for story info
Return to Part Two
When I finally got us all back to my campsite, it was all I could do not to sigh in relief. But I didn’t want Blair to know how worried I was, so I held it back, and helped him over to the tent. With Amiga and Blair in it, there wouldn’t be a lot of room for me. It didn’t really matter to me though, as long as I got him warmed up and comfortable. I dug out the sweats I’d packed in case we found him with one hand, while I continued to hold him up with the other. Amiga watched us both with interest, pleased with her success, despite the cold and dark. “Okay, Chief,” I encouraged him, “we need to get you into dry clothes. I need to make sure I didn’t miss any major injuries, so we can kill two birds with one stone.”
It took longer than I would have liked, but eventually Blair nodded and moved toward the tent door. Amiga paced beside him until she couldn’t fit, then waited by the door, while I got him settled in. After I took out the first aid kit, and a few other essentials, I positioned the backpack to be a makeshift pillow. After a moment to think about it, I unzipped the sleeping bag. He wasn’t in any shape to shimmy into it. In fact, by the time he was safe on the blanket, I was worried all over again. His body still shook with tremors, I could see sweat running down his face, despite his already drowned rat look, and his skin was headed toward an unhealthy shade of grey.
Before I could do anything else though, I needed to call in. I’d broken enough rules tonight, but this one was too important. Mindful of the close quarters we were in, I bent down and tossed the dry sweats beside him, then gave Amiga the command she waited for to enter the tent. After that, it only took a few minutes to raise the ranger station on the radio. I reported that Sandburg had been found with no major injuries, but asked how soon we could get some help out here to get him back to civilization so that he could get better medical attention. I didn’t see any signs of anything dangerous, but I also hadn’t gone to medical school. There was no point in stupid chances. With an effort, I ignored how much the thought of Blair in a hospital bed bothered me. He was here. Granted, he was uncomfortable and in pain, but relatively speaking, he was okay. Now, all I had to do was keep him that way.
It seemed straightforward. But that was before the ranger informed me that the storm had washed out the only two access points for the roads that led into the area where we were camped. Help couldn’t get to us until the repair crews made things passable again. Best case scenario was six hours, to get things to the point that an off road vehicle could get through. Worst case scenario was another day, or longer. I wanted to curse, but there was no point. Besides, the important thing was that I’d found the guy. Surely I could keep him stable until help could reach us. It’s not like I lacked survival skills. All this went through my head fast enough that the ranger was still talking. I waited until he finished, then acknowledged the bad news. Since the battery in my radio had to last longer now, I asked the man on the other end to let my team know where I was, and what had happened. With a little luck, I wouldn’t have to explain my actions until I’d thought of a decent cover. Then again, Simon wasn’t in the habit of questioning our successes too closely.
I’d politely turned my back to make the radio call. The way I figured, I may have saved the guy, but he had just met me. There wasn’t a lot of privacy to be had, but the least I could do was try. The discouraging news made me wish I’d left the tent and walked away a bit, but he wasn’t in any shape to be left alone. Not that I wanted him worried. Time to downplay, I decided, as I squared my shoulders and turned to face him. One look, and I didn’t care so much about how long rescue was going to take. Sandburg - Blair - was still in his wet clothes and he was even paler than when I’d helped him lay down. Christ, what I thinking? Of course he couldn’t get changed on his own. It was clear from the lines of pain on his face that when he tried, he aggravated his injuries.
“I’m sorry.” It was my turn to apologize to him. The thought that I had caused him any pain made my chest go tight. “I should have realized you’d need a hand.” It bothered me that I I’d been so focussed on procedures, I’d missed something so obvious.
“It’s okay,” Blair answered, with a weak attempt to wave me off. “It was important. I just wish the news had been better.”
Without thought, I put my hand on his arm to still the motion. “Lie still,” I told him. “You need to save your energy.” I paused, uncertain how he would take what came next, but figured it was best to be matter of fact about it. “Look, I need to get you dry and then warm you up. I was thinking you should change and then we could get you under the blankets with me, but really, it would be best if we were skin to skin. You’re at very real risk of hypothermia.”
I opened my mouth to forestall his objections, but there were none. Instead, Blair looked at me for a long moment, his eyes gazing into mine. Then he smiled, and shrugged a little. “I trust you, man. You’re the boss. Besides, I can imagine what I look like right now. I doubt you plan to take advantage of me.” His wryly self deprecating tone made things easier, but I had to order my mind not to think about just how much I would enjoy doing just that, under better circumstances, of course. This was so not the time. As gently as I could, I stripped him out of his soaked shirts first. Despite the awkward angle, they were the easiest to get off. He was able to roll onto each side so I could get his pants down and pull the legs off. We avoided looking at each other, but I took a quiet breath and reached for the waistband of his boxers.
It was harder than I expected to keep my thoughts professional. Even in the meagre lantern light, and in terrible circumstances, it was clear that my tent mate had a solidly muscular body. He was hairier than I expected, but that made sense given the sheer volume of shoulder length curls I could see now that they weren’t plastered to his scalp. He’d dried out some, thankfully and the blankets helped it along. I ordered my libido to ignore the fact I found his body so tempting, and his lips all but begged to be kissed. I hadn’t been interested in anyone in months. It seemed easier to channel the energy from that facet of my life into training with Amiga. Most of the time it worked well, and I told myself I would find a person to be interested in when I had myself under better control. Apparently, my body had other ideas, not to mention timing that was beyond inappropriate.
I thanked my lucky stars for the fact that I’d perfected my impassive expression years ago. “I know it’s weird,” I told him as I slid the boxers off. “But you’ll feel better warm. I promise.” To make it easier, I maintained eye contact with him as I finished. Once he was covered by the blanket, I crouched to shuck off my clothes, but left my underwear on as a concession to modesty. They didn’t cover enough to make a huge difference, since they were still dry. Once my clothes were folded I set them in the utility pocket of the tent, and dug out the emergency blanket to tuck around the sleeping bag once I was in. Whether or not they made any real difference was debatable, but at this point, we needed every advantage we could get.
Then there was nothing left to do but crawl in beside him. I braced for the awkward silence. You know, the kind where you both concentrate so hard on ignoring something that you can’t make conversation. But that didn’t happen. Instead, I arranged myself as close to comfortable as I could get. Then, mindful of his injuries, I arranged Blair so that he reclined half against me, half on me. Ideally, as much of his skin needed to touch me as possible, but we could work up to it. And he didn’t seem to mind the position. Once we were both settled, he breathed easier, and his heart rate levelled out.
“So much better, you have no idea,” Blair told me, in that quiet voice people use when they’re at close quarters in the dark.
The contentment in his voice made me smile. “Glad to hear it,” I replied. “Just relax, as best you can. You can sleep if you want. I’ll wake you to check on you, because of the knocks to the head you took, but you might as well rest if you can.” Reaching up, I clicked the lantern I’d hung from a center tie off, and did my best to ignore the insistent metal voice that wished we were wrapped around each other for vastly different reasons.
***
Normally, I make it a habit not to object to being naked with a really hot guy. Of course, usually when that happens, my body doesn’t feel like someone just ran it over a few times, to say nothing of being so recently soaked and half frozen. I’ve been close to all kinds of people, under platonic and not so platonic circumstances, but I’ve never been so hyperaware of a bed partner before. So close to him, it was obvious Jim was in good shape. More than that, he smelled good, which distracted me more than I wanted to admit. The strangest part was that this was one scenario I gave myself permission to freak out about, at least internally, but though part of me felt like I should, I was far too comfortable, even safe to actually want to have a meltdown.
Reasonably comfortable, well enough that I could tune out most of pain, what I felt most intensely was disappointment. Here I was, naked with a prime specimen of a man, and I was in no shape to take advantage of it. It wasn’t until I tried to swallow my disappointment that it hit me. Everything I was feeling was my own, as far as I could tell, and none of it overwhelmed me at all. For the first time in longer than I could remember, I relaxed. After months of constant mental strain, it seemed like luxury to only have physical aches to contend with. This night had been one of the shittiest I could remember, but it was definitely looking up. I had no idea why, but at that moment, I didn’t care. I was physically exhausted. But, I didn’t want to sleep. I’d been coping with emotional chatter for so long, a constant stream of input that forced me to fight just to keep hold of myself and my feelings. Feeling the weight of that lift from me was wonderful, and more than worth revelling in.
I nodded when Jim told me to sleep and reminded myself to be quiet. Just because I had reason to be awake, didn’t make it fair to keep him from what rest he could get. He’d worked hard on my account and deserved a chance to recharge his batteries. I’ve always liked the dark, I never thought there were monsters in it, or anything like that. Just then, I wished for a little bit of light, so I could look at my tent mate while he slept. I must have tilted my head, or shifted a bit, and I could feel Jim’s gaze settle on me, even in the darkness. “Everything okay?”
“I’m fine, considering.” I didn’t add that the pain lessened as soon as we were skin to skin. That seemed strange, and for all I knew was a well timed coincidence. Part of me doubted it, but that wasn’t the point. “I don’t recommend falling off cliffs, but all in all, this isn’t bad, as far as outcomes go. I mean, I wish I felt up to hiking out of here. It would be so much easier. Everything hurt, I had trouble breathing. Not my idea of a good time. For a while there I thought no one would find me.” The memory of it made me shiver with remembered fear.
Before I could get too worked up, Jim’s arms tightened around me. “I wouldn’t have let that happen.” Slightly lower than normal, the intensity in his voice should have been strange. We’d only known each other for hours, even if they’d been more exciting than most. I couldn’t help but smile though, because he was only echoing what I’d known as soon as I set eyes on him. It made no sense, I had nothing to base it on except my own impressions of the man. That didn’t matter. I knew if we were together, he would never willingly let harm come to me. The realization awoke my curiosity, and I couldn’t help but wonder if he felt it to: a depth of feeling that said we’d known each other so much longer than a few hours. For me at least, there was more to it than simply being too tired or too comfortable to freak out. No one had ever made me feel safe before today, not even my mom.
I’m not one to kiss and tell, but I’ve enjoyed the company of plenty of ladies, and even a few men. I’ve never made a secret of the fact that I enjoy the many and varied pleasures to be found in the bedroom. I always kept things light, more friends with benefits than anything else. Heck, even out of the bedroom, I am definitely a people person. I like to get to know them, hear about their lives, understand what makes them tick. As much as I like them, I don’t generally get attached to them. I moved so much with Mom, and later because of my work that it just made more sense to keep most people at arm’s length.
I mastered the art of getting know someone well, but not too well, before I was even out of my teens. The trick was to listen without asking for a lot of personal details. Once you get someone going about themselves, it’s pretty easy to deflect any of their questions. It also helps that I’ve gotten goodbye down to an art form. Now, in the dark, in the middle of nowhere, I found myself wanting to know everything there was to know about my rescuer. Even scarier, I wanted him to know the same things about me.
“You know for a guy who’s supposed to be sleeping, you’re thinking awfully loud over there,” Jim remarked quietly. “Anything you want to share with the rest of the class?”
Habit almost made me brush of the question. At the last second, I changed my mind and went with the truth. “I know it sounds like some kind of cheesy line, but I feel like we’ve met before. You know, like when you’ve known someone forever and you don’t see them for a while but when you do get together, it’s easy and comfortable.”
“I’m sure I would remember meeting you,” Jim replied. There was a pause, while he shifted slightly to find a more comfortable position. “But I know what you mean.”
His agreement made me smile. He didn’t sound totally comfortable with the admission, but since it wasn’t one sided, hopefully, there would be time later to unravel what it meant, and where it was coming from. “It’s okay. Just think of it as a time saver,” I told him. “We skipped over the awkward get to know you part of our friendship and got right to the good stuff.” The more time passed the more certain I was that I wanted more than friendship from him, but one step at a time.
“I guess we did,” Jim laughed. “I’m all for efficiency. But I don’t know if you want to be friends with me. I’ve been told I live by impossible standards for pretty much everything.”
“That’s alright,” I told him. “I can be pretty impossible myself. We’ll match. At least we won’t bore each other.”
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you, then,” Jim replied. I could feel his amusement, and in that moment, flashes of other things too, happiness, comfort, but also confusion and fatigue. I did my best to block it out though. It didn’t feel right to invade his privacy, even by accident.
In spite of my determination to remain awake, I must have dozed off before I answered. I woke in the lightening gloom of predawn, still draped over Jim in a very compromising position. Unfortunately, I wasn’t in any shape to appreciate it for long. All the aches and pains I’d been able to ignore the day before clamored for my attention. The good news was that meant I didn’t have to worry about blocking any stray impressions from Jim out. The pain did a decent job of shunting everything else to the background. The bad news was that I couldn’t hold back a moan, which woke Jim and Amiga. It took a few minutes, but he managed to extricate himself and let the dog out. Once I was safely covered by blankets again he crawled out too. I heard him walk away, and then the distant sound of him speaking.
“We finally had some good luck,” Jim exclaimed happily when he wedged himself back in. The off road vehicle will be here within an hour, and they can meet us right near here, so you won’t have to walk far.”
Easy for him to say. It took far more effort to get me dressed and out of the tent than I would have liked. I’m not sure I would have been able to make it to the fallen log I used as a perch while Jim broke camp on my own. Luckily, Amiga didn’t seem to mind helping me along. She settled beside me, her eyes tracking Jim’s progress and then back to me at regular intervals. I tried to stand up once, but she laid her head on my lap to discourage that before I even shifted my weight. Her watchful gaze and body language quite clearly told me she was in charge. After everything she’d done for me lately, that seemed only fair.
***
As happy as I was when the log cabins of the resort came into view, I was also disappointed that our time together had nearly ended. Jim explained that resort had offered the search and rescue and ranger personnel the space because their location was closer to the start of the search area. It embarrassed me that I had caused so much trouble, but friendly faces were still a welcome sight. And being back around extra people didn’t seem to put me on the emotional rollercoaster. It helped that I had Jim as a buffer. He shepherded me through the crowd of well wishers, and I could feel his concern for me, and his relief at a positive outcome, but the press of people somehow didn’t add any emotional layers to the mix.
Meanwhile, Jim was clearly determined to get me tucked away in a room, and seen by a doctor. He even tried to get me to go to the hospital, but I put my foot down, metaphorically speaking. Mom ingrained her dislike of Western medicine too deep in me for that to seem like a good idea. We compromised when Jim learned there was a doctor on the resort staff. I considered an objection when he told me his plan, but I liked how it felt to have him take care of me. I was all for pretty much anything that meant we spent more time together.
Despite the fact that I barely knew him, I didn’t want to let him go. I’d taken enough psych courses to know the fact he saved me was part of it, but there was more to it. Not only did I want to know what made him tick, I wanted him to know everything about me, while I was at it. My cynical side insisted on reminding me that just because we’d talked about being friends didn’t mean he planned on following through. With an effort, I told it to shut up, and focused on putting one foot in front of the other.
I followed obediently to the rooms Jim explained had been set aside for our use, when he radioed in that I’d been found. The building was nice in a rustic way, rough hewn lumber with a warm golden finish. To keep up the theme, the room was furnished simply, but still managed to be luxurious. The bed was big enough for a family of five and I recognized high quality linens when I saw them. I worked as a bell boy for a summer once in a five star hotel.
The fireplace had a marble mantelpiece and I could see a slice of a Jacuzzi tub through the bathroom door. I still had on Jim’s ill-fitting sweats. There were bits and pieces of underbrush in my hair, and I was in dire need of a bath. I let Jim help me to a chair near the door in the far wall. I squirmed around to find a comfortable position and tried not to worry about the cost of the room. At the moment, there were bigger things to worry about.
“I need to grab a shower, Chief,” Jim told me, and my stomach sank. The end had come even sooner than I expected. It made sense, he’d done his job, after all. I was safe and sound. The last twenty four hours faded; the field expedition and my Rainier responsibilities, until they were distant, almost unimportant. I would go back to them soon enough. I knew it, but I still had to resist the urge to cling to him while I begged him not to leave me alone. Instead I nodded, not quite ready to trust my voice.
“I’m right next door,” Jim continued, “so if you need anything while I get cleaned up, just knock on the door and holler. Otherwise, I’ll be back in fifteen or twenty, all right?” Abruptly light-headed and dizzy, I nodded again. It was only a reprieve, I knew, but at that moment, I would take what I could get. Once Jim had closed the door behind him, I dropped my head into my hands. Injured or not, I needed to calm down.
***
By my internal clock, I stepped back through the door in fourteen minutes. The thought of Blair left on his own again didn’t sit well with me. I also really wanted to be there when the doctor checked him out, so I could be sure he was okay. Granted, I wouldn’t see the exam, but I could get the reassurance I was going to need if I had any hope of being able to let him go. Lucky for me, I didn’t have any important commitments for the next while, unless there was another call out. Until now, they had been highlights for me. Now I couldn’t help but hope no one else managed to get lost in the near future. I wanted the chance to see him again. I didn’t have a clue how I was going to make that happen, but I’d never let challenges bother me before, so why start now?
I was so involved in my internal debate that it took me a minute to realize that my former tent mate was deeply asleep. Wedged up against the side of the recliner in a position that looked downright painful, his mouth was open and he was snoring softly. Part of me wanted to let him sleep, but the doctor would be here soon and the last thing he needed was a pulled muscle in his neck. “Wake up, Sleeping Beauty,” I told him.
He stirred, and ran one hand along the hair that had slid into his face, but didn’t open his eyes. I knelt down so I wouldn’t loom over him, and spoke again. “Time to wake up, Sandburg.” We weren’t in our little intimate canvas cocoon, and I was already too attached so I didn’t use his first name. I watched his eyelids flutter, and couldn’t help but lay my hand on his arm in a gentle grip. His muscles were still lax with sleep, but even so, as soon as my hand connected, my mind oh so helpfully replayed all the mental pictures I had of his naked form.
I swear, I only intended to lean forward and shake him a little. Somehow, I managed to brush my lips against his forehead. I swear my body had a mind of its own. But, I figured I could get away with it, since he was still asleep, at least for the most part. But of course, it was when my lips were still against his skin that he opened his eyes. I told myself to move back, but I didn’t. He looked up at me and smiled, his eyes lit from within with a happy gleam. I couldn’t help but smile back, though mine was hesitant. I mean, I’d never done anything like this in my life. When it came to relationships, I was the king of the safe options. If it had been left up to me, it was possible we would have just stared at each other for a long stretch of moments, but Blair had other ideas. I consider myself a good kisser. I’ve certainly practiced my technique enough. But he brought a simple kiss to a whole other level, threw himself into it with enough enthusiasm for him, me, and a few others to spare. Caught up in the energy of it, a tiny part of my mind was able to wonder if Blair was that good, or if it felt that good because it was him. Then his tongue was in my mouth and all I cared about was more. Now.
When we finally broke apart long moments later, I’m not sure which of us was more surprised. “I don’t know whether to apologize to you, or thank you,” I admitted, as I leaned my forehead against his and tried to catch my breath.
“Believe me, you don’t owe me any apologies for that,” Blair assured me. He sounded so pleased, I had to smile. “Besides,” he continued, hesitant now, “I’ve wanted to do that since we were in the tent, hell, since I met you.” He sat back in the chair, his eyes downcast, and I couldn’t tell if he was worried about my reaction, or his own.
Either way, it didn’t really matter. “Hey,” I told him, as gently as I could manage. “I started this, remember? Trust me, I don’t do anything I don’t want to. I didn’t plan for this to happen, but I’m not sorry it did.”
“I just didn’t want you to think I make a habit of this. I know I look like the free love type, and yeah, I date a lot, but still. And then it occurred to me that you might think I only wanted to kiss you because you saved me.”
His statement stopped me. “Did you?” The question made me go cold all over. I hadn’t thought of it, but I knew I didn’t want him out of gratitude.
“No.” The single word echoed louder than I expected in the room. Blair looked up and looked into my eyes, like he wanted to will me to believe him. “No,” he repeated. “I mean, I’m glad you did, of course. But, I’ve never felt this drawn to anybody. And I don’t think it’s because you found me. It’s because it’s you.” He stopped and I gave him the silence to try and find his words, but he only shook his head. “I’m sorry. I’m not explaining so well. Apparently falls off cliffs are hard on my vocabulary.”
I believed him, not only because he sounded sincere, but because I knew exactly what he was talking about. It was like the jolt I’d felt out on the mountain when I touched him had sparked an awareness that pulled me to him. My mind skittered away when I almost called it a need. Rather than think about that, I leaned forward and kissed him again, lighter this time, more for comfort than seduction. He was upset, and off balance, not to mention injured. However much we wanted to make out like a pair of teenagers, this wasn’t the time. Besides, I could hear footsteps in the hall, which probably meant the doctor was nearly here. “It’s okay. I get it. I’m not sure I understand it, but I get it,” I told him when I pulled away a moment or two later.
***
Concluded in Part Four