In the Garden

[willabee]

Ginseng MacKay-Tisbert

In the Garden

Standing here, I feel so large

The Milky Way is pinned

Safely to my toes, the galaxy

unfurls up, and back on me, wordless

The Milky Way is pinned

to the pocket over your breast

Unfurls up, and back on me, wordless

We kneel in the garden

Into the

Comments

In The Garden

[willabee]

So, I must confess that when I posted this originally I viewed it as finished, and had a difficult time stomaching my critiques. But, you were so right about some things. Thank you so much!!! Originally one night in my friend's garden I scribbled on a little piece of paper, "the milky way sometimes i feel so large inarticulate, beautiful to feel that galaxy im in unfurling from its edge the edge of the milky way pinned to my toes and curling up and back towards me." i was very very stoned when i scribbled it, but for some reason kept it and for a year always sort of wanted to do something with it. so, a year later when i wanted to try out the form, pantoum i thought of that silly little ramble. now, i have no clue why i thought "pinned" it does sound odd, and not quite apt to me now. so, i made some minor adjustments, and i almost love it now. the changes are below...the only issue i have now is with the line "I lean" it isn't quite right, and it is too short

Re: In The Garden

[willabee]

shoot, pretend the format is still the same...that the second, third, and fourth lines of each stanza are indented as they were in the original posting.

Re: In The Garden

[willabee]

and that the italics are still there... and that it didn't end up double spaced.