Thoughts on the lockdown
(Content note: This is about how the lockdown is going well for me. I know it's not going well for a lot of people. Maybe don't read on if it's not going well for you and it would distress you to read about how it's going well for me.)
I feel kind of guilty about this, but I'm not finding the lockdown a problem, and am actually quite enjoying it.
I'm aware there are a lot of people it must really suck for, and I feel sorry for them. People living completely alone. People living with people they don't like, or even with abusive people. Parents of babies and toddlers. Single parents. Single parents of babies and toddlers, argh! Parents whose partners are hospital keyworkers so are effectively having to manage as single parents. People who are quarantined separately from their partners, children, or others who they're really close to. Extroverts. People without gardens. Sporty people who miss the gym and team games. People who don't have internet access, or don't have the skills to use it. People in the entertainment and hospitality industries whose livelihoods are threatened.
For us, I was a bit afraid of what it would be like having the kids around 24/7 and having to homeschool them alongside my usual work. But it's going a lot better than I expected. The kids are old enough now to understand what's going on, and old enough to play without an adult, and they both have relatively introverted personalities (Bethany more than Zoe) and mainly indoorsy, sedentary hobbies. They miss their friends (although video chats help a lot there - Zoe had an hour-long virtual playdate with her friend, where they played much the same games as they would face-to-face, and kept each other entertained for an hour), but apart from that they're very happy. They have the trampoline in the garden for exercise and outdoor fun, and most of the rest of the time they play imaginative games with Playmobil or live role-play, or do drawings or crafts or (in Bethany's case) reading or creative writing. In normal life they tend to complain that they don't have enough free time at home to just play (even though we're not one of those pushy families with a full timetable of extracurricular activities; Bethany does three a week and Zoe two) and they drag their feet when we have to go out somewhere. In the school holidays they always want to stay home and play, and they complain if I book them into holiday clubs (part-time) so I can get some alone time and get more work done.
So they're generally playing nicely and being fairly cooperative about school work and chores. (I think they're being more cooperative with chores than normal because they don't feel like it's eating into their limited playtime.) Obviously there are some squabbles and the occasional tantrum, but it's a lot better than it might have been. What really helps is having Alex at home too. Even though he's working full time, it means he's around at lunchtime, and he can also interact with the girls and me a little bit throughout the rest of the day. That makes a disproportionately huge difference: if I'm busy dealing with one child in a different room, and the other needs five seconds of help or admonishment, he can provide that (as long as he's not actually in a meeting) and I don't feel overwhelmed.
And just having all four of us together is really nice, and feels like being on holiday, even though Alex has to work full time, I'm trying to work part time and the kids have to do school work.
Personally, I'm feeling way more relaxed and less stressed than usual, because I'm never feeling rushed or enslaved to the clock. I am busy, trying to juggle work, housework, childcare and homeschooling. But it's great not to feel *rushed*, and never to have to rush the kids and nag them to hurry up because we're running late for something. That really helps the relationship between me and them. And because I'm not feeling as stressed or rushed or tired, I'm doing things like bouncing on the trampoline with them, which I never normally have the energy for.
Bethany's always said she wishes school started at 10am, so now it does. We've all drifted a bit later in our daily routines. The clock change was a bit annoying, but we've effectively stayed on GMT (even though we've updated the actual clocks). It was nice not to have to get up and get ready to get to church, school or work on time after the clock change.
And I know a lot of other Christians are suffering with not being able to go to church, but I'm finding it a really nice respite. I always found going to church very stressful, especially with kids in tow, and quite sensorily overwhelming. (I've often thought that if a lost letter of Paul was found saying "Actually, brothers and sisters, feel free to give up meeting together if you want," I'd probably never go to church again.) I usually come out of it feeling stressed, tired and hangry. Whereas online church feels quite chilled and relaxed, and it doesn't matter if the kids get restless and want to get up and get snacks or something.
Also, we've moved our weekly GamesEvening online. This has pros and cons, but one of the best pros is that some people who can't come to GamesEvening due to geography or disability have been coming, and we can play games with them! Plus we can play online games which we might not have physical copies of, and which usually take less time than the physical versions (so we can fit more games into the evening). Also, on a practical level, it doesn't matter if Alex and I are running late and aren't there from the very beginning, so we don't feel so rushed putting the kids to bed. Similarly, we don't have to have one of us stay till the very end if we get tired and want to go to bed. And it doesn't matter if more people turn up than we have chairs for.
The food shortages are a bit of a pain, but I had some of my Brexit stockpile left so we're not doing too badly on that front. And with no after-school activities there's more time to cook evening meals, and get creative if necessary.
I'm extremely grateful for the internet. This would be very different if we didn't have that. It offers so many opportunities for social connection and hobbies, and also a lot of resources for childcare and homeschooling.
A lot of people seem to be talking about how much they'll go out when all this is over, and make the most of the opportunity, and not turn down events or social invitations just because they're too tired or it's too much hassle. But I feel the opposite. I feel like this lockdown has taught me that we don't need to Do All The Things. We are enough. Our family, and the books and games and stuff we own, and the internet. When the lockdown ends it'll be nice to see friends and extended family again, but I think we'll carry on with the slower pace of how we spend our leisure time, and spend more time just at home as a family than we used to.
When Bethany was a baby and toddler she was extremely demanding and I couldn't meet her need for stimulation by myself, so I used to feel that we had to go out to some kind of baby group or activity every day, and I'd feel very stressed if we didn't - not because I was bored or wanting company, but because she was, and she would be very difficult to live with if she didn't get it. (I'm very thankful that this lockdown didn't happen at that stage; and, as I said at the beginning, I feel very sorry for people who are in that position now.) And even though she's now a pretty self-contained nine-year-old with a lot of creative, autonomous hobbies, and even though she is now, like me, an introvert with a need for social downtime, I think we'd got stuck in a rut of "fighting the previous war" and spending our weekends and school holidays as though we had an insatiable toddler to entertain.
There was also quite a bit of FOMO going on: pre-lockdown, if I saw that there was a family activity day or a fair or a new escape room, I'd feel the urge to book it and not miss out and not let the kids miss out. I think this is partly overcompensating for my childhood and adolescence, which was... well, it was a lot like this, really, except without the internet and with a much poorer selection of books and games. My family didn't really do things or take us places, and we didn't have playdates with friends very often, and I was extremely bored and lonely. So I think I've been trying too hard to avoid that for my own kids, and avoid going through it again myself, and overlooking the fact that my kids are really quite happy with their own toys and each other's company, and I'm extremely happy with Alex, and we all have access to more interesting hobbies than I did as a child; and the lockdown has reminded me of those things.
I feel kind of guilty about this, but I'm not finding the lockdown a problem, and am actually quite enjoying it.
I'm aware there are a lot of people it must really suck for, and I feel sorry for them. People living completely alone. People living with people they don't like, or even with abusive people. Parents of babies and toddlers. Single parents. Single parents of babies and toddlers, argh! Parents whose partners are hospital keyworkers so are effectively having to manage as single parents. People who are quarantined separately from their partners, children, or others who they're really close to. Extroverts. People without gardens. Sporty people who miss the gym and team games. People who don't have internet access, or don't have the skills to use it. People in the entertainment and hospitality industries whose livelihoods are threatened.
For us, I was a bit afraid of what it would be like having the kids around 24/7 and having to homeschool them alongside my usual work. But it's going a lot better than I expected. The kids are old enough now to understand what's going on, and old enough to play without an adult, and they both have relatively introverted personalities (Bethany more than Zoe) and mainly indoorsy, sedentary hobbies. They miss their friends (although video chats help a lot there - Zoe had an hour-long virtual playdate with her friend, where they played much the same games as they would face-to-face, and kept each other entertained for an hour), but apart from that they're very happy. They have the trampoline in the garden for exercise and outdoor fun, and most of the rest of the time they play imaginative games with Playmobil or live role-play, or do drawings or crafts or (in Bethany's case) reading or creative writing. In normal life they tend to complain that they don't have enough free time at home to just play (even though we're not one of those pushy families with a full timetable of extracurricular activities; Bethany does three a week and Zoe two) and they drag their feet when we have to go out somewhere. In the school holidays they always want to stay home and play, and they complain if I book them into holiday clubs (part-time) so I can get some alone time and get more work done.
So they're generally playing nicely and being fairly cooperative about school work and chores. (I think they're being more cooperative with chores than normal because they don't feel like it's eating into their limited playtime.) Obviously there are some squabbles and the occasional tantrum, but it's a lot better than it might have been. What really helps is having Alex at home too. Even though he's working full time, it means he's around at lunchtime, and he can also interact with the girls and me a little bit throughout the rest of the day. That makes a disproportionately huge difference: if I'm busy dealing with one child in a different room, and the other needs five seconds of help or admonishment, he can provide that (as long as he's not actually in a meeting) and I don't feel overwhelmed.
And just having all four of us together is really nice, and feels like being on holiday, even though Alex has to work full time, I'm trying to work part time and the kids have to do school work.
Personally, I'm feeling way more relaxed and less stressed than usual, because I'm never feeling rushed or enslaved to the clock. I am busy, trying to juggle work, housework, childcare and homeschooling. But it's great not to feel *rushed*, and never to have to rush the kids and nag them to hurry up because we're running late for something. That really helps the relationship between me and them. And because I'm not feeling as stressed or rushed or tired, I'm doing things like bouncing on the trampoline with them, which I never normally have the energy for.
Bethany's always said she wishes school started at 10am, so now it does. We've all drifted a bit later in our daily routines. The clock change was a bit annoying, but we've effectively stayed on GMT (even though we've updated the actual clocks). It was nice not to have to get up and get ready to get to church, school or work on time after the clock change.
And I know a lot of other Christians are suffering with not being able to go to church, but I'm finding it a really nice respite. I always found going to church very stressful, especially with kids in tow, and quite sensorily overwhelming. (I've often thought that if a lost letter of Paul was found saying "Actually, brothers and sisters, feel free to give up meeting together if you want," I'd probably never go to church again.) I usually come out of it feeling stressed, tired and hangry. Whereas online church feels quite chilled and relaxed, and it doesn't matter if the kids get restless and want to get up and get snacks or something.
Also, we've moved our weekly GamesEvening online. This has pros and cons, but one of the best pros is that some people who can't come to GamesEvening due to geography or disability have been coming, and we can play games with them! Plus we can play online games which we might not have physical copies of, and which usually take less time than the physical versions (so we can fit more games into the evening). Also, on a practical level, it doesn't matter if Alex and I are running late and aren't there from the very beginning, so we don't feel so rushed putting the kids to bed. Similarly, we don't have to have one of us stay till the very end if we get tired and want to go to bed. And it doesn't matter if more people turn up than we have chairs for.
The food shortages are a bit of a pain, but I had some of my Brexit stockpile left so we're not doing too badly on that front. And with no after-school activities there's more time to cook evening meals, and get creative if necessary.
I'm extremely grateful for the internet. This would be very different if we didn't have that. It offers so many opportunities for social connection and hobbies, and also a lot of resources for childcare and homeschooling.
A lot of people seem to be talking about how much they'll go out when all this is over, and make the most of the opportunity, and not turn down events or social invitations just because they're too tired or it's too much hassle. But I feel the opposite. I feel like this lockdown has taught me that we don't need to Do All The Things. We are enough. Our family, and the books and games and stuff we own, and the internet. When the lockdown ends it'll be nice to see friends and extended family again, but I think we'll carry on with the slower pace of how we spend our leisure time, and spend more time just at home as a family than we used to.
When Bethany was a baby and toddler she was extremely demanding and I couldn't meet her need for stimulation by myself, so I used to feel that we had to go out to some kind of baby group or activity every day, and I'd feel very stressed if we didn't - not because I was bored or wanting company, but because she was, and she would be very difficult to live with if she didn't get it. (I'm very thankful that this lockdown didn't happen at that stage; and, as I said at the beginning, I feel very sorry for people who are in that position now.) And even though she's now a pretty self-contained nine-year-old with a lot of creative, autonomous hobbies, and even though she is now, like me, an introvert with a need for social downtime, I think we'd got stuck in a rut of "fighting the previous war" and spending our weekends and school holidays as though we had an insatiable toddler to entertain.
There was also quite a bit of FOMO going on: pre-lockdown, if I saw that there was a family activity day or a fair or a new escape room, I'd feel the urge to book it and not miss out and not let the kids miss out. I think this is partly overcompensating for my childhood and adolescence, which was... well, it was a lot like this, really, except without the internet and with a much poorer selection of books and games. My family didn't really do things or take us places, and we didn't have playdates with friends very often, and I was extremely bored and lonely. So I think I've been trying too hard to avoid that for my own kids, and avoid going through it again myself, and overlooking the fact that my kids are really quite happy with their own toys and each other's company, and I'm extremely happy with Alex, and we all have access to more interesting hobbies than I did as a child; and the lockdown has reminded me of those things.