The world we wanted 49/?
This is worse than Versailles, worse than Stalingrad and the dissolution of Prussia. Or maybe all those things were too horrible to remember correctly. But this time it is final, as final as it gets.
It hurts walking into West's nice, neat house. Prussia doesn't bother to knock on the door, West has new dogs who bark loudly to announce his presence. Come to think of it, he has never been here in West's new house. They always met in public places these last years.
West rebuilt things nicely. This house looks much better than the one the allies demolished, the dogs are just as cute as the ones Russia once claimed and then gave away to Latvia when he got bored with them.
“Prussia,” West says, both surprised and happy and Prussia isn't sure if he uses the old name out of habit or to set the tone to prove he is the real Germany. “I was so worried about you.” He looks worried too, Prussia can't decide if he's happy about that or if he wants to tell West he doesn't need his pity. “I've been searching for you in Berlin for days.”
Prussia had been right when he guessed no one would ever think of searching for him in Yugoslavia. He should have been in Berlin, not hiding, he regrets it now when it's too late to change.
“I even tried to ask Russia but he claimed he didn't know,” West continues.
Asking Russia for a favor at a time like this must be a scary experience. Prussia feels a bit moved.
“He wasn't lying,” Prussia says. “I was... thinking. There isn't going to be a East and West Germany anymore, is it?”
“I think not,” West agrees, looking down and tensing up the way he always does when he is about to express a deep emotion he would prefer not to. “It could be a good thing. It can be our Germany now.”
For a second Prussia hates him again, for being willing to forgive so easily and being the one who makes the gesture of reunion first. Maybe West wouldn't be forgiving if he read all those papers Prussia burned. And maybe he would be. West was never as strong as Prussia but he was always kinder, always more willing to listen and in the end it looks like it paid off better. He is the most successful Germany, having all the things that Prussia both wanted him to have and yet resented him for having. It's not fair, not to anyone of them.
“I think Poland was right,” Prussia says. “Everything is going come back to haunt me, sooner or later. Right now might be that later... And maybe Serbia was right too about how it's impossible to tell if things are starting over again and again or never ended..”
“I don't really understand?” West says.
“I know, I'm not making any sense... I hate to think about the past,” Prussia says. “But I knew about concentration camps and I never bothered to find out what it actually meant. I focused on the goal, because it's good to be goal oriented, right? And it's the same now, Mielke always sent me reports, everything was there if I had asked and cared to find out instead of being obsessed with proving my communism was better and I was the best Germany.”
And some things he did know but thought they had to do, that they had no choice but to go on. Both now and back then.
“I never asked either,” West says. “I'm responsible, our people wanted to protect me, do what they think I wanted and needed and if I had just tried to show what I actually wanted instead...”
Maybe that makes his brother a better Germany than Prussia is. Prussia hopes that is true. There can be no middle ground. He would either end up trying to usurp his brother or let go. They can't share Germany, it's not going to work. The cycle of dysfunction would start all over again.
“You can have it,” Prussia says. “Germany. All of it. Don't be just West, from now on, be all of Germany. I don't want to go through being the second, unimportant Germany. Better call quits in time.”
Austria was right too. It's better to be the ghost of the fallen Prussia than the failed German Democratic Republic.
“I-I thought we were going to talk about if we were going to call it Germany or Prussia...”
“I don't want it,” Prussia insists. “I still have Königsberg Russia insists on calling Kaliningrad.”
It's a shame, the rest are going to get the chance to pull themselves back together. Prussia wishes he had the chance to dismantle the Stasi. He wishes he had done it in time, before even Russia started to hint that changing might be a good idea. They could have been the less crazy variant of socialism they favor in Scandinavia. So many ifs and deep down Prussia believes that no matter what he would have screwed it up again.
“But you can't go back to Russia,” West says. No, Germany. It's time to return to being Prussia and let West be Germany.
“Eh, it's not so bad,” Prussia says. “Russia's reputation is a bit overstated. I promise you, the worst thing about his basement is how it probably isn't large enough to work as a nuclear shelter for the entire Soviet Union.”
“That sounds really bad,” Germany says and tries to look serious. It's probably hard for him to not think of Russia as the big bad evil guy. Like it's hard for Prussia to not think of America as very sinister and threatening, and he hates how Russia is probably trying to make up with him right now, how Gorbachev might still trying to make the two nations bond. He should tell Russia to go to hell after all this, but there is still this lingering feeling of how Russia is his hopelessly immature superpower. “But you should still stay here. Even if you want to be Kaliningrad.”
“I don't know,” Prussia says. He keeps wondering about Russia, what's going to happen in his house, with his boss, how everything with Armenia and Azerbaijan will turn out, how Belarus is going to react, everything else he got more emotionally invested in along the years than he realized. “I have to see this to the bitter end now. You probably don't get it but I kind of have to.”
“I think it's a good idea,” Germany agrees, the complete opposite reaction Prussia expected. “But be careful. If you need to escape we can help you.”
“I survived with Russia for fifty years, what makes you think I need help now?”
Germany looks hurt, Prussia imminently regrets what he said. He shouldn't talk to his brother as he talks to the communist bloc guys. Even if it hurts how there is a 'we' he isn't included in anymore.
“I'm sorry,” Prussia forces himself to say. “I didn't mean it like that. Russia's friends think he's freaking out too, maybe I'm the one who doesn't take it seriously enough. I have to see how this ends, but then... I want things to be more like before and I don't want us to be the crazy kind of siblings who fight all the time. Not like North and South Korea.”
And not like Vietnam either who paid for unification in blood and death. The unification of Germany should be a happy occurrence.
“Do you think we can fix this?” Germany says. He looks so young when he says that.
“Of course!” Prussia says and impulsively hugs his brother. “We're too awesome to let a few years of fascism and communism come between us!”
For once it's the right thing to do, Germany hugs him back and it's strange and awkward but at the same time amazing. It feels better than he ever imagined to let go of East Germany. Maybe the East Germans aren't happy because they hate him but because they can all let go of the things that didn't work out now too.
***
Prussia assures his brother a couple of more times he will return before he sets off to Russia.
“I almost thought you died,” Russia says. It's such a harsh comment that Prussia flinches, it's not what he expected after all this time and after everything they been through together.
“Well, I didn't,” Prussia says, crossing his arms. “You're not rid of me yet.”
“I know,” Russia says. In a rather typical change of emotions he embraces Prussia, hugging him so hard he feels like a rib or two are going to break. “I'm happy you never die easily.”
***
Vietnam chooses to let go too, dismissing Cambodia from her house while Laos plans to relax the communist dogma and she doesn't mind that either. Prussia wonders what she is thinking, if she is angry Russia can't offer her the kind of help and protection he used to anymore, if she is angry he has failed completely too.
China is not willing to let go, as his actions not that long ago proved. Romania overthrows the communist bosses who promised him protection from Russia and a better future they never managed to deliver in a bloody revolution. On the news, Prussia sees Romania himself in the crowd of people, his expression dark and very frightening.
Chaos constantly erupts around Russia, from his soviet republics, from his bosses, from his people. All he gives them in return are blank stares. Russia has yet to chose what he will do.