Talking Meta: Batman (part 2)
Talking Meta: Batman part 2
A brief recap:
In part 1, I listed 5 of what I consider to be the top 10 things that are sticky about Bruce Wayne. They were:
1. His parents were killed when he was young.
2. He is stinking, filthy, rich.
3. He is the World's Greatest Detective
4. He is a great fighter.
5. He suffers at interpersonal skills.
So, here we are at part 2... without further ado, I give you my next 5 (again, these are in no particular order)
6. He is territorial.
Which city is Batman's? C'mon. You know it... Batman is a creature of Gotham through and through. Not even Superman (who splits his time between Smallville, Metropolis, and one of his many fortresses of solitude) is as territorial. What is more, Batman is possessively territorial. I guess the the old Green Lantern (Alan Scott) gets a seat at the table. The rest of the Batclan can hang out from time to time. Catwoman gets a small corner. But Batman doesn't generally like goodies or baddies throwing off his connection to his city. I mean, do you ever hear a Flash say, "Central City is my city?" How about Hawkman getting all "Stay out of St. Roche" to Hal Jordan? Only Aquaman comes close and he actually is the ruler of Atlantis. Or was. Is he still missing?
Extra Commentary:
At times this gets crazy. "Uh, Bruce... the world is going to collapse in 15 seconds unless you get those codes to us." "In a minute. There is a guy spitting on the sidewalk. My sidewalk." He has refused help at times when it was really irresponsible to refuse it. Even at times where other people suffered and (likely) died because of it. That is really outside the scope of my personal Batman. Pride in self-reliance never comes before getting help to people who need it.
7. His mind is a sponge.
The guy learns everything and anything in no time at all. Something like the martial arts download into Neo's brain... "I know kung-fu." Bruce can and does learn to fly, drive (I mean at the F1/Le Mans level), speed boat, ride a horse, ski, jetski, fight with swords, do organic chemistry, quote greek mythology, do trivia about Japanese cinema, distinguish animal sounds, speak a bunch of languages, and... grind his own batarangs. Oh, he can also do magic tricks and tell you which wine from the private stock goes best with that steak. That is to say, he learns what other people take years to master in ... well, in that nebulous time when he was away in Europe. He studied it for a week, so you know... he is now a world class expert in the Elocutionist movement.
Extra Commentary:
I think I just did it, lol. This can get really crazy-- I mean imagine how Ollie must feel. "Hey, Bruce. I've been training myself since my parents got eaten in front of me to be a great archer." "Really, let me try..." *bullseye* *bullseye* "Sigh. Well, I'm tremendously wealthy at lea... oh. Right. Bastard."
8. He has this butler...
Alfred owns all. Alfred could totally take Batman in a fair fight. Alfred is... well, Alfred is Alfred. I mean, he decks the Joker, flies the Batplane into the desert, bakes a tray of world class cookies, and still gets the Manor all swept up and sparkly in time for that party tonight.
Extra Commentary:
Alfred is the one. Don't mess with Alfred.
9. And this sidekick named...
Robins may come and go, but they are part of the Batman mythos. Batman doesn't always have a Robin (and depending on your take may not even need a Robin) but the kid is sticky. They represent the light to Batman... well, you've heard it all before, I presume. At any rate, they are important to the Batman myth because they show Bruce's tender side. The side that doesn't want another child to grow up without parental (fatherly) guidance. They force Bruce to exist outside of his Batman persona and his Brucie persona. They give you rare glimpses of Bruce Wayne. The real one. And for that reason (among many others) they stay firmly sticky in canon.
Extra Commentary:
If Dan Didio is to be believed, Dick Grayson was almost killed off because he was, frankly too important. Too important to be left languishing in second string books with so-so plot and character development. Robins do present a real problem for the canon, of course. How long did any of these kids stay with him. If Dick Grayson showed up at 8 and left at 18--how long did Jason hang out before he was killed? And Tim? How old is Tim now versus how old he was when he showed up... except that Tim was old enough to be a circus fanboy when Dick was 8... Wha??? And now Dick is around 25. That means Batman is 35 at minimum (assuming that he adopted Dick when he was just 18) and it means that the other Robins have been around for about 7 years combined... And Bruce just adopted Tim which means Tim is under 18... but that would mean he was a 1 year old fanboy who... wait... O.K. Enough math. You get the point, anyway...
10. He is not a meta.
Part of the thing about Bruce Wayne is what you see is what you get. Bruce is the paragon of human achievement. He is it: Omega Man. This is as good as we are going to get and not be super powered. I mean, look at Ra's. Dudes been alive since FOREVER and the one guy over all these centuries that he really, really wants to bear his dynastic grandkids? You got it: Mr. Bruce Wayne. His devotion to "the mission" is such, however that he will do whatever it takes to get things done. And he will get it done.
Extra Commentary:
At the extremes this gets really, really annoying. Again, is Bruce willing to let people die so that they don't have to ... uh... know that some person with super powers saved them? And, hey Bruce... Clark isn't meta either. J'onn too. Actually, Diana and Arthur. Well, Arthur is kind of a mix... But Clark is just your average, run of the mill, Kryptonian. J'onn is just a regular guy Martian. Don't hate on J'onn, Batman! But mostly, it is his fear that everyone else will turn against society when the guy whose stuff keeps getting used to attack others (Tower of Babel or Infinite Crisis anyone?) is just a non-meta...
OK. There is my take on the sticky aspects of Bruce Wayne/Batman. Again, I don't mean to imply that every story must or even should touch upon all of these aspects, but write a story about a clutzy, moronic Bruce Wayne who jumps around with his super-leaping ability all the while guarding Coast City with the help of his erstwhile Butler Jeeves and trusty sidekick Bucky and... well... people might think his is a little OOC.
Here are a few that missed the cut:
*. He can't cook.
At all. Which has to be a joke, because he can do organic chemistry and bake polymers and whatnot. But the same guy who has such a degree of muscle control that he can appear dead at the drop of a hat cannot slice an onion.
*. He has the most lax computer security this side of .... someplace with really, really lax computer security.
Riddler hacked his system. Talia hacked his system. Ra's himself hacked his system (and how old is that guy?), Hush (with help) hacked his system, Max Lord hacked his system, Jason Todd hacked his system without even trying... I don't know why Oracle even lets him play on computers at all.
*. He names his stuff with Bat* so that everybody knows it is his.
'Cause, you know... he is the night. Only rumored to exist... A shadowy figure who goes around leaving bat shaped shuriken lying about... And nobody would know the giant black plane shaped kind of like a bat was his in the JLA hanger if it didn't have the lovely Batplane name.
*. He can beat anyone if you give him enough time to prepare.
Although, to be fair... Miller seems to have forgotten a few little details in his fight with Superman... namely that Clark isn't trying to kill Bruce. So the whole, "I want you to remember my hands on your throat... I want you to remember the one man who beat you" thing... yeah. Bruce, you had help from that crazy Robin, Ollie, and the fact that Supes was still recovering from a nuclear explosion... So "one man" is a bit off...
Well, there you have it. My top 10 sticky things about Batman and a few humorous notes.
How close was I to your top 10? What else would you have included? What would you get rid of from my list?
What other funny things about Bruce should I have mentioned? Perhaps the "he can only love female villains" thing?
And, again, feel free to pimp stories that you think show Bruce off to good effect here!
A brief recap:
In part 1, I listed 5 of what I consider to be the top 10 things that are sticky about Bruce Wayne. They were:
1. His parents were killed when he was young.
2. He is stinking, filthy, rich.
3. He is the World's Greatest Detective
4. He is a great fighter.
5. He suffers at interpersonal skills.
So, here we are at part 2... without further ado, I give you my next 5 (again, these are in no particular order)
6. He is territorial.
Which city is Batman's? C'mon. You know it... Batman is a creature of Gotham through and through. Not even Superman (who splits his time between Smallville, Metropolis, and one of his many fortresses of solitude) is as territorial. What is more, Batman is possessively territorial. I guess the the old Green Lantern (Alan Scott) gets a seat at the table. The rest of the Batclan can hang out from time to time. Catwoman gets a small corner. But Batman doesn't generally like goodies or baddies throwing off his connection to his city. I mean, do you ever hear a Flash say, "Central City is my city?" How about Hawkman getting all "Stay out of St. Roche" to Hal Jordan? Only Aquaman comes close and he actually is the ruler of Atlantis. Or was. Is he still missing?
Extra Commentary:
At times this gets crazy. "Uh, Bruce... the world is going to collapse in 15 seconds unless you get those codes to us." "In a minute. There is a guy spitting on the sidewalk. My sidewalk." He has refused help at times when it was really irresponsible to refuse it. Even at times where other people suffered and (likely) died because of it. That is really outside the scope of my personal Batman. Pride in self-reliance never comes before getting help to people who need it.
7. His mind is a sponge.
The guy learns everything and anything in no time at all. Something like the martial arts download into Neo's brain... "I know kung-fu." Bruce can and does learn to fly, drive (I mean at the F1/Le Mans level), speed boat, ride a horse, ski, jetski, fight with swords, do organic chemistry, quote greek mythology, do trivia about Japanese cinema, distinguish animal sounds, speak a bunch of languages, and... grind his own batarangs. Oh, he can also do magic tricks and tell you which wine from the private stock goes best with that steak. That is to say, he learns what other people take years to master in ... well, in that nebulous time when he was away in Europe. He studied it for a week, so you know... he is now a world class expert in the Elocutionist movement.
Extra Commentary:
I think I just did it, lol. This can get really crazy-- I mean imagine how Ollie must feel. "Hey, Bruce. I've been training myself since my parents got eaten in front of me to be a great archer." "Really, let me try..." *bullseye* *bullseye* "Sigh. Well, I'm tremendously wealthy at lea... oh. Right. Bastard."
8. He has this butler...
Alfred owns all. Alfred could totally take Batman in a fair fight. Alfred is... well, Alfred is Alfred. I mean, he decks the Joker, flies the Batplane into the desert, bakes a tray of world class cookies, and still gets the Manor all swept up and sparkly in time for that party tonight.
Extra Commentary:
Alfred is the one. Don't mess with Alfred.
9. And this sidekick named...
Robins may come and go, but they are part of the Batman mythos. Batman doesn't always have a Robin (and depending on your take may not even need a Robin) but the kid is sticky. They represent the light to Batman... well, you've heard it all before, I presume. At any rate, they are important to the Batman myth because they show Bruce's tender side. The side that doesn't want another child to grow up without parental (fatherly) guidance. They force Bruce to exist outside of his Batman persona and his Brucie persona. They give you rare glimpses of Bruce Wayne. The real one. And for that reason (among many others) they stay firmly sticky in canon.
Extra Commentary:
If Dan Didio is to be believed, Dick Grayson was almost killed off because he was, frankly too important. Too important to be left languishing in second string books with so-so plot and character development. Robins do present a real problem for the canon, of course. How long did any of these kids stay with him. If Dick Grayson showed up at 8 and left at 18--how long did Jason hang out before he was killed? And Tim? How old is Tim now versus how old he was when he showed up... except that Tim was old enough to be a circus fanboy when Dick was 8... Wha??? And now Dick is around 25. That means Batman is 35 at minimum (assuming that he adopted Dick when he was just 18) and it means that the other Robins have been around for about 7 years combined... And Bruce just adopted Tim which means Tim is under 18... but that would mean he was a 1 year old fanboy who... wait... O.K. Enough math. You get the point, anyway...
10. He is not a meta.
Part of the thing about Bruce Wayne is what you see is what you get. Bruce is the paragon of human achievement. He is it: Omega Man. This is as good as we are going to get and not be super powered. I mean, look at Ra's. Dudes been alive since FOREVER and the one guy over all these centuries that he really, really wants to bear his dynastic grandkids? You got it: Mr. Bruce Wayne. His devotion to "the mission" is such, however that he will do whatever it takes to get things done. And he will get it done.
Extra Commentary:
At the extremes this gets really, really annoying. Again, is Bruce willing to let people die so that they don't have to ... uh... know that some person with super powers saved them? And, hey Bruce... Clark isn't meta either. J'onn too. Actually, Diana and Arthur. Well, Arthur is kind of a mix... But Clark is just your average, run of the mill, Kryptonian. J'onn is just a regular guy Martian. Don't hate on J'onn, Batman! But mostly, it is his fear that everyone else will turn against society when the guy whose stuff keeps getting used to attack others (Tower of Babel or Infinite Crisis anyone?) is just a non-meta...
OK. There is my take on the sticky aspects of Bruce Wayne/Batman. Again, I don't mean to imply that every story must or even should touch upon all of these aspects, but write a story about a clutzy, moronic Bruce Wayne who jumps around with his super-leaping ability all the while guarding Coast City with the help of his erstwhile Butler Jeeves and trusty sidekick Bucky and... well... people might think his is a little OOC.
Here are a few that missed the cut:
*. He can't cook.
At all. Which has to be a joke, because he can do organic chemistry and bake polymers and whatnot. But the same guy who has such a degree of muscle control that he can appear dead at the drop of a hat cannot slice an onion.
*. He has the most lax computer security this side of .... someplace with really, really lax computer security.
Riddler hacked his system. Talia hacked his system. Ra's himself hacked his system (and how old is that guy?), Hush (with help) hacked his system, Max Lord hacked his system, Jason Todd hacked his system without even trying... I don't know why Oracle even lets him play on computers at all.
*. He names his stuff with Bat* so that everybody knows it is his.
'Cause, you know... he is the night. Only rumored to exist... A shadowy figure who goes around leaving bat shaped shuriken lying about... And nobody would know the giant black plane shaped kind of like a bat was his in the JLA hanger if it didn't have the lovely Batplane name.
*. He can beat anyone if you give him enough time to prepare.
Although, to be fair... Miller seems to have forgotten a few little details in his fight with Superman... namely that Clark isn't trying to kill Bruce. So the whole, "I want you to remember my hands on your throat... I want you to remember the one man who beat you" thing... yeah. Bruce, you had help from that crazy Robin, Ollie, and the fact that Supes was still recovering from a nuclear explosion... So "one man" is a bit off...
Well, there you have it. My top 10 sticky things about Batman and a few humorous notes.
How close was I to your top 10? What else would you have included? What would you get rid of from my list?
What other funny things about Bruce should I have mentioned? Perhaps the "he can only love female villains" thing?
And, again, feel free to pimp stories that you think show Bruce off to good effect here!