Christmas Story: Miracle on Tremont Street Pt 2
And here is the second half.
Back to Part 1
By the end of the day, both he and Justin were wrung out and completely exhausted. Brian was about to head to his car when he remembered that Justin didn’t have that option. He guessed that getting a cab wouldn’t even occur to the blond brat and figured he’d better drive him home or Justin would probably fall asleep on the bus and wind up God knew where.
Brian rationalized that he would need Justin on his game again next day. They had tomorrow all planned out and prepared for now, and at midnight the window screens would go back in place and a well-grilled team would set the windows up for tomorrow morning’s unveiling. He figured that he and Justin would need to get in around 7 to make sure they were right. Then they’d spend the day working on what had to happen on Day 3. Tomorrow, in fact, was likely to make today look like a picnic. That being the case, he told himself, it made sense to drive Justin home and make sure he got fed. Then he’d go home himself and get to bed.
His plans clear in mind, Brian was pissed as hell when he found Justin all rugged up ready to leave to catch the bus.
“Sorry, Bri,” he blurted as soon as he saw Brian. “I’ve got to go. If I miss this bus there isn’t another for nearly forty minutes. I’ll see you tomorrow, or if there’s any ideas you want to talk about tonight, I’m in the book.”
That said, he ran out of the office and dived into the elevator. Brian just missed it, and by the time he collected his coat and got down to his car he was fuming.
‘Little shit! Well, he can fucking take the fucking bus! What the fuck do I care? It’s not like I was looking forward to spending any more fucking time with him than I already have! Fuck’
Exasperated he started the car, and headed for the exit that would take him back to his loft. Just as he was about to turn out of the lot, though, he changed his mind and, reversing, took off back to the other exit and headed towards the bus station. The bus had long gone, but sure enough there was a dejected looking bundle with blond hair standing slumped against the post. Brian pulled up alongside and wordlessly opened the door.
Justin stepped over to the car and looked in. “Did you want something? Is there something else you need me to do tonight?” he asked anxiously.
“For fuck’s sake, get in,” Brian bitched. “I’m trying to get this ice bucket to warm up!”
Stunned, Justin got into the car. He’d never in his wildest dreams expected Brian to drive him home. He’d been amazed at how Brian had come through for him today, but he was smart enough to recognize that Brian was responding to a professional challenge. Brian wanted to show that he could do this, that he could take on this campaign and win it. Justin understood that, and respected it. He realized also, from bits and pieces that Brian and others let drop during the day, that Brian’s agency was very new, and just finding its feet, and that if this worked, the publicity associated with it could really help build his reputation.
Brian had discussed as much with the head of the PR department, who had been nervous about his possible fees. They’d reached a deal that Brian would throw his smarts, and his resources into the project for a very very small percentage of any increase in gross sales over the next few days. And would receive due public acknowledgement of his involvement. Everyone felt they could live with that arrangement, and honor had been satisfied all round. Brian had also told him later that, after paying wages and salaries for the people he was pulling in (like the sign writers), he didn’t expect to make anything. But that it was good exposure.
All of this Justin understood.
He also thought he understood where they stood on more personal matters. To whit, he was falling more and more in love with Brian every minute, and Brian was now not interested in him as anything more than a possible addition to his tiny art department. That was one of the reasons Justin had taken off in such a hurry. He wanted to make it clear to Brian that he knew that whatever had happened between them last night was over now, and outside of work, they wouldn’t be in contact. And he wanted to make himself understand that. Most of all, he’d wanted to avoid any awkwardness.
Now here he was sitting in Brian’s car, not at all sure that he understood anything anymore. And too tired, really, to worry about it. He was being driven home in a warm car by the man he loved instead of waiting another half hour in the cold and then traveling home alone on the bus. It all seemed good to Justin.
Brian, on the other hand, was totally exasperated both with himself and with Justin. Well, mainly with himself, but he was projecting it onto Justin in a big way. The fact that Justin wasn’t even taking the trouble to make conversation, or at least thank him, made him even more annoyed.
He pulled the car up at a red light and, glancing across at Justin, went to say something cutting. But the words dried up before they could spill out of his mouth. Justin, head resting against the passenger door, had fallen asleep. Brian sat and stared at him, drinking in the softness of the full red lips, the dark sweep of his eyelashes and the soft blond hair that fell across half his face. He longed to reach out and brush it back, and was actually reaching to do so when loud honking from the car behind drew his attention to the fact that the lights had changed.
He realized that they must have been green for a while because by the time he’d put the car in gear and started to cross they’d already switched to amber and the guy behind was left sitting staring at a red light and probably, and justifiably, pretty pissed off about it.
Impulsively, Brian pulled a left at the next corner, and then took a right. He didn’t want any hassles with some road rage loony. Besides, coming this way he could stop at his favorite Thai restaurant and get them both something to eat. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, keyed in a number and gave his order. By the time he reached the restaurant all he had to do was race in and pick it up. He was back in the car before Justin even knew he’d been gone. In fact, Justin didn’t wake up until they had pulled up outside his building and Brian shook him awake.
“C’mon, Sunshine, time to get out in the cold!” he said cheerfully.
Justin blinked at him and said the first thing that came to his sleep clouded mind, the thing he’d been wondering about ever since last night but had had sense enough not to ask. Now, half asleep still, the words tumbled out before he could stop them. “Why do you call me that?”
Brian stiffened, then said, very casually, “I dunno. Yellow hair like the sun, I guess.”
That wasn’t it at all. Not at all. He’d thought of Justin as Sunshine ever since he’d watched him in Snowland yesterday afternoon, brightening up the gray day and Brian’s even grayer mood just by being there. The first time he’d used the name, it had slipped out unconsciously, because the thought that Justin had mistaken him for a wanna-be-straight closet case had seemed hilarious to him and he was too busy trying not to laugh out loud to take his usual care in what he was saying.
It hadn’t drawn a response from Justin, so Brian had figured he’d got away with it. He’d tried using it again later, just to see if Justin reacted, which he didn’t and then it had very quickly grown into a habit. A habit he was going to have to break himself of fast, though, before Justin thought that it meant anything that Brian had given him some sort of pet name. Except that if he stopped now, it would look like it did mean something and that’s why he’d stopped when Justin had called him on it. Fuck it! It was just a nickname. Didn’t mean shit.
Deciding that the food was rapidly getting cold he, he said deliberately, “C’mon, Sunshine. Move it.”
Justin sighed and forced himself to climb out of the very warm car into the very cold street. He turned to say goodbye to Brian before he closed the door and realized to his astonishment, that Brian was also getting out the car.
Justin frowned a little. This was becoming ridiculous. If all the guy wanted was a one night stand, and Justin knew damned well that was all Brian’s type were ever interested in, then he had to put some damned effort into keeping it a one night stand, not just leave it all to Justin.
He strode to the door in some irritation. Thinking about his empty fridge and wondering how long the nearest pizza place would take to deliver and how much it would cost, made him even more irritated. He was ashamed to admit to himself that he was on the verge of tears. He was tired, hungry and heart sore. He needed some time to himself to figure out how he was going to deal with seeing Brian every day; to figure out if he could deal with it, or if he was going to have to turn down the job offer. Always supposing that after the next few days the offer was still on the table, of course.
Justin sighed deeply, and found himself wishing that Brian would just go away. He didn’t think he had the strength tonight to go on pretending that he felt nothing more for Brian than Brian did for him. He was turning to say something to that effect, when Brian disarmed him completely, by slipping an arm round his shoulders, giving him a slight hug and waving the food in his face.
“You like Thai?”
Justin realized that he must be more tired than he’d thought not to have smelled it. Now that he had, there was no way he was letting Brian go anywhere; not with the food, anyway. Just the thought of it gave him the energy to get up the stairs, leaving a laughing Brian in his wake.
They walked in and Justin turned on the TV so that they could check out any possible news coverage. He was in the kitchen area fetching a couple of beers (the only thing he did have in the fridge), when he heard Brian gasp out “Holy fuck! Justin, get in here!”
Justin scurried out to join him and saw his TV screen filled with the image of the scarlet lettering on the white sheets. “Do you believe?” it asked.
He was studying the lettering and deciding that the hand painted effect actually worked really well to convey more of a human touch than neatly printed signs would have done, when Brian said again in an awed voice, “Holy fuck!”
It was then that Justin realized that they weren’t watching their local station. They were watching CNN. The story had been picked up by national cable.
He and Brian settled onto his tiny couch, spreading the food around them and grazing from the boxes without taking their eyes and ears from the TV. It seemed it was a light news day, and at a time of year when all the news channels were looking for a different slant on Christmas stories, their little venture had come like manna from Heaven.
When the CNN piece was finished they flicked across all the stations. It was on Fox as well, and there was a much longer piece than they’d expected on the local news, showing the windows, and going over the discussions on belief that had been on the talkback shows all day. At the end the anchor announced that tomorrow they’d be on site, keeping an eye on Kauffman’s windows for developments. In fact, they were setting up an outside broadcast booth right across the street from the main entrance and would be there all day if people wanted to wander by and maybe have their say. They planned to have several comments books where anyone who wanted to could write their feelings on this important matter - “have we cheated our children of the ability to believe?”
As that broadcast drew to an end, Brian turned off the TV and they sat and stared at each other for a moment in awe.
Then Justin suddenly started to panic. He jumped up. “I should get back there! I need to …”
Brian stood also and grabbed his shoulders. “Slow down, Sunshine.”
“But I need to …”
“You need to get some sleep. So do I.”
“But …”
“Justin!” Brian said his name sharply to get his attention. Justin gulped and looked up at him. Brian squeezed his shoulders and said gently, “You’ve got a good team working on things tonight, and they’ve been given full instructions. Now you need to get out of the way and let them do their jobs.”
Justin sighed. “But …”
“But nothing,” Brian said firmly, allaying the firmness with a gentle sweep of his hand across Justin’s brow. “You’re exhausted, and you need to be in top form tomorrow. Get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”
With an unpleasant sense of shock, Brian found himself on the verge of giving the blond brat a fucking kiss on the forehead and realized that he didn’t want to leave. That he wanted to tuck Justin into bed, and climb in beside him and sleep as soundly as he had last night. But that definitely wasn’t an option. What the fuck was the matter with him?
He stepped back and hardened his heart when he saw some of the light die out of Justin’s eyes! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! This had to stop right now.
“Goodnight, Sunshine,” he said, forcing his usual snarky tone into his voice. “Get to bed now and get plenty of shuteye. I need my art director at his best tomorrow.”
He grabbed his coat and strode out the door, forcing himself not to slam it behind him. “Where the fuck did that come from?” he asked himself. But he knew; watching Justin all day, enthralled not just by his creativity, but by the way he dealt with people, got the best out of everyone around him, he’d known that he’d found the key player he was looking for in his team. But for fuck’s sake! Why did it have to be a blond brat who seemed to have the ability to just melt away all his carefully set barriers and protections.
Except … Justin didn’t seem to do anything. Justin had made it clear all day that he understood the fucking rules. That he knew that it was a one off, no possibility of repeats, no apologies, no regrets. He was the one who’d been pushing things. He was the one who’d insisted Justin talk to him, he was the one who’d decided to help him. Later, he’d realized there was an opportunity there for him as well, but at first it had all been about helping Justin. For fuck’s sake, he’d been the one who’d gone trailing off to the bus stop, hoping to see Justin there so he could drive him home.
What the fuck was wrong with him? What was he doing to himself?
“Do you believe?”
The words floated through his head and seemed to mock him.
He believed.
He believed in fucking.
He didn’t believe in love, and happily ever after and all that shit.
Couldn’t afford to. Could not go through that again. finding out that love was something that maybe other people had, but wasn’t for him. Not ever for him.
Well, maybe Mikey kind of love. But even Mikey wouldn’t want him for real. He thought that he did, Brian knew that. But that was just Mikey’s fantasy; he wouldn’t be able to deal with Brian in the real world, wouldn’t even want the real Brian. No one could. No one ever had.
Suddenly he had to stop the car as the memories swirled over him. He remembered the Christmas that he’d figured it out. He’d been what, five? Going on six. He’d started school that year, and his horizons had expanded. He had other families now to compare his to, and he realized that things in his family were very different to how they were for most other kids. His first day at school, he’d heard mother after mother say to their kids as they left them for the first time, “goodbye, have a good day, Mummy loves you.”
That had been a revelation to him. He had no memory of his mother ever saying such a thing to him. Or his father. Only his granny had ever said it to him and he didn’t see her very often. So she probably just didn’t know any better.
He was a bright kid, it hadn’t taken him long to realize that if all these other kids had people who loved them, and he didn’t, then there must be something wrong with him. He just had to figure out what it was and, more importantly, how to fix it.
Then, just before Christmas, there’d been a school outing which had included a visit with Santa. He nearly didn’t get to go. His father hadn’t wanted him to. But his mother had insisted, not because of how much Brian wanted to, but because of what everyone at the school would have thought if he was the only child who hadn’t gone.
So he’d seen his chance and taken it. He’d sat on Santa’s knee and when asked, had whispered into his ear that what he wanted for Christmas was for Santa to fix whatever it was that was wrong with him that stopped people loving him.
Brian, remembering, gave a harsh laugh at how fucking stupid that poor bloody kid had been. Because, of course, there was no real Santa with magic that could fix his problem and Jack had proved it Christmas night by breaking two of his ribs.
And his heart right along with them, although Brian had spent a long long time denying that even to himself.
So it was fucking ironic that here he was, the champion of his kid’s right to believe in Santa.
‘Well’, he shrugged, starting the car, ‘at least I’m getting something out of it.’
But that wasn’t the whole story. He did want Gus to have a chance to believe in something good. He sure as hell wanted Gus to grow up knowing that he was loved, by his Dadda as well as his mommies. So this was going to damned well work, and if that meant that he had to make nice with Taylor, then …
Except, of course, that fucking Sunshine had shown absolutely no indication that he expected, or even wanted, Brian to make nice.
Which, as he pulled into his parking spot, brought Brian right back to the place he’d started. He was the one who was doing all this. It was all his idea. He just didn’t have a clue what the real fucking idea was.
***
He’d showered and was ready to fall into bed, before midnight for once, when the phone rang. He let it go to voice mail, but picked up when he heard Lindsay’s voice. She was saying something about Gus.
“What?” he barked, alarm edging his voice.
“Hello to you, too, Brian,” her cool voice came back at him.
He smiled into the phone, knowing from her tone that whatever she’d called about, there was nothing wrong with Gus.
“Hi, Linds,” he said mock-meekly, and heard her snort. “So, what’s up?”
“Brian, who is the Christmas Man?”
“What? How the fuck should I know?”
“Well, ever since he went out with you yesterday, Gus has been insisting that there has to be a present under the tree for the Christmas Man. He seems to think he’ll be coming to the house on Christmas morning.”
Brian scratched his head. “Fucked if I know,” he said. “Maybe he thinks Santa’s coming for a visit, and it would be polite to have a present for him for a change.”
“Well, that’s another thing. How did Mr. “I don’t want my kid growing up believing in that shit” wind up taking his son to Snowland to see Santa?”
Brian pinched the bridge of his nose. He could fool some of the people … but not Linds. Not very often, anyway.
“Well, I guess you could say that I had a change of heart,” he offered, hoping she’d let it drop.
“You?” she said in astonishment. “I thought you didn’t have a heart?”
Brian sighed. He really was not up to this right now.
“Listen, Linds, I’d love to stay and trade barbs with you but I’ve been up since dawn and I’ve got another long day tomorrow.”
“Have you got some work?” she asked, pleased for him.
“You could say that. Now if you don’t mind …”
“Okay, Grouch. Or should it be, Grinch?” she laughed. “If you’re sure you don’t know who the Christmas Man is, I guess you can go.”
“Gee thanks,” he said, about to put the phone down. Then suddenly he added, “Give Gus my love.”
“Of course I will,” she answered warmly. “And he’d want to send his to you, too. Goodnight, Dadda.”
She didn’t wait for him to answer, just rang off, and he put the phone down smiling. Suddenly the painful memories seemed a long way away and he felt like he could sleep.
***
Justin had been left stunned when Brian had gone.
Art Director? They’d talked about him working the art department, not as any Art Director. For a moment his heart fluttered, surely this meant that Brian saw him at least as something other than a sort-of talented ex trick.
But then he forced himself to calm down. Probably Brian was just high on all the excitement. This being picked up nationally was huge for him. His name was going to be all over it. His agency were going to get all the credit for the idea. Justin had been very clear with everyone about that. It was huge exposure for him. No wonder he was a bit over-excited.
Sighing, Justin sloughed off his clothes and dragged himself into bed. He didn’t really expect to sleep, but he must have, because he was woken up by the phone. He groaned, and fumbled with it, dragging it onto the bed, and then losing it in the bedclothes. Finally he managed to find the answer button.
“Mmmph?” he grunted.
“And good morning to you, too, Sunshine.”
Suddenly he was awake and in far too good a mood. He had to get over reacting like this just to the sound of Brian’s voice. But until he figured out how to do that, he couldn’t help feeling better just from hearing it.
“Morning,” he mumbled, not really sure of why Brian was calling.
“How hungry are you?”
“Um … well, you know …”
“Yeah, I’m starting to. Listen, get up, have a shower, wake up and I’ll pick you up in half an hour. We need to get you fueled up for the day.”
Justin frowned. He’d been looking out for himself for quite a while now and did not need Brian Kinney to feed him, as if he was a child.
“Besides, I’ve had an idea.”
He sounded slightly smug, but excited too, and Justin found himself grinning at the note in his voice.
“Okay. I’ll be ready.”
“Later.” As quickly as that, he disconnected.
“Later,” Justin said softly.
***
Justin rushed through his shower and Brian was a little longer than he’d expected so Justin put on some coffee to try to wake up fully. While it brewed he started going through the sketch pad he’d been using yesterday.
During one meeting with the PR people, while Brian had been blowing them out of the water with his energy and expertise, Justin had found himself doodling. He’d seen the logo for Brian’s company, and hadn’t been particularly impressed. Brian had said it was a draft version, and that he didn’t like it himself. Nor had he been able to come up with the company name that he wanted. They’d talked a little about how weird it was to have to come up with a promotion just based on your own company, your own baby, and that it was much easier to do for a client.
Since then, something had been niggling at Justin’s mind, and looking now at his doodles, he realized what it was. Smiling, he reached for a pencil and began to draw.
When Brian called to let him know that he was nearly there, Justin pulled on his coat and, grabbing the sketch book, dashed downstairs, excited now about his own idea.
Diplomatically, he let his future boss go over his ideas for the Day 3 windows first. Justin listened as Brian outlined what he had in mind, and by the time they reached the restaurant Brian had chosen, he was already pulling out his pencil. As Brian talked, Justin started to sketch out the ideas.
Brian wasn’t surprised to see that the sketches taking shape in front of him exactly mirrored what he’d been trying to get across. The same thing had happened yesterday with today’s window designs. Speaking of which, it was time they got to the store.
It wasn’t till they were back in the car and Brian was about to start it, that Justin pulled out the small sketch he’d done earlier.
“What do you think of this?” he asked.
Brian glanced at it, then took it from him and studied it more closely. Justin was happy to see a smile creep over the older man’s face.
“Kin-net-ik. I like it. It’s clever.”
“It’s genius,” Justin boasted, laughing.
Brian took them both by surprise, reaching out and wrapping his arm round Justin’s neck in an awkward hug.
For a moment their faces were close enough to kiss. Then Justin drew back, leaning against the passenger door.
“We’d better get moving,” he said quietly.
Brian’s good mood seemed to evaporate entirely. He was scowling as he started the car. Justin tried to ignore him and stared out the window. If Brian kept this up he was either going to have to talk to him about it and ask him to stop, or else he was just going to have to turn down the job. The thought of doing that made his heart sink. Aside from anything else, he needed this chance desperately.
His father had made it very clear that Justin could expect no help at all from him. And he’d stipulated that if he found out that Justin’s mother was giving him any financial assistance, he’d cut back on the support payments for Molly, Justin’s sister, on the grounds that his mother was using that money to help support Justin. He’d also said that if Justin spent more than a couple of hours a week at his mother’s condo, his father would sue for custody of Molly.
Justin bit his lip hard, trying not to think about the trouble that he’d caused his mother.
First, when he’d come out, it had triggered terrible rows between his parents and they’d wound up divorcing.
Then he’d been bashed in the head with a baseball bat at his senior prom, and, since he was no longer on his father’s medical insurance, and since his mother had only just started her job and had only limited coverage, it had cost her thousands of dollars in medical bills.
Then his father had insisted that as soon as Justin was well enough, he leave home or his mother risked losing her daughter. His dad had the money to pay for armies of lawyers, while his mother was struggling to pay the day to day bills. Justin had known he couldn’t put her through any more. He just couldn’t.
He had to be able to take care of himself. But the Kauffman’s job came to an end on Friday, and after that …
Well, he could go back to waiting tables, he supposed.
Or he could work for Brian.
He sighed again.
Shit!
Brian heard the sigh, and wondered what the hell his little Sunshine was thinking. No, what Justin was thinking. Justin. Not Sunshine. And certainly not his. He’d been just a fuck, that’s all. That’s all any of them were, and Sunsh … Justin, was no different from the rest.
‘Yeah, right’, his mind mocked him. ‘Sure he’s not. That’s why he’s got you running in circles, Kinney.’
He shrugged off the voice resolutely, but, glancing across at Justin, he felt unusually remorseful. Justin was doing everything he could to keep things strictly professional between them. It was Brian who was constantly stuffing that up. Well, it had to stop.
He looked across at Justin as they got out from the car. “Sorry, Justin,” he said quietly. “It won’t happen again.”
Justin felt tears stinging his eyes but he forced himself to nod an acknowledgement and then to keep his head up.
Well, okay. So there it was. Now if Brian could just keep to that, then maybe Justin could learn to … well, to find some way to deal with the fact that his heart was hurting so much he could hardly breathe.
But work called, and thankfully, it was another frantically busy day.
As promised, the local station had set up a broadcast booth across the road, with cameras pointing straight at the windows.
Again, at 8.30 on the dot, Justin gave the signal, all the window screens shot up and Pittsburgh got its first look at the Day Two windows.
In the top left hand corner of each window, a placard with delicate lettering said: “Ask yourself …”
Down at the bottom, a card with slightly larger lettering said: “…do you believe?”
In between was another flat screen, but this time instead of just lettering, there were scenes. Each window was slightly different, the backgrounds showing a range of night scenes across Pittsburgh, from simple houses to the Igloo, and including the Kauffman’s clock. The views were romanticized, softened; in each scene buildings, trees and sidewalks were covered in deep snow, and snow was still falling. The effect was a little like looking at a snow globe. Some of the snowflakes, hugely enlarged, actually formed the foreground of the pictures. They glowed sharply golden and white against the misty backgrounds. In each picture, somewhere in the sky, a single star shone brightly. And also in each, very hard to see right now, but designed to become ever larger as the day wore on, was a tiny speck that would gradually develop into Santa’s sleigh. The sleighs were projected onto the screens, so that in each window the image could be enlarged very slowly.
The overall effect was one of quiet mystery and at the same time, sparkling anticipation as Santa seemed every minute to draw a little nearer..
Justin, from his vantage point above the crowds that had congregated to see the windows unveiled, couldn’t hear the oohs and aahs of appreciation for his designs, but he could see the expressions on the faces, especially on the faces of the children, and that was enough for him. No matter what happened with the job, no matter what happened after this between Brian and him, and no matter how much it was going to hurt going through life knowing exactly who his soul mate was, and knowing that his soul mate didn’t want him, he would never regret meeting Brian, because Brian and he together had done this.
He saw the exact moment that someone first spotted one of the tiny sleighs, because a little girl started jumping up and down and pointing and then everyone was looking, looking at her window, and then at the others, trying to find the sleigh in each of them.
Justin had deliberately designed them so that, especially this early in the day, they wouldn’t all be easy to find. That was part of building the anticipation, not giving everything away too easily.
When Brian had seen the first of those designs, with the tiny sleigh almost hidden by a cloud, he’d smiled proudly at Justin and ruffled his hair. “You’ve got it,” he’d said. Justin had felt …
He pulled himself up. It didn’t matter. It didn’t matter how Brian behaved or what he said, or what Justin felt. All that mattered was getting those designs done for tomorrow and then making sure the team that had worked all night getting today’s up, were fully briefed to work all night tonight on tomorrow’s.
He sighed, and made sure to go round to all of them, congratulating them on their work, and encouraging them to take a look at the crowds standing so absorbed by it.
Then he settled down to his work.
By tomorrow it would all be done, and maybe that would be the end of it, and he’d never see Brian again. Or maybe they’d wind up finding a way to work together. But whichever way it went, Justin was determined that this project, the first they’d worked on together, would be perfect.
As it turned out, he didn’t see much of Brian during the day. While Justin worked on the designs, Brian spent most of the day with the PR people. At around 4 he came to Justin and, apologizing, said he had to leave. “Some damned thing at Gus’ pre-school, but Linds will have my balls if I don’t show up.”
Justin had no trouble at all in interpreting this correctly. In Brian-speak it meant, I’d die rather than miss it, but I’m damned if I’m going to go around blabbering that out to the world.”
“Have a good time,” he said. “Say ‘hello’ to Gus for me, if you think he’d remember me.”
“I will,” Brian said, shuffling about a bit. Truth was, he didn’t want to go. Well, he did, but he didn’t want to leave Justin. It seemed somehow wrong to be going off to do this without Justin. He wished that … well, he wished that it was on any other day, when Justin wasn’t so buried in work, and could come with him. And how fucked was that?
With a snort, he turned on his heel and headed to the door. ‘That sort of crap thinking has to stop’, he told himself.
When he got to the pre-school, Gus came running up excitedly to greet him. It was pretty obvious that he was on a major sugar high, and Brian didn’t envy Mel and Linds getting him settled down when they got home.
Noticing that Gus seemed to be looking round for someone, Brian asked who he was looking for.
“No one,” Gus said sadly. Then he brightened up. “Not till Chwissmas,” he finished happily.
It seemed like this might be a reference to Lindsay's mysterious Christmas Man, and Brian was about to ask his son some more about it, when the festivities started in earnest. By the time they’d finished, Brian was very glad to hand his son back to his mommies and head out.
He fought the urge to call Justin, telling himself that if there was anything going on Justin had his cell number. Restless, he headed to Woodies, but found nothing or no one of interest, including his best friend, who wound up more than a little pissed with him because Brian had been unavailable for two days, and wasn’t interested in hanging out with him now.
Brian thought of heading to the Baths, or to Babylon, but couldn’t really be bothered.
Instead he went home and tried to sleep.
The thought that tomorrow was the final day of their little project kept him awake though. And the thought that after the way he’d been fucking behaving Justin might not want anything more to do with him, let alone want to work with him, made something in his stomach hurt.
He had to face it, Justin had shown no sign at all of being interested in him as anything more than a fuck, until he’d come up with the big idea. And since then, although they obviously worked really well together, Justin had shown no sign of being the slightest bit interested even in fucking him again. Just the opposite, really.
Brian rolled over, trying not to let himself think about it.
It was just fucking typical of his fucked up life that when for the first time he’d met someone that he’d maybe think about trying something new with, the fucking guy couldn’t be less interested. And to add the final touch of soap opera drama to the whole thing, he’d offered the guy a job, and would have to work with him day in day out, knowing he could never have him again, never even touch him again.
Brian lay struggling against the ache in his chest caused by that thought until eventually, early in the morning, he finally got to sleep.
***
This third morning, crowds were gathered outside the store when Justin arrived, by bus, at seven fifteen.
They all seemed to be in a great mood, sharing flasks of coffee, cracking jokes and sometimes singing. “Santa Claus is Coming To Town” seemed to be the favorite.
Justin wondered how they’d react to the new windows, and when, or if, Brian would show.
He arrived just after eight clutching two large coffees. He offered one to Justin, along with a mumbled, “I overslept.”
Then he said, “We need to talk.”
Justin’s heart sank.
O-kay. So that looked like his dream job out the window. Well, it would have to wait.
“The windows,” he said.
“Oh, yeah. Right,” Brian stuttered, embarrassed to have forgotten, even for that one moment. But when he’d walked in and seen Justin he’d known that they had to get some things sorted out between them or working with him was going to be a nightmare for them both.
Justin looked at him strangely, but he had to get up to his vantage point to signal the unveiling of today’s windows.
Brian decided to slip back outside, mingle with the crowds, and get a feel himself for how they were really reacting.
So, unlike Justin, he heard the gasps and sighs of appreciation as the screens came down.
Today’s designs showed the same buildings that had been in yesterday’s windows, but this time the scenes were set inside the buildings. In every one, there was some sort of Christmas festivity taking place; in the houses, there were scenes of trees being decorated and stockings being hung; even inside the Igloo there was a Christmas party on skates happening on the ice, hosted by Iceburg, the Penguins mascot, courtesy of a hastily reached agreement with Pens’ management; and on the Kauffman’s clock, the solemn figures that made up the pillars had been replaced by brightly garbed elves.
In one corner of each window was a monitor which showed a short film they’d made yesterday with Nickolai and some of the elves. It had been cleverly edited to re-use the same footage in different order so that it seemed longer than it was, and gave the feel of “live coverage”. Justin hadn’t been sure how Nickolai was going to take to all this razzamatazz, but he hadn’t turned a hair. He’d listened carefully as Justin explained what they were going to do, his eyes moving between Justin and Brian who’d stood near by in case his persuasive powers were needed. At the end, he’d looked into Brian’s eyes for what seemed like a long time. Then he’d smiled. “Of course,” he’d said in his gentle rumble of a voice. “Whatever you ask of me.”
They’d shot the film clip in Santa’s workshop, showing Santa and his elves working hard at getting the last of the presents finished and packed. You couldn’t really see the details of what they were doing, but the general “hive of activity” feeling was quite clear. More importantly for both Justin and Brian’s plan, the camera was always far enough away and the monitor small enough, that you got the general feeling of what was going on, without being able to see enough detail to identify the particular Santa that was on screen. Since it would be clear to any adult that they could, if they’d wished, have shown close ups of Nickolai and thus brandished him as the “real” Santa, it was also clear that wasn’t the intention of the tape. It simply showed how busy Santa was getting everything ready for Christmas Eve.
Each window therefore had a double theme - there were the preparations taking place all across town, and there were also Santa’s preparations for his big night. Together the two images leant a delicious sense of urgency to each tableau.
And in every scene, tucked away somewhere, there was a card that said, “We believe!”
Justin, watching from above, saw Brian in the crowd, and for a moment was distracted, but then someone found the first card, and all of a sudden people were pointing and shouting - cheering, in fact. Justin could hear them even from where he was three stories above.
To Brian, on the street, it was deafening, and almost a little scary.
Someone saw one of the cards, and pointed it out.
“What does it say?” someone at the back asked.
“We believe!” the girl in front shouted back.
“Yes!” someone else shouted. And then everyone seemed to be shouting. Over and over Brian heard people yelling “We believe! We believe!”
He made his way inside the store somewhat shaken. They’d done this, he and Justin.
Sure, other people’s work had made it possible, but it was their ideas that had created this. He went upstairs to see Justin and found him coming towards him, also looking shaken. Without thinking, he held out his arms, and without thinking, Justin walked into them. They clung together for a long moment, then Brian felt Justin pulling back, and immediately let go.
“Sorry!” they said together, then looked at each other shyly and grinned.
Brian found himself reaching for Justin’s hand, and could only grin even wider in relief, when Justin’s fingers tangled around his.
“We need to talk,” Brian said again, still holding tightly to those fingers.
Justin looked down at their hands and then up again at Brian in some bemusement. “I guess so,” he said.
But there was no time for private talking for quite a while. As the day went on things became madder and madder.
By nine, cars and buses passing the building were honking, and people were leaning out of the windows of the vehicles to shout “I believe!”
By ten, the Pens’ website had been updated with a photo of the Igloo window scene and a big “We believe” graphic.
By eleven, Justin and Brian had been thrust in front of the news cameras from the local TV station as the originators of this phenomenon.
By twelve, they’d gone national.
By two, hawkers on street corners were selling “I believe” buttons.
And by the time they got back to Justin’s to watch the evening news, “We believe” banners were appearing everywhere - hanging from building sites and bridges and the windows of high rise apartments.
The two felt completely stunned by what had happened.
By mutual, though silent, agreement, they put off any serious discussion about what was going on between them till things were a little less crazy. But that night, Brian slept wrapped around his blond bit of Sunshine, and both of them slept very soundly.
The next morning they were woken at six thirty by a call from a New York radio station, who’d simply looked Justin up in the phone directory, and the day went on from there.
If anything, despite the fact that it had been said over and over again that there would be no more changes to the windows, the crowds outside the store all day were almost bigger than the crowds inside. They started needing crowd marshals to manage entry to Snowland, and it occasionally got a little ugly, but Nickolai always intervened, and somehow just his presence and his deep calm voice always seemed to restore everyone’s good humor.
To help, they installed seating for tired Moms and Dads - long comfortable logs that didn’t look out of place, but were much better than standing in line for an hour at a time, and gave out free cups of coffee and herbal tea. The logs became the queue in fact, so instead of standing on aching feet, you sat down and just moved along the log.
And they’d organized extra elves - trained clowns to entertain the kids while they waited. All in all, despite the crowds, somehow in Snowland at least, everyone was still happy and having a good time.
Elsewhere in the store, things were a little more fraught. Management had hoped for extra sales in these last couple of days, but no one had expected this. The usually serene environs were filled with hustling crowds, all searching for the perfect gift, the best bargain. And only a few extra staff to cater for the influx.
Fortunately for Justin and Brian, none of that was their problem. They’d been hired to get people into the store and get them spending money. They’d done that. More importantly, they’d somehow touched into a nerve, so that people were making an effort to ensure that their kids could experience some of the real wonder of Christmas.
By the end of the day, they knew beyond doubt that they’d been successful at the first, and had reason to believe that they’d helped with the second as well. They were past exhaustion, but very happy with what they’d achieved.
And very happy with other things as well, Brian admitted to himself reluctantly, as he let Justin into his loft for the first time.
They still hadn’t really talked, but it was pretty obvious to both of them that, despite their best - or worst - intentions, they were going to try to see how this relationship thing worked out. Justin had the feeling that it was a good thing he was so tired or he might just float away with happiness. Brian figured if he had to try out the whole love thing, it might as well be with someone who at least knew what he was talking about when he said something was too rococo for his taste.
Tonight, though, he figured he was going to take advantage of some of Justin’s other assets. Dammit! he’d been in this relationship for four days now, and they’d only fucked one night.
But when he returned to the bed after his last visit to the bathroom, and found Justin asleep, he didn’t have the heart to wake him. That’s what he told himself, anyway, but the truth was he was asleep himself as soon as his head hit the pillow.
The next day was quieter for them both. The media frenzy was dying down, other stories already replacing theirs. Justin’s time at Kauffman’s was finishing that day, and although they made an attempt to keep him, they understood that he’d had a better offer. One thing Brian had done was to formalize his job offer, including the salary, and Justin had accepted it happily.
He would have been worried about the amount, knowing that Brian was just starting out, but with the number of calls Brian had been fielding, and the appointments he’d been setting up for the New Year with some very, very big names, Justin figured that Kinnetik was definitely on its way.
Justin wandered around during the day saying farewells to everyone. Then, towards the end of the day he sadly went down to say goodbye to Nickolai. The store was closing at five, being Christmas Eve, and the last of the children was leaving when Justin made his way towards the man who he felt had somehow helped it all happen. Nickolai saw him coming and stood to embrace him. Justin found his eyes wet, and Nickolai drew back and said, “Oh, no, no, no, Sunshine. What will your Brian say?”
Justin stared at him. How could he know about him and Brian? They’d been very careful, aside from that one embrace when no one had been around, to keep things very professional at work. And how the hell could Nickolai know that Brian called him Sunshine?
Nickolai smiled again, and then seemed a little sad. “Will you give your Brian a message from me?” he asked.
“Sure,” Justin said, puzzled by the request, but very willing to do anything that Nickolai asked.
“Tell him: ‘There was never anything that needed fixing. It just took meeting the right person for you to see that.’ Can you tell him that? Those words exactly?”
Thinking that Nickolai was maybe more than a little strange, really, Justin nodded, and, suddenly uncomfortable, made his escape.
In the bustle of cleaning out the last of his stuff, and saying his final goodbyes he forgot about Nickolai’s request.
Brian had been stewing about something all afternoon, while Justin resolutely left him to it, figuring that whatever it was he’d deal with it when Brian was finally ready to either spill or let it go.
Justin sort of figured he knew what it was. This was the part where Brian made it clear that, while he wanted Justin around, he had no intention of stopping his visits to the backrooms and the Baths. Justin wasn’t sure how he felt about that. He figured he’d agree to go along with it on the proviso that if he found it too tough, they’d have to deal with that later.
But later that evening when they’d made it back to Justin’s clutching yet more take out, all Brian said was, “I suppose you’re hanging out with your family tomorrow?”
Justin was a more than a little taken aback. He hadn’t really wanted to get into this. He’d planned to spend the day at home, since his father insisted every Christmas that both Molly and his mother have lunch at his place, and Justin obviously wasn’t invited. “Um, no,” he stammered. “They … ah ..they …”
To his horror, he felt himself falling apart. Tears choked his voice and ran down his face, and while he swore at himself, and did his best to stop them, they just wouldn’t dry up.
Brian, after one astonished look, got up and fetched some tissues, then sat down next to Justin and pulled him into his arms. Cradled in the arms of the man who he was beginning to suspect might actually love him, Justin was free at last to weep out much of the bitterness and loneliness of the last few years. Under Brian’s quiet, but pointed, questions, he found the whole sad story spilling out.
At the end, Brian said softly, “What an asshole!” Justin nodded in heartfelt agreement. “We should let Mel loose on him.” Justin raised an eyebrow, and Brian grinned at him. “Lindsay’s dyke husband. She’s a lawyer. She’d love taking on an asshole like that.”
Justin sighed, “Mom can’t afford …”
“Hey! This is all in the family, Sunshine. We’ll figure something out.” Justin relaxed against him. “Anyway,” said Brian casually, “You can meet her yourself tomorrow and see what you think.”
“Tomorrow?” Justin said. “Brian, tomorrow’s Christmas.”
“Yeah, and I’ve promised I’ll go over first thing so I can be there when Gus opens his presents.” He did his best to sound bored to death by the prospect, but Justin wasn’t fooled. “And then I have to stay for lunch, so I need someone to keep me occupied and Mel off my back or we might kill each other.”
Justin twisted and sat up. O-kay. Now this was big. Maybe. Or not. He was confused and not sure at all where this was going, what Brian was up to. Brian popped another piece of sushi into his mouth, and smiled at him beguilingly. Suddenly the likeness between him and his son was very strong. “So … gonna come along and keep me entertained?”
Justin regarded him a little sternly. “It depends on what you mean by ‘entertained’.”
Brian’s wolf-grin flashed. “Well, little boy …”
He reached for Justin who yelped and dodged. “Brian! Let me clean this stuff up first.”
Brian pouted. “But I don’t want clean. I want dirty. Very, very dirty.”
The sensual lust in the man’s voice made Justin want to drop everything and ravish him on the spot. But he was determined to remain firm. If Brian got it into his head that he could simply seduce him anytime he wanted to, Justin was lost.
On the other hand, he didn’t want Brian to think that he was totally anal about cleaning and that he felt so little passion for him that …
Dammit! He’d been with the hottest man in town for days without even a blow job. Tonight he was getting laid.
He dropped the carton he’d been holding and stepped in front of Brian. “Bring it on,” he purred.
With a gratified huff of laughter, Brian tackled him down to the couch, and began making up for lost time.
Two rounds on the couch, one in the shower and another in the bed later, they lay, finally sated, for the time being at least, in each other’s arms.
“So, you gonna come with me tomorrow?”
“Mmm,” Justin hummed, nuzzling him lazily. “Tomorrow and the next day and …”
He felt Brian’s chest move in a short laugh.
“Are you sure, Bri?” Justin asked, suddenly serious. “I mean …”
“Kind of like meeting the in-laws?”
Justin squirmed. “Well, sort of … I mean …”
Brian shrugged, not wanting to face the implications of taking someone to a family lunch. And dinner. Fuck! If they went to lunch at Mel and Linds’, they’d have to go to dinner at Deb’s as well. Deb would skin him alive otherwise, as soon as she found out. And that meant dealing with Mikey, who Brian feared was not going to take this well. Shit!
“Well,” he said, shrugging a little. “I’ll just tell them you’re my new art director, and you had nowhere else to go.”
Justin felt his throat close up. ‘Fuck you!’, he wanted to say. But the truth was, he’d expected it. There wasn’t much point in getting upset about it. That Brian was prepared, even in their current silent fashion, to consider have some sort of relationship with him was a huge step. And they’d only known each other a few days. Justin knew he had to give Brian time and space.
But knowing that, and not feeling somehow lessened and rejected when Brian was prepared to be so dismissive of what was happening between them were two different things.
Justin took a deep breath and tried not to let the hurt he was feeling spoil their evening, spoil their Christmas Eve.
He could feel the tension in Brian’s body, and once more nuzzled his chest. “Okay. That sounds like a plan,” he said.
He felt Brian relax against him and then once again Brian’s mouth was seeking his. God! they couldn’t go again. Could they?
***
Brian’s cell woke them next morning. Brian fumbled it to his ear, but even with his head under the pillow, Justin could hear the voice.
“I don’t care where you are or who you’re with, put your dick away and get your fucking ass over here, Kinney!”
Then silence.
Brian glanced at the clock.
Shit!
He leapt out of bed and dragged the bedclothes off Justin.
“Get A.I.G., Sunshine. We’re late!”
Sleepily, Justin looked at the clock. Fuck! It was after nine. Gus was waiting to open his presents.
He jumped up and headed into the bathroom. A quick piss and he joined Brian in the shower. No time this morning for delicious, mind-shattering blow jobs, he thought. It seemed like Brian read his mind.
“Later, Sunshine,” he breathed, his voice full of promise, as he stepped out of the shower.
They moved easily around each other in Justin’s small bathroom, drying, shaving, cleaning teeth. Then moved into the bedroom to dress.
“Fuck!” Brian swore irritably. “I’m going to have to go home. I need clothes. Shit! Mel is going to have my balls.”
“No, she won’t,” Justin assured him, giving him a quick kiss. “I won’t let her.”
A little shyly, he pulled a package from his closet. “Ah, you could …”
He broke off, and stood there, holding out the package.
Brian stared at it, and then at him. Surely the little fucker hadn’t … when would he have had the fucking time?
For some reason, Brian found his hands shaking a little as he sat down on the bed and took the gift. He opened the card first. ‘Bri, Merry Christmas, love Sunshine’ was all it said. Just a standard greeting card. So why did it touch some wellspring deep within him so that he had to read it twice before he could be sure what it said. Then he opened the box. Inside was a soft, chocolate cashmere sweater. It would go perfectly with the pants from the caramel suit he’d worn yesterday.
Brian sat fighting back unaccustomed emotion. He had to get this under control But then he looked at Justin and saw the love shining back at him from those blue eyes and for the first time he could remember, he felt safe. Safe enough, even, not to have to keep up the front. For the first time in forever, he could stop struggling to keep all his safeguards in place. He could put them down and just be Brian.
He felt them fall, crashing around him, and for a moment he was scared, but then he was simply overwhelmed by the feeling of relief. He felt the tears running down his face and did nothing to stop them. They felt so good.
Justin stared at him in consternation, and then sat next to him on the bed and put his arms around him.
“It’s okay, Bri,” he soothed softly. “It’s okay. I’m here now.”
Brian leant against him for a moment, and then kissed his neck wetly.
“Damn!” he said, reaching for the tissues. “Don’t know if I can wear this, Sunshine. Must be allergic.”
Justin took Brian’s chin in his fingers and looked into his eyes. They glinted back at him with something like Brian’s normal mischief, and Justin felt very relieved. He’d been afraid Brian was having a total melt down. He leant forward and kissed Brian’s lips gently. Then sat up, suddenly remembering something.
“I forgot! I have a message for you. From Nickolai.”
Brian looked at him. “Old Santa, himself, eh? What did he have to say?”
Even as he asked, he could feel his heart beating uncomfortably. He wasn’t sure that he wanted to hear this. There was nothing some fucking department store Santa could say that could make up for how betrayed that little boy he remembered had felt.
“Well, it was weird. He asked me if I could give you a message. He said it had to be the exact words. He said to tell you that ‘there was never anything that needed fixing. It just took meeting the right person for you to see that’." Justin looked at Brian and shrugged. “See? Weird.”
But Brian was sitting staring at him, his eyes wide and blank with shock.
“Brian, Brian are you alright?”
The anxiety in Justin’s voice got through to him, and he reached out and pulled the younger man closer. For a long minute, he looked down into those warm blue eyes and then he smiled. “Yes, Sunshine,” he said softly. “I’m just fine. Nothing wrong with me. Nothing at all.”
Justin was still a little worried, but then Brian smiled at him and he forgot everything, putting his hands behind Brian’s head to pull him close for a kiss.
They were interrupted by Brian’s cell ringing once more. Sighing Brian answered it. “Yes Linds, I’m on my way. I …”
He broke off then and listened to what Linds was telling him. She and Mel had finally got it out of Gus what he meant by the “Christmas Man’”
“Apparently,” Lindsay told the father of her son nervously, “that’s what Gus asked Santa for. A nice man for you for Christmas.” She gulped, guessing how Brian was going to react, but needing to prepare him, because he was going to have to help them deal with Gus’ disappointment. “A man to love you,” she added.
When Brian didn’t swear at her, she continued bravely, “It gets worse. He says that he knows who it is. He says it’s that guy Justin you’ve been working with. He’s expecting Justin to come with you this morning.”
She sounded half frantic now, and Brian couldn’t resist flipping her out even more. “We’re on our way.” he said.
“Wha…?” she stammered.
“Tell Gus,” Brian said slowly, “that Justin and I are on our way.”
Lindsay sat stunned. Then she said hesitantly, “Does that mean that you’re …” She broke off. The last thing she wanted to do was to spook Brian.
Brian found himself smiling. He put his arm around Justin and pulled him close. “Together? Yeah, I guess it does. In a non-defined, non-conventional way. Yeah.”
As his words sunk in, Justin stiffened in his arms, and then smiled at him blindingly, slipping his arms round Brian’s waist and hugging him hard.
“Bye, Linds,” Brian said as he pressed the off button and kissed his lover.
“I thought you were going to tell them …”
“A load of bullshit?” Brian cut in. “On Christmas Day? Whatever would Santa say?” Justin laughed, and Brian pulled on his new sweater. “He might even take back my Christmas present.”
“I don’t think so. You look too good in it.”
Brian’s tongue poked into his cheek. “Ah, but that’s not the present I’m afraid to lose,” he said, obscurely.
Justin’s eyes quizzed him.
Brian grinned at him, with a disarming touch of shyness in the look. “Seems Gus asked Santa to send me a hot guy to keep me warm in the long winter’s nights.”
Justin snorted. “I doubt that’s how Gus put it.”
“Well, you know, someone to worship me, pamper me, pander to my lightest whim.”
Justin, his throat suddenly a little tight, used his fast growing mastery of Brian-ese to translate: Gus had asked Santa to send someone for his father; someone to love him and take care of him.
Brian saw the shimmer in Justin’s eyes and knew he’d been heard and understood.
He moved to the full length mirror to check out his look for the day. “Seems like he saw you and thought you’d be just perfect,” he said casually. “He seems to be expecting me to bring you with me today, so we’d better get moving.”
He straightened the neckline on Justin’s navy cowl-necked sweater. “Looks like I’m stuck with you.”
“Well, you know that Santa expects all good boys to take good care of their gifts,” Justin teased him. “Look after them carefully, not break them or lose them.”
“Oh, I don’t plan on breaking you,” Brian grinned. “Bending you a little, maybe.”
Justin laughed and grabbed his coat and they headed towards the door, neither of them wanting to think too much about the weird things that had happened in the last day or so.
Just as they were about to get in the car, Brian’s cell rang again. He checked caller ID and answered it with a grin.
“Hey, Mikey, how’s it going? … Yeah, yeah, happy fucking merriness, all that shit. … Yeah, I’m on my way to see Gus now and I’ll be at Deb’s sometime after lunch. … Well, how the fuck do I know what time the Munchers’ll be serving the feast? … Yeah. … Yeah. … I’ll see you then. Oh! … And Mikey,” he paused, grinning at Justin, tongue in cheek, “ … you won’t believe what I got for Christmas!”
