I'm fucked as I want to be... LJ Idol Topic 10 - Whose Bloody LJ is it anyways?
Can I start this with: I'm fucked as I want to be...Whose Bloody LJ is it anyways?
Okay - It's half past 11 PM - so yeah... I'll just give you my bit on Live Journal before my back goes out again *sorry for the bloddy sardiness tonight).
Before I started hijacking my headmate AKA thecuteone33 Live Journal - I was an angry motherfucker and the only way I got attention was by fucking things up royally. And the fuck-ups weren't because I intended to -- just that things -- well usually someone in Carrie's life was really unhealthy and I had to put a stop to things; and that shit didn't end well.
But that was before I really got into Live Journal - before I started corresponding with other multiples like myself (or not like myself - it's a very diverse community). Then Carrie was getting dragged into system dramas and then I was being my usual "I'm going to be a bloody asshole and tell everyone to fuck off"... And then... naamaire told me about therealljidol and that's when I discovered what Live Journal's really about.
I started off being "non-trusting" and filter the crap out of everything. Now I'm finding that I'm able to take the time to explain multiplicity to folks that aren't multiple and so far -- they still like me! I didn't go into this to get shitloads of friends or be popular but lately I'm finding acceptance that I wasn't able to have before. I'm learning that it's okay to admit "vulnerability". I'm interacting with people and learning how to be healthy for the first time. Carrie's enjoying watching me go through the adolescence that neither of us ever had.
Now I'm understanding why Carrie was always so trusting to people, open to a fault, it's a risk she never understood taking -and I've always had that at the back of my head. Now I'm learning it's sometimes worth taking the risk than to never at all. So, here I am jumping in with both feet. I've met some great folks - flirted with women and men alike (that's the part I enjoy) and well learning how to let my guard down.
This is as intense this entry's going to get - because I'm not sure if I can do anymore of those...