Authentically Ersatz

[writewanderlust]

Fandom: Supernatural
Series: Love, Curiosity, Freckles, & Doubt
Rating: R
Word Count: ~2600
Characters/Pairing: Sam/Jess; Sam/Dean.
Summary: Sam learns to get by without Dean.
Warnings: Angst. Do I have to warn for non-graphic het sex?
Notes: Series title taken from the Dorothy Parker quote "Four be the things I'd have been better without: love, curiosity

Comments

[sammichgirl]

I've missed this series - so glad for an update!

Poor Sammy. Totally caught between betrayal and using someone...and it's both and it's neither. (did that make sense?) Ah, the angst!

And of course Sam is the princess. Duh. :) This was lovely, as ever. I'd like to order more, to go please.

[writewanderlust]

I'm glad you came back for the update! I've had some RL crises of late, and haven't been able to write, so I'm glad to see there's at least one person who hasn't given up on me!

Yeah, I don't think Sam wants to hurt anyone, but man, it's hard enough being 19 years old without taking into account all of his other issues!! ^^;

Thanks so much for reading, dear, you know I love your comments! More to come soon, I hope! <3

[melacreature]

I'm in love with this 'verse. I've been waiting, maybe not so patiently, for an update and I'm so happy we finally have one! This was a difficult one to read, though. I can empathize with Sam. Loving someone so deeply that it tears you apart whether you're with them or not is awful, but to think that the person who come along might be just a balm instead of a new path. That's painful. In The Show, I, as well as many many others, noticed the uncanny similarities between Jess and Dean. Was that a direct message? Did Sam love Jess because she was so much like Dean? Was he really that lonely? It seems so mercenary to me, and Sam just doesn't seem to be that guy. Well, at least not then. I don't know. I enjoy speculation and theory. Anyway, thank you for a fine chapter and I look forward to more!!! (soon, I hope :D)

[writewanderlust]

Thank you for the lovely comment; I'm really glad you expressed your musings about this one, because, even as I was writing this, I was questioning it!

I don't think Sam would ever intentionally use another person in such a manner--like you said, that's kind of brutal and mercenary. However, I do think that being separated from his soulmate might put him in a position where he might sometimes do things that otherwise seem out of character for him. (We see this in canon in episodes like Mystery Spot and IKWYDLS, or even through John's character and his failings as a father after Mary died.)

The long and short of it is, I think that there's a very good chance that what initially attracted Sam to Jess was how she reminded him of Dean and, in this 'verse, at least, he obviously does (unintentionally) use her as a balm--to start with. However, I do firmly believe that, in keeping with the show's canon, Sam loved Jessica very deeply and genuinely, for who she was--not who she may have reminded him of. I hope to reflect that in the

[melacreature]

This is an odd theory, but I've always wondered if a kind of 'female version' of Dean was made available to Sam through Azazel and the demon who possessed Brady. Much like, when we see Lucifer's idea of Sam Winchester, This Is Your Life, when Luci showed Sam (and let him destroy) demons that had been strategically placed in his path in order to finally lead him away from the safety of his family. What if Jess was also a pawn in that game? What if she was so kind and trusting and never asked questions about Sam's screwy family life, not because she loved Sam, but because that was her JOB? Just a thought

[writewanderlust]

That is an interesting (and kind of depressing) theory. I mean we know Jess was a pawn, insofar as her death was intended to trigger Sam's return to a hunting lifestyle, but that theory takes her a step further and makes her culpable in the situation. That would be terribly sad (but I guess that's kind of the name of the game with Supernatural) and I don't really want it to be the case.

Sam definitely used Ruby and that callousness was, in my opinion, direct reaction to having Dean removed from his life. That's why I think it's true to character to have him initially using Jess (though the circumstances of Dean being gone were less severe than in the case with Ruby). I do think Sam is definitely being an ass, even if he's not consciously going into this situation with Jess to use her, but I also think intent is important. The difference is that with Ruby there was no trust, or really much of a liking, and she knew she was being used and he knew he was using her. I think the situation with Jess is less harmful because he genuinely

[deansdirtybb]

I just adore this series, and am so happy to see another chapter. I think you are totally right about Sam truly loving Jess, but that doesn't mean i miss seeing him with Dean any less. Great job here capturing Sam's conflicting emotions. More please :)

[writewanderlust]

Thank you so much for the lovely comment! Hopefully I'll have more for you soon!

OTP Weekly Recap: 9/23/2012: Edition #71

[livejournal]

User cordelia_gray referenced to your post from OTP Weekly Recap: 9/23/2012: Edition #71 saying: [...] by FAN FICTION Serialized Fic Authentically Ersatz [...]

[roxymissrose]

So, that's the beginning I can definitely see happening. You responded to another commenter that you felt Sam might have started out using Jess as a substitute but genuinely fell in love with her. I always thought of Jess as the girl Sam thought he loved more than anything in life because he didn't get a chance to find out that no, maybe not. First loves, no matter how deep, don't always end in forever after. And there was something about the way he acted with her in the pilot ep that made me think that. Who knows, maybe it was just the actors lack of chemistry--even though for some reason I really bought it when Jess came to Sam in his Lucifer-tainted dreams....

Once she died, she became the Love Of His Life, just like Mary was John's perfect woman, perfect wife, perfect mother...and we know now that while she was special, she was just a woman in a difficult relationship.

Aaaaand babbling aside, I really enjoyed this installment. :)

[writewanderlust]

Yeah, I really do think Sam loved Jess, but I've never seen any relationship that's that simple. Just because you're in love with someone doesn't mean everything is perfect. And pretty much everyone remembers the dead in the best possible light. Life is just too complicated for that! I'm glad it came through that way to you!!

I'm glad you liked it.