Gimme Shelter, BF week 1

[someoneingrey]

You have given me shelter

Comments

[leticiae]

There's so much longing in those last words. They're heartbreaking.

The first part reads like wedding vows. Lovely.

[someoneingrey]

Thank you. There is a phenominal amount of longing in that piece.

wedding vows... hmmm. MDM wanted to write our own....

[leticiae]

I'm curious who MDM is, but if that's too sensitive or personal, I'll back out now.

[someoneingrey]

MDM would be the man I want to marry and the person to whom the poem is addressed, even if he's never read it.

Also, not at all too personal, I write about him pretty regularly.

[bluegerl]

Hello, here to Roar! Hah - how could I roar at this piece. Its sadly warming and so viscerally truthful. So much shelter given, and the last verse wishes to return all that and more - if it is asked for, needed, even just hoped for...from someone too prickly, to afeared, too shy even... They must/WILL let you!

Its lovely lovely lovely. Thank you so much.

[someoneingrey]

Thank you! I really hope he lets me.

[bluegerl]

Just BE there - holding out your hand to be held - just BE there... he will come...
Bless.

[synnerxx]

This is so sweet and kind. You can really tell the narrator truly loves whoever they're talking to/writing this for. I agree with leticiae, it reads like a wedding vow. Very powerful piece, hun.

[someoneingrey]

I do. I adore my partner. He's something special.

[synnerxx]

That's awesome. I wish the both of you all the best. <3

[someoneingrey]

Thank you very much.

[someoneingrey]

I hope that means you like it.

roll the dodos in with the edit wagon

[bardiphouka]

Not really too much to say about this except well done. I might suggest playing with some line breaks in the first stanza. But that is because I tend to read poetry aloud and I do not have the breath I used to..and that is a prettly joycean length,eh? Apart from that it is mostly in the lucky person and why couldn't I have written it categories.