Sick Hearts

[x_floozy_x]

Title: Sick Hearts
Author: x_floozy_x
Summary: My heart is not yet breaking, it just aches.
Warnings: Charater death
Pairing: none mentioned, Jeph/Frank in mind AU
A/N: originally written for my english creative writing coursework.

I step through the large hinged oak doors to a place of peace and silence. This is my final goodbye. The door to your

Comments

[tiptoe39]

As promised, top five lines.

The door to your smiling face is open;
A nice way of putting it without having to say macabre words like coffin.

The rain rattles against my black umbrella and mingles with my tears.
Alliteration of "rain rattles" is nice. I'm a sucker for l and r sounds, and the the r and then the ls with black umbrella and mingles (with the taste of m in there) is just rich with sound.

make two cups of tea and pour one down the drain
The pain and denial, the habits that made sense and become empty are achingly evoked here.

My pillow is forever damp from tears.
Very succinct sentiment.

And being without you is killing me that little bit quicker.
A good last line is hard to find. It's nice to see here.

Consider giving a line!post to an author you know -- pay it forward!

[x_floozy_x]

ahh i did! i did it for skelterellax and posted it on another comm i'm part of. thank you so uch for this ^^ it was interesting and helpful. :)