[oneshot] Portrait of the Dead

[yuki_scorpio]

Title: Portrait of the Dead
Author: yuki_scorpio
Rating: PG
Genre: AU drama
Characters: Yagyuu, Niou, a bit of Renji
Notes: A video game gave me the idea, a manga fleshed it out, an anime made it badwrong. This is Yagyuu+Niou rather than Yagyuu/Niou, I guess. I think. Maybe. I DON'T KNOW. I don't even know what it is I've written well I do but I'm not gonna

Comments

[yuki_scorpio]

;; Thank you!

[_sabriel]

I liked this a lot~

I don't think the characterization was off though. Instead of just sticking with core canon personalities, you expanded on their personalities based on surroundings and personal history, which is what I think a good writer should do, especially since this is an au fic.

I hope that made sense...

[yuki_scorpio]

Thanks. :)))))

It's just that sometimes I read fics that have AU has an excuse for bad characterisation, and I just can't tell if I've done the same thing myself. Not-evil, not-cunning and not-swearing Niou always makes me unsure...

[angel_rebellion]

Don't worry about it. There's that saying about the surrounding shaping a person, right?

[xelloss_poo]

I liked it. The ending leaves me still a little confused, but I like it. I think because of that. I know what happens, but yet a part of me still hopes and dreams and its weird. :D I really like this.

[yuki_scorpio]

^___________^ Thank you very much!

[giving_ground]

God, you're evil. I like it. *g*

This is a really intriguing story and a rather wonderfully evil one too and hah, your denial runs deep. Good stuff. ♥

[yuki_scorpio]

Current score: Niou 3, Yagyuu 1.

I deny that I'm in denial.

♥

[giving_ground]

It's okay, you can add another 2 to Yagyuu's score from me since we evidently share a brain.

So they're even.

Suuuuuure.

:D

[yuki_scorpio]

The next challenge is to kill Yagyuu three times in one story.

Whatever you're thinking is the result of your own mind in your own gutter.

[onlysayitonce]

I really liked this. A lot. I think the characterization was fine, like _sabriel said, and there are a lot of really fantastic little things in here. It feels almost like vampire fic without the vampires.

The ending was really interesting... but maybe a bit too abrupt? It's possible I'm just reading it wrong, but it felt like there was something missing on Niou's end of things. I could make a connection for Yagyuu, and get things to fit properly, but the action felt strange for where Niou was, as far as character development at that point. I'd expected him to walk away in the end, and when he didn't I felt like I was missing a piece somewhere. I tried rereading it, and I definitely saw some places where you were gesturing at what I was looking for but I don't think it quite reached that point. Um. I'm not sure if this makes any sense, I'm kind of writing this in class, but hopefully you know what I mean.

Anyway, other than the ending feeling sudden I really liked this, and I love the world you've put them in.

[yuki_scorpio]

Thanks for reading. :D I don't know if any of what I'm going to say will make sense too. XD Words are going around in circles in my head chasing each other.

But I think I know what you mean. The abrupt ending was sort of deliberate, partly because although it's a bit like "suddenly Yagyuu died", he was dying since the beginning of the story. It's (an attempt) to highlight the way people die? It seems like they've got forever, and then suddenly it's here and it takes you unaware anyway no matter how prepared you are.

For Niou... he'd just found what was missing in his life (or more precisely, what he had been separated from) and gone after Yagyuu for it. Because finally - he knew where he came from, he knew what it was like to be held, kissed, he knew there was one person in the world he wasn't, and never had been, a stranger to. He'd chosen to chase after that and meet Yagyuu in afterlife. :) There was only one portrait, but since they shared the same face, they would be alright

[onlysayitonce]

Hmmm. I think... this makes sense for me. I can definitely see it in the fic, and it's pretty much what I got when I was reading, especially the second time through. And I can see that as what you were intending, but... I think the sense that Niou found what he was looking for wasn't as strong as I wanted it to be, or something. Um, I'm really distracted right now, but uh. Generally I just think it might have been a bit too subtle, especially toward the end - but it's possible I'm just bad at reading building clues.

I think I'm making the least sense of all here.

[yuki_scorpio]

Oh >_> I have a really, really bad habit of vastly understating things to the point that it hardly makes sense or show anymore. XD;;;; So the problem is definitely not with you!