“Oh! No! No no, Gem is not my legal name,” the women exclaimed, her gentle laugh followeding the statement. “I have a younger sister who had troubles saying my real name when she started to talk. So Jenny turned into Gemmy, and I suppose it just stuck with my family. With time I guess I forgot that it wasn’t my real name until the occasional person asked.” She smiled at the man sitting across the table from her. Her jade green eyes as well as her mind were soaking up everything that they could about him, as well as her mind from everything that she heard come out of his mouth. They repeatedly sized him up every chance they got. Gem was fascinated by him, even though they had just met less than an hour ago. Much to her dismay, however, at that exact moment he had caught her doing so. As his charming ‘I caught you’ smile crawled across his face, Gem turned a rather deep shade of scarlet.
“Well, Its it's suiting.” Collin offered the compliment quite freely, not sure if she would catch it. “So, what brings you all the way out to Japan
( ... )
Re: ProofreadingcoyotecultJune 20 2005, 15:06:00 UTC
Pick a POV character and stick with him or her as much as possible - you're switching fast fast fast and it's showing up and all muddled. Picking your main POV character will probably help you decide where you want the story to go, too, since it will help you concentrate your focus. Its = possessive of it, it's = contraction for it is. Proper names should be capitalized. Pick up a copy of Strunk and White's Elements of Style at your local used bookstore for cheap, edition won't matter.
Comments 2
“Oh! No! No no, Gem is not my legal name,” the women exclaimed, her gentle laugh followeding the statement. “I have a younger sister who had troubles saying my real name when she started to talk. So Jenny turned into Gemmy, and I suppose it just stuck with my family. With time I guess I forgot that it wasn’t my real name until the occasional person asked.” She smiled at the man sitting across the table from her. Her jade green eyes as well as her mind were soaking up everything that they could about him, as well as her mind from everything that she heard come out of his mouth. They repeatedly sized him up every chance they got. Gem was fascinated by him, even though they had just met less than an hour ago. Much to her dismay, however, at that exact moment he had caught her doing so. As his charming ‘I caught you’ smile crawled across his face, Gem turned a rather deep shade of scarlet.
“Well, Its it's suiting.” Collin offered the compliment quite freely, not sure if she would catch it. “So, what brings you all the way out to Japan ( ... )
Reply
Pick a POV character and stick with him or her as much as possible - you're switching fast fast fast and it's showing up and all muddled. Picking your main POV character will probably help you decide where you want the story to go, too, since it will help you concentrate your focus. Its = possessive of it, it's = contraction for it is. Proper names should be capitalized. Pick up a copy of Strunk and White's Elements of Style at your local used bookstore for cheap, edition won't matter.
Reply
Leave a comment