the last days of the century
Title: the last days of the century
Pairing: Yoochun-centric OT5
Rating: G
Summary: Even gods who rise must learn how to set.
ranalore made this better. Title and section headers from Dar Williams' 'The End Of The Summer'
the end of the summer
Dong Bang Shin Ki's last tour is a hectic affair: twelve countries, thirty-four cities, almost six months. It's a long, drawn out dying that wears them all down, for all that they love the performances themselves. Yoochun cries after almost every show, and Jaejoong has precious little energy left to wipe away the tears; Junsu is too exhausted to crack a silly joke and make him smile; Changmin's stoic mask and Yunho's quiet desperation only make Yoochun turn into a corner, silent tears down his cheeks.
Their last concert is in Seoul, of course, at the height of summer, in the Olympic stadium. "I am Xiah Junsu I am Micky Yoochun I am Youngwoong Jaejoong I am Choikang Changmin I am U-know Yunho We are Dong Bang Shin Ki," they say, and manage to smile, weak and shaky, and so proud, of themselves and each other. In the end it's not just Yoochun who cries, they all do: Junsu with his face crumpled, sobbing; Changmin near-silently, the way he'd taught himself to not long after debut; Jaejoong with his head down and hand over his mouth, shoulders shaking, looking almost as he does when he laughs; Yunho sitting on the edge of the stage, whispering "I love you, goodbye," so quietly that the mike at his side barely catches it, and Yoochun can't tell who the words are meant for. Afterwards, when it's over, they cling together as if they will never see each other again, as if they are closing ranks around a missing person, not just a fading name.
***
going to the moon instead
A week later, the apartment is all packed up, and they're ready to go their separate ways. Yunho's going home for a while, to spend some more time with his family, now that he's free to. Junsu's going to be SM's newest solo artist, of course. Yoochun's going to a new apartment, with a tiny studio - he's sold a few songs over the years and now he'll need to finish and sell more; it won't be a hardship. Changmin's going back to college. And Jaejoong - Jaejoong's going to see the world, at last just as himself and not as Hero Jaejoong, fulfilling hopes confessed to Yoochun in the middle of the night when the others were safely asleep, and in stolen English 'lessons' between schedules. In the end Jaejoong and Yoochun are the last ones left, standing in the shell of the place that was their home. "Come back safe," Yoochun says, and pulls Jaejoong into a hug.
"Always," Jaejoong says, and smiles a little wetly, head tucked into the curve of Yoochun's neck, "I'll just look for the stars rising in the east if I get lost."
He's right, Yoochun realises. Even if Dong Bang Shin Ki is over, they'll always be able to see the rising gods in each other. He smiles against Jaejoong's skin, and lets him go.
***
this less hazy light
Three days after they say goodbye, Jaejoong calls Yoochun from Sydney airport, sounding exhausted as he always is after long flights, and happy. Yoochun smiles as Jaejoong rattles off all the things he plans to see, as if Yoochun hasn't heard it all a hundred times before, and then Jaejoong's yelping "My suitcase! Gotta go!" and hanging up. Yoochun laughs a little to himself, and dials Yunho's number to tell him that Jaejoong (and his suitcase) have landed safely. Yunho is visiting Changmin, and so Yoochun listens to them pass the phone back and forth between themselves, and repeats everything twice, and doesn't say a word about the meeting he's getting progressively later for. When Changmin and Yunho say goodbye at last, Yoochun calls Junsu and leaves a message; Junsu comes over for dinner that evening, and stays longer than he should. Yoochun drives Junsu back to his apartment, and watches the sunrise over Seoul on his way home.
***
felt like the first day of school
Yoochun keeps catching himself listening for the door, waiting for it to open and close, for the tramp of four other sets of feet, for the clatter of pans in the kitchen and laughter in the living room. He shakes himself, and tells himself to stop being so foolish. He'll have to get used to it eventually, he thinks. But not now, not just yet. For now, he'll keep an ear open for singing in the shower, for the rattle of hangers in the bedroom, for a whispered conversation in the corridor before the door opens and someone enters to drag him out of the workroom to eat, to play, to work, somewhere with the rest of them.
***
hang your flowers up to dry
After that first phone call from Jaejoong, it's two days before Changmin calls Yoochun, sounding indignant - he's been sent a picture of Jaejoong's crocodile steak dinner - and a few days after that (four) Yunho gets a practically novel-length email, with details of everything Jaejoong's done and seen, that all four of them cluster around a single computer screen to read.
It takes over two weeks - ten more days of random photographs and short, occasionally cryptic messages at unexpected moments on Yoochun's phone and in his email inbox, or Junsu's, or Changmin's, or Yunho's - for the internet to realise that the rumors of Jaejoong in Australia are based on truth, and by then he's on a plane to South Africa.
After that, Yoochun stops counting the days.
***
we push ourselves ahead
Junsu drags Yoochun into the studio to practice with him after a while. "It's not so much fun alone," Junsu whines, putting on his saddest face, and Yoochun has no hope of defending himself against it. Later he sits back against the mirror wall while Junsu dances, jotting down fragments of lyrics and the snippet of melody Junsu hummed as Yoochun warmed up at the piano.
***
today you closed the door
When Yoochun knocks perfunctorily and lets himself in, Changmin is eating watermelon in the kitchen, textbook propped up in front of him. "I didn't think you'd be home," Yoochun says, "or I'd have rung."
Changmin waves a hand. "Class cancelled. Lecturer's sick," he says, through a mouthful of fruit. He swallows, and adds, "You have a key so you can let yourself in."
"I just came to return this." Yoochun holds up a CD case. "It's yours, isn't it?"
"Yeah, that's mine, but I don't know why you're returning it now. You've had it for years."
"We don't live in the same place any more," Yoochun points out.
Changmin sighs and looks up from his textbook again to say, "Don't be an idiot, Yoochun-hyung. Now let me study in peace." And that, apparently, is the end of that conversation.
***
just some moments when
Yoochun wakes up on Changmin's couch, and steps carefully over the soundly-sleeping Junsu on the floor into the kitchen, where he finds Yunho trying to make coffee as quietly as possible. "Morning," Yoochun says, passing Yunho the sugar before he has to ask. "Changmin and Jaejoong still asleep?" Yoochun continues, before the second name startles him fully awake and he remembers that Jaejoong has never been in this room.
"I don't think Changmin's awake yet," Yunho replies, drops an arm around Yoochun's shoulders and squeezes gently before passing him a mug.
Yoochun sips, nearly scalding his tongue, listens to Yunho ramble about his classes and lecturers, and almost manages to forget again.
(Jaejoong's just down the hall, still curled up in bed; brushing his teeth while Changmin showers; stealing a five-minute nap on the living room floor next to Junsu; in the kitchen with them, laughing with one hand over his mouth and stirring his tea with the other.)
***
packed up every room
Jaejoong sends Yunho a parcel with all of their names on it. The four of them open the parcel together, pulling out tacky souvenirs - carved seashells and cast-resin models with sloppy paintwork, 'Greetings from...' splashed across cheap cotton teatowels in lurid colours, a boomerang, a Tanzanian flag, a Moroccan teapot - and at the bottom they find a CD of photos: Jaejoong smiling and flashing a 'V' at the camera on the beach; in front of famous buildings and natural wonders; sitting in a jeep on safari; loaded down with shopping at markets; in a series of hotel rooms with city skylines for backdrops. Yoochun laughs as Junsu and Changmin wrestle over the tackiest of the teatowels, as Yunho cringes and says, "That's hideous, Changmin, do you really want it in the flat, please let Junsu have it!" which only makes Changmin cling harder, at the sound of tearing cloth as they separate, each triumphantly clutching a ragged half, at the indignant dolphin-screech as Junsu lifts his seashell model out of its box to discover that, while he was distracted, Yoochun has left him the one that fell apart when touched.
***
just forgot that he was leaving
At some point, without any of them quite realising how, Changmin's flat becomes Yunho's too, the spare room/office Yunho had been using while he looked for a flat of his own becomes Yunho's room. When Yoochun rings the doorbell, he expects Yunho to answer the door as often as Changmin does, and stops waiting for a phone call from Yunho asking for Yoochun's help with moving. When Yoochun sees Yunho and Changmin with their heads bent together over the electricity and internet and water bills, Yoochun can't restrain the impulse to draw their attention to their domesticity. The outraged glare and the furious blush make him double over with laughter, gasping out a not entirely serious apology when he can catch enough breath.
***
we have to get a move on
"... and don't forget to feed the baby!" Jaejoong says, as his parting shot. Yoochun doesn't argue that 'the baby' is perfectly capable of feeding himself, let alone that he's never really been a baby. Instead, Yoochun calls Changmin, who is easy enough to persuade over even without the promise of food.
They eat kimchi jjigae and rice in Yoochun's kitchen, talking about their first night in Japan, and the homesick days after it. About how sometimes all they could do was gather in the kitchen and persuade Jaejoong to make food that just couldn't taste quite the same as it did at home, and about how despite that it was just close enough, with the five of them knocking elbows around the tiny table.
***
going to learn again
Jaejoong's family invite Yoochun to spend Christmas and New Year with them, and he's grateful to be able to say "Sorry, but I've already made plans with Yunho," with complete truth. Jaejoong's family are wonderful, but he can't imagine being there without him. Yunho takes Yoochun home with him instead, and they sleep in Yunho's childhood bedroom, whispering goodnight across the narrow gap between the beds. In the dark, Yoochun waits a moment for the chorus of three other voices before he remembers when he is. All the same, he sleeps better for the sound of another person breathing in the same room than he has in weeks. And when he wakes up from a nightmare, it's not to silence, but to Yunho's hand on his shoulder and Yunho's voice telling him it's all right.
***
held on to his sleeves
Yoochun's been waiting almost fifteen minutes when Junsu finally appears through the crowd, dragging a protesting Changmin along by the hand. "I have class, Junsu-hyung!" Changmin's saying as they come into earshot, but Junsu ignores him with the ease of long practice.
"Sorry!" Junsu says when he comes to a stop in front of Yoochun (and doesn't let go of Changmin), "I had to persuade this one to come too."
"Abduction is not persuading!"
"I asked if you wanted to come, you said you had class, I got you to come anyway. Persuading!"
Changmin digs a finger into Junsu's side in a bid to escape, and when Junsu giggles but doesn't let go, Changmin tries looking to Yoochun for support.
"Oh, no," Yoochun says, "I'm staying out of this one!" Getting between Junsu and Changmin is just asking for trouble, and sometimes Yoochun knows better.
***
and you both look so young
The four of them celebrate Jaejoong's birthday together, and send him photos of the cake. Jaejoong sends back a picture of himself, blowing out a candle by a river. None of them recognise the setting, or have any idea who might have held the camera.
***
flowers in a lightning storm
Five months after Dong Bang Shin Ki performed for the last time, Junsu records his first solo album. Yoochun writes the title song, something he'd been working on for years across the room from Junsu, lines and pieces of melody here and there. Changmin guests on track 7, in the duet Junsu had insisted on. Yunho drills the dancers to perfection in preparation for the release. And two weeks before the first performance, a copy of the CD is special-delivered to Jaejoong's hotel in Vienna. The four of them are having dinner when Junsu's phone rings, and he puts it on speaker so that they can all hear Jaejoong laughing, and sniffing a little, and telling them it's beautiful I wish I was there.
***
never be the same
Yoochun watches Junsu's 'debut' performance live on TV with Changmin. Yoochun sees Junsu stand in the spotlight for the whole length of the song, listens to the fans chanting only one name.
"I didn't think I'd miss it this much," Changmin says suddenly from the floor, where he's leaning against Yoochun's legs.
Yoochun threads his fingers through Changmin's hair, and says, "I know."
***
we give our testimony
The thank yous at the back of Junsu's album bring all the old Dong Bang Shin Ki fans out of hiding, and their screams are probably capable of deafening half the country.
Junsu doesn't tell anyone that it may have been 'his' album, but those were Yoochun's words - not that Junsu disagreed at all.
***
the high school, the river, the maple tree
To celebrate his first sale to a major company that's not SM, Yoochun meets Changmin and Yunho for dinner. (Junsu's busy with promotion, and doesn't apologise too hard. Yoochun knows what it's like, after all.)
Yoochun's a little late, and when he slides into their favourite booth at their usual restaurant, he's not surprised at all to see that Changmin is asleep on Yunho's shoulder.
"Think he'll wake up for the food?" Yoochun asks.
Yunho smiles a greeting, and nods at the approaching waitress. "We'll find out in a moment," he says, and nudges Changmin awake.
***
the fields beyond the fields
When Yoochun moves apartments to a slightly bigger place, Junsu and Changmin help him move, rattling boxes Yoochun marked 'Fragile', laughing and bumping into each other as they charge down the stairs to unload the car again until Yoochun's heart is in his mouth as he waits for one or both of them to take a tumble to their doom. Yoochun wishes Yunho were there to help save them from themselves, but Yunho is buried in his textbooks, with exams coming up soon, and none of them expect him emerge for the rest of the week.
"Yah, Junsu!" Yoochun yells from a safe place at the top of the flight, "Your managers will never forgive me if you get killed here!"
"Your problem!" Junsu shouts back, and beats Changmin to the bottom by milliseconds.
Changmin pouts at Yoochun on his way back up the stairs. "Don't you care about me any more, Yoochun-hyung?" and is past before Yoochun can respond.
Later, Junsu and Changmin play Playstation games sitting cross-legged on Yoochun's floor while Yoochun puts the last things away, and it's not until Junsu is draped over Changmin's lap, saying it's too late and that he's exhausted from the move, and can't they stay over, Yoochun, please? that Yoochun realises he hadn't owned a Playstation before the move.
***
when your family makes sense
Yoochun has a photo on his desk of Dong Bang Shin Ki at the very beginning, five boys and their new manager. They look so awkward, those boys, so new, and Yoochun can hardly imagine being one of them sometimes. Then Junsu rings his doorbell and demands they watch a movie right now, doesn't Yoochun know that Junsu's a big star and his time is valuable? Or Changmin texts, informing Yoochun that Changmin needs someone to practice his English with, and they'll be meeting that weekend. Or Yunho calls, just to say hello and how's it going. Or there's a new email from Jaejoong, filling Yoochun in on his latest adventures. Then Yoochun remembers that those boys grew up, not apart, and he can never stop being one of them.
***
there you go, my friends
Yunho falls ill, and Yoochun is put in charge of making sure he gets some rest, because they all know how terrible Yunho is at taking care of himself. Yoochun has to practically wrestle Yunho into bed at first; not a very difficult task, considering how wrung out Yunho is. But later, when Yoochun comes in to check on Yunho, he's soundly asleep, snoring slightly. Yoochun lays the back of his hand against Yunho's forehead to see if the fever has come down at all, and Yunho mumbles in his sleep and turns into the touch. The stuffed deer held safely in the crook of one arm is exposed by the movement, and Yoochun smiles, remembering all of the countries that deer has visited with them, all of the hotel rooms it's turned into home for a night or two. Even they can forget sometimes how childlike their fearless leader can be, until they're reminded by something like this. Yoochun sits on the side of the bed and strokes fingers through Yunho's hair until he settles into sleep again - and then Yoochun stays a bit longer, just because he can.
***
the same things looked different
In April, Jaejoong emails Yoochun from New York, and tells him about an open mic night in a tiny bar, about singing in a language no-one else there understood, and moving people anyway; about the pianist who had accompanied himself for a cover of 'Back at One'; about the boy with the incredible range; about the tall bass who duetted with a girl whose smile lit up the room; about how none of them compared to what Jaejoong had lived with so long.
***
blows the autumn through my head
Yoochun starts writing a song which may never be sung, a five part melody he hadn't had the time to write when the right people were all in the right place.
***
the farms that made it
Yunho agrees to come driving with Yoochun, late one evening when Changmin's already deep asleep. They drop by Junsu's to pick him up too, and Yoochun drives out of Seoul to the sound of laughter in the back seat as Junsu teases Yunho about something Yoochun can't quite catch, and Yunho splutters and pouts, and teases back. Junsu hangs over the back of Yoochun's seat to demand his support. Yoochun winks into the rear-view mirror at Yunho, and agrees with Junsu in his lightest, fakest voice. Later, it falls silent, and when Yoochun glances in the mirror again, he sees they're both asleep, curled into each other. Yoochun smiles to himself, (turns to smile at Jaejoong,) and keeps driving.
***
we wonder where we are
"What do you think he's looking for?"
"It's Jaejoong. I don't think even he knows exactly what he's looking for."
"When do you think he'll come back?"
"I don't know. When he finds something, or gets tired of looking, I suppose."
***
just that time of year
Jaejoong calls Yoochun on his birthday, bare minutes past midnight, despite a sixteen-hour time difference (it takes Yoochun a few minutes to calculate the exact difference, later).
"Happy birthday, Yoochunnie," Jaejoong says when Yoochun answers.
"Thank you," Yoochun says. "When're you coming home, Jaejoong? We miss you." He only realises when the words are out that he hasn't said it before.
"Soon," Jaejoong replies. "I'll be home soon."
***
spin the light to gold
It's the beginning of July, and none of them have heard from Jaejoong in almost three weeks, when Yoochun comes out of his studio and checks the answerphone to find a message in a voice he knows as well as his own. "The Han River at sunrise?" is all it says.
Sunrise is at 7.09 that morning, but Yoochun's already parking his car at five to. He walks out of the car park and down the bank, to the person already waiting there.
"I knew you'd be early," Jaejoong says, turning and smiling at him, looking older and healthier, and happy, and Yoochun's traitorous eyes fill with tears.
He hugs Jaejoong, not asking when he got back, or why he didn't just come over. He will have his reasons, and time will reveal them, in general. When Yoochun hears the sound of another car drawing to a stop and turns around at last, he sees the other three at the top of the bank in a wash of colour, silhouetted against the rising sun.
Pairing: Yoochun-centric OT5
Rating: G
Summary: Even gods who rise must learn how to set.
ranalore made this better. Title and section headers from Dar Williams' 'The End Of The Summer'
the end of the summer
Dong Bang Shin Ki's last tour is a hectic affair: twelve countries, thirty-four cities, almost six months. It's a long, drawn out dying that wears them all down, for all that they love the performances themselves. Yoochun cries after almost every show, and Jaejoong has precious little energy left to wipe away the tears; Junsu is too exhausted to crack a silly joke and make him smile; Changmin's stoic mask and Yunho's quiet desperation only make Yoochun turn into a corner, silent tears down his cheeks.
Their last concert is in Seoul, of course, at the height of summer, in the Olympic stadium. "I am Xiah Junsu I am Micky Yoochun I am Youngwoong Jaejoong I am Choikang Changmin I am U-know Yunho We are Dong Bang Shin Ki," they say, and manage to smile, weak and shaky, and so proud, of themselves and each other. In the end it's not just Yoochun who cries, they all do: Junsu with his face crumpled, sobbing; Changmin near-silently, the way he'd taught himself to not long after debut; Jaejoong with his head down and hand over his mouth, shoulders shaking, looking almost as he does when he laughs; Yunho sitting on the edge of the stage, whispering "I love you, goodbye," so quietly that the mike at his side barely catches it, and Yoochun can't tell who the words are meant for. Afterwards, when it's over, they cling together as if they will never see each other again, as if they are closing ranks around a missing person, not just a fading name.
***
going to the moon instead
A week later, the apartment is all packed up, and they're ready to go their separate ways. Yunho's going home for a while, to spend some more time with his family, now that he's free to. Junsu's going to be SM's newest solo artist, of course. Yoochun's going to a new apartment, with a tiny studio - he's sold a few songs over the years and now he'll need to finish and sell more; it won't be a hardship. Changmin's going back to college. And Jaejoong - Jaejoong's going to see the world, at last just as himself and not as Hero Jaejoong, fulfilling hopes confessed to Yoochun in the middle of the night when the others were safely asleep, and in stolen English 'lessons' between schedules. In the end Jaejoong and Yoochun are the last ones left, standing in the shell of the place that was their home. "Come back safe," Yoochun says, and pulls Jaejoong into a hug.
"Always," Jaejoong says, and smiles a little wetly, head tucked into the curve of Yoochun's neck, "I'll just look for the stars rising in the east if I get lost."
He's right, Yoochun realises. Even if Dong Bang Shin Ki is over, they'll always be able to see the rising gods in each other. He smiles against Jaejoong's skin, and lets him go.
***
this less hazy light
Three days after they say goodbye, Jaejoong calls Yoochun from Sydney airport, sounding exhausted as he always is after long flights, and happy. Yoochun smiles as Jaejoong rattles off all the things he plans to see, as if Yoochun hasn't heard it all a hundred times before, and then Jaejoong's yelping "My suitcase! Gotta go!" and hanging up. Yoochun laughs a little to himself, and dials Yunho's number to tell him that Jaejoong (and his suitcase) have landed safely. Yunho is visiting Changmin, and so Yoochun listens to them pass the phone back and forth between themselves, and repeats everything twice, and doesn't say a word about the meeting he's getting progressively later for. When Changmin and Yunho say goodbye at last, Yoochun calls Junsu and leaves a message; Junsu comes over for dinner that evening, and stays longer than he should. Yoochun drives Junsu back to his apartment, and watches the sunrise over Seoul on his way home.
***
felt like the first day of school
Yoochun keeps catching himself listening for the door, waiting for it to open and close, for the tramp of four other sets of feet, for the clatter of pans in the kitchen and laughter in the living room. He shakes himself, and tells himself to stop being so foolish. He'll have to get used to it eventually, he thinks. But not now, not just yet. For now, he'll keep an ear open for singing in the shower, for the rattle of hangers in the bedroom, for a whispered conversation in the corridor before the door opens and someone enters to drag him out of the workroom to eat, to play, to work, somewhere with the rest of them.
***
hang your flowers up to dry
After that first phone call from Jaejoong, it's two days before Changmin calls Yoochun, sounding indignant - he's been sent a picture of Jaejoong's crocodile steak dinner - and a few days after that (four) Yunho gets a practically novel-length email, with details of everything Jaejoong's done and seen, that all four of them cluster around a single computer screen to read.
It takes over two weeks - ten more days of random photographs and short, occasionally cryptic messages at unexpected moments on Yoochun's phone and in his email inbox, or Junsu's, or Changmin's, or Yunho's - for the internet to realise that the rumors of Jaejoong in Australia are based on truth, and by then he's on a plane to South Africa.
After that, Yoochun stops counting the days.
***
we push ourselves ahead
Junsu drags Yoochun into the studio to practice with him after a while. "It's not so much fun alone," Junsu whines, putting on his saddest face, and Yoochun has no hope of defending himself against it. Later he sits back against the mirror wall while Junsu dances, jotting down fragments of lyrics and the snippet of melody Junsu hummed as Yoochun warmed up at the piano.
***
today you closed the door
When Yoochun knocks perfunctorily and lets himself in, Changmin is eating watermelon in the kitchen, textbook propped up in front of him. "I didn't think you'd be home," Yoochun says, "or I'd have rung."
Changmin waves a hand. "Class cancelled. Lecturer's sick," he says, through a mouthful of fruit. He swallows, and adds, "You have a key so you can let yourself in."
"I just came to return this." Yoochun holds up a CD case. "It's yours, isn't it?"
"Yeah, that's mine, but I don't know why you're returning it now. You've had it for years."
"We don't live in the same place any more," Yoochun points out.
Changmin sighs and looks up from his textbook again to say, "Don't be an idiot, Yoochun-hyung. Now let me study in peace." And that, apparently, is the end of that conversation.
***
just some moments when
Yoochun wakes up on Changmin's couch, and steps carefully over the soundly-sleeping Junsu on the floor into the kitchen, where he finds Yunho trying to make coffee as quietly as possible. "Morning," Yoochun says, passing Yunho the sugar before he has to ask. "Changmin and Jaejoong still asleep?" Yoochun continues, before the second name startles him fully awake and he remembers that Jaejoong has never been in this room.
"I don't think Changmin's awake yet," Yunho replies, drops an arm around Yoochun's shoulders and squeezes gently before passing him a mug.
Yoochun sips, nearly scalding his tongue, listens to Yunho ramble about his classes and lecturers, and almost manages to forget again.
(Jaejoong's just down the hall, still curled up in bed; brushing his teeth while Changmin showers; stealing a five-minute nap on the living room floor next to Junsu; in the kitchen with them, laughing with one hand over his mouth and stirring his tea with the other.)
***
packed up every room
Jaejoong sends Yunho a parcel with all of their names on it. The four of them open the parcel together, pulling out tacky souvenirs - carved seashells and cast-resin models with sloppy paintwork, 'Greetings from...' splashed across cheap cotton teatowels in lurid colours, a boomerang, a Tanzanian flag, a Moroccan teapot - and at the bottom they find a CD of photos: Jaejoong smiling and flashing a 'V' at the camera on the beach; in front of famous buildings and natural wonders; sitting in a jeep on safari; loaded down with shopping at markets; in a series of hotel rooms with city skylines for backdrops. Yoochun laughs as Junsu and Changmin wrestle over the tackiest of the teatowels, as Yunho cringes and says, "That's hideous, Changmin, do you really want it in the flat, please let Junsu have it!" which only makes Changmin cling harder, at the sound of tearing cloth as they separate, each triumphantly clutching a ragged half, at the indignant dolphin-screech as Junsu lifts his seashell model out of its box to discover that, while he was distracted, Yoochun has left him the one that fell apart when touched.
***
just forgot that he was leaving
At some point, without any of them quite realising how, Changmin's flat becomes Yunho's too, the spare room/office Yunho had been using while he looked for a flat of his own becomes Yunho's room. When Yoochun rings the doorbell, he expects Yunho to answer the door as often as Changmin does, and stops waiting for a phone call from Yunho asking for Yoochun's help with moving. When Yoochun sees Yunho and Changmin with their heads bent together over the electricity and internet and water bills, Yoochun can't restrain the impulse to draw their attention to their domesticity. The outraged glare and the furious blush make him double over with laughter, gasping out a not entirely serious apology when he can catch enough breath.
***
we have to get a move on
"... and don't forget to feed the baby!" Jaejoong says, as his parting shot. Yoochun doesn't argue that 'the baby' is perfectly capable of feeding himself, let alone that he's never really been a baby. Instead, Yoochun calls Changmin, who is easy enough to persuade over even without the promise of food.
They eat kimchi jjigae and rice in Yoochun's kitchen, talking about their first night in Japan, and the homesick days after it. About how sometimes all they could do was gather in the kitchen and persuade Jaejoong to make food that just couldn't taste quite the same as it did at home, and about how despite that it was just close enough, with the five of them knocking elbows around the tiny table.
***
going to learn again
Jaejoong's family invite Yoochun to spend Christmas and New Year with them, and he's grateful to be able to say "Sorry, but I've already made plans with Yunho," with complete truth. Jaejoong's family are wonderful, but he can't imagine being there without him. Yunho takes Yoochun home with him instead, and they sleep in Yunho's childhood bedroom, whispering goodnight across the narrow gap between the beds. In the dark, Yoochun waits a moment for the chorus of three other voices before he remembers when he is. All the same, he sleeps better for the sound of another person breathing in the same room than he has in weeks. And when he wakes up from a nightmare, it's not to silence, but to Yunho's hand on his shoulder and Yunho's voice telling him it's all right.
***
held on to his sleeves
Yoochun's been waiting almost fifteen minutes when Junsu finally appears through the crowd, dragging a protesting Changmin along by the hand. "I have class, Junsu-hyung!" Changmin's saying as they come into earshot, but Junsu ignores him with the ease of long practice.
"Sorry!" Junsu says when he comes to a stop in front of Yoochun (and doesn't let go of Changmin), "I had to persuade this one to come too."
"Abduction is not persuading!"
"I asked if you wanted to come, you said you had class, I got you to come anyway. Persuading!"
Changmin digs a finger into Junsu's side in a bid to escape, and when Junsu giggles but doesn't let go, Changmin tries looking to Yoochun for support.
"Oh, no," Yoochun says, "I'm staying out of this one!" Getting between Junsu and Changmin is just asking for trouble, and sometimes Yoochun knows better.
***
and you both look so young
The four of them celebrate Jaejoong's birthday together, and send him photos of the cake. Jaejoong sends back a picture of himself, blowing out a candle by a river. None of them recognise the setting, or have any idea who might have held the camera.
***
flowers in a lightning storm
Five months after Dong Bang Shin Ki performed for the last time, Junsu records his first solo album. Yoochun writes the title song, something he'd been working on for years across the room from Junsu, lines and pieces of melody here and there. Changmin guests on track 7, in the duet Junsu had insisted on. Yunho drills the dancers to perfection in preparation for the release. And two weeks before the first performance, a copy of the CD is special-delivered to Jaejoong's hotel in Vienna. The four of them are having dinner when Junsu's phone rings, and he puts it on speaker so that they can all hear Jaejoong laughing, and sniffing a little, and telling them it's beautiful I wish I was there.
***
never be the same
Yoochun watches Junsu's 'debut' performance live on TV with Changmin. Yoochun sees Junsu stand in the spotlight for the whole length of the song, listens to the fans chanting only one name.
"I didn't think I'd miss it this much," Changmin says suddenly from the floor, where he's leaning against Yoochun's legs.
Yoochun threads his fingers through Changmin's hair, and says, "I know."
***
we give our testimony
The thank yous at the back of Junsu's album bring all the old Dong Bang Shin Ki fans out of hiding, and their screams are probably capable of deafening half the country.
Junsu doesn't tell anyone that it may have been 'his' album, but those were Yoochun's words - not that Junsu disagreed at all.
***
the high school, the river, the maple tree
To celebrate his first sale to a major company that's not SM, Yoochun meets Changmin and Yunho for dinner. (Junsu's busy with promotion, and doesn't apologise too hard. Yoochun knows what it's like, after all.)
Yoochun's a little late, and when he slides into their favourite booth at their usual restaurant, he's not surprised at all to see that Changmin is asleep on Yunho's shoulder.
"Think he'll wake up for the food?" Yoochun asks.
Yunho smiles a greeting, and nods at the approaching waitress. "We'll find out in a moment," he says, and nudges Changmin awake.
***
the fields beyond the fields
When Yoochun moves apartments to a slightly bigger place, Junsu and Changmin help him move, rattling boxes Yoochun marked 'Fragile', laughing and bumping into each other as they charge down the stairs to unload the car again until Yoochun's heart is in his mouth as he waits for one or both of them to take a tumble to their doom. Yoochun wishes Yunho were there to help save them from themselves, but Yunho is buried in his textbooks, with exams coming up soon, and none of them expect him emerge for the rest of the week.
"Yah, Junsu!" Yoochun yells from a safe place at the top of the flight, "Your managers will never forgive me if you get killed here!"
"Your problem!" Junsu shouts back, and beats Changmin to the bottom by milliseconds.
Changmin pouts at Yoochun on his way back up the stairs. "Don't you care about me any more, Yoochun-hyung?" and is past before Yoochun can respond.
Later, Junsu and Changmin play Playstation games sitting cross-legged on Yoochun's floor while Yoochun puts the last things away, and it's not until Junsu is draped over Changmin's lap, saying it's too late and that he's exhausted from the move, and can't they stay over, Yoochun, please? that Yoochun realises he hadn't owned a Playstation before the move.
***
when your family makes sense
Yoochun has a photo on his desk of Dong Bang Shin Ki at the very beginning, five boys and their new manager. They look so awkward, those boys, so new, and Yoochun can hardly imagine being one of them sometimes. Then Junsu rings his doorbell and demands they watch a movie right now, doesn't Yoochun know that Junsu's a big star and his time is valuable? Or Changmin texts, informing Yoochun that Changmin needs someone to practice his English with, and they'll be meeting that weekend. Or Yunho calls, just to say hello and how's it going. Or there's a new email from Jaejoong, filling Yoochun in on his latest adventures. Then Yoochun remembers that those boys grew up, not apart, and he can never stop being one of them.
***
there you go, my friends
Yunho falls ill, and Yoochun is put in charge of making sure he gets some rest, because they all know how terrible Yunho is at taking care of himself. Yoochun has to practically wrestle Yunho into bed at first; not a very difficult task, considering how wrung out Yunho is. But later, when Yoochun comes in to check on Yunho, he's soundly asleep, snoring slightly. Yoochun lays the back of his hand against Yunho's forehead to see if the fever has come down at all, and Yunho mumbles in his sleep and turns into the touch. The stuffed deer held safely in the crook of one arm is exposed by the movement, and Yoochun smiles, remembering all of the countries that deer has visited with them, all of the hotel rooms it's turned into home for a night or two. Even they can forget sometimes how childlike their fearless leader can be, until they're reminded by something like this. Yoochun sits on the side of the bed and strokes fingers through Yunho's hair until he settles into sleep again - and then Yoochun stays a bit longer, just because he can.
***
the same things looked different
In April, Jaejoong emails Yoochun from New York, and tells him about an open mic night in a tiny bar, about singing in a language no-one else there understood, and moving people anyway; about the pianist who had accompanied himself for a cover of 'Back at One'; about the boy with the incredible range; about the tall bass who duetted with a girl whose smile lit up the room; about how none of them compared to what Jaejoong had lived with so long.
***
blows the autumn through my head
Yoochun starts writing a song which may never be sung, a five part melody he hadn't had the time to write when the right people were all in the right place.
***
the farms that made it
Yunho agrees to come driving with Yoochun, late one evening when Changmin's already deep asleep. They drop by Junsu's to pick him up too, and Yoochun drives out of Seoul to the sound of laughter in the back seat as Junsu teases Yunho about something Yoochun can't quite catch, and Yunho splutters and pouts, and teases back. Junsu hangs over the back of Yoochun's seat to demand his support. Yoochun winks into the rear-view mirror at Yunho, and agrees with Junsu in his lightest, fakest voice. Later, it falls silent, and when Yoochun glances in the mirror again, he sees they're both asleep, curled into each other. Yoochun smiles to himself, (turns to smile at Jaejoong,) and keeps driving.
***
we wonder where we are
"What do you think he's looking for?"
"It's Jaejoong. I don't think even he knows exactly what he's looking for."
"When do you think he'll come back?"
"I don't know. When he finds something, or gets tired of looking, I suppose."
***
just that time of year
Jaejoong calls Yoochun on his birthday, bare minutes past midnight, despite a sixteen-hour time difference (it takes Yoochun a few minutes to calculate the exact difference, later).
"Happy birthday, Yoochunnie," Jaejoong says when Yoochun answers.
"Thank you," Yoochun says. "When're you coming home, Jaejoong? We miss you." He only realises when the words are out that he hasn't said it before.
"Soon," Jaejoong replies. "I'll be home soon."
***
spin the light to gold
It's the beginning of July, and none of them have heard from Jaejoong in almost three weeks, when Yoochun comes out of his studio and checks the answerphone to find a message in a voice he knows as well as his own. "The Han River at sunrise?" is all it says.
Sunrise is at 7.09 that morning, but Yoochun's already parking his car at five to. He walks out of the car park and down the bank, to the person already waiting there.
"I knew you'd be early," Jaejoong says, turning and smiling at him, looking older and healthier, and happy, and Yoochun's traitorous eyes fill with tears.
He hugs Jaejoong, not asking when he got back, or why he didn't just come over. He will have his reasons, and time will reveal them, in general. When Yoochun hears the sound of another car drawing to a stop and turns around at last, he sees the other three at the top of the bank in a wash of colour, silhouetted against the rising sun.