drhoz
in
wtf_nature
The Top Ten List of Animal Dickery
Because one of the commentators on the Katedickery post encouraged me to do so...
The Top Ten List of Animal Dickery
Keep in mind that this list is completely subjective - not only do my own prejudices show, but these species are incapable of ethical judgement anyway. They exist in a moral vacuum where being an Utter Bastard is a perfectly valid ecological niche.
Appropriately enough for a list of assorted dickery, most of these entries revolve around sex in one way or another...
#10 - Photuris Fireflies
The Predatory Katydids in the earlier post are the first known example of aggressive acoustic mimicry - these beetles are a well-known example of aggressive bioluminescent mimicry. Fireflies males signal to attract the attention of the females on the ground below. When she flashes back - and the signal varies from species to species - he flies down to meet her.
But if he tries this anywhere near a Photuris there's a good chance he'll end up associated with the other end of her then the one he was expecting. These femme fatale beetles are so good at turning other fireflies into dinner that male Photuris frequently pretend to be other species to get her attention, and only switch to their own signals at the last minute.
#9 - Bluegill Sunfish
Most Bluegill Sunfish males are big buff macho swine, jealously guarding their territory in North American freshwater habitats, and attempting to impress passing females. Plenty of opportunity for Dickery there, true, but it IS a good way to ensure the next generation of males are also big buff macho swine. But some males are smaller, and indistinguishable from the females - at least to the male that just happily allowed 'her' into his territory. And when a real female shows up, the bishy fishy joins in the courtship, and fertilizes her eggs at the same moment as the big male. Threesomes are all very well and good, but being sure of what gender balance you're romping with would be helpful. To make matters worse, there are even smaller males that zip in at the last moment and make their own contribution to the proceedings.
#8 - Sponge Lice
Paracerceis sculpta have it even worse. Not only do they face the same problem of transvestite males and tiny males rubbing their rhubarb, the big males are harem-keepers, jealously fighting off any other alpha males and keeping his females in the sponge behind him. But whilst the harem-master is out the front doing whatever the louse equivalent of beating his chest is, the beta and gamma males are behind his back going "Helllllooo, ladies!" and impregnating everyone in sight. The females are fine with this. Indeed, it's suspected that the tiny males that run rings around the alpha male are actually females that switched sex. Apparently sponge lice get as sick of macho bullshit as humans do.
They're probably not so happy about the fact that juvenile sponge lice are carnivorous and cannibalistic.
#7 - Slavemaker ants
It starts off with an assassination - a fertilized Formica sanguinea infiltrating the nest of another species, killing their queen, and taking over. Her own children are great at killing, and not much else, but this isn't a problem, since as soon as they emerge from their pupae they'll be out scouting for other ant nests to raid, slaughter the inhabitants, and cart off their eggs and pupae to be the next generation of slaves.
Polyergus breviceps does the same thing, in the US, enslaving Formica. They're so specialised they can't even look after themselves. Photos here. Here's a video - slave-raider ants start around 2:00
#6 - Frigate birds
Now for one not related to sex...
Frigate birds are large sea birds, capable of dazzling acrobatics. They're also professional muggers, harassing red-footed boobies as they return to the nest, until the boobies throw up in panic. The friggin' frigates then catch the regurgitated meal before it hits the water, and the booby has to go home and explain why the kids will be going hungry tonight.
And if they don't catch them on the homeward commute, the frigate birds can still launch a home invasion during dinner, and steal the food from between the baby's very jaws
#5 - Fangtooth Blenny
The symbiosis between Cleaner Wrasse and other fish is well known. Even large carnivores will queue politely for their turn at the cleaning station, where the Wrasse will diligently clean any wounds, pick off any parasites, and inspect the fishes teeth, mouth, and gills. But if Cleaner Wrasses are the doctors and dentists of the fish world, Fangtooth Blennys are the Hannibal Lectors. Or possibly that dentist from Little Shop of Horrors. They look very like the real cleaners, and do the same advertising dance. But when a fish relaxes for a manicure, or whatnot, the false cleaner bites out a mouthful of flesh, and flees before the larger fish gets over the shock. Human divers are not immune, either.
#4 - Termite Assassin
Assassin Bugs are already pretty horrible predators, what with the way they stab a hollow beak into the body of their prey and inject digestive enzymes... but the Termite Assassin Salyavata variegata just had to find a way to raise the level of squick. It lurks near termite tunnels, stabbing and sucking dry one termite after another... because it uses the corpse of its last victim as bait for the next. The next worker that comes along will investigate the corpse prior to dragging it off to the mound's garbage heap, and end up a meal instead.
But at least it isn't Acanthaspis. THAT Assassin Bug goes around wearing the skins of its victims.
#3 - Cuckoos
The best known of a large group of flying bastards. Goldeneye ducks, Old World Cuckoos in Eurasia and Australia, Cowbirds and Black-headed Ducks in the Americas, and Indigobirds, Whydahs, and Honeyguides in Africa all brood parasites, doing their best to get some other poor sod raise their babies. There are also cuckoo bees and cuckoo catfish. Naturally, the other birds don't appreciate this and have invented such tricks as variable egg colouration so they can spot the substitute, but it's still widespread. Once the changeling hatches the host is in trouble, because the young cuckoo is expert at monopolising the foster-parent attention, even when it's much larger than the host.
One way the cuckoo ensures it gets all the food is by turfing out the real children of the host - there's a patch of skin on its back, when newly hatched, that if touched gets a 'shove whatever this is away' reaction from the cuckoo. If it's another egg, the cuckoo shoulders it out of the nest before its eyes have even opened.
David Attenborough for the win...
#2 - Lions
Humans have been obsessing about these sods since Palaeolithic times. They star in European cave paintings - and even back then, it was the lionesses doing the hunting.
The lions themselves get to lie around, hog the best food (frequently tucking in whilst the prey is still alive), have sex 40 times a day, and defend their harem from wandering males. Once they get a bit slower - possibly from sexual exhaustion - other lions will oust them from their position and kill any cubs in the pride. That brings the females back into oestrous, so he has a chance of fathering a few before he gets ousted
Didn't see much of that in Lion King. Scar wasn't enough of a bastard - although occasionally a pair of lion brothers will team up to take over a pride... which adds a whole new level of squick to the relationships later in the movies.
#1 - Sacculina
Some of you might have expected me to include the tongue-eating parasite somewhere on this list - but it's hardly a bastard. Sure, the fish loses its tongue... but gains a perfectly serviceable isopod replacement. And think of of the party tricks it can do now "Hey! I'm going to wave at you with my tongue!"
But for sheer, uncompromising dickery it's difficult to beat this parasitic barnacle, so dedicated to being a bastard that it looks and behaves more like a cancer than a crustacean, that not only ruins the ability of the host to regenerate from injury, and not only subverts the crab's reproduction to making a giant spongy barnacle sex-mass in replace of the crab's eggs.... it does this to male crabs as well. Leaving them crippled, feminized, and mindlessly tending the mass of Sacculina eggs now occupying it's new brood pouch as if it were a pregnant female crab.
Go see Bogleech for more - his page is an excellent source for these sort of stuff
And by all means, suggest other contenders :D
The Top Ten List of Animal Dickery
Keep in mind that this list is completely subjective - not only do my own prejudices show, but these species are incapable of ethical judgement anyway. They exist in a moral vacuum where being an Utter Bastard is a perfectly valid ecological niche.
Appropriately enough for a list of assorted dickery, most of these entries revolve around sex in one way or another...
#10 - Photuris Fireflies
The Predatory Katydids in the earlier post are the first known example of aggressive acoustic mimicry - these beetles are a well-known example of aggressive bioluminescent mimicry. Fireflies males signal to attract the attention of the females on the ground below. When she flashes back - and the signal varies from species to species - he flies down to meet her.
But if he tries this anywhere near a Photuris there's a good chance he'll end up associated with the other end of her then the one he was expecting. These femme fatale beetles are so good at turning other fireflies into dinner that male Photuris frequently pretend to be other species to get her attention, and only switch to their own signals at the last minute.
#9 - Bluegill Sunfish
Most Bluegill Sunfish males are big buff macho swine, jealously guarding their territory in North American freshwater habitats, and attempting to impress passing females. Plenty of opportunity for Dickery there, true, but it IS a good way to ensure the next generation of males are also big buff macho swine. But some males are smaller, and indistinguishable from the females - at least to the male that just happily allowed 'her' into his territory. And when a real female shows up, the bishy fishy joins in the courtship, and fertilizes her eggs at the same moment as the big male. Threesomes are all very well and good, but being sure of what gender balance you're romping with would be helpful. To make matters worse, there are even smaller males that zip in at the last moment and make their own contribution to the proceedings.
#8 - Sponge Lice
Paracerceis sculpta have it even worse. Not only do they face the same problem of transvestite males and tiny males rubbing their rhubarb, the big males are harem-keepers, jealously fighting off any other alpha males and keeping his females in the sponge behind him. But whilst the harem-master is out the front doing whatever the louse equivalent of beating his chest is, the beta and gamma males are behind his back going "Helllllooo, ladies!" and impregnating everyone in sight. The females are fine with this. Indeed, it's suspected that the tiny males that run rings around the alpha male are actually females that switched sex. Apparently sponge lice get as sick of macho bullshit as humans do.
They're probably not so happy about the fact that juvenile sponge lice are carnivorous and cannibalistic.
#7 - Slavemaker ants
It starts off with an assassination - a fertilized Formica sanguinea infiltrating the nest of another species, killing their queen, and taking over. Her own children are great at killing, and not much else, but this isn't a problem, since as soon as they emerge from their pupae they'll be out scouting for other ant nests to raid, slaughter the inhabitants, and cart off their eggs and pupae to be the next generation of slaves.
Polyergus breviceps does the same thing, in the US, enslaving Formica. They're so specialised they can't even look after themselves. Photos here. Here's a video - slave-raider ants start around 2:00
#6 - Frigate birds
Now for one not related to sex...
Frigate birds are large sea birds, capable of dazzling acrobatics. They're also professional muggers, harassing red-footed boobies as they return to the nest, until the boobies throw up in panic. The friggin' frigates then catch the regurgitated meal before it hits the water, and the booby has to go home and explain why the kids will be going hungry tonight.
And if they don't catch them on the homeward commute, the frigate birds can still launch a home invasion during dinner, and steal the food from between the baby's very jaws
Click to view#5 - Fangtooth Blenny
The symbiosis between Cleaner Wrasse and other fish is well known. Even large carnivores will queue politely for their turn at the cleaning station, where the Wrasse will diligently clean any wounds, pick off any parasites, and inspect the fishes teeth, mouth, and gills. But if Cleaner Wrasses are the doctors and dentists of the fish world, Fangtooth Blennys are the Hannibal Lectors. Or possibly that dentist from Little Shop of Horrors. They look very like the real cleaners, and do the same advertising dance. But when a fish relaxes for a manicure, or whatnot, the false cleaner bites out a mouthful of flesh, and flees before the larger fish gets over the shock. Human divers are not immune, either.
#4 - Termite Assassin
Assassin Bugs are already pretty horrible predators, what with the way they stab a hollow beak into the body of their prey and inject digestive enzymes... but the Termite Assassin Salyavata variegata just had to find a way to raise the level of squick. It lurks near termite tunnels, stabbing and sucking dry one termite after another... because it uses the corpse of its last victim as bait for the next. The next worker that comes along will investigate the corpse prior to dragging it off to the mound's garbage heap, and end up a meal instead.
But at least it isn't Acanthaspis. THAT Assassin Bug goes around wearing the skins of its victims.
#3 - Cuckoos
The best known of a large group of flying bastards. Goldeneye ducks, Old World Cuckoos in Eurasia and Australia, Cowbirds and Black-headed Ducks in the Americas, and Indigobirds, Whydahs, and Honeyguides in Africa all brood parasites, doing their best to get some other poor sod raise their babies. There are also cuckoo bees and cuckoo catfish. Naturally, the other birds don't appreciate this and have invented such tricks as variable egg colouration so they can spot the substitute, but it's still widespread. Once the changeling hatches the host is in trouble, because the young cuckoo is expert at monopolising the foster-parent attention, even when it's much larger than the host.
One way the cuckoo ensures it gets all the food is by turfing out the real children of the host - there's a patch of skin on its back, when newly hatched, that if touched gets a 'shove whatever this is away' reaction from the cuckoo. If it's another egg, the cuckoo shoulders it out of the nest before its eyes have even opened.
David Attenborough for the win...
#2 - Lions
Humans have been obsessing about these sods since Palaeolithic times. They star in European cave paintings - and even back then, it was the lionesses doing the hunting.
The lions themselves get to lie around, hog the best food (frequently tucking in whilst the prey is still alive), have sex 40 times a day, and defend their harem from wandering males. Once they get a bit slower - possibly from sexual exhaustion - other lions will oust them from their position and kill any cubs in the pride. That brings the females back into oestrous, so he has a chance of fathering a few before he gets ousted
Didn't see much of that in Lion King. Scar wasn't enough of a bastard - although occasionally a pair of lion brothers will team up to take over a pride... which adds a whole new level of squick to the relationships later in the movies.
#1 - Sacculina
Some of you might have expected me to include the tongue-eating parasite somewhere on this list - but it's hardly a bastard. Sure, the fish loses its tongue... but gains a perfectly serviceable isopod replacement. And think of of the party tricks it can do now "Hey! I'm going to wave at you with my tongue!"
But for sheer, uncompromising dickery it's difficult to beat this parasitic barnacle, so dedicated to being a bastard that it looks and behaves more like a cancer than a crustacean, that not only ruins the ability of the host to regenerate from injury, and not only subverts the crab's reproduction to making a giant spongy barnacle sex-mass in replace of the crab's eggs.... it does this to male crabs as well. Leaving them crippled, feminized, and mindlessly tending the mass of Sacculina eggs now occupying it's new brood pouch as if it were a pregnant female crab.
Go see Bogleech for more - his page is an excellent source for these sort of stuff
And by all means, suggest other contenders :D