Love and the Logical [The Office; Michael/Jan]
TITLE: Love and the Logical
CHAPTER 3
FANDOM: The Office
PAIRING: Michael/Jan
SPOILERS: "Cocktails" (3x18)
RATING: R for this chapter
SUMMARY:
*****
Jan was indeed pregnant. An appointment with her doctor confirmed it. And this time, when she told Michael, she got an honest, readable reaction from him.
"Really?" His eyes lit up and an ear-to-ear smile split his face while they stood in the living room of her penthouse.
Jan nodded, a small smile on her lips. "Really."
"That's amazing, Jan." He hugged her tight for a moment; then, as if worried about crushing her, he pulled back and placed his hands over her stomach. "Sorry."
She couldn't help but smile a little wider at that, and she placed her hands over his on her abdomen. "Michael, I'm not made of porcelain, I'm pregnant. You can still hug me."
"Oh, okay. Good." So he did once again, and murmured his amazement into her hair. "We're gonna be parents."
Jan nodded against him and bit down on her lip. "Yeah... we are."
He must have heard something in her tone, because he pulled back with a crease indenting the space between his eyebrows. "Are you... are you okay with that?"
Jan searched his eyes and opened her mouth, then realized she had no idea what to say. Was she okay with that? It was definitely soon; they'd barely been dating for three months. Granted, she'd always wanted to be a mother, but...
"Jan?"
"Michael, I... I don't know."
He released her and she felt suddenly cold. She folded her arms across her midsection and hugged herself for warmth, wanting Michael's arms around her again.
"You don't know? What does that mean?"
"It means that I don't know how I'm feeling right now, Michael." She was fighting desperately to hang on to her control. There was panic in Michael's eyes and this was dangerously close to spiralling out of control. "I mean... it's so fast!"
"Yeah, Jan it is. So is it just because it's fast, or is it because it's me that's the father?" He raised his eyebrows slightly. "Am I the father?"
Jan's jaw went slightly slack, indignant. She closed her mouth and narrowed her eyes at him. "I'm not even dignifying that with an answer."
"Well AM I?" he pressed, anger flashing in his eyes.
She stuck out her foot and leaned into one hip, arms across her chest now as she stared at him incredulously. "How dare you ask me that, Michael! Of COURSE you are!" She threw her hands up in the air and started to pace around the room. "What do you think I'm just some corporate floozy with five other boyfriends on the side and it could be any one of you?!" She stomped off to the bedroom.
Predictably, Michael followed, his stomping footsteps just as harsh sounding on the hardwood floor as hers were. "Well I'm just trying to figure out where this hesitance on your part is coming from, Jan!" He stopped just behind her and Jan felt his eyes boring holes in the back of her head. "It's because you think I'm an idiot, isn't it? You think I'll make a terrible father."
"Of course not, Michael, that's ridiculous!" She spun to face him.
"So now I'm ridiculous?"
Jan threw her head back exasperatedly. "I never said YOU were ridiculous, Michael, I said the IDEA that you'd be a bad father is ridiculous." She locked eyes with him again, took a few bold steps toward him. "I think you'll be a great father, Michael, believe it or not! You're childlike--"
His eyes rolled toward the ceiling. "Oh great, more insults."
"Dammit, listen to me!" She grabbed his lapels and shoved him against the wall. She lowered her voice, her tone almost menacing in nature. "The fact that you're childlike means you can relate to children, you'd be able to interact with them well. And yes, I've thought about this long and hard before. I think you'll make an amazing father, but this is SO... FAST, Michael." She released his lapels just a little. "I mean Jesus, we just got back from Jamaica two months ago and already we're having a baby?"
"I thought that was what you wanted, Jan! A family, a baby... all of that 'normal' stuff!" He shook his head. "You just don't want it with me, right?"
He went to move away and she tightened her hold on him... shoved him against the wall and pinned him in place. She stared straight into his eyes, trying to get her point across. "I'm just scared because it's fast, Michael. That's all. Of course I want all of that! But there's supposed to be a logic to it! There are supposed to be steps to the whole thing. Falling in love, getting engaged, getting married, and THEN getting pregnant."
Michael managed to wrench himself out of her grip long enough to move away from her, turn and back her into the wall now. "Who's to say everything has to be done by the book, Jan? Huh? When has our relationship ever been logical? That's what's so great about us, don't you get it? We don't need to follow set patterns and steps, we're just us! We'll get there however the hell we get there. If we have a baby before we get married, so what? We'll still get married. If we move in together before we're engaged, so what? We'll still hit all the steps, Jan, just... in a different order. That's why I'm starting to think that this is just because of me."
He started to turn away and she grabbed him by the face, turned him back to her aggressively. "It's NOT you, Michael," she shook him gently, trying to shake some sense into him. She softened her gaze. "Okay? I want this. All of it. With only you." Her grip on him relaxed, now gently cupping his face in her hands as tears filled her eyes. "This is just so fast, Michael. It's so fast."
His gaze, too, softened at the sight of her tears. He brushed errant strands of hair out of her eyes. "I know it is, Jan. I know."
She blinked back her tears, damning the excess hormones in her system for drawing out her vulnerability. "And I'm scared. I've never done this before."
"Neither have I." He tucked pieces of curled hair behind her ear and cupped the back of her neck.
"What if something goes wrong? I'm pushing forty, Michael, a pregnancy at this age isn't--"
He shook his head, dismissing the rest of her thought without hearing it. "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it, Jan. IF we get to it."
"What if I freak out?" She was practically whimpering, her hands grasping at his lapels almost desperately.
His head neared hers. "Then I'll calm you down."
"What if we screw this kid up, Michael?"
He came even closer, smiling now. "Every parent does that. We'll just do it our own special way."
"But what if--"
"Jan?"
"Hmm."
"Shut up." His lips covered hers and his hand swept through her hair while his arm wound tight around her waist, pulling her close.
Jan clung to him, clung to his lapels, clung to his lips, clung to the knowledge that he was here with her... that he wanted this no matter how fast they were moving. "I need you, Michael," she breathed into him, pulling him as close as she possibly could. "I can't do this without you."
He kissed her deeply, promising, "You won't have to. I've got you."
"Good." She was breathless from his kisses, head spinning from the intense argument they'd just had, and she backed toward the bed on autopilot. Michael, bless him, was right there tuned in to her and lowered her to the mattress.
Clothing fell to the floor in silent concert and they slipped under the covers together. Michael was kissing her desperately and holding her as though she'd disappear if he let go. He hovered over her and stared deep into her eyes -- how had she resisted those eyes for so long? -- and asked her, "Is this okay?"
"Yes, of course." She was a desperate woman, desperate for him, and she touched his cheek as reassurance.
Still, he hesitated. "No, I mean... for the baby. We won't... damage it?"
Jan smiled. "You're fine, Michael. We're fine."
"Oh," he exhaled a beautiful smile. "Good." The smile morphed into a tiny, boyish grin then. "Because I don't know that I could stop myself from having sex with you if my life depended on it."
Jan couldn't help the small giggle that bubbled up, and she leaned up to kiss him again. "Then don't."
He didn't. Their bodies joined, their eyes locked, and Jan had never felt anything so intense. She wasn't sure if it was the argument, the emotion, or the knowledge that they'd created a life together -- a life that was just starting to grow inside her -- that made it so incredible. The look in his eyes was so multi-faceted -- amazement, wonder, awe, love, lust, desire. It made her head spin. She'd never loved him more.
And then it hit her. Her love was instinctive and knee-jerk. Her instincts were screaming at her that she loved Michael Scott. She wanted to have his children, raise them with him, and call him her husband. She wanted to see a wedding band on his left ring finger and a matching one on her own. She had to tell him. "Michael..."
"Jan," he echoed in a moan, leaning down to kiss her as their bodies continued to move in tandem.
She held his face in her hands and pulled back from his lips not even an inch, meeting his eyes as she breathed into him, "I love you."
His lips just barely brushed hers as they parted slightly in amazement. His pace faltered, he shuddered, filled her with his warmth. And Jan arched against him, followed him over that edge into bliss... and when she opened her eyes again he was on his back and she was in his arms, cuddled against him.
Michael kissed her sweat-dusted forehead and Jan closed her eyes, able to feel his pleased smile against her skin as he murmured, "I love you, too." His palm curved around her stomach. "Both of you."
An unexpected sob of joy escaped Jan's lips, and with a wide grin she kissed him again.
TBC
{x-posted to michaelandjan}
CHAPTER 3
FANDOM: The Office
PAIRING: Michael/Jan
SPOILERS: "Cocktails" (3x18)
RATING: R for this chapter
SUMMARY:
*****
Jan was indeed pregnant. An appointment with her doctor confirmed it. And this time, when she told Michael, she got an honest, readable reaction from him.
"Really?" His eyes lit up and an ear-to-ear smile split his face while they stood in the living room of her penthouse.
Jan nodded, a small smile on her lips. "Really."
"That's amazing, Jan." He hugged her tight for a moment; then, as if worried about crushing her, he pulled back and placed his hands over her stomach. "Sorry."
She couldn't help but smile a little wider at that, and she placed her hands over his on her abdomen. "Michael, I'm not made of porcelain, I'm pregnant. You can still hug me."
"Oh, okay. Good." So he did once again, and murmured his amazement into her hair. "We're gonna be parents."
Jan nodded against him and bit down on her lip. "Yeah... we are."
He must have heard something in her tone, because he pulled back with a crease indenting the space between his eyebrows. "Are you... are you okay with that?"
Jan searched his eyes and opened her mouth, then realized she had no idea what to say. Was she okay with that? It was definitely soon; they'd barely been dating for three months. Granted, she'd always wanted to be a mother, but...
"Jan?"
"Michael, I... I don't know."
He released her and she felt suddenly cold. She folded her arms across her midsection and hugged herself for warmth, wanting Michael's arms around her again.
"You don't know? What does that mean?"
"It means that I don't know how I'm feeling right now, Michael." She was fighting desperately to hang on to her control. There was panic in Michael's eyes and this was dangerously close to spiralling out of control. "I mean... it's so fast!"
"Yeah, Jan it is. So is it just because it's fast, or is it because it's me that's the father?" He raised his eyebrows slightly. "Am I the father?"
Jan's jaw went slightly slack, indignant. She closed her mouth and narrowed her eyes at him. "I'm not even dignifying that with an answer."
"Well AM I?" he pressed, anger flashing in his eyes.
She stuck out her foot and leaned into one hip, arms across her chest now as she stared at him incredulously. "How dare you ask me that, Michael! Of COURSE you are!" She threw her hands up in the air and started to pace around the room. "What do you think I'm just some corporate floozy with five other boyfriends on the side and it could be any one of you?!" She stomped off to the bedroom.
Predictably, Michael followed, his stomping footsteps just as harsh sounding on the hardwood floor as hers were. "Well I'm just trying to figure out where this hesitance on your part is coming from, Jan!" He stopped just behind her and Jan felt his eyes boring holes in the back of her head. "It's because you think I'm an idiot, isn't it? You think I'll make a terrible father."
"Of course not, Michael, that's ridiculous!" She spun to face him.
"So now I'm ridiculous?"
Jan threw her head back exasperatedly. "I never said YOU were ridiculous, Michael, I said the IDEA that you'd be a bad father is ridiculous." She locked eyes with him again, took a few bold steps toward him. "I think you'll be a great father, Michael, believe it or not! You're childlike--"
His eyes rolled toward the ceiling. "Oh great, more insults."
"Dammit, listen to me!" She grabbed his lapels and shoved him against the wall. She lowered her voice, her tone almost menacing in nature. "The fact that you're childlike means you can relate to children, you'd be able to interact with them well. And yes, I've thought about this long and hard before. I think you'll make an amazing father, but this is SO... FAST, Michael." She released his lapels just a little. "I mean Jesus, we just got back from Jamaica two months ago and already we're having a baby?"
"I thought that was what you wanted, Jan! A family, a baby... all of that 'normal' stuff!" He shook his head. "You just don't want it with me, right?"
He went to move away and she tightened her hold on him... shoved him against the wall and pinned him in place. She stared straight into his eyes, trying to get her point across. "I'm just scared because it's fast, Michael. That's all. Of course I want all of that! But there's supposed to be a logic to it! There are supposed to be steps to the whole thing. Falling in love, getting engaged, getting married, and THEN getting pregnant."
Michael managed to wrench himself out of her grip long enough to move away from her, turn and back her into the wall now. "Who's to say everything has to be done by the book, Jan? Huh? When has our relationship ever been logical? That's what's so great about us, don't you get it? We don't need to follow set patterns and steps, we're just us! We'll get there however the hell we get there. If we have a baby before we get married, so what? We'll still get married. If we move in together before we're engaged, so what? We'll still hit all the steps, Jan, just... in a different order. That's why I'm starting to think that this is just because of me."
He started to turn away and she grabbed him by the face, turned him back to her aggressively. "It's NOT you, Michael," she shook him gently, trying to shake some sense into him. She softened her gaze. "Okay? I want this. All of it. With only you." Her grip on him relaxed, now gently cupping his face in her hands as tears filled her eyes. "This is just so fast, Michael. It's so fast."
His gaze, too, softened at the sight of her tears. He brushed errant strands of hair out of her eyes. "I know it is, Jan. I know."
She blinked back her tears, damning the excess hormones in her system for drawing out her vulnerability. "And I'm scared. I've never done this before."
"Neither have I." He tucked pieces of curled hair behind her ear and cupped the back of her neck.
"What if something goes wrong? I'm pushing forty, Michael, a pregnancy at this age isn't--"
He shook his head, dismissing the rest of her thought without hearing it. "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it, Jan. IF we get to it."
"What if I freak out?" She was practically whimpering, her hands grasping at his lapels almost desperately.
His head neared hers. "Then I'll calm you down."
"What if we screw this kid up, Michael?"
He came even closer, smiling now. "Every parent does that. We'll just do it our own special way."
"But what if--"
"Jan?"
"Hmm."
"Shut up." His lips covered hers and his hand swept through her hair while his arm wound tight around her waist, pulling her close.
Jan clung to him, clung to his lapels, clung to his lips, clung to the knowledge that he was here with her... that he wanted this no matter how fast they were moving. "I need you, Michael," she breathed into him, pulling him as close as she possibly could. "I can't do this without you."
He kissed her deeply, promising, "You won't have to. I've got you."
"Good." She was breathless from his kisses, head spinning from the intense argument they'd just had, and she backed toward the bed on autopilot. Michael, bless him, was right there tuned in to her and lowered her to the mattress.
Clothing fell to the floor in silent concert and they slipped under the covers together. Michael was kissing her desperately and holding her as though she'd disappear if he let go. He hovered over her and stared deep into her eyes -- how had she resisted those eyes for so long? -- and asked her, "Is this okay?"
"Yes, of course." She was a desperate woman, desperate for him, and she touched his cheek as reassurance.
Still, he hesitated. "No, I mean... for the baby. We won't... damage it?"
Jan smiled. "You're fine, Michael. We're fine."
"Oh," he exhaled a beautiful smile. "Good." The smile morphed into a tiny, boyish grin then. "Because I don't know that I could stop myself from having sex with you if my life depended on it."
Jan couldn't help the small giggle that bubbled up, and she leaned up to kiss him again. "Then don't."
He didn't. Their bodies joined, their eyes locked, and Jan had never felt anything so intense. She wasn't sure if it was the argument, the emotion, or the knowledge that they'd created a life together -- a life that was just starting to grow inside her -- that made it so incredible. The look in his eyes was so multi-faceted -- amazement, wonder, awe, love, lust, desire. It made her head spin. She'd never loved him more.
And then it hit her. Her love was instinctive and knee-jerk. Her instincts were screaming at her that she loved Michael Scott. She wanted to have his children, raise them with him, and call him her husband. She wanted to see a wedding band on his left ring finger and a matching one on her own. She had to tell him. "Michael..."
"Jan," he echoed in a moan, leaning down to kiss her as their bodies continued to move in tandem.
She held his face in her hands and pulled back from his lips not even an inch, meeting his eyes as she breathed into him, "I love you."
His lips just barely brushed hers as they parted slightly in amazement. His pace faltered, he shuddered, filled her with his warmth. And Jan arched against him, followed him over that edge into bliss... and when she opened her eyes again he was on his back and she was in his arms, cuddled against him.
Michael kissed her sweat-dusted forehead and Jan closed her eyes, able to feel his pleased smile against her skin as he murmured, "I love you, too." His palm curved around her stomach. "Both of you."
An unexpected sob of joy escaped Jan's lips, and with a wide grin she kissed him again.
TBC
{x-posted to michaelandjan}