And When I Can't Sleep [The Office; Michael/Holly]
TITLE: And When I Can't Sleep
FANDOM: The Office
PAIRING(S): Michael/Holly, Michael/Jan
SPOILERS: "Baby Shower" (5x04)
RATING: PG
SUMMARY:
*****
Jan has taken to staying with him again, which was tenuous at first. And it feels familiar yet completely foreign. Jan insists she'll only stay until Astrid gets a little older and she feels confident she can handle the motherhood thing on her own.
But Michael knows better.
Jan doesn't want to always be the one up in the middle of the night, rocking Astrid back to sleep when she cries. She doesn't always want to be the one changing a messy diaper or being thrown up on. Michael knows that's why she's here. He's her extra set of hands.
He still doesn't feel anything when he holds Jan's baby. He wants to, tries desperately to... but he just can't. Darryl had been right. You can't feel a connection to something that's not yours and never was to begin with.
When Astrid cries and Jan nudges him out of bed to go take care of it, Michael sits on the glider and thinks. He thinks about where he wanted to be now when he was a kid, where he thought he'd be a year and a half ago, and where he'd like to be right now.
That's when he pulls out his cell phone. He dials a number that has now become engrained in his memory (and shot right to the top of his speed dial list, just behind Ryan). When he hears her voice on the other end of the line, he feels like everything's going to be okay. "Hey," he intones softly, "Did I wake you?"
"Kinda," she tells him, and he can hear the sleep in her voice. "It's, uh... it's two-thirty."
"I know. I'm sorry."
"Everything alright?"
No. Nothing is alright. Nothing's been alright for well over a year except for her. She's alright. She's wonderful. But instead he tells her, "Yeah. Everything's fine. I'm just... rocking the kid back to sleep and got bored with nobody to talk to."
"Ah. Well, I thank you for, um... including me in your sleep-deprivation-slash-boredom-fest. I appreciate it."
He just smiles, exhales a soft chuckle.
After a moment, she asks him, "Aren't you tired yet?"
"Yeah, I'm exhausted."
"Not that. Aren't you tired of... all of this, Michael? Hiding your feelings from Jan, dropping everything to help her even though she treats you poorly... not telling her about us? Aren't you tired?"
"I am." And he is. "I just... I don't know what to say."
"To me, or...?"
"To Jan. About everything. It's just so complicated. I mean, I was basically the love of Jan's life before I broke her heart, and after that it's like we just couldn't go back to what we were."
"I don't mean to sound harsh here, Michael, I mean to sound supportive, but -- I don't think you can ever go back to what you were. Ever."
Michael takes this in for a moment, nods, and then asks, "Are you sure you're not just saying that because you're trying to get into my pants?"
When she starts giggling, he can't help but laugh softly too.
"Michael?"
Another voice startles him and he looks over his shoulder, taking his phone down from his ear. "Jan."
She squints her sleepy eyes in confusion and nods toward the cell phone that's now resting against his shoulder. "Who are you talking to?"
The lie rolls off his tongue effortlessly. "Jim. He's telling me jokes."
Jan just stares at him. "At two-thirty in the morning?"
Michael shrugs innocently. "I guess that's when he's at his funniest, Jan. Please don't judge him for that."
Her hands are braced on the door frame and she's still just staring at him warily, replying slowly, "Aaaaallllright...." She turns to head back into the bedroom and stops in the middle of the doorway, nodding at the infant in his arms. "Looks like Astrid's asleep again. You should come back to bed."
"I will. You want some water?"
"Yeah, actually, but I can get it." She heads into the bathroom.
As soon as she's out of earshot, he's on the phone again. "Sorry. I should go."
"I understand."
He stops. "Y'know, you're probably the most understanding person I know."
Her response is wry and playful. "Yeah, well, don't you forget it."
And his is earnest and sincere. "I won't."
There's another pause, and he thinks maybe he can hear her covering a yawn before she says, "Goodnight, Michael."
He smiles. "Goodnight, Holly."
After hanging up, he sets the phone on a nearby table and takes Astrid back to her crib, then climbing into bed. He lays on his back and closes his eyes, but knows that his conflicting thoughts will not allow him to get the rest he needs.
In the meantime, Jan emerges from the bathroom and checks on the baby briefly before going to the table where his phone sits. She picks it up and flips it open, looking at the call list for the last dialed call.
She swallows hard when she reads the name of who had really made Michael laugh, and snaps the phone shut again. Then, she heads back to bed, as close to the edge of the mattress and as far away from Michael as she can get while she tries to get her conflicting thoughts together.
And with that, a good night's sleep escapes Michael Scott and the two blondes that occupy his heart.
FIN
Like what you've read? Why don't you watch or join the community?
{x-posted to michael_holly}
FANDOM: The Office
PAIRING(S): Michael/Holly, Michael/Jan
SPOILERS: "Baby Shower" (5x04)
RATING: PG
SUMMARY:
*****
Jan has taken to staying with him again, which was tenuous at first. And it feels familiar yet completely foreign. Jan insists she'll only stay until Astrid gets a little older and she feels confident she can handle the motherhood thing on her own.
But Michael knows better.
Jan doesn't want to always be the one up in the middle of the night, rocking Astrid back to sleep when she cries. She doesn't always want to be the one changing a messy diaper or being thrown up on. Michael knows that's why she's here. He's her extra set of hands.
He still doesn't feel anything when he holds Jan's baby. He wants to, tries desperately to... but he just can't. Darryl had been right. You can't feel a connection to something that's not yours and never was to begin with.
When Astrid cries and Jan nudges him out of bed to go take care of it, Michael sits on the glider and thinks. He thinks about where he wanted to be now when he was a kid, where he thought he'd be a year and a half ago, and where he'd like to be right now.
That's when he pulls out his cell phone. He dials a number that has now become engrained in his memory (and shot right to the top of his speed dial list, just behind Ryan). When he hears her voice on the other end of the line, he feels like everything's going to be okay. "Hey," he intones softly, "Did I wake you?"
"Kinda," she tells him, and he can hear the sleep in her voice. "It's, uh... it's two-thirty."
"I know. I'm sorry."
"Everything alright?"
No. Nothing is alright. Nothing's been alright for well over a year except for her. She's alright. She's wonderful. But instead he tells her, "Yeah. Everything's fine. I'm just... rocking the kid back to sleep and got bored with nobody to talk to."
"Ah. Well, I thank you for, um... including me in your sleep-deprivation-slash-boredom-fest. I appreciate it."
He just smiles, exhales a soft chuckle.
After a moment, she asks him, "Aren't you tired yet?"
"Yeah, I'm exhausted."
"Not that. Aren't you tired of... all of this, Michael? Hiding your feelings from Jan, dropping everything to help her even though she treats you poorly... not telling her about us? Aren't you tired?"
"I am." And he is. "I just... I don't know what to say."
"To me, or...?"
"To Jan. About everything. It's just so complicated. I mean, I was basically the love of Jan's life before I broke her heart, and after that it's like we just couldn't go back to what we were."
"I don't mean to sound harsh here, Michael, I mean to sound supportive, but -- I don't think you can ever go back to what you were. Ever."
Michael takes this in for a moment, nods, and then asks, "Are you sure you're not just saying that because you're trying to get into my pants?"
When she starts giggling, he can't help but laugh softly too.
"Michael?"
Another voice startles him and he looks over his shoulder, taking his phone down from his ear. "Jan."
She squints her sleepy eyes in confusion and nods toward the cell phone that's now resting against his shoulder. "Who are you talking to?"
The lie rolls off his tongue effortlessly. "Jim. He's telling me jokes."
Jan just stares at him. "At two-thirty in the morning?"
Michael shrugs innocently. "I guess that's when he's at his funniest, Jan. Please don't judge him for that."
Her hands are braced on the door frame and she's still just staring at him warily, replying slowly, "Aaaaallllright...." She turns to head back into the bedroom and stops in the middle of the doorway, nodding at the infant in his arms. "Looks like Astrid's asleep again. You should come back to bed."
"I will. You want some water?"
"Yeah, actually, but I can get it." She heads into the bathroom.
As soon as she's out of earshot, he's on the phone again. "Sorry. I should go."
"I understand."
He stops. "Y'know, you're probably the most understanding person I know."
Her response is wry and playful. "Yeah, well, don't you forget it."
And his is earnest and sincere. "I won't."
There's another pause, and he thinks maybe he can hear her covering a yawn before she says, "Goodnight, Michael."
He smiles. "Goodnight, Holly."
After hanging up, he sets the phone on a nearby table and takes Astrid back to her crib, then climbing into bed. He lays on his back and closes his eyes, but knows that his conflicting thoughts will not allow him to get the rest he needs.
In the meantime, Jan emerges from the bathroom and checks on the baby briefly before going to the table where his phone sits. She picks it up and flips it open, looking at the call list for the last dialed call.
She swallows hard when she reads the name of who had really made Michael laugh, and snaps the phone shut again. Then, she heads back to bed, as close to the edge of the mattress and as far away from Michael as she can get while she tries to get her conflicting thoughts together.
And with that, a good night's sleep escapes Michael Scott and the two blondes that occupy his heart.
FIN
Like what you've read? Why don't you watch or join the community?
{x-posted to michael_holly}