Comments | x_posed_again: FIC: Secrets on the Inside

x_posed_again

FIC: Secrets on the Inside

Apr 03, 2006 19:40

Title: Secrets on the Inside
Fandom: Harry Potter
Characters: Marcus Flint/Oliver Wood
Prompt: #35- Mask
Word Count: 1,120
Rating: PG
Summary: A battle durning the war does not end as planned.
Author's Notes/Disclaimer: Not my boys, but I wish they were

( Secrets on the Inside )

marcus/oliver, slash_100

Comments 6

oirowin April 4 2006, 00:12:07 UTC

good writting, but i am highly confused. in the beginning its Oliver's point of view, yes? and then a death eater puts the Cruciatus curse on oliver...then oliver runs after the death eater who did it and de-wands him. and then the death eater is stunned on the ground? this is where it gets hazy. becuase then the big dramatic moment happens and its good...but then marcus is up standing over oliver and killing him when i was under the impression that oliver was standing over marcus. i mean its a really good start..and it could just be me missing something, but i totally get lost. :(

x_posed_again April 4 2006, 00:19:04 UTC

it is Marcus' POV the entire time.. I ment it to sightly confusing so the reader would think it was Oliver and then be like.. wtf.. wait.. it was MARCUS?! Sorry, if that didn't come across

oirowin April 4 2006, 00:47:39 UTC

oh it did that alright. :)

i think the one thing that made me think it was oliver's pov was the accent you presented in the "eh, you...etc" line. if you changed that, it would make it a bit more obvious and you might not have to add his name in there anywhere. you could also describe marcus' features, etc. in the beginning maybe, makeing in almost clear that its not oliver without saying his name. i totally understand the effect you want to provoke. i've tried it in many stories and i would hate for you to just throw your whole plan away by simply adding his name in there...play around with it a bit, there are many other ways to define a character without stating their name.

i do love your icon as well. :)

x_posed_again April 4 2006, 01:00:00 UTC

hmm thanks... will work on it.. and here I was worried that I made it way too obvious that it was Marcus LOL! Thanks for the imput... It really helps!

kos_mos607 April 5 2006, 05:26:22 UTC

Hmmm, dark, scarey, depressing...and yet, very well thought out and cleaver. I'm soooo jealous of your ability to create the perfect intense moments. Can't wait for the next story.

x_posed_again April 5 2006, 12:00:01 UTC

thanks hon, this story took FOREVER to get just right!