(Untitled)

[sjaxso]

Prompt: I couldn't live without (warning, adult, language)

He’d known from the very moment she entered his consciousness, that she was different. She had wandered into his world a in a time past best measured by minutes, rather than any of those larger portions of time - weeks, months, years - and yet here she was, having such a profound effect

Comments

[myelasticmind]

It's posts like yours that make me hesitate to submit my unsophisticated pieces.

I admire your style. The implied and the implicit flow naturally and work well in what I've read thus far.

Thanks for the read ;)

[sjaxso]

Thanks for reading and even better commenting.

This needs a rewrite without the pedantic, obviously F7-in-microsoft-word thesaurus derived terminology. And the time scale is too convoluted. The idea was that it was placed within the 'public convenience' aboard the train, and he is thinking about what happened in the minutes beforehand, leading up to them 'getting together'. This leads to all the tenses getting jumbled and my head aching.

I did aim for the implied having more impact than the overt, and hopefully that seems to have carried off.

But anyway, thanks, when people read and comment it gives one a reason to write in the first place.

Write/post some more too, maybe this comm can be fun.

[pagynay]

hookup finder, 100% Guaranteed. Go Here welcomemyhomecat.blogspot.com