(Untitled)

[journeys__end]

I love my first and last stanzas, yet the middle seems to swim around the subject a little. I want to make sure that the poem isn't really about me, but I'm still included. All help is appreciated. [Especially for the title.]

Comments

[insanesocks]

I didn't really get anything from this poem. There was no figurative imagry or vivid descriptions. It was more like you were just telling a story with a bunch of random line breaks to make it look like a poem.

[blislife]

hn. I do like the ending stanza. I like the topic, you should work in more detail. I wouldn't give up on it, keep working.

[ironicoffee]

I actually like how it isn't descriptive, and has a vague, somewhat detached air. It borders a bit on the explaining, though I love your last stanza. :)