Submission #8 -- Cephei, "End of the Line"
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Title: End of the Line
User ID: Cephei
Rating: PG-M
Characters/Pairing: OCs and the Sakurazukamori, hints of past S&S
Summary: There's never a good way to say goodbye.
END OF THE LINE
I hadn't wanted a party. Age thing aside I've never liked being the centre of attention, even if it is in my honour, and in fact I managed to hide my birthday from everyone at work for quite a few years because I didn't want anyone to make a fuss. It's not something I'm comfortable with, but the way Shigure put it when he and Ayako got back from the field that afternoon - both of them looked a little grim, I couldn't help but notice - retirement was special occasion that needed some kind of recognition and even if I didn't want to walk out with a bang it was a great excuse for everybody else to get together for an after-work party and drinks night. He also told me that he'd already floated the idea with Ayako and she'd said she thought it was great, at which point I knew the two of them had definitely had a bad morning and the push for a party wasn't just for me so I admitted defeat. The moment the words were out of my mouth Shigure cheered up and jumped onto the computer and sent out a mass email to everyone at the department he knew I knew plus some he only thought I knew telling them that to celebrate me turning in my badge there was going to be a party over at some izakaya over in Kanda so that before I knew it, come seven o'clock on the evening of my last official day as a detective I was being walked into a yellow lit room to be greeted with loud applause. Had it not been for Ayako and Shigure standing on either side of me like I was some perp they were escorting, I would have turned and walked out right there and then. Maybe.
"Easy, big guy," said Shigure. He had one hand on my shoulder and his other in the air waving at Izuru who had apparently reserved a table for us. A table right in the middle of the friggin' izakaya. "Loosen up, it's your night!"
"In that case shouldn't I get to do what I want with it?" I growled, stepping over people and cushions trying to get to our table. "Don't get me wrong, I appreciate what you guys are doing - hey Takizawa, good to see you! - but I've been to enough farewells in my time to know what's expected and I hate making speeches."
"You'll do fine," Ayako told me reassuringly. "We'll get you a few drinks first, and I'm sure you'll be much more relaxed once you've had some alcohol."
I didn't bother replying to that, mostly because as we walked by everyone kept turning to say hi to me or give congratulations, in which case I had to say something back. I recognized all of them: other detectives I'd worked with, policemen, even Kuma the prosecutor who's done a lot of my cases and I've given evidence for. Up the back I could see Ritsuko and Sakano with others from Forensics already well into the drinks and food, but then finally I got to the seat reserved for me and I sat down with Ayako on my right and Shigure on my left. Shigure had another empty seat next to him obviously for Izuru, but Izuru wasn't in it because he was going around the room with his camera. The table in front of me was already covered in little plates of tiny fried fish, yakitori, tempura and more, plus a couple of jugs of beer. I felt better just looking at it. "So who's paying for all this?" I asked.
"Not you," said Ayako with a note of firmness that told me not to ask any more questions. She was already pouring me a full glass. "Just sit back and enjoy."
"All right, all right." With a resigned smile I gave in. It wasn't hard. Plenty of food and drink, friends all around, and I didn't have to feel guilty about drinking lots because I wasn't going back to work, not tomorrow, not ever. I'd done all the formalities with human resources, my desk was cleaned out, and as for my caseload, I hadn't been given any of the new ones that had come in recently and what open ones I had I knew would be taken care of by Shigure and Ayako. This was it. The end. Owari. The significance of the moment hadn't really hit yet but it felt weird even just knowing it. Mostly. I was taking a great deal of care not to think about saying goodbye.
The party had apparently been going for a little while before our arrival, and now that the three of us were in it went into full swing with food coming and empty plates going and empty glasses being constantly topped up. A few latecomers walked in including Detectives Ito and Tagaya who've been around almost as long as I have, and the two of them gave me a slap on the back promising to come round to my table and chat later on as they hurried to their table; they'd been at court the whole day getting cross-examined and I know from experience how hungry and alcohol desperate that makes people. I myself was getting comfortable with the gyoza and was about to wash them down with my beer when Shigure stood up. "I want - excuse me," he said loudly, trying to cut through the chatter. "Hey, can I have everyone's attention? I know you're all busy drinking and stuffing your faces but before you all start get really drunk I want to say a few words-"
"You've just said a few words!" someone yelled from the back. "Speech over, let's drink!"
Without looking Shigure reached down to our table, picked up a seaweed-covered riceball from one of the nibbles plates and tossed it across the room with a flick of his wrist. There was an indignant yell followed by a ripple of laughter - there's a reason why Shigure's consistently in the top ranks of sharpshooters in the force. "As I was saying," he continued, "I, Maeda Shigure, want to say a few words in honour of the person for whom we've all gathered tonight. You can imagine the effort it took to get him out here since he loathes being the centre of the fuss, so in recognition of his feelings, please, everyone, put your hands together and embarrass the one, the only, soon to be former Detective Shinichi Kobayashi!"
With the theatrical exaggeration of a drag queen Shigure swung his arm out towards me summoning a wave of whoops and boisterous applause plus flashes from Izuru's camera. Since it was physically impossible for me to sink into the floor I had to settle for putting one hand over my eyes. The other kept a good grip on my beer because I knew I was going to need it. "Now," Shigure continued, and I could hear the grin in his voice, "as you all know, I've been partners with this man for close to fifteen years. Yeah, I'm amazed too. Anyway, once this night is over he's officially retired, so therefore I'm going to tell you some things about Kobayashi you might not know and he probably doesn't want you to know about."
Crap. It was going to be one of those speeches. I couldn't help but groan, something that went unheard as the room laughed. Shigure coughed. "We all know Kobayashi's a grouchy old fart, right? He's the kind of guy you don't bother saying hello to in the morning unless he's had his coffee because until then the only thing he's capable of is a grunt."
"We already know that!" the voice from earlier - Sakano, it sounded like, already pretty tipsy - yelled impishly.
"Shut up over there!" Shigure hollered. "Otherwise I'll tell the waitress the Forensics table is covering the bill! Anyway, so yeah, Kobayashi is a grouch. When I transferred here all those years ago and met him for the first time I thought, 'oh shit we are so not going to get along' because he seemed like your typical veteran police dog: crusty personality, no life beyond his work, old school enough that he'd be far more comfortable in front of a type-writer than a computer, there's no way he'll partner with a homo like me. And you know what? Except for that last point, I was completely right. He doesn't even try to be the bad cop in interrogations it comes to him so naturally, and he's so old-school that in the time it takes for him to type a complete sentence I could go across the street, buy a coffee, drink the coffee, and still get back before he hit the full-stop. The number of times I've done his computer work to make sure we get reports in by deadline is countless, and what did he always say to thank me? Mfgh."
The imitation grunt got a roar of laughs. I drained my beer - surely I don't sound like that - and prepared for more embarrassment. "But teasing aside," Shigure continued, "I am very, very lucky to have been allowed to work with this man. Contrary to my first impressions he's amazingly tolerant of not only my short-comings but myself as a person as well, which, given the circumstances that had led me to transferring here in the first place I was incredibly grateful for." Here Shigure exchanged a wry grin with Izuru across the room. "Kobayashi may grunt and gripe and grouse, but dig deep enough and you'll find that beneath that scowl is someone who'll go out of his way to cover your back. I'll say it right here and now: the only reason Izuru hasn't dumped me for the stress and hours I pull as a detective is because Kobayashi not only makes me go home at a reasonable hour when possible, but threatened to punch my head in if I ever felt guilty about choosing Izuru over work. Said I was a fucking idiot for even thinking stuff like that - or maybe he just wanted to punch me as payback for all the grief I've caused him." More laughter. "Whatever the reason, it only goes to show that this guy's instincts are usually right on the mark. That means if he says you should catch a ride home with him instead of taking the train when the city's having earthquakes every few days you take up the invitation. Trust me, if I had it would have saved my friends and family a hell of a lot of stress back about ten years ago."
Silence followed this part. Glancing around I could see that Izuru had a peculiar grin on his face as he no doubt remembered how he'd spent several nights by Shigure's hospital bed waiting for him to wake up. I remembered it too, and like most memories from that time, it was something I preferred not to dwell on. Newspapers and historians have come up with various names for 1999, but whether it was called the Earthquake Year or Apocalypse Year no name quite encapsulates the sheer destruction and horror Tokyo had suffered then. I saw plenty of it, and having Shigure caught up when an earthquake ran his train off the rails was the closest it came to hitting me personally. He'd been damned lucky he hadn't been killed outright and we all knew it, but given how well he'd recovered nowadays it was pretty easy not to think about that anymore.
Shigure reached down to take up his beer. "If everyone can get their drinks-" here the crowd raised their full glasses, "-I'll finish off and call the toast."
Now it comes. Embarrassing though it was, I knew what I had to do at this point. I made myself look up to meet Shigure's gaze. He held it throughout.
"Kobayashi, you're the best teacher, partner and colleague I could have wished for. You've guided me, looked out for me, and chewed me out when I needed it. So you don't have a perfect record of solved cases, so what? The only one griping about it is you because nine out of ten is an amazing accomplishment and it gives me and everyone else here something to strive for. You've set the example for all of us, and while I speak for everyone when I say we're sad to see you turn in your badge if there's anyone who deserves retirement it's you. Here's to the rest of your non-working life. Kampai!"
"Kampai!"
As one all the glasses were held aloft in a precise police salute then drunk. Shigure was the first to lower his glass and once he did he sat back down on his cushion to enthusiastic applause. "Nice speech," I growled, trying to ignore the warm-fuzzy feeling in my stomach and yes, I can't believe I just said that. "Work long on it?"
"Unless you count a few pointers from Izuru last night, hell no." Shigure grabbed a yakitori stick and dunked it in the sauce bowl, his face noticeably flushed. "That was done on the spot and I'm blaming the beer."
"Improvised or not it was very good, Shigure," said Ayako, leaning towards us. The yellow light glinted off her glasses making her hazel eyes look warmer than they usually did in the office. "You've given me a hard act to follow."
I grimaced as Ayako stood up. "You two are just bent on making me squirm me tonight, aren't you."
"Did you expect anything else?" Straightening Ayako scanned the room, took in the way the tables had started talking amongst themselves again, then picked up a chopstick and tapped it against an empty glass. She got silence immediately. "Everyone, I'd like to also say a few words if you don't mind. I promise I'll keep it short.
"Kobayashi was the first and only partner I had as a detective. Since I became a detective when it wasn't fashionable for women to do anything more than serve tea I suppose the higher-ups thought that getting an upstart female college graduate as his partner would be a pretty good joke on Kobayashi who kept treading on their toes by refusing to play politics. They probably expected us to end up killing each other, or at the very least learn our places. As things turned out the joke was on them."
I couldn't help but smile at that; those had been good times, I remembered, me not really young but certainly far younger than I was now and trying to figure out how exactly to deal with the definitely young lady who turned up at my desk one morning with cool eyes and a point to prove. Ayako wasn't done, but. "Still, after nine or so years of running around after dead bodies, traumatized victims and criminals, you want a change no matter how good your partner is or how successful you've been together. So I pulled out of field work and concentrated on analysis and research, which, since you can do at your desk, was far more comfortable. It says something about Kobayashi's character that not only did he respect my decision we've stayed partners in practice if not on paper, something that was not in any way upset when another young upstart arrived with his transfer papers and a committed boyfriend in the background. Now I stand before you with a senior superintendent's cherry blossom, and I know the only reason I could get them is because all those years ago this man not only believed in me but trusted me. Even despite the fact that I out shot and out drank him."
The room quietly chuckled. It helped off-set the mushy feeling in my stomach - I've never been good with emotional stuff - and then Ayako lifted her beer. "Shinichi Kobayashi," she said. I made myself look up at her, a little surprised at how calm I was. Ayako smiled; it made her look twenty years younger. "To two and a half decades of honourable service, support, and friendship. Thank you."
She drank long and deeply, highlighted by flashes from Izuru's camera. When she was done she held aloft an empty glass which immediately set off a round of applause. "Oh, by the way, Kobayashi," she added over the noise. "This is where you give your a speech in reply."
I twitched. "Oh no."
"Oh yes."
"Do I have to?"
"Up you get, big guy," said Shigure, giving me an encouraging slap on the back. Off-side, Izuru was already priming his camera again.
With a sigh, I got up. Ayako and Shigure had said plenty about me; it was only fair that I return the favour dislike of speeches or not. Shigure did ask me once why is it I have no problem with a stakeout or undercover work yet get so edgy over speaking in public, and I'd told him that like a woman's fascination with shoes my complex over public speaking was just one of those things in life that didn't make sense. Doesn't mean I can't do it come crunch time, but.
"…'vening. Thanks for coming." I paused for a moment, pretending not to hear Sakano's call of 'get on with it!'. "Well uh, guess this is it. Retirement. Took a bloody long time, and there's been plenty of days I thought I'd never get to this point because I'd have either gotten myself shot or fired. If I'd known Ayako was going to make me do a speech I might have even preferred it."
A small laugh from the room. I found it a little reassuring, but only a little. I swear chasing yakuza is less nerve-racking, but then I saw Ayako mouthing something at me: be honest and keep it simple. I tried to take her advice and not think about sweaty palms. "Uh, yeah. I never know what to say at these kinds of things but I suppose thanks is the most obvious. You're all sitting here tonight, but if I were to thank each and every one of you individually my retirement would have to be delayed for a month, so I hope you'll understand if I keep the speechifying thanks to two people."
I turned to Shigure first; he was smiling as usual. "Maeda Shigure. We've worked together for close to fifteen years, and in all that time you've always pulled your weight and then some. You said I pretty much lived up to your first impressions, well, you did for me as well - young, sharp but a bit too idealistic, the nice guy you never want to push too far. One thing I didn't see coming was you making out with another guy in a food hall which you've never let me live down - yeah, keep laughing - but it's one way you've kept me on my toes. Certainly you've taught me as much as I've taught you. Now that I'm out of here, that makes you a senior detective. I've no doubt you'll bring your all to the rank and pass on what I passed you onto your new partner whoever he may be. Just don't forget what's important in life because when I said I'd punch your head in if you felt guilty for picking your boyfriend over a wrinkled crank like me, I meant it. Izuru-kun's a great guy, don't lose him."
Shigure nodded, half-raising his glass in a solemn salute. I acknowledged it with a nod then turned to Ayako. "Hitomi Ayako, I don't know where to start with you. Since the day you arrived at my desk in a skirt-suit and quiet challenge in your face, you've been there for me. You've taken none of my shit, or if you did you threw it straight back at me so that I could see why it was shit, until I can safely say you probably know me better than anyone else. I'll never forget the look you gave me when I lit up a cigarette in the car, or the smile you had when I told you I had gone three months and counting without a smoke. Nor will I forget the look on your face when after watching you take crap from the other officers for being a woman I butted in and challenged them to duel you in a shoot-out and when - not if - they lost they had to shut their holes forever. You didn't believe me when I said you'd win. That made the victory beer you bought me afterwards all the sweeter."
Wow. This actually was going pretty well, in fact really well if the slight blush on Ayako's face was any indication. I grinned and went on. "I'm pretty sure there are a lot of the higher-ups who sleep easier at night knowing you don't have ambitions of running the whole department. You probably could if you really wanted to, you're that smart, but whatever you choose to do you've already more than proved yourself. You're an amazing woman, Ayako, and I'm all the better for having known you.
"One thing a lot of you have asked me is what is it I'm going to do with myself once the rest of my life starts. I suppose after a whole career in the force working my way up from the bottom that's a fair question. I'm still getting some ideas together, but one thing I've arranged is that I'm moving to my sister's place in Fukuoka. She was widowed a few years back and has kids and grandkids to keep in line. Apparently one of them wants to be a policeman; I don't know whether I should knock that out of his head or not." That got some laughs. "In all seriousness, it'll be good to get away. Given how long I've been on the Tokyo beat I know if I stayed here I'd never switch the detective brain off. The only way for me to get completely out of this line of work is to get out of this city completely. Maybe I might even be able to start to forget a few things - heaven knows there's a lot of stuff I've seen over the years I'd rather not remember, and as for regrets? There are things I've messed up, things I could have done better, bad people I've let get away … yeah. I've got a few.
"What I won't forget is you guys. As I said, I've lived my entire career in the force so it's been like a family to me, admittedly a pretty dysfunctional one. Also one where you lose far more people than you should, which makes the people you keep all the more special. So, Ayako, Shigure, Tagaya, Ito, everyone I've come to know over the past few decades, thank you."
That was it. I was done. I felt rather impressed with myself, actually, or at least I did until I realized how warm my face was feeling at which point I was suddenly desperate for a drink. Thankfully Shigure picked up on this. "To Kobayashi!" he called out, raising his beer. The call was immediately taken up by the room, meaning that when I did retake my seat it was to loud applause. I'll admit I had a pretty goofy grin on my face because I was glad I had said what I'd said, but I'd be lying if I claimed I wasn't also glad that was over.
A full beer glass was placed in my hand. I glanced up to see Ayako smiling at me. "Good work," she said, pitching her voice to cut through the noise. "You know this means you don't have any more excuses not to enjoy yourself, right?"
"…yeah." I lifted the beer and sculled it, relishing its cool crispness. When I put it down I let out a huge breath before sheepishly returning her smile. "Thanks. For everything."
Ayako saluted me with her own glass. I sighed a little in relief, then frowned as I realized that while the cheering and applause had turned into your garden variety background chatter with people walking around I could hear someone trying to sing. Drunkenly. "Someone off their face already?" I asked.
"It's Sakano-kun," said Ayako, nodding at the Forensics table. I had to twist a bit to see but sure enough there was Sakano red-faced and apparently trying to sing an enka to Ritsuko who didn't seem very impressed. "He got called out for the scene this morning and did the autopsy through the afternoon. It was a pretty bad one, hence the getting drunk."
"Ah," I said. There wasn't any need to explain further; as police we've all had a day where despite our hardened experience we've seen something that hits us so badly the only way to get over it is to get completely and utterly smashed, hence why I said Shigure hadn't pushed this party just for my sake. "I take it that it was it for the same thing you and Shigure went out for this morning?"
"It was, and no, I'm not telling you about it. You're retired; you don't have to worry about this kind of stuff anymore."
"I'm officially retired after midnight tonight and right now - hey, Kuma, how's it going! - right now it's not even eight o'clock. C'mon, just tell me about it, if nothing else let me pretend for a bit this is a perfectly normal night when the two of us go out drinking after work."
Ayako sighed. Somewhere, someone was laughing at one of Shigure's jokes. "It was a kid. She never came back from school yesterday, and this morning someone found her body in the park."
"How old?"
"Eleven."
I felt my lip twist. "How?"
"Massive body trauma. Someone stabbed her through the heart with a blunt object using enough force that there was an exit wound in her back, and the amount of blood spilled was enough to turn most of the sandpit into red mud."
"No shit. So what aren't you telling me."
"What are you talking about."
"You're picking up crumbs with your chopsticks and you only fiddle like that when you're trying avoid something. What aren't you telling me."
"It's nothing-"
"Ayako. Just tell me."
She sighed. "Sakano-kun said he could smell sakura on the body."
At the word 'sakura' my fingers immediately tightened around my glass. It was purely instinctual; I couldn't help it. "Sakura," I repeated. "Sakano-kun's sure it was sakura?"
"Given that he's speaking from experience? Yes."
"And you weren't going to tell me?"
"You know perfectly well why I didn't want to tell you," Ayako snapped. "You and your grudges - I shouldn't have said anything. Fuck."
She took an angry gulp of her beer. "Yeah, well, you always knew I was a bastard," I murmured, stealing a look around the room at the way everyone was chatting and laughing as if we all had normal jobs that didn't involve guns or drugs or dead people. Shigure had taken Izuru's camera and was now going around making everyone pull faces for him. "So how did Shigure react?"
"Loudly. There was a lot of swearing involved."
"I don't blame him." I paused then, picking my next words carefully. "You know, I'm sure if I spoke to the Chief I'd be able to put off my retirement for a few weeks-"
"Don't." Ayako's voice could have cut through glass, that's how sharp it was, and looking at her face her eyes were just as bad. "Don't even joke about it. I know you hate loose ends but it's not your problem anymore, and even when it was you know perfectly well that after the Masaki thing the higher-ups set up that policy where all cases with 'inexplicable olfactory or similar sensory evidence' go straight to the Superintendent General-"
"Where they disappear," I growled.
"-where they get dealt with and we get told to worry about something else. I don't like it anymore than you do but I'm not prepared to accuse the entire top brass of a cover-up without iron-clad proof which we don't and can't have. And besides, it's not like you've ever managed to find Sakurazuka again."
"Not from lack of trying. It's a big city, and if your case this morning is anything to go by he's definitely out there somewher-"
"Hey, you two!" Interrupted, Ayako and I looked up to see Shigure grinning down at us, Izuru by his side. "I don't see you being sociable, whatcha talking about?"
Ayako didn't miss a beat. "Kobayashi was commenting on how adorable you and Izuru-kun look together," she said.
"Uh huh, and I'm winning the lottery tomorrow. C'mon, from where I was standing it looked kinda serious." Suddenly his eyes narrowed at me. "You weren't talking about work, were you?"
"Like I'd dare." I deliberately fished some tempura onto my plate. "I've been ordered under pain of castration not to bring up work because it'd ruin the party. No, I was just telling Ayako I really like the beer and food selection at this place, how did you find it?"
"It was my suggestion," explained Izuru. "I did a shoot here a few months ago and the izakaya staff fed us afterwards. I had been looking for an excuse to come back so when Mae said he was throwing you a retirement party I said he should bring you here and I'll take care of the bookings. Though speaking of shoots," here Izuru lifted up his camera, "I haven't gotten a photo of you three yet."
"Squish up you guys!" Before I could say anything Shigure plonked himself back down on his cushion beside me and scooted over so that he could drape an arm over my shoulders. On my other side Ayako was also shifting up to me, albeit more demurely given her skirt. For a moment I thought about putting up some kind of protest just for the sake of appearances but realized that with these two it was completely pointless so I didn't. Instead, I grinned and put one arm around Ayako's shoulders and my other around Shigure's waist - there's no way I was going to reach his shoulders, not with his height and my definitely old bones. Then we looked at Izuru. "Ready, sempai?" asked Shigure.
"Almost." Izuru was fiddling with something. "Okay, ISO's adjusted, you guys smile … one, two, three!"
The flash blinded my eyes. Ow. "Aa~and a couple more, just in case," said Izuru.
More flashes. By the time Izuru was done I was seeing stars. "Aw, I think I blinked in some of them," complained Shigure. "One more?"
My eyes cleared enough for me to see Izuru checking his camera's display screen. "You only blinked in one, Mae, and the rest are fine."
"I presume you'll be sending out copies?" asked Ayako, gently pulling away from me back onto her own cushion.
"Absolutely. I'll email you the digitals tonight, but I'll print out and process some hard-copies and get them framed. Don't know how long it'll take, but you should probably give me your address, Kobayashi, because I might have to end up posting it out."
I blinked. "My address? You lose it or something?"
"I meant your Fukuoka address. The one you'll be moving away to after tonight."
For some reason my gut turned into a knot and my grin dropped like a rock. Shit. "Oh. Yeah."
I felt a hand on my arm. Ayako. "Kobayashi," she said quietly. "Just enjoy the party."
"Yeah." Shigure was smiling at me again, like he had to be the strong one. Damnit. "The night's still young, none of us are going anywhere yet, and there are plenty of people waiting to congratulate you."
"'Waiting' being the key word," added Ayako. She began to stand up, pointedly nudging Shigure as she did so. "We've been keeping you to ourselves the whole night so we're going to go be sociable with Forensics and let other people come get a drink with you. We'll come back and check on you later. Coming, Izuru-kun?"
"Yep. See you, Kobayashi."
Before I could say anything the three of them left, picking their way over the people and cushions to the table at the back where they sat down with Ritsuko and Sakano who enthusiastically greeted them and made room at the table. I knew Ayako was doing this on purpose but still … I watched the way she and Ritsuko began to talk as if resuming a conversation paused only moments ago and the way Shigure and Izuru carefully replaced Sakano's glass with water while laughing at Sakano's drunken attempts to introduce them to the rest of the table. Youngsters, all of them, especially when compared to me, with plenty of years left in their careers whereas I was in the twilight. The reality of retirement was beginning to hit. It sucked.
A shadow fell over my table - two, in fact - accompanied by Ito and Tagaya's loud, cheerful voices offering to buy me a drink. I took a deep breath and turned with a not entirely forced smile on my face as I greeted the first of what was undoubtedly going to be a long parade of colleagues who wanted to wish me well tonight, my last night. Work's a weird place; I can go for days or even weeks without seeing or speaking to some people even though we're all in the same building because we're all busy doing our own things, so despite the years I've clocked up in the service there's a lot of people I can't say I've ever really gotten to know but are still considered friends. None of them were as close to me as Ayako and Shigure, but right now that was probably a good thing because that meant I found it easier to say goodbye.
I told myself it was good practice for the inevitable later on. Then, with a lot of assistance from my well-meaning and more easily forgotten colleagues, I proceeded to work on getting royally and thankfully drunk.
* * *
"Are you sure you'll be okay?"
"Trains are still running; I'll be fine."
"Can give you a lift, y'know, 'zuru drove our car-"
"You two live up near Ueno and I'm out past Shibuya, don't be stupid. Besides, I've plenty of experience making my way home intoxi- intoxicated, I can take care of myself. Go on, off with you."
Without warning there were arms around me in a rough hug. Had I been sober I would have spluttered. "Goodbye, you old wolf," said Shigure, his beer-soaked voice muffled against my coat. "You take care of yourself, d'you hear?"
Goodbyes are possibly the one social thing I hate more than making speeches and in fact I think they should be outlawed. Either they drag on forever to the point of mushy embarrassment because no one has the guts to be the first to leave, or they're short and punchy and leave you feeling like you've been kicked in the stomach. Also, I suck at them. Even now the most I could make myself do was awkwardly pat Shigure on the back. "Yeah. You too."
I felt him sniffle. Goddamnit, he wasn't making this any easier on me, but then thankfully Izuru came up and placed a hand on Shigure's shoulder gently pulling him away. "Don't forget, Kobayashi," he said warningly, "email us your new address. Photo aside, I want to know where we can call on you if we take a trip out west."
"Understood," I replied. Shigure let me go, immediately wrapping an arm around Izuru's waist as if seeking comfort, and I did my best to give him a smile. "Address. Will remember."
Izuru extended a hand out to me, the one that wasn't supporting Shigure. I reached out and shook it. "Congratulations, Kobayashi," he said.
"Thank you." Izuru held my hand for a little longer, then dropped it. Carefully held onto Shigure as he guided him towards the carpark, and even in my slightly inebriated state I could see the way Shigure's hand was twisted in his boyfriend's jacket. Yeah, the two of them were cute together, and I'm going to blame that thought on the beer. They gave me a wave before turning round a corner and moving out of sight.
I let out a breath I didn't even know I had been holding. "You're remarkably coherent for someone's whose been drinking like a fish tonight, you know," Ayako observed.
"Years of trying to keep up with you have done wonders for my tolerance." I turned to face her; we were the only ones left now out of the raucous group which had started to break up hours ago. No matter how good a work party is it's still a work party and sensible people rank friends and family higher than colleagues on a list of Persons To Spend Time With. Ayako and I were exceptions in that we didn't really have that list in the first place. "Also my doctor's been warning me to take care of my heart, and I'm not as young as I used to be."
"Neither of us are."
"Yeah, but at least you still look it." Ayako smiled at that; I know she thinks I'm just flattering her but really, for a woman over fifty she can still pass for fifteen years younger. "So? What are your plans for the weekend?" I asked, as if this were any other Friday night like all the others over the past couple of decades before our next Monday coffee.
"Nothing much. Probably some reading; a friend of mine gave me some ridiculously trashy romance novels to read whenever I need an antidote from work; I'll let you know if I find them any better than murdered children or if they make me want to stab my eyes out."
Murdered children. "So you've already sent the case up the chain?"
"Like I had a choice. There's probably some man in black closing the file and cooking up a bogus autopsy and statement as we speak; be interesting to see what they come up with this time." Suddenly Ayako gave me a Look. "Don't you dare think about doing your own investigation now that you're retired."
"Was I thinking that?"
"If you weren't just then you would have eventually. I know you far too well, Kobayashi, and I'm telling you right now that if I come across even a hint that you're still working I'm going to bust your ass so fast you won't know what hit you. You're out, you're retired, go enjoy your life for once."
"Easier said than done," I grumbled. "You know long I've been in this job? Forty eight years. Forty eight fucking years. That's not a job, that's a life, and now it's over. What the hell am I going to do?"
"Relax? Get to know your sister again? Be normal? The possibilities are endless, you know."
"Yeah, well, I'm not seeing them yet." I sighed, preparing myself for the plunge. "Is that enough normal chit-chat? Can we get the painful goodbye over and done with now?"
Ayako smiled. Then she took my hands, clasped them between both of hers, and then for the first and last time, leaned over to kiss me on the cheek. "Goodnight, Kobayashi," she said quietly.
"…Yeah. 'Night."
She smiled and patted my hands. Then she let me go and, without looking back even once, walked away down to the main road where taxis were more likely to pass. Like me, Ayako also hates goodbyes.
I turned and began to walk in the direction of the train station, hand in pockets, slow and taking my time. Kanda's a quiet area after business hours, and right now I was pretty glad of that. I felt weird; this really could have been any other end-of-the-week night after work when I'd gone out drinking with the guys or Ayako and Shigure, except for the knowledge that I wasn't going to see them on Monday. Oh, I've no doubt we'd catch up at least once before I headed off to Fukuoka, but it wouldn't be the same. I was a civilian now, part of the crowd that didn't carry a shiny badge weighted down with power and authority. That meant that when I saw Ayako and Shigure again there would be things they couldn't talk to me about, things that before we had always picked to pieces and bitched over and generally had fun with. Now? I was just an old man, and no matter what kind of face I put on it, I had just been cast adrift.
What the hell was I going to do for the rest of my life?
"Detective Kobayashi-san."
I stopped, frowning at the unfamiliar voice. Turned a little to look over my shoulder. "Yeah?
There was a man standing behind me just beyond the reach of the street lamp. It wasn't a man I knew. "Detective Kobayashi-san," he repeated, voice soft and controlled in a way that made my hackles rise. "May I speak with you?"
My eyes narrowed, and had I not already turned it over to the Chief I would have checked for my gun. "Depends," I said curtly. "Do I know you?"
"Ten years ago, you held me for questioning because you thought I'd killed a man." The person began to walk forward his footsteps silent - I shifted backwards, not obviously but enough to make sure there was an obvious distance between us, the investigatory part of my brain automatically running him down. He had black hair, was slender and something around one hundred and seventy five centimeters tall, dressed entirely in black but for a red scarf trailing from his neck … "You let me leave, but later you came looking for me again. I saved your life, though you didn't realize it."
The man stopped in the puddle of street-light, and I squinted trying to place him. He looked at me with one green eye and one amber-gold one. I found the pair of them uncanny, but then …
"Do you remember?" the man said quietly.
It was the red scarf that got me. I stared at him, a not entirely pleasant electric thrill running into my stomach. "Sumeragi-san?" I asked in disbelief.
Subaru Sumeragi, ex-murder suspect and alibi provider, did not smile at me. For some reason his face gave me the impression that he had forgotten how. He did, however, bow as if in apology. "I'm sorry to disturb you like this, Detective, but I need to see you."
"Yeah, well, colour me surprised," I growled. What the hell? This was a guy I'd met all of two times and given that I had accused him of murder plus outed his relationship with his scarily possessive boyfriend to his friends and family neither encounter had been exactly conductive to further communication. Scratch that, I should be the last person on earth Sumeragi would ever want to see again, and yet, here he was, standing before me like a ghost. He didn't look much older than the day I had first met him, but there was something about his face that seemed a bit, well, dead. Like the face of a raped child or bereaved parent, that kind of hopelessness. It immediately put me on my guard, but then the significance his presence hit: if Sumeragi was here that meant that other person, the one I had always wanted to hunt down, couldn't be too far away. It was a thought that made my pulse quicken, and surreptitiously I felt for my cell-phone. Ayako hadn't been gone long; if I gave her an urgent call she should easily be able to turn back. "So ah, how did you find me?" I asked, trying to sound casual.
"I made some inquiries; they led me here."
"Uh huh." My phone was in my coat pocket, problem was it was one of those flippy ones which made it almost impossible to access the buttons without pulling it out into the open. I tried anyway; both Ayako and Shigure were on speed dial. "And you need to see me why?"
Instead of answering Sumeragi merely looked at me with those weird mismatched eyes. They were expressionless and flat, and while I'm no coward I'll freely admit that I found it unnerving, especially since I'm pretty sure when I had last met him both his eyes had been emerald green. Something wasn't right, in fact my instincts were telling me that something was just plain wrong. "There's something I have to do," he said at last. "Something only you can help me with."
Cryptic. I'll admit I was intrigued, but given the circumstances also extremely suspicious. "Only me?" I asked skeptically, trying to buy time as I eased my phone open inside my pocket. "What for? I just had my retirement party; if you want to file a complaint you'll have find someone else. Besides, doesn't that scary boyfriend of yours always hover around waiting to swoop in and save you? Or is he the reason why you need help?"
I might have been imagining it, but I think I saw Sumeragi's eyes shadow over. The green one, at least. "That person isn't here anymore," he said quietly.
"What, did you dump him? Good for you, the guy was a-"
"I killed him."
My hand froze. In all my years as a cop I've heard plenty of confessions, some fake, most real, but to have someone so freely admit to murder like this was like getting hit with a piano. "You're kidding me," I said flatly.
"No."
The word was said so quietly, so calmly, the only thing I could do was stare in shock. He really wasn't kidding. Thankfully, ingrained detective habits took over. "When?"
"Ten years ago."
My stare felt like it was glued to my eyes as what Sumeragi was saying sank in. Ten years, that was well within Japan's fifteen year statute of limitations on murder and would make it not long after the two of them had first come to my attention with that Tanaka case. What I had seen of them then was definitely evidence of an abusive relationship - did that mean Sumeragi had killed Sakurazuka in retaliation for something? I've seen that plenty of times before with battered wives who after enduring years of cruelty suddenly snap and take meat cleavers to their husband's head, and from what I've gathered from Shigure the gay scene can be just as bad if not worse considering that it's two men involved. I've also seen the absolute mess killing an intimate partner leaves a person, and judging from the way Sumeragi was still wearing that red scarf probably taking very good and loving care of it, he was definitely in that category. Certainly it would explain the deadness of his expression. Part of me wanted to feel sorry for him; Sakurazuka had been a bastard and a murderer as far as I was concerned, so I have no doubt that Sakurazuka had deserved to die, but on the other hand if Sakurazuka had been dead for ten years it put a pretty big cramp on my pet personal investigation. Even discounting the girl Ayako and Shigure had found this morning there had been quite a few other cases with sakura over the years that no matter how many times Ayako had told me to drop it I knew were connected to the Sakurazukamori - but right now that wasn't the issue. Retired or not, I knew what had to be done.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket. Pressed 110 to dial the police. "Sumeragi-san, I'm going to place you under arrest," I said firmly. "Given that you seem to have sought me out specifically to confess I hope you'll continue this mitigating behaviour and not resist, and in return I'll make sure I'm the one to take your statement and formal confession." The phone connected and I put it to my ear, never taking my eyes off Sumeragi who simply stood there. "Hello? Yeah, this is Detective Kobayashi, I'd like to request back-up for an arrest at 2-15-2 Tsukasa-cho, Kand-"
The phone buzzed with static. I blinked at it and frowned, wondering if I was standing in a dead-spot or something, only to realize that the street I was in was now completely dark. And I mean completely. So much so that I couldn't even see the buildings on either side of me let alone the street-lamp. Suddenly I felt very cold. "You mistake me, Kobayashi-san," I heard Sumeragi say softly. "I did not come to confess."
Left, right, up, down, no matter where I looked there was nothing but black. Even my feet didn't seem to be making any impact on anything. "What the-! What the hell's going on?!"
"I came to congratulate you on your retirement." Eyes wide, I spun around. Sumeragi was standing next to me so close I could see how cool his weird gold eye was. An eye that now, belatedly, I realized I had seen before. The green eye on the other hand was full of regret. "And also … I want to say I'm sorry."
Even now, with things spiraling out my control and even my comprehension, I couldn't keep my mouth shut. "What for?" I asked mechanically.
"You've become your own man, Kobayashi-san, no longer part of the police and duty-bound to their rules." Sumeragi's soft voice seemed to be turning into a wind, a wind that had a strange, sweet smell to it. My heart was starting to race. "More importantly, you're also very determined and very honourable. Eventually one day you'll wake up and realize how much you miss your old life, and then you'll come looking for me. Knowing you, you'll find me. I can't have that."
The wind was beginning to roar. It made me think of that last time I had seen Sumeragi, all those years ago when Shigure and I had walked in on him on his work. What that work had been I never really knew despite having been told that Sumeragi was some kind of spiritual magician, and I had never been able to find out. Magic didn't make sense. Magic didn't exist.
Magic was now happening around me.
Sumeragi didn't move; all he did was look at me with those freaky eyes. Horrified I stepped away from him only to realize that the roaring wind was filled with tiny pale pink flower petals. Even as I watched they multiplied until I was literally surrounded by the stuff, all of it swirling and surging like a living thing. What was it that classics professor had said all those years ago? A magical storm of sakura blossoms.
In that moment, I knew.
"No, wait - please!" Desperately I reached out to Sumeragi - no, the Sakurazukamori - only to be stopped as the cherry blossoms literally engulfed my hand in a suffocating wall. "You don't - you don't have to do this!"
"Perhaps not." Flowers in my nose, in my mouth - I gagged and choked, an agonizing pain in my chest- "Unfortunately, it's not for me to decide. I'm sorry."
My vision was filled with sakura petals. Impossible to speak or even breathe now, even though the pain in my chest was fading … briefly I wondered who would find me, who out of all the friends I had seen and farewelled tonight would get my case, and if it was Ayako and Shigure, how long or if they would let grief overcome them before working to avenge me. I wondered how far they would get before they were forced to give up. Inevitably, but, I wasn't wondering anything at all.
Pink flowers turned to peaceful white. I suppose that wasn't so bad.
* * *
The sakura quietened, melting away with the maboroshi like whispering snow allowing the street-lamp return to life. They left behind a man lying on the pavement, an old man, grey and weathered, with a hint of paunch and eyes of faded brown that stared almost confusedly up at the starless sky. Had it not been for the liver-spotted hands curled defiantly into claws, he could have been about to sleep. There was a blinking cell-phone beside him.
Subaru knelt down beside the man. "I'm sorry," he murmured, hoping that even if the man couldn't hear him anymore the released spirit could. One small defiance of the Sakura he now served. "I'm so sorry - I waited for you to say goodbye, but other than that there was nothing I could do.
"I have no right to ask anything of you but if you see Seishirou-san, please, tell him that I miss him?"
The dead man didn't answer. Expressionlessly Subaru reached out to shut his eyes. Then he stood up, tightened the worn, faded red scarf around his neck, and silently turned to leave. Behind him the cell-phone was ringing; after two tries it went straight to voicemail.
"Kobayashi, are you there? It's Ayako, I just got a call from dispatch, what's going on? Hello? Can you hear me? Hello, pick up-"
Feeble echoes in a mournful street. There was no one left to hear it.
~owari~
Title: End of the Line
User ID: Cephei
Rating: PG-M
Characters/Pairing: OCs and the Sakurazukamori, hints of past S&S
Summary: There's never a good way to say goodbye.
END OF THE LINE
I hadn't wanted a party. Age thing aside I've never liked being the centre of attention, even if it is in my honour, and in fact I managed to hide my birthday from everyone at work for quite a few years because I didn't want anyone to make a fuss. It's not something I'm comfortable with, but the way Shigure put it when he and Ayako got back from the field that afternoon - both of them looked a little grim, I couldn't help but notice - retirement was special occasion that needed some kind of recognition and even if I didn't want to walk out with a bang it was a great excuse for everybody else to get together for an after-work party and drinks night. He also told me that he'd already floated the idea with Ayako and she'd said she thought it was great, at which point I knew the two of them had definitely had a bad morning and the push for a party wasn't just for me so I admitted defeat. The moment the words were out of my mouth Shigure cheered up and jumped onto the computer and sent out a mass email to everyone at the department he knew I knew plus some he only thought I knew telling them that to celebrate me turning in my badge there was going to be a party over at some izakaya over in Kanda so that before I knew it, come seven o'clock on the evening of my last official day as a detective I was being walked into a yellow lit room to be greeted with loud applause. Had it not been for Ayako and Shigure standing on either side of me like I was some perp they were escorting, I would have turned and walked out right there and then. Maybe.
"Easy, big guy," said Shigure. He had one hand on my shoulder and his other in the air waving at Izuru who had apparently reserved a table for us. A table right in the middle of the friggin' izakaya. "Loosen up, it's your night!"
"In that case shouldn't I get to do what I want with it?" I growled, stepping over people and cushions trying to get to our table. "Don't get me wrong, I appreciate what you guys are doing - hey Takizawa, good to see you! - but I've been to enough farewells in my time to know what's expected and I hate making speeches."
"You'll do fine," Ayako told me reassuringly. "We'll get you a few drinks first, and I'm sure you'll be much more relaxed once you've had some alcohol."
I didn't bother replying to that, mostly because as we walked by everyone kept turning to say hi to me or give congratulations, in which case I had to say something back. I recognized all of them: other detectives I'd worked with, policemen, even Kuma the prosecutor who's done a lot of my cases and I've given evidence for. Up the back I could see Ritsuko and Sakano with others from Forensics already well into the drinks and food, but then finally I got to the seat reserved for me and I sat down with Ayako on my right and Shigure on my left. Shigure had another empty seat next to him obviously for Izuru, but Izuru wasn't in it because he was going around the room with his camera. The table in front of me was already covered in little plates of tiny fried fish, yakitori, tempura and more, plus a couple of jugs of beer. I felt better just looking at it. "So who's paying for all this?" I asked.
"Not you," said Ayako with a note of firmness that told me not to ask any more questions. She was already pouring me a full glass. "Just sit back and enjoy."
"All right, all right." With a resigned smile I gave in. It wasn't hard. Plenty of food and drink, friends all around, and I didn't have to feel guilty about drinking lots because I wasn't going back to work, not tomorrow, not ever. I'd done all the formalities with human resources, my desk was cleaned out, and as for my caseload, I hadn't been given any of the new ones that had come in recently and what open ones I had I knew would be taken care of by Shigure and Ayako. This was it. The end. Owari. The significance of the moment hadn't really hit yet but it felt weird even just knowing it. Mostly. I was taking a great deal of care not to think about saying goodbye.
The party had apparently been going for a little while before our arrival, and now that the three of us were in it went into full swing with food coming and empty plates going and empty glasses being constantly topped up. A few latecomers walked in including Detectives Ito and Tagaya who've been around almost as long as I have, and the two of them gave me a slap on the back promising to come round to my table and chat later on as they hurried to their table; they'd been at court the whole day getting cross-examined and I know from experience how hungry and alcohol desperate that makes people. I myself was getting comfortable with the gyoza and was about to wash them down with my beer when Shigure stood up. "I want - excuse me," he said loudly, trying to cut through the chatter. "Hey, can I have everyone's attention? I know you're all busy drinking and stuffing your faces but before you all start get really drunk I want to say a few words-"
"You've just said a few words!" someone yelled from the back. "Speech over, let's drink!"
Without looking Shigure reached down to our table, picked up a seaweed-covered riceball from one of the nibbles plates and tossed it across the room with a flick of his wrist. There was an indignant yell followed by a ripple of laughter - there's a reason why Shigure's consistently in the top ranks of sharpshooters in the force. "As I was saying," he continued, "I, Maeda Shigure, want to say a few words in honour of the person for whom we've all gathered tonight. You can imagine the effort it took to get him out here since he loathes being the centre of the fuss, so in recognition of his feelings, please, everyone, put your hands together and embarrass the one, the only, soon to be former Detective Shinichi Kobayashi!"
With the theatrical exaggeration of a drag queen Shigure swung his arm out towards me summoning a wave of whoops and boisterous applause plus flashes from Izuru's camera. Since it was physically impossible for me to sink into the floor I had to settle for putting one hand over my eyes. The other kept a good grip on my beer because I knew I was going to need it. "Now," Shigure continued, and I could hear the grin in his voice, "as you all know, I've been partners with this man for close to fifteen years. Yeah, I'm amazed too. Anyway, once this night is over he's officially retired, so therefore I'm going to tell you some things about Kobayashi you might not know and he probably doesn't want you to know about."
Crap. It was going to be one of those speeches. I couldn't help but groan, something that went unheard as the room laughed. Shigure coughed. "We all know Kobayashi's a grouchy old fart, right? He's the kind of guy you don't bother saying hello to in the morning unless he's had his coffee because until then the only thing he's capable of is a grunt."
"We already know that!" the voice from earlier - Sakano, it sounded like, already pretty tipsy - yelled impishly.
"Shut up over there!" Shigure hollered. "Otherwise I'll tell the waitress the Forensics table is covering the bill! Anyway, so yeah, Kobayashi is a grouch. When I transferred here all those years ago and met him for the first time I thought, 'oh shit we are so not going to get along' because he seemed like your typical veteran police dog: crusty personality, no life beyond his work, old school enough that he'd be far more comfortable in front of a type-writer than a computer, there's no way he'll partner with a homo like me. And you know what? Except for that last point, I was completely right. He doesn't even try to be the bad cop in interrogations it comes to him so naturally, and he's so old-school that in the time it takes for him to type a complete sentence I could go across the street, buy a coffee, drink the coffee, and still get back before he hit the full-stop. The number of times I've done his computer work to make sure we get reports in by deadline is countless, and what did he always say to thank me? Mfgh."
The imitation grunt got a roar of laughs. I drained my beer - surely I don't sound like that - and prepared for more embarrassment. "But teasing aside," Shigure continued, "I am very, very lucky to have been allowed to work with this man. Contrary to my first impressions he's amazingly tolerant of not only my short-comings but myself as a person as well, which, given the circumstances that had led me to transferring here in the first place I was incredibly grateful for." Here Shigure exchanged a wry grin with Izuru across the room. "Kobayashi may grunt and gripe and grouse, but dig deep enough and you'll find that beneath that scowl is someone who'll go out of his way to cover your back. I'll say it right here and now: the only reason Izuru hasn't dumped me for the stress and hours I pull as a detective is because Kobayashi not only makes me go home at a reasonable hour when possible, but threatened to punch my head in if I ever felt guilty about choosing Izuru over work. Said I was a fucking idiot for even thinking stuff like that - or maybe he just wanted to punch me as payback for all the grief I've caused him." More laughter. "Whatever the reason, it only goes to show that this guy's instincts are usually right on the mark. That means if he says you should catch a ride home with him instead of taking the train when the city's having earthquakes every few days you take up the invitation. Trust me, if I had it would have saved my friends and family a hell of a lot of stress back about ten years ago."
Silence followed this part. Glancing around I could see that Izuru had a peculiar grin on his face as he no doubt remembered how he'd spent several nights by Shigure's hospital bed waiting for him to wake up. I remembered it too, and like most memories from that time, it was something I preferred not to dwell on. Newspapers and historians have come up with various names for 1999, but whether it was called the Earthquake Year or Apocalypse Year no name quite encapsulates the sheer destruction and horror Tokyo had suffered then. I saw plenty of it, and having Shigure caught up when an earthquake ran his train off the rails was the closest it came to hitting me personally. He'd been damned lucky he hadn't been killed outright and we all knew it, but given how well he'd recovered nowadays it was pretty easy not to think about that anymore.
Shigure reached down to take up his beer. "If everyone can get their drinks-" here the crowd raised their full glasses, "-I'll finish off and call the toast."
Now it comes. Embarrassing though it was, I knew what I had to do at this point. I made myself look up to meet Shigure's gaze. He held it throughout.
"Kobayashi, you're the best teacher, partner and colleague I could have wished for. You've guided me, looked out for me, and chewed me out when I needed it. So you don't have a perfect record of solved cases, so what? The only one griping about it is you because nine out of ten is an amazing accomplishment and it gives me and everyone else here something to strive for. You've set the example for all of us, and while I speak for everyone when I say we're sad to see you turn in your badge if there's anyone who deserves retirement it's you. Here's to the rest of your non-working life. Kampai!"
"Kampai!"
As one all the glasses were held aloft in a precise police salute then drunk. Shigure was the first to lower his glass and once he did he sat back down on his cushion to enthusiastic applause. "Nice speech," I growled, trying to ignore the warm-fuzzy feeling in my stomach and yes, I can't believe I just said that. "Work long on it?"
"Unless you count a few pointers from Izuru last night, hell no." Shigure grabbed a yakitori stick and dunked it in the sauce bowl, his face noticeably flushed. "That was done on the spot and I'm blaming the beer."
"Improvised or not it was very good, Shigure," said Ayako, leaning towards us. The yellow light glinted off her glasses making her hazel eyes look warmer than they usually did in the office. "You've given me a hard act to follow."
I grimaced as Ayako stood up. "You two are just bent on making me squirm me tonight, aren't you."
"Did you expect anything else?" Straightening Ayako scanned the room, took in the way the tables had started talking amongst themselves again, then picked up a chopstick and tapped it against an empty glass. She got silence immediately. "Everyone, I'd like to also say a few words if you don't mind. I promise I'll keep it short.
"Kobayashi was the first and only partner I had as a detective. Since I became a detective when it wasn't fashionable for women to do anything more than serve tea I suppose the higher-ups thought that getting an upstart female college graduate as his partner would be a pretty good joke on Kobayashi who kept treading on their toes by refusing to play politics. They probably expected us to end up killing each other, or at the very least learn our places. As things turned out the joke was on them."
I couldn't help but smile at that; those had been good times, I remembered, me not really young but certainly far younger than I was now and trying to figure out how exactly to deal with the definitely young lady who turned up at my desk one morning with cool eyes and a point to prove. Ayako wasn't done, but. "Still, after nine or so years of running around after dead bodies, traumatized victims and criminals, you want a change no matter how good your partner is or how successful you've been together. So I pulled out of field work and concentrated on analysis and research, which, since you can do at your desk, was far more comfortable. It says something about Kobayashi's character that not only did he respect my decision we've stayed partners in practice if not on paper, something that was not in any way upset when another young upstart arrived with his transfer papers and a committed boyfriend in the background. Now I stand before you with a senior superintendent's cherry blossom, and I know the only reason I could get them is because all those years ago this man not only believed in me but trusted me. Even despite the fact that I out shot and out drank him."
The room quietly chuckled. It helped off-set the mushy feeling in my stomach - I've never been good with emotional stuff - and then Ayako lifted her beer. "Shinichi Kobayashi," she said. I made myself look up at her, a little surprised at how calm I was. Ayako smiled; it made her look twenty years younger. "To two and a half decades of honourable service, support, and friendship. Thank you."
She drank long and deeply, highlighted by flashes from Izuru's camera. When she was done she held aloft an empty glass which immediately set off a round of applause. "Oh, by the way, Kobayashi," she added over the noise. "This is where you give your a speech in reply."
I twitched. "Oh no."
"Oh yes."
"Do I have to?"
"Up you get, big guy," said Shigure, giving me an encouraging slap on the back. Off-side, Izuru was already priming his camera again.
With a sigh, I got up. Ayako and Shigure had said plenty about me; it was only fair that I return the favour dislike of speeches or not. Shigure did ask me once why is it I have no problem with a stakeout or undercover work yet get so edgy over speaking in public, and I'd told him that like a woman's fascination with shoes my complex over public speaking was just one of those things in life that didn't make sense. Doesn't mean I can't do it come crunch time, but.
"…'vening. Thanks for coming." I paused for a moment, pretending not to hear Sakano's call of 'get on with it!'. "Well uh, guess this is it. Retirement. Took a bloody long time, and there's been plenty of days I thought I'd never get to this point because I'd have either gotten myself shot or fired. If I'd known Ayako was going to make me do a speech I might have even preferred it."
A small laugh from the room. I found it a little reassuring, but only a little. I swear chasing yakuza is less nerve-racking, but then I saw Ayako mouthing something at me: be honest and keep it simple. I tried to take her advice and not think about sweaty palms. "Uh, yeah. I never know what to say at these kinds of things but I suppose thanks is the most obvious. You're all sitting here tonight, but if I were to thank each and every one of you individually my retirement would have to be delayed for a month, so I hope you'll understand if I keep the speechifying thanks to two people."
I turned to Shigure first; he was smiling as usual. "Maeda Shigure. We've worked together for close to fifteen years, and in all that time you've always pulled your weight and then some. You said I pretty much lived up to your first impressions, well, you did for me as well - young, sharp but a bit too idealistic, the nice guy you never want to push too far. One thing I didn't see coming was you making out with another guy in a food hall which you've never let me live down - yeah, keep laughing - but it's one way you've kept me on my toes. Certainly you've taught me as much as I've taught you. Now that I'm out of here, that makes you a senior detective. I've no doubt you'll bring your all to the rank and pass on what I passed you onto your new partner whoever he may be. Just don't forget what's important in life because when I said I'd punch your head in if you felt guilty for picking your boyfriend over a wrinkled crank like me, I meant it. Izuru-kun's a great guy, don't lose him."
Shigure nodded, half-raising his glass in a solemn salute. I acknowledged it with a nod then turned to Ayako. "Hitomi Ayako, I don't know where to start with you. Since the day you arrived at my desk in a skirt-suit and quiet challenge in your face, you've been there for me. You've taken none of my shit, or if you did you threw it straight back at me so that I could see why it was shit, until I can safely say you probably know me better than anyone else. I'll never forget the look you gave me when I lit up a cigarette in the car, or the smile you had when I told you I had gone three months and counting without a smoke. Nor will I forget the look on your face when after watching you take crap from the other officers for being a woman I butted in and challenged them to duel you in a shoot-out and when - not if - they lost they had to shut their holes forever. You didn't believe me when I said you'd win. That made the victory beer you bought me afterwards all the sweeter."
Wow. This actually was going pretty well, in fact really well if the slight blush on Ayako's face was any indication. I grinned and went on. "I'm pretty sure there are a lot of the higher-ups who sleep easier at night knowing you don't have ambitions of running the whole department. You probably could if you really wanted to, you're that smart, but whatever you choose to do you've already more than proved yourself. You're an amazing woman, Ayako, and I'm all the better for having known you.
"One thing a lot of you have asked me is what is it I'm going to do with myself once the rest of my life starts. I suppose after a whole career in the force working my way up from the bottom that's a fair question. I'm still getting some ideas together, but one thing I've arranged is that I'm moving to my sister's place in Fukuoka. She was widowed a few years back and has kids and grandkids to keep in line. Apparently one of them wants to be a policeman; I don't know whether I should knock that out of his head or not." That got some laughs. "In all seriousness, it'll be good to get away. Given how long I've been on the Tokyo beat I know if I stayed here I'd never switch the detective brain off. The only way for me to get completely out of this line of work is to get out of this city completely. Maybe I might even be able to start to forget a few things - heaven knows there's a lot of stuff I've seen over the years I'd rather not remember, and as for regrets? There are things I've messed up, things I could have done better, bad people I've let get away … yeah. I've got a few.
"What I won't forget is you guys. As I said, I've lived my entire career in the force so it's been like a family to me, admittedly a pretty dysfunctional one. Also one where you lose far more people than you should, which makes the people you keep all the more special. So, Ayako, Shigure, Tagaya, Ito, everyone I've come to know over the past few decades, thank you."
That was it. I was done. I felt rather impressed with myself, actually, or at least I did until I realized how warm my face was feeling at which point I was suddenly desperate for a drink. Thankfully Shigure picked up on this. "To Kobayashi!" he called out, raising his beer. The call was immediately taken up by the room, meaning that when I did retake my seat it was to loud applause. I'll admit I had a pretty goofy grin on my face because I was glad I had said what I'd said, but I'd be lying if I claimed I wasn't also glad that was over.
A full beer glass was placed in my hand. I glanced up to see Ayako smiling at me. "Good work," she said, pitching her voice to cut through the noise. "You know this means you don't have any more excuses not to enjoy yourself, right?"
"…yeah." I lifted the beer and sculled it, relishing its cool crispness. When I put it down I let out a huge breath before sheepishly returning her smile. "Thanks. For everything."
Ayako saluted me with her own glass. I sighed a little in relief, then frowned as I realized that while the cheering and applause had turned into your garden variety background chatter with people walking around I could hear someone trying to sing. Drunkenly. "Someone off their face already?" I asked.
"It's Sakano-kun," said Ayako, nodding at the Forensics table. I had to twist a bit to see but sure enough there was Sakano red-faced and apparently trying to sing an enka to Ritsuko who didn't seem very impressed. "He got called out for the scene this morning and did the autopsy through the afternoon. It was a pretty bad one, hence the getting drunk."
"Ah," I said. There wasn't any need to explain further; as police we've all had a day where despite our hardened experience we've seen something that hits us so badly the only way to get over it is to get completely and utterly smashed, hence why I said Shigure hadn't pushed this party just for my sake. "I take it that it was it for the same thing you and Shigure went out for this morning?"
"It was, and no, I'm not telling you about it. You're retired; you don't have to worry about this kind of stuff anymore."
"I'm officially retired after midnight tonight and right now - hey, Kuma, how's it going! - right now it's not even eight o'clock. C'mon, just tell me about it, if nothing else let me pretend for a bit this is a perfectly normal night when the two of us go out drinking after work."
Ayako sighed. Somewhere, someone was laughing at one of Shigure's jokes. "It was a kid. She never came back from school yesterday, and this morning someone found her body in the park."
"How old?"
"Eleven."
I felt my lip twist. "How?"
"Massive body trauma. Someone stabbed her through the heart with a blunt object using enough force that there was an exit wound in her back, and the amount of blood spilled was enough to turn most of the sandpit into red mud."
"No shit. So what aren't you telling me."
"What are you talking about."
"You're picking up crumbs with your chopsticks and you only fiddle like that when you're trying avoid something. What aren't you telling me."
"It's nothing-"
"Ayako. Just tell me."
She sighed. "Sakano-kun said he could smell sakura on the body."
At the word 'sakura' my fingers immediately tightened around my glass. It was purely instinctual; I couldn't help it. "Sakura," I repeated. "Sakano-kun's sure it was sakura?"
"Given that he's speaking from experience? Yes."
"And you weren't going to tell me?"
"You know perfectly well why I didn't want to tell you," Ayako snapped. "You and your grudges - I shouldn't have said anything. Fuck."
She took an angry gulp of her beer. "Yeah, well, you always knew I was a bastard," I murmured, stealing a look around the room at the way everyone was chatting and laughing as if we all had normal jobs that didn't involve guns or drugs or dead people. Shigure had taken Izuru's camera and was now going around making everyone pull faces for him. "So how did Shigure react?"
"Loudly. There was a lot of swearing involved."
"I don't blame him." I paused then, picking my next words carefully. "You know, I'm sure if I spoke to the Chief I'd be able to put off my retirement for a few weeks-"
"Don't." Ayako's voice could have cut through glass, that's how sharp it was, and looking at her face her eyes were just as bad. "Don't even joke about it. I know you hate loose ends but it's not your problem anymore, and even when it was you know perfectly well that after the Masaki thing the higher-ups set up that policy where all cases with 'inexplicable olfactory or similar sensory evidence' go straight to the Superintendent General-"
"Where they disappear," I growled.
"-where they get dealt with and we get told to worry about something else. I don't like it anymore than you do but I'm not prepared to accuse the entire top brass of a cover-up without iron-clad proof which we don't and can't have. And besides, it's not like you've ever managed to find Sakurazuka again."
"Not from lack of trying. It's a big city, and if your case this morning is anything to go by he's definitely out there somewher-"
"Hey, you two!" Interrupted, Ayako and I looked up to see Shigure grinning down at us, Izuru by his side. "I don't see you being sociable, whatcha talking about?"
Ayako didn't miss a beat. "Kobayashi was commenting on how adorable you and Izuru-kun look together," she said.
"Uh huh, and I'm winning the lottery tomorrow. C'mon, from where I was standing it looked kinda serious." Suddenly his eyes narrowed at me. "You weren't talking about work, were you?"
"Like I'd dare." I deliberately fished some tempura onto my plate. "I've been ordered under pain of castration not to bring up work because it'd ruin the party. No, I was just telling Ayako I really like the beer and food selection at this place, how did you find it?"
"It was my suggestion," explained Izuru. "I did a shoot here a few months ago and the izakaya staff fed us afterwards. I had been looking for an excuse to come back so when Mae said he was throwing you a retirement party I said he should bring you here and I'll take care of the bookings. Though speaking of shoots," here Izuru lifted up his camera, "I haven't gotten a photo of you three yet."
"Squish up you guys!" Before I could say anything Shigure plonked himself back down on his cushion beside me and scooted over so that he could drape an arm over my shoulders. On my other side Ayako was also shifting up to me, albeit more demurely given her skirt. For a moment I thought about putting up some kind of protest just for the sake of appearances but realized that with these two it was completely pointless so I didn't. Instead, I grinned and put one arm around Ayako's shoulders and my other around Shigure's waist - there's no way I was going to reach his shoulders, not with his height and my definitely old bones. Then we looked at Izuru. "Ready, sempai?" asked Shigure.
"Almost." Izuru was fiddling with something. "Okay, ISO's adjusted, you guys smile … one, two, three!"
The flash blinded my eyes. Ow. "Aa~and a couple more, just in case," said Izuru.
More flashes. By the time Izuru was done I was seeing stars. "Aw, I think I blinked in some of them," complained Shigure. "One more?"
My eyes cleared enough for me to see Izuru checking his camera's display screen. "You only blinked in one, Mae, and the rest are fine."
"I presume you'll be sending out copies?" asked Ayako, gently pulling away from me back onto her own cushion.
"Absolutely. I'll email you the digitals tonight, but I'll print out and process some hard-copies and get them framed. Don't know how long it'll take, but you should probably give me your address, Kobayashi, because I might have to end up posting it out."
I blinked. "My address? You lose it or something?"
"I meant your Fukuoka address. The one you'll be moving away to after tonight."
For some reason my gut turned into a knot and my grin dropped like a rock. Shit. "Oh. Yeah."
I felt a hand on my arm. Ayako. "Kobayashi," she said quietly. "Just enjoy the party."
"Yeah." Shigure was smiling at me again, like he had to be the strong one. Damnit. "The night's still young, none of us are going anywhere yet, and there are plenty of people waiting to congratulate you."
"'Waiting' being the key word," added Ayako. She began to stand up, pointedly nudging Shigure as she did so. "We've been keeping you to ourselves the whole night so we're going to go be sociable with Forensics and let other people come get a drink with you. We'll come back and check on you later. Coming, Izuru-kun?"
"Yep. See you, Kobayashi."
Before I could say anything the three of them left, picking their way over the people and cushions to the table at the back where they sat down with Ritsuko and Sakano who enthusiastically greeted them and made room at the table. I knew Ayako was doing this on purpose but still … I watched the way she and Ritsuko began to talk as if resuming a conversation paused only moments ago and the way Shigure and Izuru carefully replaced Sakano's glass with water while laughing at Sakano's drunken attempts to introduce them to the rest of the table. Youngsters, all of them, especially when compared to me, with plenty of years left in their careers whereas I was in the twilight. The reality of retirement was beginning to hit. It sucked.
A shadow fell over my table - two, in fact - accompanied by Ito and Tagaya's loud, cheerful voices offering to buy me a drink. I took a deep breath and turned with a not entirely forced smile on my face as I greeted the first of what was undoubtedly going to be a long parade of colleagues who wanted to wish me well tonight, my last night. Work's a weird place; I can go for days or even weeks without seeing or speaking to some people even though we're all in the same building because we're all busy doing our own things, so despite the years I've clocked up in the service there's a lot of people I can't say I've ever really gotten to know but are still considered friends. None of them were as close to me as Ayako and Shigure, but right now that was probably a good thing because that meant I found it easier to say goodbye.
I told myself it was good practice for the inevitable later on. Then, with a lot of assistance from my well-meaning and more easily forgotten colleagues, I proceeded to work on getting royally and thankfully drunk.
* * *
"Are you sure you'll be okay?"
"Trains are still running; I'll be fine."
"Can give you a lift, y'know, 'zuru drove our car-"
"You two live up near Ueno and I'm out past Shibuya, don't be stupid. Besides, I've plenty of experience making my way home intoxi- intoxicated, I can take care of myself. Go on, off with you."
Without warning there were arms around me in a rough hug. Had I been sober I would have spluttered. "Goodbye, you old wolf," said Shigure, his beer-soaked voice muffled against my coat. "You take care of yourself, d'you hear?"
Goodbyes are possibly the one social thing I hate more than making speeches and in fact I think they should be outlawed. Either they drag on forever to the point of mushy embarrassment because no one has the guts to be the first to leave, or they're short and punchy and leave you feeling like you've been kicked in the stomach. Also, I suck at them. Even now the most I could make myself do was awkwardly pat Shigure on the back. "Yeah. You too."
I felt him sniffle. Goddamnit, he wasn't making this any easier on me, but then thankfully Izuru came up and placed a hand on Shigure's shoulder gently pulling him away. "Don't forget, Kobayashi," he said warningly, "email us your new address. Photo aside, I want to know where we can call on you if we take a trip out west."
"Understood," I replied. Shigure let me go, immediately wrapping an arm around Izuru's waist as if seeking comfort, and I did my best to give him a smile. "Address. Will remember."
Izuru extended a hand out to me, the one that wasn't supporting Shigure. I reached out and shook it. "Congratulations, Kobayashi," he said.
"Thank you." Izuru held my hand for a little longer, then dropped it. Carefully held onto Shigure as he guided him towards the carpark, and even in my slightly inebriated state I could see the way Shigure's hand was twisted in his boyfriend's jacket. Yeah, the two of them were cute together, and I'm going to blame that thought on the beer. They gave me a wave before turning round a corner and moving out of sight.
I let out a breath I didn't even know I had been holding. "You're remarkably coherent for someone's whose been drinking like a fish tonight, you know," Ayako observed.
"Years of trying to keep up with you have done wonders for my tolerance." I turned to face her; we were the only ones left now out of the raucous group which had started to break up hours ago. No matter how good a work party is it's still a work party and sensible people rank friends and family higher than colleagues on a list of Persons To Spend Time With. Ayako and I were exceptions in that we didn't really have that list in the first place. "Also my doctor's been warning me to take care of my heart, and I'm not as young as I used to be."
"Neither of us are."
"Yeah, but at least you still look it." Ayako smiled at that; I know she thinks I'm just flattering her but really, for a woman over fifty she can still pass for fifteen years younger. "So? What are your plans for the weekend?" I asked, as if this were any other Friday night like all the others over the past couple of decades before our next Monday coffee.
"Nothing much. Probably some reading; a friend of mine gave me some ridiculously trashy romance novels to read whenever I need an antidote from work; I'll let you know if I find them any better than murdered children or if they make me want to stab my eyes out."
Murdered children. "So you've already sent the case up the chain?"
"Like I had a choice. There's probably some man in black closing the file and cooking up a bogus autopsy and statement as we speak; be interesting to see what they come up with this time." Suddenly Ayako gave me a Look. "Don't you dare think about doing your own investigation now that you're retired."
"Was I thinking that?"
"If you weren't just then you would have eventually. I know you far too well, Kobayashi, and I'm telling you right now that if I come across even a hint that you're still working I'm going to bust your ass so fast you won't know what hit you. You're out, you're retired, go enjoy your life for once."
"Easier said than done," I grumbled. "You know long I've been in this job? Forty eight years. Forty eight fucking years. That's not a job, that's a life, and now it's over. What the hell am I going to do?"
"Relax? Get to know your sister again? Be normal? The possibilities are endless, you know."
"Yeah, well, I'm not seeing them yet." I sighed, preparing myself for the plunge. "Is that enough normal chit-chat? Can we get the painful goodbye over and done with now?"
Ayako smiled. Then she took my hands, clasped them between both of hers, and then for the first and last time, leaned over to kiss me on the cheek. "Goodnight, Kobayashi," she said quietly.
"…Yeah. 'Night."
She smiled and patted my hands. Then she let me go and, without looking back even once, walked away down to the main road where taxis were more likely to pass. Like me, Ayako also hates goodbyes.
I turned and began to walk in the direction of the train station, hand in pockets, slow and taking my time. Kanda's a quiet area after business hours, and right now I was pretty glad of that. I felt weird; this really could have been any other end-of-the-week night after work when I'd gone out drinking with the guys or Ayako and Shigure, except for the knowledge that I wasn't going to see them on Monday. Oh, I've no doubt we'd catch up at least once before I headed off to Fukuoka, but it wouldn't be the same. I was a civilian now, part of the crowd that didn't carry a shiny badge weighted down with power and authority. That meant that when I saw Ayako and Shigure again there would be things they couldn't talk to me about, things that before we had always picked to pieces and bitched over and generally had fun with. Now? I was just an old man, and no matter what kind of face I put on it, I had just been cast adrift.
What the hell was I going to do for the rest of my life?
"Detective Kobayashi-san."
I stopped, frowning at the unfamiliar voice. Turned a little to look over my shoulder. "Yeah?
There was a man standing behind me just beyond the reach of the street lamp. It wasn't a man I knew. "Detective Kobayashi-san," he repeated, voice soft and controlled in a way that made my hackles rise. "May I speak with you?"
My eyes narrowed, and had I not already turned it over to the Chief I would have checked for my gun. "Depends," I said curtly. "Do I know you?"
"Ten years ago, you held me for questioning because you thought I'd killed a man." The person began to walk forward his footsteps silent - I shifted backwards, not obviously but enough to make sure there was an obvious distance between us, the investigatory part of my brain automatically running him down. He had black hair, was slender and something around one hundred and seventy five centimeters tall, dressed entirely in black but for a red scarf trailing from his neck … "You let me leave, but later you came looking for me again. I saved your life, though you didn't realize it."
The man stopped in the puddle of street-light, and I squinted trying to place him. He looked at me with one green eye and one amber-gold one. I found the pair of them uncanny, but then …
"Do you remember?" the man said quietly.
It was the red scarf that got me. I stared at him, a not entirely pleasant electric thrill running into my stomach. "Sumeragi-san?" I asked in disbelief.
Subaru Sumeragi, ex-murder suspect and alibi provider, did not smile at me. For some reason his face gave me the impression that he had forgotten how. He did, however, bow as if in apology. "I'm sorry to disturb you like this, Detective, but I need to see you."
"Yeah, well, colour me surprised," I growled. What the hell? This was a guy I'd met all of two times and given that I had accused him of murder plus outed his relationship with his scarily possessive boyfriend to his friends and family neither encounter had been exactly conductive to further communication. Scratch that, I should be the last person on earth Sumeragi would ever want to see again, and yet, here he was, standing before me like a ghost. He didn't look much older than the day I had first met him, but there was something about his face that seemed a bit, well, dead. Like the face of a raped child or bereaved parent, that kind of hopelessness. It immediately put me on my guard, but then the significance his presence hit: if Sumeragi was here that meant that other person, the one I had always wanted to hunt down, couldn't be too far away. It was a thought that made my pulse quicken, and surreptitiously I felt for my cell-phone. Ayako hadn't been gone long; if I gave her an urgent call she should easily be able to turn back. "So ah, how did you find me?" I asked, trying to sound casual.
"I made some inquiries; they led me here."
"Uh huh." My phone was in my coat pocket, problem was it was one of those flippy ones which made it almost impossible to access the buttons without pulling it out into the open. I tried anyway; both Ayako and Shigure were on speed dial. "And you need to see me why?"
Instead of answering Sumeragi merely looked at me with those weird mismatched eyes. They were expressionless and flat, and while I'm no coward I'll freely admit that I found it unnerving, especially since I'm pretty sure when I had last met him both his eyes had been emerald green. Something wasn't right, in fact my instincts were telling me that something was just plain wrong. "There's something I have to do," he said at last. "Something only you can help me with."
Cryptic. I'll admit I was intrigued, but given the circumstances also extremely suspicious. "Only me?" I asked skeptically, trying to buy time as I eased my phone open inside my pocket. "What for? I just had my retirement party; if you want to file a complaint you'll have find someone else. Besides, doesn't that scary boyfriend of yours always hover around waiting to swoop in and save you? Or is he the reason why you need help?"
I might have been imagining it, but I think I saw Sumeragi's eyes shadow over. The green one, at least. "That person isn't here anymore," he said quietly.
"What, did you dump him? Good for you, the guy was a-"
"I killed him."
My hand froze. In all my years as a cop I've heard plenty of confessions, some fake, most real, but to have someone so freely admit to murder like this was like getting hit with a piano. "You're kidding me," I said flatly.
"No."
The word was said so quietly, so calmly, the only thing I could do was stare in shock. He really wasn't kidding. Thankfully, ingrained detective habits took over. "When?"
"Ten years ago."
My stare felt like it was glued to my eyes as what Sumeragi was saying sank in. Ten years, that was well within Japan's fifteen year statute of limitations on murder and would make it not long after the two of them had first come to my attention with that Tanaka case. What I had seen of them then was definitely evidence of an abusive relationship - did that mean Sumeragi had killed Sakurazuka in retaliation for something? I've seen that plenty of times before with battered wives who after enduring years of cruelty suddenly snap and take meat cleavers to their husband's head, and from what I've gathered from Shigure the gay scene can be just as bad if not worse considering that it's two men involved. I've also seen the absolute mess killing an intimate partner leaves a person, and judging from the way Sumeragi was still wearing that red scarf probably taking very good and loving care of it, he was definitely in that category. Certainly it would explain the deadness of his expression. Part of me wanted to feel sorry for him; Sakurazuka had been a bastard and a murderer as far as I was concerned, so I have no doubt that Sakurazuka had deserved to die, but on the other hand if Sakurazuka had been dead for ten years it put a pretty big cramp on my pet personal investigation. Even discounting the girl Ayako and Shigure had found this morning there had been quite a few other cases with sakura over the years that no matter how many times Ayako had told me to drop it I knew were connected to the Sakurazukamori - but right now that wasn't the issue. Retired or not, I knew what had to be done.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket. Pressed 110 to dial the police. "Sumeragi-san, I'm going to place you under arrest," I said firmly. "Given that you seem to have sought me out specifically to confess I hope you'll continue this mitigating behaviour and not resist, and in return I'll make sure I'm the one to take your statement and formal confession." The phone connected and I put it to my ear, never taking my eyes off Sumeragi who simply stood there. "Hello? Yeah, this is Detective Kobayashi, I'd like to request back-up for an arrest at 2-15-2 Tsukasa-cho, Kand-"
The phone buzzed with static. I blinked at it and frowned, wondering if I was standing in a dead-spot or something, only to realize that the street I was in was now completely dark. And I mean completely. So much so that I couldn't even see the buildings on either side of me let alone the street-lamp. Suddenly I felt very cold. "You mistake me, Kobayashi-san," I heard Sumeragi say softly. "I did not come to confess."
Left, right, up, down, no matter where I looked there was nothing but black. Even my feet didn't seem to be making any impact on anything. "What the-! What the hell's going on?!"
"I came to congratulate you on your retirement." Eyes wide, I spun around. Sumeragi was standing next to me so close I could see how cool his weird gold eye was. An eye that now, belatedly, I realized I had seen before. The green eye on the other hand was full of regret. "And also … I want to say I'm sorry."
Even now, with things spiraling out my control and even my comprehension, I couldn't keep my mouth shut. "What for?" I asked mechanically.
"You've become your own man, Kobayashi-san, no longer part of the police and duty-bound to their rules." Sumeragi's soft voice seemed to be turning into a wind, a wind that had a strange, sweet smell to it. My heart was starting to race. "More importantly, you're also very determined and very honourable. Eventually one day you'll wake up and realize how much you miss your old life, and then you'll come looking for me. Knowing you, you'll find me. I can't have that."
The wind was beginning to roar. It made me think of that last time I had seen Sumeragi, all those years ago when Shigure and I had walked in on him on his work. What that work had been I never really knew despite having been told that Sumeragi was some kind of spiritual magician, and I had never been able to find out. Magic didn't make sense. Magic didn't exist.
Magic was now happening around me.
Sumeragi didn't move; all he did was look at me with those freaky eyes. Horrified I stepped away from him only to realize that the roaring wind was filled with tiny pale pink flower petals. Even as I watched they multiplied until I was literally surrounded by the stuff, all of it swirling and surging like a living thing. What was it that classics professor had said all those years ago? A magical storm of sakura blossoms.
In that moment, I knew.
"No, wait - please!" Desperately I reached out to Sumeragi - no, the Sakurazukamori - only to be stopped as the cherry blossoms literally engulfed my hand in a suffocating wall. "You don't - you don't have to do this!"
"Perhaps not." Flowers in my nose, in my mouth - I gagged and choked, an agonizing pain in my chest- "Unfortunately, it's not for me to decide. I'm sorry."
My vision was filled with sakura petals. Impossible to speak or even breathe now, even though the pain in my chest was fading … briefly I wondered who would find me, who out of all the friends I had seen and farewelled tonight would get my case, and if it was Ayako and Shigure, how long or if they would let grief overcome them before working to avenge me. I wondered how far they would get before they were forced to give up. Inevitably, but, I wasn't wondering anything at all.
Pink flowers turned to peaceful white. I suppose that wasn't so bad.
* * *
The sakura quietened, melting away with the maboroshi like whispering snow allowing the street-lamp return to life. They left behind a man lying on the pavement, an old man, grey and weathered, with a hint of paunch and eyes of faded brown that stared almost confusedly up at the starless sky. Had it not been for the liver-spotted hands curled defiantly into claws, he could have been about to sleep. There was a blinking cell-phone beside him.
Subaru knelt down beside the man. "I'm sorry," he murmured, hoping that even if the man couldn't hear him anymore the released spirit could. One small defiance of the Sakura he now served. "I'm so sorry - I waited for you to say goodbye, but other than that there was nothing I could do.
"I have no right to ask anything of you but if you see Seishirou-san, please, tell him that I miss him?"
The dead man didn't answer. Expressionlessly Subaru reached out to shut his eyes. Then he stood up, tightened the worn, faded red scarf around his neck, and silently turned to leave. Behind him the cell-phone was ringing; after two tries it went straight to voicemail.
"Kobayashi, are you there? It's Ayako, I just got a call from dispatch, what's going on? Hello? Can you hear me? Hello, pick up-"
Feeble echoes in a mournful street. There was no one left to hear it.
~owari~